I remember when the elderly in our society were well respected. When people held doors open for older people and when senior citizens were thought of as wise and insightful.
People looked up to them as someone who have been around the block a couple more times and therefore they held a certain level of knowledge in their life banks that society thought of as useful. I remember holding all my teachers in high regard and having great respect for most of them. Sure there was some that I couldn’t stand but for the most part I respected them, sometimes respect born of fear but nonetheless respect. Especially the older teachers who were so intuitive and wise.
Now my question is when did this stop? It seems every generation that comes up in the world has less and less respect for our elderly. I am not trying to make a generalization here, I am well aware that there are many people who respect their elderly, but I am speaking of the ones that don’t. Why don’t they? And what happened in their life that they don’t see why this is wrong?
I experienced something the other night that set this hub in motion. That I would like to share here on hub pages and maybe others can give me some insight as to why situations like this happen. Here’s what happened:
I was at the grocery store the other night getting some things. I was ready to check out at the register and this young man around 24-25 years old came up behind me and didn’t get in line all the way, he kind of just left his basket close to the register and then went to look at something. In the meantime, an elderly lady, around 75 years old got in line in front of him. I guess she didn’t realize that he was in line.
This guy came back to his basket and preceded to ask the women why she got in front of him. He said, “hey lady why did you get in front of me, my basket was here and you took my place”? I looked up and saw his face was red with rage and the women was kind of shaking and looked up at him like she couldn’t really understand, perhaps she couldn’t hear him very well being that she was older, so she just kept putting her things up by the register and didn’t reply.
Then I heard the young man again, “Hey lady, I am talking to you, why don’t you understand that you got in front of me, I cannot believe this s***, this old lady got in front of me”. Finally, the next lady at the register next to ours turned to him and said, “sir, I can help you at this register”. He just rolled his eyes and said, I cannot believe this s***”. The woman looked at me and said in a very weak voice, “ I don’t know what he was saying, I didn’t mean to get in front of him”. I told her not to worry about it because he was a jerk.
I wondered why she was even out at this late hour by herself. I wondered if she even had anyone like a family member to take care of her or help her as she didn’t look like she was in very good health; she looked kind of frail. I felt empathy for her and felt bad that I didn’t lay into this guy. But being that it was a late hour and this guy was so mean, I didn’t really want to start anything with him myself. But I did make it a point to watch the lady as she got to her car so that nothing happened to her.
So this is the basis for my question. When did respect for the elderly stop? What has happened in this young man’s life that he wouldn’t allow an elderly, frail, woman to get in front of him in line? Why did it anger him so much? I realize that some people’s core values are not as apparent as others. Maybe he never had anyone to show him respect and how to give it. I realize also that certain cultures, holds ethics and values in a whole different level.
That what is important to one person isn’t as important to another but what kind of value system does a young man have that he had so little respect for an elderly lady at a grocery store at a late hour? Something so small as a courtesy of letting someone cut in front of him was something that irritated him to the point that he could’ve resorted to violence? The young man walked away as though he was wronged, and I guess this is what bothers me most of all.
I felt sad for humanity that day and maybe I am making too much into this but am I? I mean lately in the news we hear about the elderly getting beat up by gangs of teenagers that don’t have anything else to do. Eighty year old woman are getting mugged and beat down in subway and bus stations. Homeless people are getting set on fire just for fun. So you tell me am I making too much into this situation? I think not.
(Source: https://discover.hubpages.com/politics/Why-Has-the-Elderly-Lost-Societys-Respect)
People looked up to them as someone who have been around the block a couple more times and therefore they held a certain level of knowledge in their life banks that society thought of as useful. I remember holding all my teachers in high regard and having great respect for most of them. Sure there was some that I couldn’t stand but for the most part I respected them, sometimes respect born of fear but nonetheless respect. Especially the older teachers who were so intuitive and wise.
Now my question is when did this stop? It seems every generation that comes up in the world has less and less respect for our elderly. I am not trying to make a generalization here, I am well aware that there are many people who respect their elderly, but I am speaking of the ones that don’t. Why don’t they? And what happened in their life that they don’t see why this is wrong?
I experienced something the other night that set this hub in motion. That I would like to share here on hub pages and maybe others can give me some insight as to why situations like this happen. Here’s what happened:
I was at the grocery store the other night getting some things. I was ready to check out at the register and this young man around 24-25 years old came up behind me and didn’t get in line all the way, he kind of just left his basket close to the register and then went to look at something. In the meantime, an elderly lady, around 75 years old got in line in front of him. I guess she didn’t realize that he was in line.
This guy came back to his basket and preceded to ask the women why she got in front of him. He said, “hey lady why did you get in front of me, my basket was here and you took my place”? I looked up and saw his face was red with rage and the women was kind of shaking and looked up at him like she couldn’t really understand, perhaps she couldn’t hear him very well being that she was older, so she just kept putting her things up by the register and didn’t reply.
Then I heard the young man again, “Hey lady, I am talking to you, why don’t you understand that you got in front of me, I cannot believe this s***, this old lady got in front of me”. Finally, the next lady at the register next to ours turned to him and said, “sir, I can help you at this register”. He just rolled his eyes and said, I cannot believe this s***”. The woman looked at me and said in a very weak voice, “ I don’t know what he was saying, I didn’t mean to get in front of him”. I told her not to worry about it because he was a jerk.
I wondered why she was even out at this late hour by herself. I wondered if she even had anyone like a family member to take care of her or help her as she didn’t look like she was in very good health; she looked kind of frail. I felt empathy for her and felt bad that I didn’t lay into this guy. But being that it was a late hour and this guy was so mean, I didn’t really want to start anything with him myself. But I did make it a point to watch the lady as she got to her car so that nothing happened to her.
So this is the basis for my question. When did respect for the elderly stop? What has happened in this young man’s life that he wouldn’t allow an elderly, frail, woman to get in front of him in line? Why did it anger him so much? I realize that some people’s core values are not as apparent as others. Maybe he never had anyone to show him respect and how to give it. I realize also that certain cultures, holds ethics and values in a whole different level.
That what is important to one person isn’t as important to another but what kind of value system does a young man have that he had so little respect for an elderly lady at a grocery store at a late hour? Something so small as a courtesy of letting someone cut in front of him was something that irritated him to the point that he could’ve resorted to violence? The young man walked away as though he was wronged, and I guess this is what bothers me most of all.
I felt sad for humanity that day and maybe I am making too much into this but am I? I mean lately in the news we hear about the elderly getting beat up by gangs of teenagers that don’t have anything else to do. Eighty year old woman are getting mugged and beat down in subway and bus stations. Homeless people are getting set on fire just for fun. So you tell me am I making too much into this situation? I think not.
(Source: https://discover.hubpages.com/politics/Why-Has-the-Elderly-Lost-Societys-Respect)
(לב) מִפְּנֵ֤י שֵׂיבָה֙ תָּק֔וּם וְהָדַרְתָּ֖ פְּנֵ֣י זָקֵ֑ן וְיָרֵ֥אתָ מֵּאֱלֹהֶ֖יךָ אֲנִ֥י יְהֹוָֽה׃ {ס}
"Mipnei Seivah Takum"
(32) You shall rise before the aged and show deference to the old; you shall fear your God: I am יהוה.
What do we mean by aged?
(כא) הוּא הָיָה אוֹמֵר, בֶּן חָמֵשׁ שָׁנִים לַמִּקְרָא, בֶּן עֶשֶׂר לַמִּשְׁנָה, בֶּן שְׁלשׁ עֶשְׂרֵה לַמִּצְוֹת, בֶּן חֲמֵשׁ עֶשְׂרֵה לַתַּלְמוּד, בֶּן שְׁמֹנֶה עֶשְׂרֵה לַחֻפָּה, בֶּן עֶשְׂרִים לִרְדֹּף, בֶּן שְׁלשִׁים לַכֹּחַ, בֶּן אַרְבָּעִים לַבִּינָה, בֶּן חֲמִשִּׁים לָעֵצָה, בֶּן שִׁשִּׁים לַזִּקְנָה, בֶּן שִׁבְעִים לַשֵּׂיבָה, בֶּן שְׁמֹנִים לַגְּבוּרָה, בֶּן תִּשְׁעִים לָשׁוּחַ, בֶּן מֵאָה כְּאִלּוּ מֵת וְעָבַר וּבָטֵל מִן הָעוֹלָם:
(21) He used to say: At five years of age the study of Scripture; At ten the study of Mishnah; At thirteen subject to the commandments; At fifteen the study of Talmud; At eighteen the bridal canopy; At twenty for pursuit [of livelihood]; At thirty the peak of strength; At forty wisdom; At fifty able to give counsel; At sixty old age; At seventy fullness of years; At eighty the age of “strength”; At ninety a bent body; At one hundred, as good as dead and gone completely out of the world.
B. Kiddushin 32b-33a
תָּנוּ רַבָּנַן מִפְּנֵי שֵׂיבָה תָּקוּם יָכוֹל אֲפִילּוּ מִפְּנֵי זָקֵן אַשְׁמַאי תַּלְמוּד לוֹמַר זָקֵן וְאֵין זָקֵן אֶלָּא חָכָם שֶׁנֶּאֱמַר אֶסְפָה לִּי שִׁבְעִים אִישׁ מִזִּקְנֵי יִשְׂרָאֵל רַבִּי יוֹסֵי הַגְּלִילִי אוֹמֵר אֵין זָקֵן אֶלָּא מִי שֶׁקָּנָה חׇכְמָה שֶׁנֶּאֱמַר ה' קָנָנִי רֵאשִׁית דַּרְכּוֹ
§ The Sages taught with regard to the verse: “Before the hoary head you shall stand and you shall revere the face of an elder, and you shall fear your God” (Leviticus 19:32): One might have thought that it is obligatory to stand before a simple [ashmai] elder. Therefore, the verse states: “elder,” and an “elder” means nothing other than a wise man, as it is stated: “Gather unto Me seventy men of the Elders of Israel, whom you know to be the Elders of the people” (Numbers 11:16). Rabbi Yosei HaGelili says: An “elder [zaken]” means nothing other than one who has acquired wisdom. He interprets the word zaken as a contraction of the phrase zeh kanna, meaning: This one has acquired. Elsewhere the word kanna is used in reference to wisdom, as it is stated that wisdom says: “The Lord acquired me [kanani] at the beginning of His way” (Proverbs 8:22).
יָכוֹל יַעֲמוֹד מִפָּנָיו מִמָּקוֹם רָחוֹק תַּלְמוּד לוֹמַר תָּקוּם וְהָדַרְתָּ לֹא אָמַרְתִּי קִימָה אֶלָּא בִּמְקוֹם שֶׁיֵּשׁ הִידּוּר
One might have thought that one must stand before an elder as soon as he sees him, even from a distance. Therefore the verse states: “You shall stand and you shall revere” (Leviticus 19:32), which teaches: I said that one is obligated to stand only in a place where there is reverence. If he stands while the elder is still far away, it is not clear that he is doing so in his honor.
יָכוֹל יַעֲצִים עֵינָיו כְּמִי שֶׁלֹּא רָאָהוּ תַּלְמוּד לוֹמַר תָּקוּם וְיָרֵאתָ דָּבָר הַמָּסוּר לַלֵּב נֶאֱמַר בּוֹ וְיָרֵאתָ מֵאֱלֹהֶיךָ
The baraita continues: One might have thought that one may close his eyes like one who does not see the elder. Therefore, the verse states: “Before the hoary head you shall stand and you shall revere the face of an elder, and you shall fear your God” (Leviticus 19:32). With regard to any matter given over to the heart, it is stated: “And you shall fear your God.” This phrase is referring to a situation where it is impossible to prove whether one purposefully made it appear as if he were not aware that he was obligated to perform a mitzva, as only that individual and God know the truth.
אָמַר מָר יָכוֹל יְהַדְּרֶנּוּ בְּמָמוֹן תַּלְמוּד לוֹמַר תָּקוּם וְהָדַרְתָּ מָה קִימָה שֶׁאֵין בָּהּ חֶסְרוֹן כִּיס אַף הִידּוּר שֶׁאֵין בּוֹ חֶסְרוֹן כִּיס וְקִימָה לֵית בַּהּ חֶסְרוֹן כִּיס מִי לָא עָסְקִינַן דְּקָא נָקֵיב מַרְגָּנִיתָא אַדְּהָכִי וְהָכִי קָאֵים מִקַּמֵּיהּ וּבָטֵיל מִמְּלַאכְתּוֹ
The Master said previously in the baraita: One might have thought that he should revere him through money, i.e., he is required to give him money in his honor; therefore, the verse states: “You shall stand and you shall revere” (Leviticus 19:32). Just as standing includes no monetary loss, so too, reverence is referring to an action that includes no monetary loss. The Gemara asks: And does standing include no monetary loss at all? Are we not dealing with a case where he was piercing pearls, a highly remunerative task, and in the meantime he must stand for the elder and thereby neglect his work, which causes him a loss?
אֵין תַּלְמִיד חָכָם רַשַּׁאי לַעֲמוֹד מִפְּנֵי רַבּוֹ אֶלָּא שַׁחֲרִית וְעַרְבִית כְּדֵי שֶׁלֹּא יִהְיֶה כְּבוֹדוֹ מְרוּבֶּה מִכְּבוֹד שָׁמַיִם מֵיתִיבִי רַבִּי שִׁמְעוֹן בֶּן אֶלְעָזָר אוֹמֵר מִנַּיִן לְזָקֵן שֶׁלֹּא יַטְרִיחַ תַּלְמוּד לוֹמַר זָקֵן וְיָרֵאתָ
A Torah scholar is permitted to stand before his teacher only once in the morning and once in the evening, so that the teacher’s honor should not be greater than the honor of Heaven, as one recites the Shema, which is tantamount to greeting God, once in the morning and once in the evening. The Gemara raises an objection from an aforementioned opinion. Rabbi Shimon ben Elazar says: From where is it derived that an elder should not trouble others to honor him? The verse states: “An elder, and you shall fear” (Leviticus 19:32). The collocation of these words comes to teach that the elder, too, must fear God.
(א) מפני שיבה תקום. אבל תהדרו קדושי עליון ומהם השיבה ברוב כאמרו עטרת תפארת שיבה בדרך צדקה תמצא: (ב) והדרת פני זקן. והם תופשי התורה כמו שאמרו רבותינו ז"ל. אין זקן אלא מי שקנה חכמה ואחר שהזהיר על כבוד הקדושים הזהיר מלבזות את השפלים, ואמר:
(1) מפני שיבה תקום, while it is in order to show respect and deference to someone whose experience in life is based on his age, this does not compare to the respect and deference that we must show to (2) פני זקן, the elder who has achieved his rank in society due to his Torah knowledge, his constant striving to become more closely attached to G’d. (compare Kidushin 32.)
(ב) מפני שיבה תקום וסמיך ליה וכי יגור אתך גר לומר אפילו מפני זקן אשמאי:
(2) It states, “in the presence of the elderly,” and close by it says, “If a convert comes to live with you,” to inform that even in the presence of an ignorant elder you shall rise.
מפני שיבה תקום והדרת פני זקן. כלומר כשתראה אדם זקן מאד עומד והוא מיצר מאד בעמידתו ואתה יושב תקום ותושיבהו במקומך. והדרת פני זקן שאם אינו זקן כל כך תהדר אותו ותאמר לו אם תרצה לשבת במקומי. רבינו אפרים ז"ל. ורז"ל אמרו הביאו הרב עיר וקדיש בספר חרדים דהרגיל לקום מפני שיבה זוכה לירא את ה' דכתיב מפני שיבה תקום ויראת מאלהיך:
"Rise for the aged" - In other words, if you're sitting down and you see a very old person who is in a lot of pain from standing, you should give up your seat to him.
Akeidat Yitzhak (R. Isaac ben Moses Arama, 15th century Spain)
If the Torah enjoins us to honour the wise elder, the idea is that by doing so one accords honour to the Torah itself, which is the cause for that wise elder to receive honour. (Kidushin 33) For this reason, the Talmud Makkot 22, points to the folly of the people who rise in the presence of a Torah scroll, but remain seated when the wise elders appear. The lesson is that since the benefits of Torah are derived through contact with the wise elders and not through contact with Torah itself, the wise elder deserves more recognition, since it is he who enlightens us.
If the Torah enjoins us to honour the wise elder, the idea is that by doing so one accords honour to the Torah itself, which is the cause for that wise elder to receive honour. (Kidushin 33) For this reason, the Talmud Makkot 22, points to the folly of the people who rise in the presence of a Torah scroll, but remain seated when the wise elders appear. The lesson is that since the benefits of Torah are derived through contact with the wise elders and not through contact with Torah itself, the wise elder deserves more recognition, since it is he who enlightens us.
Questions:
1. What should America do to honor senior citizens properly?
2. Have you ever experienced disrespect on account of your age?
3. Should there be mandatory retirement ages for politicians, or should it be on a case-by-case basis?
1. What should America do to honor senior citizens properly?
2. Have you ever experienced disrespect on account of your age?
3. Should there be mandatory retirement ages for politicians, or should it be on a case-by-case basis?
ועמוד מפניהם. ואף מפני הזקנים שאינם חכמים. ובטל רצונך מפני רצונם.
And stand up before them, even before elders that are not sages and nullify your will before their will.
וְהִזָּהֲרוּ בְּזָקֵן שֶׁשָּׁכַח תַּלְמוּדוֹ מֵחֲמַת אוֹנְסוֹ. דְּאָמְרִינַן: לוּחוֹת וְשִׁבְרֵי לוּחוֹת מוּנָּחוֹת בָּאָרוֹן.
Rabbi Joshua ben Levi further advised: And be careful to continue to respect an elder who has forgotten their Torah knowledge due to circumstances beyond their control. Even though they are no longer a Torah scholar, they must still be respected for the Torah that they once possessed. As we say: Both the tablets of the Covenant and the broken tablets are placed in the Ark of the Covenant in the Temple. Even though the first tablets were broken, their sanctity obligates one not to treat them with contempt. An elder who forgot the Torah knowledge they once possessed is likened to these broken tablets.
Rabbi Abraham Joshua Heschel
“A test of a people is how it behaves toward the old. It is easy to love children. Even tyrants and dictators make a point of being fond of children. But the affection and care for the old, the incurable, the helpless are the true gold mines of a culture.”
― Abraham Joshua Heschel The Insecurity of Freedom: Essays on Human Existence (New York: Macmillan, 1967), p.72.
“A test of a people is how it behaves toward the old. It is easy to love children. Even tyrants and dictators make a point of being fond of children. But the affection and care for the old, the incurable, the helpless are the true gold mines of a culture.”
― Abraham Joshua Heschel The Insecurity of Freedom: Essays on Human Existence (New York: Macmillan, 1967), p.72.
רַבִּי יוֹסֵי בַר יְהוּדָה אִישׁ כְּפַר הַבַּבְלִי אוֹמֵר, הַלּוֹמֵד מִן הַקְּטַנִּים לְמַה הוּא דוֹמֶה, לְאֹכֵל עֲנָבִים קֵהוֹת וְשׁוֹתֶה יַיִן מִגִּתּוֹ. וְהַלּוֹמֵד מִן הַזְּקֵנִים לְמַה הוּא דוֹמֶה, לְאֹכֵל עֲנָבִים בְּשֵׁלוֹת וְשׁוֹתֶה יַיִן יָשָׁן. רַבִּי אוֹמֵר, אַל תִּסְתַּכֵּל בַּקַּנְקַן, אֶלָּא בְמַה שֶּׁיֶּשׁ בּוֹ.
Rabbi Yose bar Yehuda, man of Kfar HaBavli, says: One who learns from young ones is compared to what? To one who eats unripe grapes and drinks wine from its press. And one who learns from elders is compared to what? To one who eats ripe grapes and drinks aged wine. Rabbi [Judah] says: Do not look at the jug but rather at what is in it.
כָּל הַמְקַבֵּל פְּנֵי זָקֵן כְּאִלּוּ מְקַבֵּל פְּנֵי שְׁכִינָה,
One should greet an elderly person as one greets the Shekhinah
(ז) זְכֹר֙ יְמ֣וֹת עוֹלָ֔ם בִּ֖ינוּ שְׁנ֣וֹת דּוֹר־וָד֑וֹר שְׁאַ֤ל אָבִ֙יךָ֙ וְיַגֵּ֔דְךָ זְקֵנֶ֖יךָ וְיֹ֥אמְרוּ לָֽךְ׃
(7) Remember the days of old, consider the years of ages past; ask your parent, they will inform you, your elders, they will tell you:
A frail old man went to live with his son, daughter-in- law, and four-year old grandson. The old man’s hands trembled, his eyesight was blurred, and his step faltered. The family ate together at the table, but the elderly grandfather’s shaky hands and failing sight made eating difficult. Peas rolled off his spoon onto the floor. When he grasped the glass, milk spilled on the tablecloth.
The son and daughter-in- law became irritated with the mess. “We must do something about Grandfather, ” said the son. “I’ve had enough of his spilled milk, noisy eating, and food on the floor.” Therefore, the husband and wife set a small table in the corner.
There, Grandfather ate alone while the rest of the family enjoyed dinner. Since grandfather had broken a dish or two, his food was served in a wooden bowl. When the family glanced in Grandfather’s direction, sometimes he had a tear in his eye as he sat alone. Still, the only words the couple had for him were sharp admonitions when he dropped a fork or spilled food.
The four-year-old watched it all in silence. One evening before supper, the father noticed his son playing with wood scraps on the floor. He asked the child sweetly, “What are you making?”
Just as sweetly, the boy responded, “Oh, I am making a little bowl for you and Mama to eat your food in when I grow up.” The four-year-old smiled and went back to work.
The words so struck the parents that they were speechless. Then tears started to stream down their cheeks. Though no word was spoken, both knew what must be done.
That evening the husband took Grandfather’s hand and gently led him back to the family table. For the remainder of his days, he ate every meal with the family. And for some reason, neither husband nor wife seemed to care any longer when a fork was dropped, milk spilled, or the tablecloth soiled.
According to Jewish storyteller Peninah Schram in The Hungry Clothes, "One of the best-known teaching tales in world folklore, this story exists in many versions and in many other cultures. [My] adaptation comes from Moses Gaster's "The Exempla of the Rabbis". The Israel Folktale Archives also contain two versions: an Iraqi take from Eliezer Marcus's "Min Ha-Mabua" (1966) and a story from Buczacz in Aliza Shenhar's book Honor Your Mother (1969). In another version of this story, the grandfather is given a half blanket for warmth instead of a wooden bowl to eat from."
The son and daughter-in- law became irritated with the mess. “We must do something about Grandfather, ” said the son. “I’ve had enough of his spilled milk, noisy eating, and food on the floor.” Therefore, the husband and wife set a small table in the corner.
There, Grandfather ate alone while the rest of the family enjoyed dinner. Since grandfather had broken a dish or two, his food was served in a wooden bowl. When the family glanced in Grandfather’s direction, sometimes he had a tear in his eye as he sat alone. Still, the only words the couple had for him were sharp admonitions when he dropped a fork or spilled food.
The four-year-old watched it all in silence. One evening before supper, the father noticed his son playing with wood scraps on the floor. He asked the child sweetly, “What are you making?”
Just as sweetly, the boy responded, “Oh, I am making a little bowl for you and Mama to eat your food in when I grow up.” The four-year-old smiled and went back to work.
The words so struck the parents that they were speechless. Then tears started to stream down their cheeks. Though no word was spoken, both knew what must be done.
That evening the husband took Grandfather’s hand and gently led him back to the family table. For the remainder of his days, he ate every meal with the family. And for some reason, neither husband nor wife seemed to care any longer when a fork was dropped, milk spilled, or the tablecloth soiled.
According to Jewish storyteller Peninah Schram in The Hungry Clothes, "One of the best-known teaching tales in world folklore, this story exists in many versions and in many other cultures. [My] adaptation comes from Moses Gaster's "The Exempla of the Rabbis". The Israel Folktale Archives also contain two versions: an Iraqi take from Eliezer Marcus's "Min Ha-Mabua" (1966) and a story from Buczacz in Aliza Shenhar's book Honor Your Mother (1969). In another version of this story, the grandfather is given a half blanket for warmth instead of a wooden bowl to eat from."