חוֹלֶה מַאֲכִילִין אוֹתוֹ עַל פִּי בְּקִיאִין. אָמַר רַבִּי יַנַּאי: חוֹלֶה אוֹמֵר צָרִיךְ, וְרוֹפֵא אוֹמֵר אֵינוֹ צָרִיךְ — שׁוֹמְעִין לַחוֹלֶה. מַאי טַעְמָא — ״לֵב יוֹדֵעַ מׇרַּת נַפְשׁוֹ״. פְּשִׁיטָא! מַהוּ דְּתֵימָא: רוֹפֵא קִים לֵיהּ טְפֵי, קָא מַשְׁמַע לַן.
§ It was taught in the mishna: If a person is ill and requires food due to potential danger, one feeds him according to the advice of medical experts. Rabbi Yannai said: If an ill person says he needs to eat, and a doctor says he does not need to eat, one listens to the ill person. What is the reason for this halakha? It is because the verse states: “The heart knows the bitterness of its soul” (Proverbs 14:10), meaning an ill person knows the intensity of his pain and weakness, and doctors cannot say otherwise. The Gemara asks: It is obvious that a person knows himself better than anyone else does. Why does this need to be stated explicitly? The Gemara answers: It is lest you say that the doctor is more certain because he has had more experience with this condition. Therefore, the verse teaches us that even so, it is the ill person who knows his own suffering better than anyone else.
Birkat HaMazon If You Must Eat Bread
from https://www.ou.org/holidays/halacha-lmaaseh-yom-kippur/
If you must eat a meal including at least 1.3 fl. oz. (39 ml, or 1/6 cup) of bread on Yom Kippur, say birkat ha’mazon afterward. Add ya’aleh v’yavo (and if Yom Kippur coincides with Shabbat, also add retzei).
from https://www.ou.org/holidays/halacha-lmaaseh-yom-kippur/
If you must eat a meal including at least 1.3 fl. oz. (39 ml, or 1/6 cup) of bread on Yom Kippur, say birkat ha’mazon afterward. Add ya’aleh v’yavo (and if Yom Kippur coincides with Shabbat, also add retzei).
Prayers and Rituals for those who need to eat on Yom Kippur
https://acrobat.adobe.com/link/track?uri=urn:aaid:scds:US:c6efe172-5c8d-3351-8cc6-2d9bf0f12dad
See also: https://ritualwell.org/ritual/when-fasting-not-teshuvah-yom-kippur-eating-disorders/
https://acrobat.adobe.com/link/track?uri=urn:aaid:scds:US:c6efe172-5c8d-3351-8cc6-2d9bf0f12dad
See also: https://ritualwell.org/ritual/when-fasting-not-teshuvah-yom-kippur-eating-disorders/
Returning Food to Its Rightful Place
by Ruth A. Zlotnick
from The Sacred Table
Those who work in the field of eating disorders insist that the following underlying truth cannot be reiterated enough: Eating disorders are not about food. tehy are about emotions and psychological well-being. Thus food becomes a metaphor for larger emotional needs. Hunger and nourishment are no longer connected to the nutritional value of the food on the plate, but to meeting emotional needs that are not satisfied in other ways.
...
Eating disorders are unlike any other addiction because our survival depends upon our food intake, and therefore the individual who suffers from eating disorders can never be far from the object of their self-destruction.
by Ruth A. Zlotnick
from The Sacred Table
Those who work in the field of eating disorders insist that the following underlying truth cannot be reiterated enough: Eating disorders are not about food. tehy are about emotions and psychological well-being. Thus food becomes a metaphor for larger emotional needs. Hunger and nourishment are no longer connected to the nutritional value of the food on the plate, but to meeting emotional needs that are not satisfied in other ways.
...
Eating disorders are unlike any other addiction because our survival depends upon our food intake, and therefore the individual who suffers from eating disorders can never be far from the object of their self-destruction.
Responses to the GatherDC Yom Kippur "lunch"
from the Washington Post
"On day of fasting, D.C. Jewish group plans a controversial event: Lunch"
https://wapo.st/3k1IUVE
To Joel Petlin, an Orthodox Jew, it’s important that people who need to eat do so privately so they don’t create the impression that consuming food on Yom Kippur is something to celebrate. He worried that GatherDC’s event is akin to hosting a party, on a day when Jews are supposed to be standing before God for judgment.
“I understand the reason why someone would need to eat as an individual,” said Petlin, superintendent of the Kiryas Joel School District, in Orange County, N.Y., which buses thousands of students to yeshivas each year. “But to make it a group event and try to add meaning to it seems antithetical and against the purpose to which Jews traditionally have celebrated the holiest day on the calendar.”
Other critics went further.
“When one celebrates ‘intentional’ eating with healthy people, specifically on Yom Kippur, it is not beautiful, it’s a mockery,” tweeted Rabbi Yaakov Menken, managing director at the public policy organization Coalition for Jewish Values.
from the Washington Post
"On day of fasting, D.C. Jewish group plans a controversial event: Lunch"
https://wapo.st/3k1IUVE
To Joel Petlin, an Orthodox Jew, it’s important that people who need to eat do so privately so they don’t create the impression that consuming food on Yom Kippur is something to celebrate. He worried that GatherDC’s event is akin to hosting a party, on a day when Jews are supposed to be standing before God for judgment.
“I understand the reason why someone would need to eat as an individual,” said Petlin, superintendent of the Kiryas Joel School District, in Orange County, N.Y., which buses thousands of students to yeshivas each year. “But to make it a group event and try to add meaning to it seems antithetical and against the purpose to which Jews traditionally have celebrated the holiest day on the calendar.”
Other critics went further.
“When one celebrates ‘intentional’ eating with healthy people, specifically on Yom Kippur, it is not beautiful, it’s a mockery,” tweeted Rabbi Yaakov Menken, managing director at the public policy organization Coalition for Jewish Values.
A Letter from Rabbi Ilana Zietman to her community following an intentional Yom Kippur gathering
As you might know, GatherDC hosted an event on Yom Kippur that got a lot of attention: lunch.
It was an “intentional lunch meetup” for those who would find it meaningful to gather with others who also do not fast on Yom Kippur, to say a bracha (blessing) for the act of taking care of one’s body and spirit on a day when people can feel a lot of shame for not fasting, and then to break off with others to eat or drink as desired.
Our goal was to offer a space where people could find others who also do not fast for a variety of physical, emotional, and psychological reasons and to experience their intentional (i.e. thoughtful) decision through a lens of Jewish ritual. Though there are actually more Jews who don’t fast on Yom Kippur than most probably realize, there is a disproportionate lack of public spaces, rituals, and accessible and compassionate guidelines to support them.
As I’ve learned, when our communities send the message that people who must eat on Yom Kippur should stay private and quiet, we—however well-intended—often pressure people to fast when they shouldn’t, or otherwise make them feel unwelcome in Jewish spaces on Judaism’s holiest day of the year. Maybe this has been your experience, too.
What we wanted more than anything was to acknowledge those in our community who rarely feel seen on Yom Kippur (just as Gather strives to do with our alternative morning experience) and offer them a dedicated space to show up for themselves and for one another. This was always intended to be a small, intimate gathering for those who wanted to make the trek. It would be informal, welcoming, and facilitated with care. It was still an experiment—I had never led this kind of experience before—and I was so grateful to the community members who signed up, even after it drew some harsh responses on social media.
Now that Yom Kippur has come and gone, I’d love to share what I saw and learned.
We were twenty individuals gathered in a circle in the rain, trying to stay warm and dry. I began by sharing what motivated me to create this space, my hope that it would meet people’s expectations, and invited everyone to let me know if I made any missteps in the process. We then said a blessing (generously provided by A Mitzvah To Eat and Chronic Congregation) for honoring the mitzvah of pikuach nefesh, of preserving life, and read a prayer about finding peace and wholeness on this day of deep introspection. Then I opened the floor to anyone who wanted to set an intention for themselves or to share out why they were there.
I was amazed by how honest people were with complete strangers. People talked about eating on Yom Kippur as part of recovering from eating disorders and other difficult relationships with food. Some needed to eat to alleviate chronic pain or to take essential medications. Others were looking to connect to Yom Kippur outside the tradition of fasting. Some had traveled hours to be there, and others had not participated in a communal Yom Kippur experience for years. In each case, the people who attended this experience, regardless of their reason for not fasting, showed up because they wanted to engage in the deep introspection and transformation work of Yom Kippur.
We had a good laugh at the pigeons who joined us in hopes of a meal of their own, and then we said our goodbyes as people wandered off to nourish themselves, surrounded by a new community. This brief but raw experience embodied the vulnerable presence and spiritual connection that we are supposed to strive for at this time of year.
I can’t express how inspired I am by those of you who made this experience what it was. The acts of listening to your needs and not enduring the guilt or shame often associated with eating on Yom Kippur are so worthy of celebration. I’m honored you felt you could show up to affirm that. I know it wasn’t necessarily easy. I know you took a chance. I know we have room for improvement next year.
But I hope you know how much of a difference you made in each other’s day, and in mine. Since then, several of you have told me how validating it was to feel less alone in your unique experience of Yom Kippur and how much it meant to do this with others. You shared an appreciation for our unapologetic approach through it all and for staying true to our mission.
For those of you in our community who couldn’t attend the in-person gathering, know that we are here to help connect you to people and resources. And for those who weren’t sure why GatherDC was hosting a lunch meetup on Yom Kippur, I hope this sparks continued curiosity and conversation.
This year, I learned yet again the holiness of creating alternative, warm, and inclusive spaces for and with Jews in our community, even when it pushes conventional norms. It can be hard, but it’s worth making room for all of us to be seen, valued, and nourished as we are.
Thank you for your partnership on this journey.
L’shanah tovah u’metukah, to a happy, healthy, and sweet new year,
Rabbi Ilana
https://gatherdc.org/2022/10/14/why-gatherdc-hosted-a-space-to-eat-on-yom-kippur-a-note-from-rabbi-ilana/
To the GatherDC community, As you might know, GatherDC hosted an event on Yom Kippur that got a lot of attention: lunch.
It was an “intentional lunch meetup” for those who would find it meaningful to gather with others who also do not fast on Yom Kippur, to say a bracha (blessing) for the act of taking care of one’s body and spirit on a day when people can feel a lot of shame for not fasting, and then to break off with others to eat or drink as desired.
Our goal was to offer a space where people could find others who also do not fast for a variety of physical, emotional, and psychological reasons and to experience their intentional (i.e. thoughtful) decision through a lens of Jewish ritual. Though there are actually more Jews who don’t fast on Yom Kippur than most probably realize, there is a disproportionate lack of public spaces, rituals, and accessible and compassionate guidelines to support them.
As I’ve learned, when our communities send the message that people who must eat on Yom Kippur should stay private and quiet, we—however well-intended—often pressure people to fast when they shouldn’t, or otherwise make them feel unwelcome in Jewish spaces on Judaism’s holiest day of the year. Maybe this has been your experience, too.
What we wanted more than anything was to acknowledge those in our community who rarely feel seen on Yom Kippur (just as Gather strives to do with our alternative morning experience) and offer them a dedicated space to show up for themselves and for one another. This was always intended to be a small, intimate gathering for those who wanted to make the trek. It would be informal, welcoming, and facilitated with care. It was still an experiment—I had never led this kind of experience before—and I was so grateful to the community members who signed up, even after it drew some harsh responses on social media.
Now that Yom Kippur has come and gone, I’d love to share what I saw and learned.
We were twenty individuals gathered in a circle in the rain, trying to stay warm and dry. I began by sharing what motivated me to create this space, my hope that it would meet people’s expectations, and invited everyone to let me know if I made any missteps in the process. We then said a blessing (generously provided by A Mitzvah To Eat and Chronic Congregation) for honoring the mitzvah of pikuach nefesh, of preserving life, and read a prayer about finding peace and wholeness on this day of deep introspection. Then I opened the floor to anyone who wanted to set an intention for themselves or to share out why they were there.
I was amazed by how honest people were with complete strangers. People talked about eating on Yom Kippur as part of recovering from eating disorders and other difficult relationships with food. Some needed to eat to alleviate chronic pain or to take essential medications. Others were looking to connect to Yom Kippur outside the tradition of fasting. Some had traveled hours to be there, and others had not participated in a communal Yom Kippur experience for years. In each case, the people who attended this experience, regardless of their reason for not fasting, showed up because they wanted to engage in the deep introspection and transformation work of Yom Kippur.
We had a good laugh at the pigeons who joined us in hopes of a meal of their own, and then we said our goodbyes as people wandered off to nourish themselves, surrounded by a new community. This brief but raw experience embodied the vulnerable presence and spiritual connection that we are supposed to strive for at this time of year.
I can’t express how inspired I am by those of you who made this experience what it was. The acts of listening to your needs and not enduring the guilt or shame often associated with eating on Yom Kippur are so worthy of celebration. I’m honored you felt you could show up to affirm that. I know it wasn’t necessarily easy. I know you took a chance. I know we have room for improvement next year.
But I hope you know how much of a difference you made in each other’s day, and in mine. Since then, several of you have told me how validating it was to feel less alone in your unique experience of Yom Kippur and how much it meant to do this with others. You shared an appreciation for our unapologetic approach through it all and for staying true to our mission.
For those of you in our community who couldn’t attend the in-person gathering, know that we are here to help connect you to people and resources. And for those who weren’t sure why GatherDC was hosting a lunch meetup on Yom Kippur, I hope this sparks continued curiosity and conversation.
This year, I learned yet again the holiness of creating alternative, warm, and inclusive spaces for and with Jews in our community, even when it pushes conventional norms. It can be hard, but it’s worth making room for all of us to be seen, valued, and nourished as we are.
Thank you for your partnership on this journey.
L’shanah tovah u’metukah, to a happy, healthy, and sweet new year,
Rabbi Ilana
Some perspectives on fasting...
The Mitzvah of Eating on Yom Kippur
by Judy Bolton-Fasman
https://www.jewishboston.com/read/the-mitzvah-of-eating-on-yom-kippur/
Eating, in the vocabulary of the High Holidays, is a Hineini moment for me. I am fully present for whatever I must do on Yom Kippur. Eating gives me the strength and kavanah—intention—to focus on repenting.
...
Also, please do not assume I or anyone else fasts on Yom Kippur and wish us an “easy fast.” Err on the side of caution—wish us a day of deep reflection and spiritual nourishment. Please do not ask us how our fast was and back away when we tell you that we don’t fast. For my part, I am not confessing or repenting to you—I am diabetic and my grandmother was diabetic. L’dor v’dor comes in many iterations.
I won’t beg God’s forgiveness for eating on Yom Kippur this year. On the contrary, I will integrate gratitude for the food I must eat to stay healthy on this holiest of fast days. I will acknowledge nourishing myself as an act of pikuach nefesh. Being mindful of this lifesaving measure for which Jewish law is overruled, I fall in love with Judaism again. This suspension of the law indicates Judaism is sanctioning and enabling me to do what is necessary for my health. And this show of empathy is integral to Judaism—mine and yours.
by Judy Bolton-Fasman
https://www.jewishboston.com/read/the-mitzvah-of-eating-on-yom-kippur/
Eating, in the vocabulary of the High Holidays, is a Hineini moment for me. I am fully present for whatever I must do on Yom Kippur. Eating gives me the strength and kavanah—intention—to focus on repenting.
...
Also, please do not assume I or anyone else fasts on Yom Kippur and wish us an “easy fast.” Err on the side of caution—wish us a day of deep reflection and spiritual nourishment. Please do not ask us how our fast was and back away when we tell you that we don’t fast. For my part, I am not confessing or repenting to you—I am diabetic and my grandmother was diabetic. L’dor v’dor comes in many iterations.
I won’t beg God’s forgiveness for eating on Yom Kippur this year. On the contrary, I will integrate gratitude for the food I must eat to stay healthy on this holiest of fast days. I will acknowledge nourishing myself as an act of pikuach nefesh. Being mindful of this lifesaving measure for which Jewish law is overruled, I fall in love with Judaism again. This suspension of the law indicates Judaism is sanctioning and enabling me to do what is necessary for my health. And this show of empathy is integral to Judaism—mine and yours.
Yom Kippur Fasting Exceptions
Is it safe for seniors to fast on Yom Kippur?
https://www.hebrewseniorlife.org/blog/yom-kippur-fasting-exceptions
Rabbi Karen Landy, Manager of Religious and Spiritual Care Services at Hebrew Rehabilitation Center, adds there are many ways for seniors to have a meaningful Yom Kippur, fasting or not. “The obligation to fast is about inflicting your soul,” she explains. “While some suffering is intended, the idea is to put aside worldly pleasures during this day such that you can reflect on the themes of Yom Kippur: repentance and renewal. It’s a time to focus on the meaning of life – to open up your heart to new possibilities – and set personal goals for the year ahead.” This reflection can be achieved in many personal ways beyond the realm of food, including attending religious services, reading reflective texts, and contemplation. “Fasting does not define Yom Kippur,” she says.
Is it safe for seniors to fast on Yom Kippur?
https://www.hebrewseniorlife.org/blog/yom-kippur-fasting-exceptions
Rabbi Karen Landy, Manager of Religious and Spiritual Care Services at Hebrew Rehabilitation Center, adds there are many ways for seniors to have a meaningful Yom Kippur, fasting or not. “The obligation to fast is about inflicting your soul,” she explains. “While some suffering is intended, the idea is to put aside worldly pleasures during this day such that you can reflect on the themes of Yom Kippur: repentance and renewal. It’s a time to focus on the meaning of life – to open up your heart to new possibilities – and set personal goals for the year ahead.” This reflection can be achieved in many personal ways beyond the realm of food, including attending religious services, reading reflective texts, and contemplation. “Fasting does not define Yom Kippur,” she says.
Perspectives on Fasting/Not Fasting/The In Between
https://www.heyalma.com/19-jews-on-whether-or-not-they-fast-for-yom-kippur/
In all honestly, I feel incredibly guilty when I don’t fast. But, I suffer from low blood sugar and hypoglycemia runs in my family, so fasting as a concept is really difficult. I think people in my family feel holier when they fast… and, before every fast we all say to one another, “Have an easy, but meaningful fast,” essentially code for, “Suffer, but don’t suffer too much, but suffer enough so you know (and God knows) you’re suffering.” I’ll probably start off the day not eating and cave at around 1 or 2 p.m. Then, when my knees began to shake and my whole body feels weak (i.e., when I’m at my “holiest” potential), I’ll eat a few crackers and remind myself that I’m just as Jewish as them.
https://www.heyalma.com/19-jews-on-whether-or-not-they-fast-for-yom-kippur/
In all honestly, I feel incredibly guilty when I don’t fast. But, I suffer from low blood sugar and hypoglycemia runs in my family, so fasting as a concept is really difficult. I think people in my family feel holier when they fast… and, before every fast we all say to one another, “Have an easy, but meaningful fast,” essentially code for, “Suffer, but don’t suffer too much, but suffer enough so you know (and God knows) you’re suffering.” I’ll probably start off the day not eating and cave at around 1 or 2 p.m. Then, when my knees began to shake and my whole body feels weak (i.e., when I’m at my “holiest” potential), I’ll eat a few crackers and remind myself that I’m just as Jewish as them.