What is T'shuvah?
What do you notice about Rabbi Ruttenberg’s definition of t’shuvah? What new understanding(s) of t’shuvah
does she introduce?
Institutional t'shuvah
1. Rabbi Ruttenberg says that the work of institutional t’shuvah mirrors the process of personal t’shuvah. What
examples of institutional t’shuvah might we see in our local communities or in the public sphere, and what stages of the process might that example illustrate?
2. Have you seen or experienced examples of institutional courage? What would a courageous step look like?
3.What needs to happen in our communities/institutions to get us to the point of doing institutional t’shuvah?
Confession and Starting to Change
1. In discussing confession, Rabbi Ruttenberg is clear that one must fully own the harm they have caused. How
does she explain that this is done?
2. Rabbi Ruttenberg also explains that confession requires cheshbon hanefesh, an accounting of the soul. How can we truly account for what we have done wrong?
The penitent who confesses publicly is praiseworthy, and it is commendable for them to let the public know their iniquities, and to reveal the sins between the harm
doer and their neighbor [who was harmed] to others, saying: “Truly, I have sinned against that person, and I have wronged them thus and such, but, behold me this day, I repent and am remorseful”. But the one who is
arrogant and reveals not but covers up their sins, is not a wholehearted penitent. As it says, One who covers their transgressions shall not prosper (Proverbs 28:13). But that is saying solely concerning interpersonal sins, but regarding sins between a person and God, the penitent need not make public--on the contrary it would be impudent of the harm doer to reveal them. The harm doer should, however, repent before God, blessed is God! and before God
should detail the sins; and then make public confession upon them by simply saying: “I have sinned”. Such a procedure is, indeed, for their own good.
3. In this text, Maimonides says that the “penitent who confesses publicly is praiseworthy.” How can we view a confession as praiseworthy? Why does Maimonides make this point to distinguish between the benefits of public confession?
4. A key to confession is recognizing that our actions have consequences. How can accepting this fact help us with sincere confession? What do we need to do to face the truth of our actions?
5. Confession has an impact on the victim. Consider a time when you have been the recipient of a confession. How
did it feel for you to hear and receive that confession?
6.How does Rabbi Ruttenberg explain that we begin to make change? What is the re-thinking that she says is required for this step?
Among the ways of repentance are for the penitent to constantly cry out in tearful supplication before the Name, to bestow alms according to their means, and to distance themselves exceedingly from the thing wherein they sinned, to have their identity changed, as if saying: "I am now another person, and not that person who perpetrated those misdeeds", to completely change their conduct for the good and straight path, and to exile themselves from their place of residence, for exile atones iniquity, because it leads one to submissiveness and to be meek and humble-spirited.
7. What are the things that Maimonides lists for the penitent to enact in order to start to make change? Why do you
think Maimonides provides so many steps for the penitent on the road to change?
8.What are concrete ways that we can begin to change when we have done wrong? How do we recognize when
others have started the work of change?
Amends, Apology, and Making Different Choices
1. How does Rabbi Ruttenberg say one should make amends? What pieces are needed in order to repair a situation
where one has caused harm?
Neither repentance nor the Day of Atonement atone for any save for sins committed between a person and God, for instance, one who ate forbidden food, or had forbidden coition and the like; but interpersonal sins, for instance, one injures their neighbor, or curses their neighbor or plunders them, or offends them in like matters, is ever not absolved unless they make restitution of what is owed and they beg the forgiveness of their neighbor.
2. In this text, Maimonides states that sins committed against another person are not absolved until the person who has done harm makes “restitution of what is owed and they beg the forgiveness of their neighbor.” What does this involve? Why is this important?
3. What are some examples of ways you could make amends for wrongdoing before issuing an apology? What does
the work of making amends show the person who has been wronged?
4.Why does the step of apologizing come so late in the process?
אֲפִלּוּ לֹא הִקְנִיט אֶת חֲבֵרוֹ אֶלָּא בִּדְבָרִים צָרִיךְ לְפַיְּסוֹ וְלִפְגֹּעַ בּוֹ עַד שֶׁיִּמְחל לוֹ. לֹא רָצָה חֲבֵרוֹ לִמְחל לוֹ מֵבִיא לוֹ שׁוּרָה שֶׁל שְׁלֹשָׁה בְּנֵי אָדָם מֵרֵעָיו וּפוֹגְעִין בּוֹ וּמְבַקְּשִׁין מִמֶּנּוּ. לֹא נִתְרַצָּה לָהֶן מֵבִיא לוֹ שְׁנִיָּה וּשְׁלִישִׁית. לֹא רָצָה מְנִיחוֹ וְהוֹלֵךְ לוֹ וְזֶה שֶׁלֹּא מָחַל הוּא הַחוֹטֵא. וְאִם הָיָה רַבּוֹ הוֹלֵךְ וּבָא אֲפִלּוּ אֶלֶף פְּעָמִים עַד שֶׁיִּמְחל לוֹ:
And, although they make restitution of the monetary debt, they are obliged to pacify [the harmed party] and to beg forgiveness. Even if they only offended their neighbor in words, they are obliged to appease and implore till they are forgiven. If their neighbor refuses, [the harm doer] should bring a committee of three friends to implore and beg; if [the injured party] still refuses they should bring a second, even a third committee, and if they injured party still refuses, they may leave and go, for the person who did not forgive has now committed a sin [and the harm doer is discharged of obligation]. But if it happened to be their rabbi, they should go and come for forgiveness even a thousand times till they do forgive.
5. This text illustrates the complex dance of making an apology. Why is the wrongdoer obliged to try to apologize so
many times?
6. Sometimes the person whom you wronged won’t accept your apology. How would this make you feel? How
would you move forward from this?
7. Rabbi Ruttenberg explains that while no two situations are exactly the same, a situation does not have to look the same for the harm to be the same. Thus, when one does not do the work of reflecting on and changing their behavior, they will repeat or recreate previous harmful patterns. Rabbi Ruttenberg offers two historical examples. Can you think of other examples: historical or current; societal or individual?
8. How do you know when you have done full t’shuvah and would be someone who “makes different choices”?
Forgiveness
1. How has cultural pressure to grant forgiveness affected your owninteractions with people who caused you harm? With those you have harmed? In what ways has an imbalance of power affected that dynamic?
2. Rabbi Ruttenberg and Rabbi Maderer each tell us what gives them hope when it comes to doing the work of t’shuvah. What gives you hope?