Bekitzur, four rabbis named Ben Azzai, Ben Zoma, Acher, and Akiva entered the Pardes. (Pardes literally means 'orchard' but it comes from the same root as the word paradise. PaRDeS is also an acronym for a way of studying Torah on four different levels: the pshat, or the plain surface meaning of a text, the remez, or the allusions and intertextual references found in the text, the drash, the text's symbolic and interpretive meanings, and finally the sod, the mystical secrets buried deep in the text. Essentially, the four rabbis all discovered some of the Torah's deepest secrets. For the sake of this parable, let's say they entered the Garden of Eden.) Ben Azzai entered the Garden and he died. Ben Zoma entered the Garden and lost his mind. Acher (Elisha ben Abuya, a brilliant Torah scholar who became a heretic) entered the Garden and started chopping down the saplings. Rabbi Akiva entered the Garden in peace and left in peace.
Bekitzur, a new type of oven was invented and the Sages disagreed as to whether or not it was kosher to use. One dude, Rabbi Eliezer said it was kosher, all the other rabbis said it wasn't. He tried to convince them logically but they didn't want to hear it. Exasperated, he said, "If I'm right, this carob tree will prove it!" So the carob tree uproots itself and moves 600 feet down the road. One of the other rabbis, Rabbi Yehoshua, says "Yeah, well carob trees don't prove anything." So Eliezer says, "If I'm right, this river will prove it!" and the river starts flowing backwards. Not impressed, Rabbi Yehoshua says, "Rivers don't prove anything." Rabbi Eliezer says, "If I'm right, the walls of the study hall will prove it!" When the walls started collapsing, Rabbi Yehoshua scolded them, "We're in the middle of something, walls, this doesn't concern you." So the walls stop collapsing out of respect for Rabbi Yehoshua but they stay tilted out of respect for Rabbi Eliezer.
At the end of his rope, Rabbi Eliezer says, "If I'm right, Hashem will prove it!" And Hashem's voice booms, "Why are you disagreeing with Rabbi Eliezer? He's always right about halacha!" With a legendary amount of chutzpah, Rabbi Yehoshua gets up and says, "It is not in heaven!" This is a reference to a verse that describes the nature of the Torah: "It isn't too dazzling for you or too far away. It's not in heaven, so don't say, 'Who among us is able to go up to the heavens and get it for us and teach it to us so we may fulfill it?'" (Deuteronomy 30:11-12) Basically, Rabbi Yehoshua is saying to Hashem, "Look, you gave us the Torah! It's not something that can only be interpreted through mystical experiences, it's something that every Jew has a right to interpret for themself. We as a collective, and not just individual prophets, decide Jewish law."
Years later, a rabbi asked the prophet Elijah, "what was Hashem's response in that moment?" And Elijah said, "He smiled and said, 'My children have triumphed over me, my children have triumphed over me.'"
MISHNA: How does the court intimidate the witnesses in giving testimony for cases of capital law? They would bring the witnesses in and intimidate them by saying to them: Perhaps what you say in your testimony is based on conjecture, or perhaps it is based on a rumor, perhaps it is testimony based on hearsay, e.g., you heard a witness testify to this in a different court, or perhaps it is based on the statement of a trusted person. Perhaps you do not know that ultimately we examine you with inquiry and interrogation, and if you are lying, your lie will be discovered. The court tells them: You should know that cases of capital law are not like cases of monetary law. In cases of monetary law, a person who testifies falsely, causing money to be given to the wrong party, can give the money to the proper owner and his sin is atoned for. In cases of capital law, if one testifies falsely, the blood of the accused and the blood of his offspring that he did not merit to produce are ascribed to the witness’s testimony until eternity. The proof for this is as we found with Cain, who killed his brother, as it is stated concerning him: “The voice of your brother’s blood [demei] cries out to Me from the ground” (Genesis 4:10). The verse does not state: Your brother’s blood [dam], in the singular, but rather: “Your brother’s blood [demei],” in the plural. This serves to teach that the loss of both his brother’s blood and the blood of his brother’s offspring are ascribed to Cain. The mishna notes: Alternatively, the phrase “your brother’s blood [demei],” written in the plural, teaches that that his blood was not gathered in one place but was splattered on the trees and on the stones. The court tells the witnesses: Therefore, Adam the first man was created alone, to teach you that with regard to anyone who destroys one soul from the Jewish people, i.e., kills one Jew, the verse ascribes him blame as if he destroyed an entire world, as Adam was one person, from whom the population of an entire world came forth. And conversely, anyone who sustains one soul from the Jewish people, the verse ascribes him credit as if he sustained an entire world. The mishna cites another reason Adam the first man was created alone: And this was done due to the importance of maintaining peace among people, so that one person will not say to another: My father, i.e., progenitor, is greater than your father. And it was also so that the heretics who believe in multiple gods will not say: There are many authorities in Heaven, and each created a different person. And this serves to tell of the greatness of the Holy One, Blessed be He, as when a person stamps several coins with one seal, they are all similar to each other. But the supreme King of kings, the Holy One, Blessed be He, stamped all people with the seal of Adam the first man, as all of them are his offspring, and not one of them is similar to another. Therefore, since all humanity descends from one person, each and every person is obligated to say: The world was created for me, as one person can be the source of all humanity, and recognize the significance of his actions.
Bekitzur, in life-or-death cases, the court would remind the witnesses testifying against the defendant about the infinite value of human life, saying, "Adam was created alone to teach us that killing one person is as serious as destroying an entire world, and saving one life is like saving the entire world. Adam was created alone to make peace, so people won't say to each other 'my father is greater than your father.' And this demonstrates Hashem's greatness, as when a person stamps several coins with the same die, they all end up the same, but Hashem stamped us all with Adam's die, and all of us are unique. Because we all descend from a single person, all of us are required to acknowledge that the world was created for us."
[The following dialogue, one of many, is reported in the name of R. Yosi ben Halafta, one of the Mishnah’s most prominent sages, and an unnamed Roman woman of rank.] Rabbi Yehudah bar Simon began: "God returns the solitary ones homeward" (Psalms 68:7). A Roman Matron asked Rabbi Yosi ben Halafta, "In how many days did God create the world?" He said, "In six, as it is said, 'Since six days God made...' (Exodus 20:11) "And since then," she asked, "what has God been doing?" "God sits [on the Heavenly Throne] and makes matches: the daughter of this one to that one, the wife [i.e. widow] of this one to that one, the money of this one to that one," responded R. Yosi. "And for merely this you believe in Him!" she said. "Even I can do that. I have many slaves, both male and female. In no time at all, I can match them for marriage." R. Yosi, "Though this may be an easy thing for you to do, for God it is as difficult as splitting the Sea of Reeds." Whereupon, Rabbi Yosi took his leave. What did she do? The Matron lined up a thousand male and a thousand female slaves and said you marry you, and married them all off that night. The next day, one slave had his head bashed in, another had lost an eye, while a third hobbled because of a broken leg. She said to them: "What happened to you?" and they each said to her: "I don't want this one" [with whom you matched me]." Immediately, she sent for and summoned R. Yosi and she said: "There is no God like your God, and your Torah is true, pleasing and praiseworthy. You spoke wisely." He said to her, "Didn't I tell you, if it appears easy in your eyes, it is difficult for the Holy One Blessed Be He like splitting the sea." "What do you think? That The Holy One Blessed Be He, is marrying them against their will but not for their benefit?!?" This is why it states "God returns the solitary ones homeward, and brings out the chained ones with their bindings" (Psalms 58:7) What is binding (Kosharot), Crying (Bechi) and sing (Shirot). The one who wants [their spouse] sings, the one who doesn't want their spouse cries. Rabbi Brekhya said, like this R' Yosi bar Tahlafta responded, "the Holy One Blessed Be He sits and makes ladders, lowers for this and raises for that one, lowers this one raises that one. As it says 'God judges - this one laid low, this one raised (Psalms 75, 8)', there are those who walk to their partner and those whose partner walks to them: Yitzchak's partner came to him, as it says, 'Isaac went out to speak in the field' (Genesis 24, 63) and Yaakov went to his partner, as it says 'Yaakov went out from Be'er Sheva' (Genesis 28, 10)"
Bekitzur, a Roman lady asked Rabbi Yosi how long it took Hashem to create the world. He told her it took six days. She asked him, "Nu? What has he been doing since then?" He said, "He's been matching couples up." She said, "Pshhhh! That's easy, even I can do that!" Rabbi Yosi said, "Maybe it's easy for you to do, but for Hashem it's as difficult as splitting the Red Sea."
The Roman lady had a ton of servants, so she went home that night and matched them up into couples and married them off. She woke up to chaos the next morning—one of the servants lost an eye, another had a broken leg, and another was laying dead on the floor with his head bashed in. She asked, "What happened here?!" and her servants all came up to her complaining and said, "I can't stand the person you matched me with!" So she went back to Rabbi Yosi and decided to convert to Judaism saying, "You spoke wisely. There's no God like Hashem. I don't know how Hashem manages making all those matches."
Bekitzur, a rabbi named Rav Kahana snuck into his teacher's house and lay under his bed. His teacher, Rav, came back that night with his wife and the two of them started fucking. Kahana pops up from under the bed and says saucily, "Daddy's hungry!" (Implying he was down bad.) Rav said, "Kahana, what the fuck are you doing here? This is an undesirable mode of behavior!" Rav Kahana shrugged and said, "It is Torah, and I must learn." (In other words, he claimed he was watching his rabbi's intimate behavior to learn about Jewish law from it.)
Bekitzur, there was once a righteous man named Honi HaMe'agel. One day he was walking and saw an old man planting a carob tree. Honi asked him, "How long will it be before this tree bears fruit?" The man responded, "Seventy years." Honi said incredulously, "Do you really expect to live 70 more years?" The man answered him, "I was born into a world full of carob trees. Just as my ancestors planted them for me, I am planting one for my descendants."
Honi shrugged and walked away. He sat down for lunch and decided to take a nap. When he laid down, a cliff formed around him and hid him away, and he slept for seventy whole years. Then he woke up, unaware of what had happened, and walked back the way he came. The carob sapling had turned into an adult tree! Honi saw a man gathering fruit from it, and asked him, "Did you plant this tree?" The man responded, "No, my grandfather did."
Realizing what must have happened, Honi went home and asked, "Is Honi's son still alive?" They said, "No, but his grandson is." Weeping, he said, "I am Honi!" but they didn't believe him. Then he went to the study hall and heard someone say about a scholar, "His teachings are as enlightening as those of Honi HaMe'agel." Honi jumped up and shouted, "I am Honi!" But they thought he was crazy. Heartbroken, Honi prayed to Hashem for mercy and Hashem allowed him to pass away peacefully. Years later the great sage Rava said, "This is why people say chevruta o meytuta, community or death."
Bekitzur, the sages of the Mishnah said that ten miraculous things were created during the final hour before sundown on the sixth day of creation:
1. the mouth of the earth that the Torah tells us swallowed up Korach and his followers when they rebelled against Moses
2. Miriam's well which magically followed the Israelites around while they were wandering in the desert
3. the voice of the sorcerer Balaam's donkey (the Torah, like Shrek, contains the story of a talking donkey, most likely originally voiced by Eddie Murphy. Donkey saves his rider Balaam's life when Balaam is sent to put a curse on the Jewish people and Hashem sends an invisible angel with a flaming sword to stop him.)
4. Noah's rainbow, a sign of Hashem's promise never to flood the world again
5. the manna that fed the Israelites in the wilderness
6. the staff of Moses, which had a bad habit of magically turning into a snake
7. the shamir, a supernatural worm that is capable of biting through anything no matter how hard, that Hashem told King Solomon to use when building the Temple to cut the stones
8. the writing (on the Luchot ha-Brit, the original tablets that the Ten Commandments were written on)
9. what was written (i.e. the words of the Ten Commandments)
10. and the tablets themself (which according to Jewish legend, were carved out of an enormous sapphire)
Some also say that in this last hour of creation demons were created, as well as the grave of Moses that Hashem themself dug, and the ram that Abraham found on Mount Moriah and slaughtered in place of his son Isaac. But most importantly, some also say Hashem created the first tongs. Why tongs, you say? Think about it—tongs are made of metal, which has to be forged in the flames. How would human beings pull the first pair of tongs out of the fire if they didn't already have a pair of tongs. So there we have it, the tong of tongs.
Bekitzur, there was once a rabbi named Yochanan, whose brilliance and wisdom was only matched by their extraordinary beauty. (Like, really, really beautiful. The Talmud tells us that "one who wishes to see the beauty of Rabbi Yochanan should get a shiny new silver goblet and fill it with red pomegranate seeds and crown it with roses and place it between the sunlight and the shade." That's supposed to be a fraction of Rabbi Yochanan's beauty.) Anyways, one day Rabbi Yochanan was bathing naked in the Jordan river. A notorious muscular bandit, Reish Lakish, happened to be passing by and spotted this beauty in the river, so he took off his clothes and jumped in to talk to her.
Rabbi Yochanan was impressed by Reish Lakish's muscles and said to him, "Your strength is fit for Torah." Reish Lakish said, "Your beauty is fit for women." Rabbi Yochanan said, "I have a sister who's even more beautiful than I am. If you study Torah with me, I'll give you my sister as a bride." (As a beard.) Reish Lakish agreed to this arrangement. Then he tried to jump out of the river to get his clothes, but found all of his physical strength was sapped from his body, as soon as he accepted the commitment to study Torah.
Rabbi Yochanan went on to teach Reish Lakish Torah and the two went on to be possibly the most famous chevruta, pair of Torah scholars, of all time. For each hot take Rabbi Yochanan would make, Reish Lakish would raise 24 difficulties and they'd bicker about it like an old married couple and the body of Jewish law would be the better for it.
Bekitzur, if a pregnant lady smells pork and gets an insatiable craving for it, even on Yom Kippur, we should put a straw into the meat juice and have her suck on it. If she's satisfied, she's satisfied, if not, we should feed her the meat's gravy. If she's satisfied with that, good, if not we should feed her pork fat. If she's satisfied with that, mazel tov, if not give her the damn pork. You can break any law to save her life (in this instance, from weird hangry pregnancy cravings) except the prohibitions on worshipping idols, sexual assault, and murder.
In this baraita Rabbi Yehuda is described as head of the speakers in every place. The Gemara asks: And why did they call him head of the speakers in every place? The Gemara relates that this resulted due to an incident that took place when Rabbi Yehuda and Rabbi Yosei and Rabbi Shimon were sitting, and Yehuda, son of converts, sat beside them. Rabbi Yehuda opened and said: How pleasant are the actions of this nation, the Romans, as they established marketplaces, established bridges, and established bathhouses. Rabbi Yosei was silent. Rabbi Shimon ben Yoḥai responded and said: Everything that they established, they established only for their own purposes. They established marketplaces, to place prostitutes in them; bathhouses, to pamper themselves; and bridges, to collect taxes from all who pass over them. Yehuda, son of converts, went and related their statements to his household, and those statements continued to spread until they were heard by the monarchy. They ruled and said: Yehuda, who elevated the Roman regime, shall be elevated and appointed as head of the Sages, the head of the speakers in every place. Yosei, who remained silent, shall be exiled from his home in Judea as punishment, and sent to the city of Tzippori in the Galilee. And Shimon, who denounced the government, shall be killed. Rabbi Shimon bar Yoḥai and his son, Rabbi Elazar, went and hid in the study hall. Every day Rabbi Shimon’s wife would bring them bread and a jug of water and they would eat. When the decree intensified, Rabbi Shimon said to his son: Women are easily impressionable and, therefore, there is room for concern lest the authorities torture her and she reveal our whereabouts. They went and they hid in a cave. A miracle occurred and a carob tree was created for them as well as a spring of water. They would remove their clothes and sit covered in sand up to their necks. They would study Torah all day in that manner. At the time of prayer, they would dress, cover themselves, and pray, and they would again remove their clothes afterward so that they would not become tattered. They sat in the cave for twelve years. Elijah the Prophet came and stood at the entrance to the cave and said: Who will inform bar Yoḥai that the emperor died and his decree has been abrogated? They emerged from the cave, and saw people who were plowing and sowing. Rabbi Shimon bar Yoḥai said: These people abandon eternal life of Torah study and engage in temporal life for their own sustenance. The Gemara relates that every place that Rabbi Shimon and his son Rabbi Elazar directed their eyes was immediately burned. A Divine Voice emerged and said to them: Did you emerge from the cave in order to destroy My world? Return to your cave. They again went and sat there for twelve months. They said: The judgment of the wicked in Gehenna lasts for twelve months. Surely their sin was atoned in that time. A Divine Voice emerged and said to them: Emerge from your cave. They emerged. Everywhere that Rabbi Elazar would strike, Rabbi Shimon would heal. Rabbi Shimon said to Rabbi Elazar: My son, you and I suffice for the entire world, as the two of us are engaged in the proper study of Torah. As the sun was setting on Shabbat eve, they saw an elderly man who was holding two bundles of myrtle branches and running at twilight. They said to him: Why do you have these? He said to them: In honor of Shabbat. They said to him: And let one suffice. He answered them: One is corresponding to: “Remember the Shabbat day, to keep it holy” (Exodus 20:8), and one is corresponding to: “Observe the Shabbat day, to keep it holy” (Deuteronomy 5:12). Rabbi Shimon said to his son: See how beloved the mitzvot are to Israel. Their minds were put at ease and they were no longer as upset that people were not engaged in Torah study. Rabbi Pineḥas ben Ya’ir, Rabbi Shimon’s son-in-law, heard and went out to greet him. He brought him into the bathhouse and began tending to his flesh. He saw that Rabbi Shimon had cracks in the skin on his body. He was crying, and the tears fell from his eyes and caused Rabbi Shimon pain. Rabbi Pineḥas said to Rabbi Shimon, his father-in-law: Woe is me, that I have seen you like this. Rabbi Shimon said to him: Happy are you that you have seen me like this, as had you not seen me like this, you would not have found in me this prominence in Torah, as the Gemara relates: At first, when Rabbi Shimon ben Yoḥai would raise a difficulty, Rabbi Pineḥas ben Ya’ir would respond to his question with twelve answers. Ultimately, when Rabbi Pineḥas ben Ya’ir would raise a difficulty, Rabbi Shimon ben Yoḥai would respond with twenty-four answers. Rabbi Shimon said: Since a miracle transpired for me, I will go and repair something for the sake of others in gratitude for God’s kindness, as it is written: “And Jacob came whole to the city of Shechem, which is in the land of Canaan, when he came from Paddan-aram; and he graced the countenance of the city” (Genesis 33:18). Rav said, the meaning of: And Jacob came whole, is: Whole in his body, whole in his money, whole in his Torah. And what did he do? And he graced the countenance of the city; he performed gracious acts to benefit the city. Rav said: Jacob established a currency for them. And Shmuel said: He established marketplaces for them. And Rabbi Yoḥanan said: He established bathhouses for them. In any event, clearly one for whom a miracle transpires should perform an act of kindness for his neighbors as a sign of gratitude. He said: Is there something that needs repair? They said to him: There is a place where there is uncertainty with regard to ritual impurity and the priests are troubled by being forced to circumvent it, as it is prohibited for them to become ritually impure from contact with a corpse. There was suspicion, but no certainty, that a corpse was buried there. Therefore, they were unable to definitively determine its status. Rabbi Shimon said: Is there a person who knows that there was a presumption of ritual purity here? Is there anyone who remembers a time when this place was not considered ritually impure, or that at least part of it was considered to be ritually pure? An Elder said to him: Here ben Zakkai planted and cut the teruma of lupines. In this marketplace Rabbi Yoḥanan ben Zakkai, who himself was a priest, once planted lupines that were given to him as teruma. On that basis, the conclusion can be drawn that it was definitely ritually pure. Rabbi Shimon, like Jacob, also did so and took steps to improve the city and examined the ground (Tosafot). Everywhere that the ground was hard, he pronounced it ritually pure as there was certainly no corpse there, and every place that the ground was soft, he marked it indicating that perhaps a corpse was buried there. In that way, he purified the marketplace so that even priests could walk through it. A certain Elder said in ridicule and surprise: Ben Yoḥai purified the cemetery. Rabbi Shimon got angry and said to him: Had you not been with us, and even had you been with us and were not counted with us in rendering this ruling, what you say is fine. You could have said that you were unaware of my intention or that you did not agree or participate in this decision. Now that you were with us and were counted with us in rendering this ruling, you will cause people to say that Sages are unwilling to cooperate with one another. They will say: If competing prostitutes still apply makeup to each other to help one another look beautiful, all the more so that Torah scholars should cooperate with each other. He directed his eyes toward him and the Elder died. Rabbi Shimon went out to the marketplace and he saw Yehuda, son of converts, who was the cause of this entire incident. Rabbi Shimon, said: This one still has a place in the world? He directed his eyes toward him and turned him into a pile of bones.
Bekitzur, one day three rabbis were chatting in a marketplace. The first rabbi, Yehuda, said, "Gee, our colonizers the Romans are such swell guys. They built marketplaces, bathhouses and bridges for us." The second rabbi, Rabbi Yosei, sat silently. The third rabbi, the great mystical sage Rabbi Shimon ben Yochai, said, "Everything that the Romans have made they made for themselves. They made marketplaces to put their own businesses in them, bathhouses to pamper themselves, and bridges to collect tolls from all who use them." This didn't sit right with Yehuda, so he snitched on Rabbi Shimon to the Romans. The emperor rewarded Yehuda by pulling some strings and making him the head of the yeshiva. Meanwhile, they punished Rabbi Yosei, who remained silent, by exiling him, and they sentenced Rabbi Shimon to death.
Afraid for his life, Rabbi Shimon ben Yochai and his son, Rabbi Elezar ben Shimon, hid out in the Torah study hall for a week. When the manhunt got more intense, father and son decided to find a cave to hide out in. A miracle occured for them—an adult carob tree grew spontaneously for them and kept them nourished and a freshwater spring quenched their thirst. They spent most of their time studying the Torah's deepest secrets, naked and buried up to their necks in sand, so their clothes wouldn't get tattered. They would only put their clothes on when they were davening.
After twelve whole years of living like this, the prophet Elijah came to entrance of the cave and said, "Good news guys, the emperor died. You're no longer wanted." So, they emerged from their cave. They saw farmers doing their work, planting crops and plowing fields. Enraged, Rabbi Shimon ben Yochai said, "These people are forsaking eternal life for this temporary existence!" Evidently, living in a cave for twelve years had left the two a bit unhinged. So naturally, I shit you not, their eyes turned into fiery lasers and everywhere they looked would go up in flames. The voice of Hashem boomed at them, "You two! Did you emerge from your cave just to destroy my world? Go back to your cave!"
So, back they went to the cave, eating carob and studying Torah buried up to their necks in sand. After a year, they said, "Even the wicked only stay in Gehenna for twelve months." (There is absolutely no concept of Hell whatsoever in Judaism. It's an entirely Christian invention. According to the Talmud, the worst punishment Hashem will inflict on wrongdoers is putting them in a purifying fire for twelve months, with Shabbos off. Then they go to the Garden of Eden and wait for the Moshiach to come.) Hashem rolled Their eyes and said, "All right you two, emerge from your cave." Rabbi Shimon's son Elezar didn't learn his lesson from last time, and used his laser-vision again, and everywhere he looked went up into flames. But Rabbi Shimon would look at the flames and heal the earth. He said to Elezar, "Son, you and I are enough for the world." When they saw how much the people they met loved the mitzvot, their minds were set to ease.
After emerging from the cave and doing some much-needed pampering of himself at the bathhouse, Rabbi Shimon decided that because a miracle had been done for him, he wanted to do something good for the community. He asked around if there was something that needed repair, and he discovered that there was a marketplace that some people suspected of being built on an old graveyard. Because of this suspicion (and some very complicated ritual purity laws) the kohanim (descendants of the priests who worked at the Temple) were unable to go to the marketplace and risk becoming ritually impure. So, Rabbi Shimon walked around the marketplace and felt how hard the hard the ground was, and marked off everywhere the ground was soft, as a corpse might be buried there.
While he was doing this, a random Torah scholar went up to him and started making fun of him, "Rabbi Shimon purified the cemetery." Rabbi Shimon got angry and said, "Even competing sex workers will do each other's makeup and help each other get business! Shouldn't we Torah scholars also support each other's work?" So, he used his laser-vision to kill the Torah scholar. Then he saw Yehuda—the rabbi who ratted him out to the Romans thirteen years earlier. He said, "This one still has a place in the world?" and directed his gaze at Yehuda and turned him into a pile of bones. The end.
Oy. This story about Rabbi Meir and his brilliant wife Bruriah is confusing, and very sad. It wasn't even mentioned in the original Talmud, but became popular due to the 11th century scholar Rashi's commentary. (It's important to note many scholars do not accept this story at all and it's not official Talmud canon.) The Talmud mentions that some say Rabbi Meir exiled himself to Babylonia because of a cryptic event called "The Bruriah Incident." Rashi tells us what happened:
Bekitzur, Bruriah heard the rabbis saying that "women are light of mind," and even saying that they're easy to seduce. She mocked this opinion. Rabbi Meir was not happy about this, and he decided he was going to prove her wrong. Some say he ordered one of his students to go to his house and tempt her into sleeping with him. Others say he disguised himself as a student of his and tried to seduce her (mirroring R' Chiya bar Ashi's Pina Colada Song sob story, see Kiddushin 81b) In any event, Rashi says that Bruriah gave into seduction. Unable to live with the shame of what she'd done, Bruriah committed suicide. Feeling guilty about what he'd done, Rabbi Meir exiled himself.
מִן הַחֵטְא. מַקְרֵי לֵיהּ רַב יְהוּדָה לְרַב יִצְחָק בְּרֵיהּ ״וּמוֹצֶא אֲנִי מַר מִמָּוֶת אֶת הָאִשָּׁה״. אֲמַר לֵיהּ: כְּגוֹן מַאן? כְּגוֹן אִמָּךְ.
Bekitzur, one time Rabbi Meir was being harassed by some hooligans who lived in his neighborhood. He prayed to Hashem to kill them. Bruriah overheard him and told him, "Don't pray that sinners disappear from the earth, pray that sins disappear. Ask Hashem to have compassion for them and for them to make teshuvah, repentance." Rabbi Meir prayed for mercy for them, and they made teshuvah.
Bekitzur, when Hillel was a young man, he was very poor and had to work hard every day to feed his family. Though he earned very little, he always set aside some of his daily earning to pay the guard at the door of the study house so he could go listen to the sages Shemaya and Avtalyon teach Torah. One cold winter day, Hillel was unable to find any work, so he couldn't afford the admission fee for the study hall. Undeterred, Hillel climbed on top of the icy roof and lay down by the edge of the skylight to hear what the sages were teaching. It was a Shabbat evening and they taught all night while it snowed heavily outside. When dawn broke, Shemaya said to Avtalyon, "Why is it so dark in here today? The sun is always shining by now." So they looked up at the skylight and saw the figure of a man. They climbed onto the roof and found Hillel, chilled to the bone and buried under two feet of snow. Shemaya and Avtalyon helped him down and drew hot water for him and built a fire to warm him up. Though they would have been required to break the rules of Shabbat to save anyone's life under these circumstances, they remarked, "This man is worthy of desecrating Shabbat for him."
Bekitzur, there is a Torah passage that gets thrown around sometimes as a "gotcha!" by Christian atheists about how barbaric the Tanach is. It describes a ben sorer u-moreh, a "stubborn and rebellious son who does not listen to the voice of his father and the voice of his mother, and does not listen to them even after they discipline him." (Deuteronomy 21:18) The Torah says his parents should "take hold of him and bring him out to the elders of the town at the gate of his community and say, 'this son of ours is stubborn and rebellious and he does not listen to our voice. He is a glutton and a drunkard.' And all the people of the city should stone him to death." (Deuteronomy 21:19-21)
Obviously, that passage is bad. If such a thing was actually practiced it would be cruel and unjust. But it never was practiced, because over 2,000 years ago, the Sages felt the same way as readers with 'modern sensibilities.'
The Mishnah (the first layer of Talmud, originally only passed down orally, written down in Hebrew by Rabbi Yehuda Ha-Nasi around 193 CE) begins by defining some parameters: only a son, not a daughter, can be punished, and that son must be at least 13 years old with a beard and at least two (2) pubic hairs. Since the terms "stubborn" and "rebellious" are vague and hard to measure, the Mishnah focuses on the "glutton and a drunkard" part. The rabbis decide this passage isn't describing a punishment for mere rebelliousness or bad behavior, but for the specific act of stealing money from one's parents to purchase meat and wine to eat in the company of sinners. Because the Torah says he doesn't listen when he's punished, the Mishnah says that he has to do this twice in a three-month window, with some court-administered lashes in between. Already, the rabbis have eliminated the vast majority of cases where this passage could be applied.
Next, the Mishnah tells us exactly what these gluttonous gatherings are like. First of all, the son and his low-life chums have to be eating real meat and drinking fine Italian wine (it's not stubborn and rebellious son unless it's from the Champagne region of Italy, otherwise it's just sparkling brat.) If this sinful supper fulfills any mitzvah, even accidentally (for instance, if it's taking place on a Friday night) or if the food they ate wasn't 100% kosher and tithed correctly, he's exempt from punishment. And if he stole his dad's money but held this dastardly dinner on his parents' property, it doesn't count.
Both of his parents have to want him to be killed in order for the execution to happen. Furthermore, because the Torah said his mother and father must "take hold of him" neither of them can be missing a limb; because they must "bring him out" neither of them can be unable to walk; because they must "say to the Elders" neither of them can be mute; because they say "this son of ours" neither of them can be blind, as they must be able to recognize him; and because they say "he will not listen to our voice" neither of them can be deaf, as they must be able to hear his response.
Ultimately, the Gemara (the second layer of Talmud which comments on the Mishnah, written in Aramaic between 200-600 CE) deals the final blow. Because the Torah said that his parents must say "he will not listen to our voice," the Gemara reasons that both parents must have identical voices, and for good measure, they must be identical in appearance and in height.
So even if a son steals money from both his father and his mother and buys meat and Italian wine with it; even if he throws this demonic dinner party on someone else's property with a group of low-life idlers that is simultaneously knowledgeable enough of the Torah not to break Jewish law in any way, shape, or form, but careful enough not to accidentally fulfill a mitzvah; even if he is Bar Mitzvahed, bearded, and sporting two (2) pubic hairs; even if he does this once, gets punished with lashes, then goes and does it again less than three months later; and even if both his parents are able-bodied, non-mute, non-blind, non-deaf Jews with all their limbs and a strong mutual desire to have their son stoned to death—unless his mother and his father are identical in appearance with identical voices, their kid is off the hook.
There has never been and there will never be a stubborn and rebellious son. So what's the point of all this? Why did Hashem even include this passage in the Torah if it was never meant to be acted upon? The rabbis have an answer for this too: Hashem put it in the Torah so we can "expound upon it and receive reward" for our learning. Far from being pointless, this problematic passage was put in the Torah to teach us an important lesson in critical thinking, and an even more important lesson in compassion. When we see something in the Torah that we know is incompatible with Hashem's infinite love, we should challenge our assumptions and try to find compassion for everyone, no matter what they've done.
ר' יהושע בן לוי אשכח לאליהו דהוי קיימי אפיתחא דמערתא דרבי שמעון בן יוחאי אמר ליה אתינא לעלמא דאתי אמר ליה אם ירצה אדון הזה אמר רבי יהושע בן לוי שנים ראיתי וקול ג' שמעתי אמר ליה אימת אתי משיח אמר ליה זיל שייליה לדידיה והיכא יתיב אפיתחא דקרתא ומאי סימניה יתיב ביני עניי סובלי חלאים וכולן שרו ואסירי בחד זימנא איהו שרי חד ואסיר חד אמר דילמא מבעינא דלא איעכב אזל לגביה אמר ליה שלום עליך רבי ומורי אמר ליה שלום עליך בר ליואי א"ל לאימת אתי מר א"ל היום אתא לגבי אליהו א"ל מאי אמר לך א"ל שלום עליך בר ליואי א"ל אבטחך לך ולאבוך לעלמא דאתי א"ל שקורי קא שקר בי דאמר לי היום אתינא ולא אתא א"ל הכי אמר לך (תהלים צה, ז) היום אם בקולו תשמעו
Bekitzur, a rabbi named Yehoshua ben Levi found the prophet Elijah (who is said to have never died) standing at the entrance of a cave. He asked Elijah, "Will I make it to World to Come?" and Elijah answered, "Yes, if this Master wills it." (Who 'this Master' is in this answer is ambiguous; it could be Hashem, or it could be the rabbi himself.)
Rabbi Yehoshua then asked the prophet, "When will the moshiach come?" Elijah told him, "Go ask him." Surprised and delighted to find that the moshiach was alive, Rabbi Yehoshua asked, "Where can I find him?" Elijah answered, "He is sitting at the entrance of Rome among the poor who suffer from terrible illnesses." "But how can I know which one he is?" the rabbi pleaded. "Watch the sick people change their bandages," Elijah said, "everyone will untie all their bandages at once, but the moshiach will be untying and retying his bandages one by one, so he can be ready at a moment's notice if he is needed to redeem the world."
Rabbi Yehoshua ben Levi set off for Rome at once. Arriving at the gates of the city, he watched the sick people change their bandages. Sure enough, one man changed his bandages one at a time. The rabbi approached him and said, "Shalom to you, my rabbi and my teacher." The moshiach greeted him, "Shalom to you, bar Levi." Rabbi Yehoshua asked him, "When will you come and bring redemption?" The moshiach smiled and said, "Today."
Satisfied, Rabbi Yehoshua traveled home and waited for the redemption to come. But days passed and turned into months and the moshiach never came. One day, Rabbi Yehoshua met Elijah again and told him about his trip to Rome. "The moshiach lied to me," the rabbi said bitterly, "he said he was coming today, but he still has not come." Elijah told him, "This is what he said to you: today, if you listen to his voice." (Psalm 95:7)
Bekitzur, once upon a time there was some drama at the Yavne yeshiva, where the Mishnah was born. The head of the yeshiva, Rabban Gamliel, was a great Torah scholar, but he ran the yeshiva with an iron fist. He would not tolerate people questioning his rulings. One student, Rabbi Yehoshua, found that out the hard way when he disagreed with Rabban Gamliel about the date of that year's Yom Kippur. Rabban Gamliel humiliated Rabbi Yehoshua by ordering him to appear before him on the day Rabbi Yehoshua said was Yom Kippur with his staff and his money purse. Carrying these things would be considered a form of work, and would therefore desecrate the holiday. This greatly distressed Rabbi Yehoshua, but he was eventually persuaded to accept Rabban Gamliel's court's ruling. He came to Yavne with his staff and his money purse as he had been told to do. Rabban Gamliel got up and kissed him on his head and said, "Come in peace, my teacher and my student. You are my teacher because of your wisdom, and you are my student because you accepted my ruling."
One day, a student came to Rabbi Yehoshua and asked, "Is ma'ariv (the evening prayer service) mandatory or optional?" Rabbi Yehoshua told him it is optional. The same student appeared before Rabban Gamliel and asked him, "Is ma'ariv mandatory or optional?" Rabban Gamliel said it is mandatory. The student said, "Really? Because Rabbi Yehoshua told me that it was optional." Rabban Gamliel said, "We will discuss this in the study hall today."
That day, Rabban Gamliel raised the question before the Sages in the study hall. He said, "I hold that it is obligatory. Does anyone disagree?" Not wanting to make waves, Rabbi Yehoshua said, "No one disagrees." Enraged, Rabban Gamliel bellowed, "Was it not in your name that a student told me today ma'ariv is optional?! Get up on your feet, and that student will testify against you!" Rabbi Yehoshua meekly did as he was told and said, "I admit it. I told him it was optional." He continued to stand while Rabban Gamliel sat and delivered a long lecture, because Rabban Gamliel never told him that he could sit down.
The sages started murmuring, unhappy with the way Rabban Gamliel was humiliating Rabbi Yehoshua again. Rabban Gamliel used to lecture in a complicated, obscure dialect that not everyone could understand, so in those days, a rabbi named Chutzpit the Disseminator would interpret for Rabban Gamliel during class. Disgusted by Rabban Gamliel's treatment of Rabbi Yehoshua, the Sages ordered Chutzpit the Disseminator to stop translating the lecture. He stopped. "How long will Rabban Gamliel keep afflicting him?" The Sages said to each other, "Let us remove him from office and replace the head of the yeshiva!" They argued among themselves about who should be appointed to the position, and ultimately decided to ask Rabbi Elezar ben Azarya to be their new leader.
The Sages asked Rabbi Elezar if he replace Rabban Gamliel as the head of the yeshiva. Nervous, he said, "I have to talk it over with my wife first." In some ways, Rabbi Elezar ben Azarya was an ideal candidate for the job—he was a brilliant Torah scholar that everyone respected and a very rich man. He also happened to be 18 years old. Rabbi Elezar consulted his wife about the job offer and she said, "What if they remove you like they removed Rabbi Gamliel?" Rabbi Elezar told her he should take the opportunity now and not be concerned as to whether or not it would last. She protested, "But you don't have any white hair!" Which apparently was a requirement for the job.
He decided to sleep on it, and went to bed that night without knowing what he would tell the Sages in the morning. When he woke up the next day, a miracle had happened: eighteen rows of his hair turned snow white! This was the divine confirmation he and his wife needed that he should accept the Sages' offer.
That day, they dismissed Rabban Gamliel from his position and made Rabbi Elezar ben Azarya the head of the yeshiva. Rabbi Elezar immediately overturned a policy of Rabban Gamliel's that kept many students away from the study hall. Rabban Gamliel had put a guard at the door whose job it was to turn away students whose 'insides were not like their outsides.' In other words, Rabban Gamliel wouldn't allow people who weren't perfectly observant of Jewish law to come study Torah with him. Rabbi Elezar added 700 benches to the study hall and 700 new students crowded inside the study hall, thrilled to finally have the opportunity to learn.
Disheartened, Rabban Gamliel said to himself, "Perhaps, chas ve-shalom, Heaven forbid, I have prevented the Jewish people from studying Torah!" That night, he saw pristine white jugs in his dream, but inside of them, all there was was ash. He was comforted, knowing that all these new students were worthless idlers who shouldn't be there in the first place. The Talmud makes sure to tell us, however, that he was wrong and those students had been kept out of the study hall unfairly. Hashem only showed Rabban Gamliel the jugs of ashes in his dream to comfort him.
That first day when Rabbi Elezar ben Azarya became the head of the yeshiva was one of the greatest days of Torah study of all time. The Talmud tells us that in every place the Mishnah describes a decision being made "on that day," it was referring to the day Rabbi Elezar let the 700 students in. They resolved every halachic problem that had been plaguing them that day. Rabban Gamliel did not spurn the study hall on that day. Though he had been removed from power, he decided to be the bigger man and not only accept the Sages' decision but to continue going to the study hall and adding in his two cents.
On that day, an Ammonite convert named Yehuda came to the study hall and asked if he was allowed to enter the congregation and marry a Jewish woman. Rabban Gamliel said, "Obviously not! As it is written, 'An Ammonite and a Moabite shall not enter into the congregation.'" (Deuteronomy 23:4) Rabbi Yehoshua disagreed with him and said, "But Moab and Ammon no longer reside in their ancestral homelands! The King of Assyria scattered all the nations throughout the world centuries ago. Now that all peoples are scrambled everyone up, there is no way of knowing whether or not this man from Ammon is descended from the Ammonites in the Tanach!" And immediately, they let Yehuda the Ammonite join the congregation.
§ After mentioning the spirit named kordeyakos on the previous daf the Gemara relates other matters connected to spirits and demons. It is written: “I got myself sharim and sharot, and human pleasures, shidda and shiddot” (Ecclesiastes 2:8). The Gemara explains: “Sharim and sharot”: These are types of musical instruments. “And human pleasures”: These are pools and bathhouses. “Shidda and shiddot”: Here, in Babylonia, they interpreted these words in the following manner: Male demons [shidda] and female demons [shiddetin]. In the West, Eretz Yisrael, they said that these words are referring to carriages [shiddeta]. Rabbi Yoḥanan says: There were three hundred types of demons in a place named Shiḥin, but I do not know what the form or nature of a demon itself is. The Master said: Here they interpreted it: Male demons and female demons. The Gemara asks: Why was it necessary for Solomon, the author of Ecclesiastes, to have male demons and female demons? The Gemara answers: As it is written with regard to the building of the Temple: “For the house, when it was being built, was built of stone made ready at the quarry; and there was neither hammer nor axe nor any tool of iron heard in the house, while it was being built” (I Kings 6:7). Solomon said to the sages: How shall I make it so that the stone will be precisely cut without using iron? They said to him: There is a creature called a shamir that can cut the stones, which Moses brought and used to cut the stones of the ephod. Solomon said to them: Where is it found? They said to him: Bring a male demon and a female demon and torment them together. It is possible that they know where, and due to the suffering they will reveal the place to you. Solomon brought a male demon and a female demon and tormented them together, and they said: We do not know where to find the shamir. Perhaps Ashmedai, king of the demons, knows. Solomon said to them: Where is Ashmedai? They said to him: He is on such-and-such a mountain. He has dug a pit for himself there, and filled it with water, and covered it with a rock, and sealed it with his seal. And every day he ascends to Heaven and studies in the heavenly study hall and he descends to the earth and studies in the earthly study hall. And he comes and checks his seal to ensure that nobody has entered his pit, and then he uncovers it and drinks from the water in the pit. And then he covers it and seals it again and goes. Solomon sent for Benayahu, son of Jehoiada, a member of the royal entourage, and gave him a chain onto which a sacred name of God was carved, and a ring onto which a sacred name of God was carved, and fleeces of wool and wineskins of wine. What did Benayahu do? He went and dug a pit lower down the mountain, below the pit dug by Ashmedai, drained the water, and plugged it with the fleeces of wool so that Ashmedai’s pit was emptied. And he dug a pit higher up the mountain, above Ashmedai’s pit. And he poured the wine into it so that the wine filled Ashmedai’s pit, and he plugged the lower and upper pits that he dug. He climbed up and sat in a tree. When Ashmedai came he checked his seal, opened the pit, and found it to be filled with wine. He said that it is written: “Wine is a mocker, strong drink is riotous; and whosoever wallows in it is not wise” (Proverbs 20:1), and it is written: “Harlotry, wine, and new wine take away the heart” (Hosea 4:11). He concluded: I will not drink this wine. Eventually, when he became thirsty, he was unable to resist the wine and he drank, became intoxicated, and fell asleep. Benayahu descended from the tree, came, and threw the chain around Ashmedai, and enclosed him within it. When Ashmedai awoke he struggled to remove the chain. Benayahu said to him: The name of your Master is upon you, the name of your Master is upon you, do not tear the chain. God’s name is written on this chain, and it is forbidden to destroy it. When Benayahu took Ashmedai and came to Jerusalem he reached a palm tree and Ashmedai rubbed against it and knocked it down. He reached a house and knocked it down. He reached a small shack [kuva] belonging to a certain widow. This widow emerged, and she begged him not to knock down the house. He bent his body away from her, to the other side, and broke one of his bones. He said: This is as it is written: “Soft speech can break a bone” (Proverbs 25:15). Ashmedai saw a blind man who was lost on the road and he brought him to the correct road. He saw a drunk who was lost on the road and he brought him to the correct road. He saw the joy of a wedding celebration in which they were celebrating, and he cried. He heard a certain man say to a shoemaker [ushkafa]: Make me shoes that will last for seven years, and he laughed. He saw a certain sorcerer performing magic, and he laughed. When Ashmedai arrived there, in Jerusalem, they did not bring him before Solomon until three days had passed. On the first day he said to them: Why doesn’t the king want me to come to him? They said to him: He drank too much and was overcome by drink. Ashmedai took a brick and placed it on top of another brick. The servants came and told Solomon what he had done. Solomon interpreted the action and said to them: This is what he said to you through this allusion: Return and give the king more to drink. The following day Ashmedai said to them: And why doesn’t the king want me to come to him? They said to him: He ate too much and was overcome by food. Ashmedai took the brick off the other brick and placed it on the ground. The servants came and told Solomon what Ashmedai had done. He interpreted Ashmedai’s actions and said to them: This is what he said to you through this allusion: Take his food away from him. At the end of three days Ashmedai came before Solomon. Ashmedai took a reed and measured four cubits [garmidei], and threw it before him. He said to Solomon: See, when that man, Solomon, dies, he will have nothing in this world except the four cubits of his grave. Now you have conquered the entire world and yet you are not satisfied until you also conquer me? Solomon said to him: I need nothing from you. I want to build the Temple and I need the shamir for this. Ashmedai said to him: The shamir was not given to me, but it was given to the angelic minister of the sea. And he gives it only to the wild rooster, also known as the dukhifat or the hoopoe, whom he trusts by the force of his oath to return it. And what does the wild rooster do with it? He brings it to mountains that are not fit for habitation, and he places the shamir on the craggy rock and the mountain splits. And he takes and brings seeds of trees, throws them there, and it becomes fit for habitation. And this is why we interpret the word dukhifat as a cutter of mountains [naggar tura], i.e., the Aramaic translation of the word dukhifat in the Bible is naggar tura, cutter of mountains. They investigated and found the nest of a wild rooster in which there were chicks, and he covered its nest with translucent glass. When the rooster came it wanted to enter the nest but was unable to do so. It went and brought the shamir and placed it on top to crack the glass. Solomon’s servant threw a clump of dirt at the rooster and the rooster knocked over the shamir. The man took it and the wild rooster went and strangled itself over the fact that it had not kept its oath, by not returning the shamir. Later, Benayahu said to Ashmedai: What is the reason that when you saw that blind man who was lost on the road you brought him to the correct road? Ashmedai said to him: They proclaim about him in heaven that he is a completely righteous man, and anyone who does good for his soul shall merit to enter the World-to-Come. Then Benayahu asked: And what is the reason that when you saw the drunk man who was lost on the road you brought him to the correct road? Ashmedai said to him: They proclaim about him in heaven that he is a completely wicked man. And I did good for his soul so that he will consume his reward in this world and not have any reward in the World-to-Come. Benayahu continued and asked him: What is the reason that when you saw that joy of the wedding you cried? Ashmedai said to him: I knew that this man will die within thirty days. And his wife is required to wait for the yavam, the husband’s brother, who is a minor, to reach the age of thirteen years, the age of majority, so that he can release her through ḥalitza, the ritual through which the yavam frees the yevama of her levirate bonds. In addition, he asked: What is the reason that when you heard that man say to a shoemaker: Make me shoes that will last for seven years, you laughed? Ashmedai said to him: That man does not have seven days to live; does he need shoes that will last for seven years? Benayahu then asked: What is the reason that when you saw that sorcerer performing magic you laughed? Ashmedai said to him: Because he was sitting on the king’s treasury [bei gaza]. Let him use his magic to know what there is buried underneath him. Solomon kept Ashmedai with him until he completed building the Temple. One day he stood with Ashmedai alone. He said to Ashmedai: It is written: “For him like the lofty horns of the wild ox” (Numbers 24:8), and the Sages say in explanation of the verse: “Like the lofty horns”; these are the ministering angels. “The wild ox”; these are the demons. In what way are you greater than us? Why does the verse praise your abilities and powers over those of human beings? Ashmedai said to him: Take the chain engraved with God’s name off me and give me your ring with God’s name engraved on it, and I will show you my strength. Solomon took the chain off him and he gave him his ring. Ashmedai swallowed the ring and grew until he placed one wing in the heaven and one wing on the earth. He threw Solomon a distance of four hundred parasangs. With regard to that moment Solomon said: “What profit is there for a person through all of his toil under the sun?” (Ecclesiastes 1:3). With Solomon deposed from the throne, Ashmedai took his place. With regard to the verse: “And this was my portion from all of my toil” (Ecclesiastes 2:10), the Gemara asks: What is the meaning of the expression: “And this”? This expression is always an allusion to an item that is actually in his hand or can be shown. Rav and Shmuel disagree with regard to the meaning of this phrase. One said: This is referring to Solomon’s staff that remained in his hand. And one said: This is referring to his cloak. Solomon circulated from door to door collecting charity, and wherever he arrived he would say: “I, Ecclesiastes, was king over Israel in Jerusalem” (Ecclesiastes 1:12). When he finally arrived at the Sanhedrin in Jerusalem the sages said: Now, an imbecile does not fixate on one matter all of the time, so what is this matter? Is this man perhaps telling the truth that he is Solomon? The sages said to Benayahu: Does the king require you to be with him? Benayahu said to them: No. They sent to the queens and asked: Does the king come to be with you? The queens sent a response to them: Yes, he comes. They sent a request to the queens: Check his feet to see if they are human feet. The queens sent a response to the sages: He always comes in socks [bemokei], and it is not possible to see his feet. The queens continued discussing the king’s behavior: And he demands of them, i.e., the queens, to engage in sexual inter-course when they are menstruating. And he also demands that Bathsheba his mother engage in sexual intercourse with him. Once the Sanhedrin heard this they understood that this was an imposter and not actually Solomon. They brought Solomon, gave him a ring and the chain on which the name of God was carved. When Solomon entered, Ashmedai saw him and fled. The Gemara adds: And even so, although Ashmedai fled, Solomon was fearful of him, and this is as it is written: “Behold the bed of Solomon surrounded by sixty strong men from the warriors of Israel. All of them holding swords and trained in war, each man with his sword on his thigh from fear in the nights” (Song of Songs 3:7–8).
תָּנֵי רַבִּי יִשְׁמָעֵאל גָּדוֹל שָׁלוֹם שֶׁשֵּׁם הַגָּדוֹל שֶׁנִּכְתַּב בִּקְדֻשָּׁה אָמַר הַקָּדוֹשׁ בָּרוּךְ הוּא יִמָּחֶה בַּמַּיִם כְּדֵי לְהַטִּיל שָׁלוֹם בֵּין אִישׁ לְאִשְׁתּוֹ. רַבִּי מֵאִיר הֲוָה יָתִיב וְדָרִישׁ בְּלֵילֵי שַׁבַּתָּא הֲוָה תַּמָּן חָדָא אִתְּתָא יַצִּיבָא וְשָׁמְעָה לֵיהּ תָּנְתָא מִדְרָשָׁא, אַמְתִּינַת עַד דִּיחֲסַל מִמִּדְרָשׁ, אָזְלָה לְבֵיתָהּ אַשְׁכְּחָא בּוּצִינָא טָפֵי, אֲמַר לָהּ בַּעְלָהּ אָן הֲוֵית, אָמְרָה לֵיהּ אֲנָא יָתִיבָא וְשָׁמְעָה קָלֵיהּ דָּרוֹשָׁה, אֲמַר לָהּ כֵּן וְכֵן לָא אִעַיַּלְתְּ לְהָכָא עַד דַּאֲזַלְתְּ וְרוֹקַת בְּאַנְפֵּי דָרוֹשָׁה, יְתִיבָא שַׁבַּתָּא קַמַּיְיתָא תִּנְיָנָא וּתְלִיתָא, אֲמָרִין לָהּ מְגֵירָתָא כַּדּוּ אַתּוּן צְהִיבִין, אֲתֵינָן עִמָּךְ לְגַבֵּי דָּרוֹשָׁה, כֵּיוָן דְּחָמֵי יַתְהוֹן רַבִּי מֵאִיר צָפָה בְּרוּחַ הַקֹּדֶשׁ, אֲמַר לְהוֹ אִית מִנְּכוֹן אִתְּתָא דְּחַכִּימָא לְמִלְחַשׁ בְּעֵינָא, אֲמָרִין לָהּ מְגֵירָתָא כַּדּוּ אַתְּ אָזְלַת וְרוֹקַת בְּאַנְפֵּיהּ וְתִשְׁרֵי לְבַעֲלִךְ, כֵּיוָן דְּיָתְבָא קַמֵּי אִידְחִילַת מִינֵיהּ, אֲמָרָה לֵיהּ רַבִּי לֵית אֲנָא חַכִּימָא לְמִילְחַשׁ עֵינָא, אֲמַר לָהּ אֲפִלּוּ הָכֵי רוֹקִי בְּאַנְפִּי שְׁבַע זִמְנִין וַאֲנָא מִינְשִׁים, עָבְדָה הָכִין. אֲמַר לָהּ אִיזִילִי אִמְרִי לְבַעֲלִיךָ אַתְּ אֲמַרְתְּ חָדָא זִימְנָא וַאֲנָא רָקֵית שְׁבַע זִימְנִין. אָמְרוּ לוֹ תַּלְמִידָיו רַבִּי כָּךְ מְבַזִּין אֶת הַתּוֹרָה, לָא הֲוָה לָךְ לְמֵימַר לְחַד מִינָן לְמִלְחַשׁ לָךְ, אֲמַר לְהוֹ לָא דַּיּוֹ לְמֵאִיר לִהְיוֹת שָׁוֶה לְקוֹנוֹ.
Taught Rabbi Yishmael: Great is peace, for even the Great Name written in holiness, the Holy Blessed One said to blot out in water so as to impose peace between husband and wife. (See Numbers 5:19-23). Rabbi Meir was sitting and discoursing on Shabbat evening. There was this one woman who would sit and listen to him give his lecture. Once she waited until the lecture ended, went home, and found the light had gone out. Her husband said to her, "Where have you been?" She said to him, "I was sitting and listening to the voice of the lecturer." He said to her, "Thus and more I vow: I will not let you enter here until you go and spit in the lecturer's face!" She stayed away one Shabbat, another, a third. Her neighbors said to her, "Are you still angry at each other? Let's come with you to the lecture." When Rabbi Meir saw them, he figured it out through the holy spirit. He said to them, "Is there here a woman knowledgeable in treating eyes?" Her neighbors said to her, "If you go spit in his eye you will unbind your husband." When she sat down in front of him she became afraid of him, and said to him, "Rabbi, I am not knowledgeable in treating eyes." He said to her, "Even so, spit in my eye seven times, and I will be cured." She did so. He said to her, "Go tell your husband you told me to do it once and I spat seven times. His disciples said to him, "Rabbi, should people thus abuse the Torah? Couldn't one of us offered a treatment for you?" He said to them, "Is it not enough for Meir to be like his Maker?"
Some Bonus Stories
