BY SANDY ALLEN
April 3, 2020
I have often contemplated the inadequacy of the term “biological family” — especially if we’re trying to form a sort of binary, an opposition between the family into which we were born and the family we’ve made for ourselves as adults. I’ve heard people call the former a “family of origin” and the latter a “logical family” (as opposed to a biological family). But really, the term “biological family” has always struck me as inadequate because, as I think this moment demonstrates so well, we are all biological family. No human being is unrelated to any other; otherwise, how else could COVID-19 make such easy prey of us? For decades, genetic researchers have understood that we humans have so much more in common with one another than we have differences — even people who were born on opposite sides of the globe, even people whose characteristics seem very different from one another, even people who may share no language or ideology. We are family, inextricably, all of us.
[...]
There is nonetheless an important distinction that many people (and queer people especially) make between the family we were born into and the people we turn to today for that family-style support. Like a lot of queer and trans people, my relationships with family of origin are tattered, to put it mildly.
[...]
My chosen family consists of people who understand that the world can be cruel and that finding solace in one another, that that’s the best we can do.
(15) And he said, “Hold out the shawl you are wearing.” She held it while he measured out six measures of barley, and he put it on her back[...]
(ו) וַתֵּלַכְנָה שְׁתֵּיהֶן (רות א, יח), אָמַר רַבִּי שְׁמוּאֵל בְּרַבִּי סִימוֹן, אוֹתוֹ הַיּוֹם קְצִיר הָעֹמֶר הָיָה, דִּתְנֵינַן תַּמָּן כָּל הָעֲיָרוֹת הַסְּמוּכוֹת לְשָׁם הָיוּ מִתְכַּנְּסוֹת, כְּדֵי שֶׁיְהֵא נִקְצָר בְּעֵסֶק גָּדוֹל. וְיֵשׁ אוֹמְרִים אִבְצָן הָיָה מַשִֹּׂיא אֶת בְּנוֹתָיו אוֹתוֹ הַיּוֹם. רַבִּי תַּנְחוּמָא בְּשֵׁם רַבִּי עֲזַרְיָה וְרַבִּי מְנַחֲמָא בְּשֵׁם רַבִּי יְהוֹשֻׁעַ בַּר אָבִין כְּתִיב (תהלים פט, ט): ה' צְבָאוֹת מִי כָמוֹךָ חֲסִין יָהּ, שֶׁמּוֹצִיא דְבָרִים בְּעוֹנָתָן, אִשְׁתּוֹ שֶׁל בֹּעַז מֵתָה בְּאוֹתוֹ הַיּוֹם, וְנִתְכַּנְּסוּ כָּל יִשְׂרָאֵל לִגְמִילוּת חֲסָדִים, וְזִיל כָּל עַמָּא לִגְמִילוּת חִסְדָּא, נִכְנְסָה רוּת עִם נָעֳמִי, וְהָיְתָה זוֹ יוֹצֵאת, וְזוֹ נִכְנְסָה. וַתֵּהוֹם כָּל הָעִיר עֲלֵיהֶן וַתֹּאמַרְנָה הֲזֹאת נָעֳמִי, זוֹ הִיא שֶׁמַּעֲשֶׂיהָ נָאִים וּנְעִימִים, לְשֶׁעָבַר הָיְתָה מְהַלֶּכֶת בְּאִיסְקַפְּטִיאוֹת שֶׁלָּהּ, וְעַכְשָׁיו הִיא מְהַלֶּכֶת יְחֵפָה, וְאַתְּ אֲמַרְתְּ הֲזֹאת נָעֳמִי, לְשֶׁעָבַר הָיְתָה מְכֻסָּה בְּבִגְדֵי מֵילָתִין, וְעַכְשָׁיו הִיא מְכֻסָּה בִּסְמַרְטוּטִין, וְאַתְּ אֲמַרְתְּ הֲזֹאת נָעֳמִי, לְשֶׁעָבַר הָיוּ פָּנֶיהָ מַאֲדִימוֹת מִכֹּחַ מַאֲכָל וּמִשְׁתֶּה, וְעַכְשָׁיו פָּנֶיהָ מוֹרִיקוֹת מִן רְעָבוֹן, וְאַתְּ אֲמַרְתְּ הֲזֹאת נָעֳמִי
(6) “The two of them went until they came to Bethlehem. Upon their arrival in Bethlehem the entire city was in a tumult about them, and the women said: Is that Naomi?” (Ruth 1:19).
“The two of them went” – Rabbi Shmuel son of Rabbi Simon said: That day was the harvesting of the omer, as it is taught there: All the adjacent towns would assemble there, so that it would be harvested with great fanfare. Some say: Ivtzan was marrying off his daughters that day. Rabbi Tanḥuma in the name of Rabbi Azarya, and Rabbi Menaḥama in the name of Rabbi Yehoshua bar Avin: It is written: “Lord, [God] of hosts, who is mighty like You, Lord” (Psalms 89:9) – who brings things about in their appropriate time. Boaz’s wife died on that day, and all of Israel assembled to show kindness [to participate in the funeral]. As all the populace was going to show kindness, Ruth entered with Naomi; this one [Boaz’s first wife] departed, and that one entered.
“The entire city was in a tumult about them and the women said: Is that Naomi” – is that she whose actions are fine and pleasant [ne’imim]? In the past, she would go about in her litters, and now she is walking barefoot, and [that is why] you say: “Is that Naomi?” In the past she was clothed in silken garments, and now she is clothed in rags, and you say: “Is that Naomi?” In the past, her face was red from food and drink, and now her face is pale from hunger, and you say: “Is that Naomi?”
(ב) וַתִּפֹּל עַל פָּנֶיהָ וַתִּשְׁתַּחוּ אָרְצָה וגו' (רות ב, י), מְלַמֵּד שֶׁנִּתְנַבְּאָה שֶׁהוּא עָתִיד לְהַכִּירָהּ כְּדֶרֶךְ כָּל הָאָרֶץ.
(2) “She fell on her face, and prostrated herself to the ground, and said to him: Why have I found favor in your eyes, to acknowledge me, and I a foreigner?” (Ruth 2:10).
“She fell on her face, and prostrated herself to the ground…[to acknowledge me [lehakireni]],” it teaches that she prophesied that he was destined to be intimate with her [lehakirah] in the way of the world.