In fact, the modern Orthodox thinker, Rabbi Joseph Soloveitchik,[1] praised this last type of alienation as the fundamental posture that every Jew – and the Jewish people as a whole – should adopt towards the world. How “Abraham the Hebrew (ivri) lived apart, with ‘The whole world was on one side (ever), and he on the other side.’” (Bereshit Rabbah 42:8) Or as Balaam described us, “A nation that dwells alone.” (Numbers 23:9)
But tonight, I’d like to focus the first example above – those feelings that result from social isolation, when the social connections that a person has do not match those that they want. It is this type of loneliness that many political leaders now describe as a crisis. In the past, life in villages or in tightly-knit neighborhoods could be stifling but it was rarely lonely. Almost everyone knew who you were and virtually no one lived alone. Today, over 28% of US households have only one occupant[2] and about one in five adults reports a high level of loneliness.[3] Dozens of studies have found that loneliness contributes to poor health outcomes, including heart disease,[4] mental illness,[5] and even mortality.2 Former Surgeon General Vivek Murthy has decried loneliness as an “epidemic” and both the United Kingdom and Japan have created a new cabinet position in their governments: Minister of Loneliness. And Jews too are no exception, just try googling “Jewish” and “loneliness.” Rabbi Marc Katz’s 2016 book on the topic begins chapter 1 starkly, “Loneliness is the principal problem of human existence.”[6]
I respectfully disagree with Rabbi Katz; in my experience, too many meetings are the principal problem of human existence. But seriously, I do disagree. When I began preparing for this session, I expected to focus on the pain of loneliness and how it appears in Jewish tradition. Certainly, there are examples. Yet after delving into many biblical and rabbinic sources, I was surprised to find how often our tradition does the opposite, praising solitude and even outright loneliness.
So tonight I’d like us to discuss both the pain of loneliness as well as its promise. We will begin by considering a few sources together and then will break into groups of 2 or 3 to review the other sources. At the end, we will reconvene as a group to share our conclusions.
[Questions? Add comment about gendered language.]
The two sources below reflect some of the anguish of loneliness. Consider the following questions:
- How does the experience of the psalmist compare to that of Rav Rehumi's unnamed wife? What are similarities might lead us to call both experiences “loneliness”?
- Each of the sources below also mentions death. When is death an apt metaphor for loneliness?
(א) שִׁ֥יר מִזְמ֗וֹר לִבְנֵ֫י־קֹ֥רַח לַמְנַצֵּ֣חַ עַל־מָחֲלַ֣ת לְעַנּ֑וֹת מַ֝שְׂכִּ֗יל לְהֵימָ֥ן הָאֶזְרָחִֽי׃ (ב) יי אֱלֹקֵ֣י יְשׁוּעָתִ֑י יוֹם־צָעַ֖קְתִּי בַלַּ֣יְלָה נֶגְדֶּֽךָ׃ (ג) תָּב֣וֹא לְ֭פָנֶיךָ תְּפִלָּתִ֑י הַטֵּ֥ה אׇ֝זְנְךָ֗ לְרִנָּתִֽי׃ (ד) כִּֽי־שָׂבְעָ֣ה בְרָע֣וֹת נַפְשִׁ֑י וְחַיַּ֗י לִשְׁא֥וֹל הִגִּֽיעוּ׃ (ה) נֶ֭חְשַׁבְתִּי עִם־י֣וֹרְדֵי ב֑וֹר הָ֝יִ֗יתִי כְּגֶ֣בֶר אֵֽין־אֱיָֽל׃ (ו) בַּמֵּתִ֗ים חׇ֫פְשִׁ֥י כְּמ֤וֹ חֲלָלִ֨ים ׀ שֹׁ֥כְבֵי קֶ֗בֶר אֲשֶׁ֤ר לֹ֣א זְכַרְתָּ֣ם ע֑וֹד וְ֝הֵ֗מָּה מִיָּדְךָ֥ נִגְזָֽרוּ׃ (ז) שַׁ֭תַּנִי בְּב֣וֹר תַּחְתִּיּ֑וֹת בְּ֝מַחֲשַׁכִּ֗ים בִּמְצֹלֽוֹת׃ (ח) עָ֭לַי סָמְכָ֣ה חֲמָתֶ֑ךָ וְכׇל־מִ֝שְׁבָּרֶ֗יךָ עִנִּ֥יתָ סֶּֽלָה׃ (ט) הִרְחַ֥קְתָּ מְיֻדָּעַ֗י מִ֫מֶּ֥נִּי שַׁתַּ֣נִי תוֹעֵב֣וֹת לָ֑מוֹ כָּ֝לֻ֗א וְלֹ֣א אֵצֵֽא׃ (י) עֵינִ֥י דָאֲבָ֗ה מִנִּ֫י־עֹ֥נִי קְרָאתִ֣יךָ יי בְּכׇל־י֑וֹם שִׁטַּ֖חְתִּי אֵלֶ֣יךָ כַפָּֽי׃ (יא) הֲלַמֵּתִ֥ים תַּעֲשֶׂה־פֶּ֑לֶא אִם־רְ֝פָאִ֗ים יָק֤וּמוּ ׀ יוֹד֬וּךָ סֶּֽלָה׃ (יב) הַיְסֻפַּ֣ר בַּקֶּ֣בֶר חַסְדֶּ֑ךָ אֱ֝מ֥וּנָתְךָ֗ בָּאֲבַדּֽוֹן׃ (יג) הֲיִוָּדַ֣ע בַּחֹ֣שֶׁךְ פִּלְאֶ֑ךָ וְ֝צִדְקָתְךָ֗ בְּאֶ֣רֶץ נְשִׁיָּֽה׃ (יד) וַאֲנִ֤י ׀ אֵלֶ֣יךָ יי שִׁוַּ֑עְתִּי וּ֝בַבֹּ֗קֶר תְּֽפִלָּתִ֥י תְקַדְּמֶֽךָּ׃ (טו) לָמָ֣ה יי תִּזְנַ֣ח נַפְשִׁ֑י תַּסְתִּ֖יר פָּנֶ֣יךָ מִמֶּֽנִּי׃ (טז) עָ֘נִ֤י אֲנִ֣י וְגֹוֵ֣עַ מִנֹּ֑עַר נָשָׂ֖אתִי אֵמֶ֣יךָ אָפֽוּנָה׃ (יז) עָ֭לַי עָבְר֣וּ חֲרוֹנֶ֑יךָ בִּ֝עוּתֶ֗יךָ צִמְּתוּתֻֽנִי׃ (יח) סַבּ֣וּנִי כַ֭מַּיִם כׇּל־הַיּ֑וֹם הִקִּ֖יפוּ עָלַ֣י יָֽחַד׃ (יט) הִרְחַ֣קְתָּ מִ֭מֶּנִּי אֹהֵ֣ב וָרֵ֑עַ מְֽיֻדָּעַ֥י מַחְשָֽׁךְ׃ {פ}
(1) A song. A psalm of the Korahites. For the leader; on maḥalath leannoth. A maskil of Heman the Ezrahite. (2) O LORD, God of my deliverance, when I cry out in the night before You, (3) let my prayer reach You; incline Your ear to my cry. (4) For I am sated with misfortune; I am at the brink of Sheol. (5) I am numbered with those who go down to the Pit; I am a helpless man (6) abandoned among the dead, like bodies lying in the grave of whom You are mindful no more, and who are cut off from Your care. (7) You have put me at the bottom of the Pit, in the darkest places, in the depths. (8) Your fury lies heavy upon me; You afflict me with all Your breakers. Selah. (9) You make my companions shun me; You make me abhorrent to them; I am shut in and do not go out. (10) My eyes pine away from affliction; I call to You, O LORD, each day; I stretch out my hands to You. (11) Do You work wonders for the dead? Do the shades rise to praise You? Selah. (12) Is Your faithful care recounted in the grave, Your constancy in the place of perdition? (13) Are Your wonders made known in the netherworld, Your beneficent deeds in the land of oblivion? (14) As for me, I cry out to You, O LORD; each morning my prayer greets You. (15) Why, O LORD, do You reject me, do You hide Your face from me? (16) From my youth I have been afflicted and near death; I suffer Your terrors wherever I turn. (17) Your fury overwhelms me; Your terrors destroy me. (18) They swirl about me like water all day long; they encircle me on every side. (19) You have put friend and neighbor far from me and my companions out of my sight.
...Rav Reḥumi would study before Rava in (the city of) Meḥoza and regularly come back home every year on the eve of Yom Kippur. One day he was so engrossed in the halakha he was studying that he remained in the study hall and did not go home. His wife was expecting him that day and kept saying to herself: "Now he is coming, now he is coming." But in the end, he did not come. She was distressed by this and a tear fell from her eye. At that exact moment, Rav Reḥumi was sitting on the roof. The roof collapsed under him and he died.
The Promise
Other sources praise the benefits of solitude and even loneliness as a means to cultivate a relationship with God.
- How might loneliness help or hinder contemplating God through meditation?
- What is odd about praising Lot as an exemplar of communing with God in the wilderness?
והאנשים רועי צאן. .... וכן תמצא רוב הצדיקים והנביאים שהיו רועים, תמצא בהבל...וכן במשה...וכן שמואל הנביא, וכן שאול ודוד כולם רועים. והטעם בהם כדי שיתרחקו מן הישוב לפי שהרבה עברות נמשכות בסבת חברת בני אדם, כגון רכילות ולשון הרע ושבועת שקר וגלוי עריות וגזל וחמס, וכל מה שהאדם פורש מחברת הבריות הוא נמלט מן העברות, וכל מה שהוא מתרחק מן הישוב הוא מתרחק מן העון ומן הגזל והחמס ושאר העברות:
והראיה מה שכתוב בלוט... הוצרך לצאת מסדום פן יספה בעונם... על כן הוצרך לצאת משם אל ההר, ועוד ששם מקום התבודדות לנבואה ואין אדם רואה שם דבר שיטריד מחשבתו מן המחשבה בהש"י.
“and the men are shepherds of flocks.” ...In Scripture, you will find that most righteous people were shepherds. Abel...Moses...the prophet Samuel...Saul as well as David, all were shepherds. They distanced themselves from settlements because many sins are the direct result of people living together in society, like gossip, slander, false oaths, sexual immorality, thievery, and violence. A person separating from society escapes (such) sins, and distancing oneself from settlements involves distancing oneself from transgression, from thievery, violence and all manner of sins.
Consider what happened to Lot (after living in the city of Sodom)...He left Sodom lest he be killed for the (other residents') transgressions..... so he left there for the mountains. And also because the mountains are a place for prophetic hitbodedut, where nothing else will distract a person from thoughts of the Blessed Name.
...לַחֲזֹר וּלְהִכָּלֵל בְּאַחְדוּת הַשֵּׁם יִתְבָּרַךְ... זֶה אִי אֶפְשָׁר לִזְכּוֹת, כִּי־אִם עַל־יְדֵי בִּטּוּל, שֶׁיְּבַטֵּל עַצְמוֹ לְגַמְרֵי, עַד שֶׁיִּהְיֶה נִכְלָל בְּאַחְדוּתוֹ יִתְבָּרַךְ. וְאִי אֶפְשָׁר לָבוֹא לִידֵי בִּטּוּל, כִּי־אִם עַל־יְדֵי הִתְבּוֹדְדוּת, כִּי עַל־יְדֵי שֶׁמִּתְבּוֹדֵד וּמְפָרֵשׁ שִׂיחָתוֹ בֵּינוֹ לְבֵין קוֹנוֹ, עַל־יְדֵי־זֶה הוּא זוֹכֶה לְבַטֵּל כָּל הַתַּאֲווֹת וְהַמִּדּוֹת רָעוֹת, עַד שֶׁזּוֹכֶה לְבַטֵּל כָּל גַּשְׁמִיּוּתוֹ, וּלְהִכָּלֵל בְּשָׁרְשׁוֹ.
...to return and be encompassed in the oneness of God... this is possible only through bitul (self-negation). A person has to completely negate himself, until he is encompassed in the oneness of God. And the only way to attain bitul is through hitbodedut. By secluding himself and speaking at length with his Creator, through this a person merits negating all his physical desires and bad character traits to the point where he merits negating all his corporeality and is encompassed in his Source.
- What does a relationship with another person provide that a relationship with God cannot?
- How are Divine and human relationships similar?
ואמר וקנה לך חבר. זכר אותו בלשון קנייה ולא אמר עשה לך חבר או התחבר לאחרים הכונה בזה שצריך לאדם שיקנה אוהב לעצמו שיתקנו בו מעשיו וכל עניניו כמו שאמרו "או חברותא או מיתותא!" ואם לא ימצאהו צריך להשתדל בו בכל לבו ואפילו אם יצטרך שימשכנו לאהבתו עד שישוב אוהב ולא יסור מהמשך תמיד אחר רצונו עד שתתחזק אהבתו כמו שיאמרו בעלי המוסר כשתאהב לא תאהב על מדותיך ואמנם תאהב על מדת אהוביך וכשיכוין כל אחד משני האהובים אל זאת הצואה יהיה כונת כל אחד משניהם להפיק רצון חבירו ויהיה כונת שניהם יחד דבר אחד בלא ספק. ומה טוב מאמר אריסטוטלוס האהוב אחד הוא
And it is said, "acquire for yourself a friend". This (phrase) is said with an expression of acquisition and not as, "Make for yourself a friend," or "Befriend others." The intention of this is that a person must acquire a friend for himself, so that all of his deeds and all of his matters be refined through (one's friend). As they said (Taanit 23a), "Either companionship or death!" And if he does not find (a friend), he must make efforts for it with all his heart, and even if he must lead the other into friendship, until he becomes a friend. And [then] he must never let off from following [the friend's] will, until his friendship is firmed up. ... And when each of the friends has the intention to fulfill the will of the other, the intention of both of them will be one without a doubt. And how good is the statement of Aristotle, "The beloved (friend) is one."
וקנה לך חבר. גם אמרו רז"ל (תענית כג, א), או חברותא, או מיתותא. ואמר החכם (מבחר הפנינים כ) אדם בלא חבר כשמאל בלא ימין. וכתב החסיד ר' יונה, שלדרכי תשובה צריך שיהיה לו חבר שידבר עמו עם עבר על תקנות התשובה להוכיח זה את זה, ולעיין היאך ינצלו מהחטא. ועליהם נאמר (מלאכי ג, טז) אז נדברו יראי יי איש אל רעהו וגו':
"Acquire for yourself a friend." Our rabbis of blessed memory also said, "companionship or death!" (Taanit 23a) The wise one said, "A person without a friend is like a left (hand) without a right." (Mivchar HaPeninim, 20:255) And the pious Rabbi Jonah (of Gerondi) wrote that those on the paths of repentance each need a companion, so they can speak with one another of their transgression, rebuke one another, and save each from their sin. About them it is said (Malachi 3:16): "Thus, those who fear God have been speaking to one another."
Synthesis
Considering the many sources we have just reviewed, read the passage below -- one of the Bible's most famous stories about loneliness.
- What prompts God to decide that it is not good for Adam to be alone?
- Why is God's second solution sufficient, but not the first?
- How does Adam’s “fitting counterpart" (עֵ֖זֶר כְּנֶגְדּֽו literally “help opposite him”ֹ) compare to the other sources’ description of acquiring “a friend”?
וַיִּקַּ֛ח יי אֱלֹקִ֖ים אֶת־הָֽאָדָ֑ם וַיַּנִּחֵ֣הוּ בְגַן־עֵ֔דֶן לְעׇבְדָ֖הּ וּלְשׇׁמְרָֽהּ׃ וַיְצַו֙ יי אֱלֹקִ֔ים עַל־הָֽאָדָ֖ם לֵאמֹ֑ר מִכֹּ֥ל עֵֽץ־הַגָּ֖ן אָכֹ֥ל תֹּאכֵֽל׃ וּמֵעֵ֗ץ הַדַּ֙עַת֙ ט֣וֹב וָרָ֔ע לֹ֥א תֹאכַ֖ל מִמֶּ֑נּוּ כִּ֗י בְּי֛וֹם אֲכׇלְךָ֥ מִמֶּ֖נּוּ מ֥וֹת תָּמֽוּת׃
וַיֹּ֙אמֶר֙ יי אֱלֹקִ֔ים לֹא־ט֛וֹב הֱי֥וֹת הָֽאָדָ֖ם לְבַדּ֑וֹ אֶֽעֱשֶׂה־לּ֥וֹ עֵ֖זֶר כְּנֶגְדּֽוֹ׃ וַיִּ֩צֶר֩ יי אֱלֹקִ֜ים מִן־הָֽאֲדָמָ֗ה כׇּל־חַיַּ֤ת הַשָּׂדֶה֙ וְאֵת֙ כׇּל־ע֣וֹף הַשָּׁמַ֔יִם וַיָּבֵא֙ אֶל־הָ֣אָדָ֔ם לִרְא֖וֹת מַה־יִּקְרָא־ל֑וֹ וְכֹל֩ אֲשֶׁ֨ר יִקְרָא־ל֧וֹ הָֽאָדָ֛ם נֶ֥פֶשׁ חַיָּ֖ה ה֥וּא שְׁמֽוֹ׃ וַיִּקְרָ֨א הָֽאָדָ֜ם שֵׁמ֗וֹת לְכׇל־הַבְּהֵמָה֙ וּלְע֣וֹף הַשָּׁמַ֔יִם וּלְכֹ֖ל חַיַּ֣ת הַשָּׂדֶ֑ה וּלְאָדָ֕ם לֹֽא־מָצָ֥א עֵ֖זֶר כְּנֶגְדּֽוֹ׃
וַיַּפֵּל֩ יי אֱלֹקִ֧ים ׀ תַּרְדֵּמָ֛ה עַל־הָאָדָ֖ם וַיִּישָׁ֑ן וַיִּקַּ֗ח אַחַת֙ מִצַּלְעֹתָ֔יו וַיִּסְגֹּ֥ר בָּשָׂ֖ר תַּחְתֶּֽנָּה׃ וַיִּ֩בֶן֩ יי אֱלֹקִ֧ים ׀ אֶֽת־הַצֵּלָ֛ע אֲשֶׁר־לָקַ֥ח מִן־הָֽאָדָ֖ם לְאִשָּׁ֑ה וַיְבִאֶ֖הָ אֶל־הָֽאָדָֽם׃ וַיֹּ֘אמֶר֮ הָֽאָדָם֒
זֹ֣את הַפַּ֗עַם
עֶ֚צֶם מֵֽעֲצָמַ֔י
וּבָשָׂ֖ר מִבְּשָׂרִ֑י
לְזֹאת֙ יִקָּרֵ֣א אִשָּׁ֔ה
כִּ֥י מֵאִ֖ישׁ לֻֽקְחָה־זֹּֽאת׃
עַל־כֵּן֙ יַֽעֲזׇב־אִ֔ישׁ אֶת־אָבִ֖יו וְאֶת־אִמּ֑וֹ וְדָבַ֣ק בְּאִשְׁתּ֔וֹ וְהָי֖וּ לְבָשָׂ֥ר אֶחָֽד׃
God settled the Human in the garden of Eden, to tend it and preserve it. And God commanded the Human, saying, “Of every tree of the garden you are free to eat; but as for the tree of knowledge of good and bad, you must not eat of it; for as soon as you eat of it, you shall die.”
God said, “It is not good for the Human to be alone; I will make a fitting counterpart for him.” And God formed out of the earth all the wild beasts and all the birds of the sky, and brought them to the Human to see what he would call them; and whatever the Human called each living creature, that would be its name. And the Human gave names to all the cattle and to the birds of the sky and to all the wild beasts; but no fitting counterpart for the Human was found.
So God cast a deep sleep upon the Human; and, while he slept, [God] took one of his sides and closed up the flesh at that site. And God fashioned the side that had been taken from the Human into a Woman, bringing her to the Human. Then the Human said,
“This one at last
Is bone of my bones
And flesh of my flesh.
This one shall be called Woman,
For from a Human was she taken.”
Hence a man leaves his father and mother and clings to his wife, so that they become one flesh.
Likutei Moharan (Ostroh, Ukraine, 1808) is the magnum opus of Rebbe Nachman of Breslov.
Rabbi Dr. Norman Lamm, The Shema: Spirituality and Law in Judaism. Philadelphia: Jewish Publication Society, 2000, pp. 120-122. (Thanks to Rabbi Uri Cohen for bringing this to my attention.)
Rambam on Pirkei Avot (Fez, Morocco, c1168) is part of Maimonides' commentary on the entire Mishna.
Shnei Luchot Habrit (Palestine, c1620) is a wide-ranging compendium of rituals, ethics, and commentary by Rabbi Isaiah Horowitz, better known as "the SHeLaH" after the Hebrew initials of this, his most famous work.
Supplementary Material
ולא תוכל עם כל זה לעמוד מנטות אליו בלבך ובמצפונך בבר לבב ובאמונה שלמה. ותחלה נפשך באהבתו ותבטח על חמלתו וגודל חנותיו ורחמיו, ולא תשתתף בעת ההיא עם אהבתו אהבת זולתו ולא ישקיף עליך שאתה ירא עם יראתך ממנו בלתו ולא תפקדהו מרעיוניך ולא יסור מנגד עיניך ויהיה צוותך בבדידות וישב עמך במדברות ויהיה מקום מלא בני אדם בעיניך כלא מלא והריק מהם כלא ריק לא תשומם בהפקדם ולא תדאג בהעדרם ותהיה תמיד שמח באלקיך שש בבוראך עלז ברצונו וכוסף לפגיעתו כמ״ש (שם סד) ישמח צדיק בה׳ וחסה בו ואמר הנביא (חבקוק ג׳:י״ח) ואני בה׳ אעלוזה אגילה באלקי ישעי ואמר דוד עליו השלום (תהלים סד) ה׳ אורי וישעי ממי אירא ושאר המזמור:
You will never find God absent in your thoughts, and God will never depart from being opposite your eyes. Your companionship will be in solitude, and God will dwell with you in the deserts. A place full of people will seem in your eyes as if it is not full, and a place empty of them will seem as if it's not empty. You will not feel lonely when they are gone nor worry in their absence You will always be rejoicing with your God, delighting to be with your Creator, seeking God's favor, and longing for God's visitation.
The historical loneliness of the Jew percolates from a feeling of compulsive fate. He is as alone in his life on earth as in his death... In truth, Judaism and withdrawal from the world are synonymous. Even before the exile in Egypt, separateness descended upon our world with the appearance of the first Jew, our father Abraham. Abraham the Hebrew (ivri) lived apart. “The whole world was on one side (ever), and he on the other side” (Bereshit Rabbah 42:8). Balaam, when he gazed upon the Israelite camp, understood the wonder of the experience of Jewish separateness and proclaimed with amazement: “They are a nation dwelling alone and shall not be reckoned among the nations” (Numbers 23:9). Even if a Jew reaches the pinnacle of social and political accomplishment, he will not be able to free himself from the chains of isolation. Paradoxical fate watches over the isolation and uniqueness of the Jew, despite his apparent integration into his non-Jewish environment...Before his death, Joseph pleaded with his brothers, “When God will surely remember you and bring you out of this land, you shall carry up my bones from here” (Genesis 50:25). For despite my greatness and glory I am tied to you and your existence both in life and in death. This singular, inexplicable phenomenon of the individual clinging to the community and feeling alienated from the outside world was forged and formed in Egypt. There Israel was elevated to the status of a nation in the sense of a unity10 from which arises uniqueness as well .
“And Israel shall dwell in safety [separate and secure] by the fountain of Jacob”(Deuteronomy 33:28). In truth, this self-isolation is nothing but the aloneness of a glorious, strong, holy, and sacred existence. It is the isolation expressed in the singularity of a people, in its holy self-image and unique existential experience. It is loneliness that creates an individual spiritual personality. It is loneliness that demonstrates man’s honor and his aloofness. It is the solitude of Moses, whose exalted spirit and sublime vision the people did not comprehend. It is the solitude of Elijah and the other prophets. It is the solitude of which Abraham spoke to his attendants when he said, “You sit here with the donkey, and the lad and I will go to that place, and we shall worship” (Genesis 22:5). While man’s isolation is a destructive feeling of inferiority that expresses self-negation, the solitude of man testifies to his greatness and sanctity — the greatness contained within himself and the sanctity that hovers in the recesses of his unique awareness. Isolation robs man of his inner peace; loneliness bestows upon man security, self-esteem, significance and confidence — "separate and secure."
Just a slob like one of us.
Like a stranger on a bus
Trying to make His way home...
Back up to heaven all alone.
-Eric Bazilian
... בָּרוּךְ אַתָּה יי אוֹהֵב עַמּוֹ יִשְׂרָאֵל:
שְׁמַע יִשרָאֵל יי אֱלקֵינוּ יי אֶחָד:
וְאָהַבְתָּ אֵת יי אֱלקֶיךָ בְּכָל לְבָבְךָ וּבְכָל נַפְשְׁךָ וּבְכָל מְאדֶךָ...
Siddur, Maariv service
...Blessed are You, Lord, Who loves His people Israel.
Hear O Israel, the Lord is our God, the Lord is One!
And you shall love the Lord your God...
(ט) ועיקר הגדר בבדידות, שלא תצא חס-ושלום מפתח ביתך חוצה, ואף בבית-הכנסת תקצר מאד ותצא. ויותר טוב להתפלל בבית, כי בבית-הכנסת אי-אפשר להינצל מקנאה, ולשמוע דברים בטלים ולשון-הרע. ונענשין על-זה, כמו שאמרו (שבת לג, א): "אף שומע ושותק" כו'. וכל-שכן בשבת ויום-טוב שמתאספין לדבר, יותר טוב שלא תתפלל כלל.
(9) Concerning solitude, one should not leave home -- Heaven forbid! Even your visit to the synagogue should be very short. In fact, it is better to pray at home, for it is impossible to be spared from jealousy or from hearing idle talk or evil speech in the synagogue. And one receives punishment for this, as we find "Also one who hears (vulgar speech) and remains silent is punished...." (Shabbat 33a). This is even the more so on Shabbat and holidays when they gather to talk - It is then better that you don't pray at all.
Kol Dodi Dofek (New York, 1956) began as an address that Rabbi Joseph Soloveitchik gave in Yiddish at Yeshiva University's observance of Israel Independence Day.
Iggeret HaGra (Vilnius, Lithuania c1780) was an ethical will left by Rabbi Eliyahu ben Shlomo Zalman (the Vilna Gaon).