Mikonenet: Sacred Grief Work

The core sacred text for the mikonenet is the body.

Years ago, I began a mikonenet practice as a way to work with my grief. My knowledge of this mostly lost ancient tradition was greatly expanded when I took a class with Kohenet Rachel Rose Reid, who connected me with some of the sources that I list here, that I had never before encountered. This Torah belongs to all of us, and I am eternally grateful to Kohenet Rachel Rose and the Kohenet tradition for expanding our access to this wisdom. May our learning and growth be a merit to the Kohenet project.

-JV

The mikonenet as described in Kohenet literature:

"Mekonenet: The Mourning Woman

Jeremiah, as he mourns for his exiled people, asks that the mourning women be called to come and weep. The word mekonenet means “one who laments” but can also mean “one who makes a nest.” The mekonenet embodies the pain and truth of change. She appears as Rachel weeping for her exiled children, as the wife of Pinchas, who dies in childbirth, and as the grieving Mother Zion. She also appears in Ezekiel as the women weeping for Tammuz. She brings the gifts of comforting the bereaved, burying the dead, healing the mourners, and facing cataclysmic change.

Netivot: Paths of the Priestess

https://kohenet.org/netivot

The traditional mikonenet, or sacred grief worker, practiced an elaborate art that required training:

ירמיהו ט׳:י״ט

(יט) כִּֽי־שְׁמַ֤עְנָה נָשִׁים֙ דְּבַר־יהוה וְתִקַּ֥ח אׇזְנְכֶ֖ם דְּבַר־פִּ֑יו וְלַמֵּ֤דְנָה בְנֽוֹתֵיכֶם֙ נֶ֔הִי וְאִשָּׁ֥ה רְעוּתָ֖הּ קִינָֽה׃

Jeremiah 9:19

(19) Hear, O women, the word of the Eternal, let your ears receive the word of Their mouth, and teach your daughters wailing, and one another lamentation.

Notice: grief tending needs to be taught. In American culture, we mostly are not literate in practices of grief. It takes investment to learn how to wisely be with our grief.

The mikonenet was an honored spiritual leader. The community depended on her services in times of grief:

ירמיהו ט׳:ט״ז

(טז) כֹּ֤ה אָמַר֙ יהוה צְבָא֔וֹת הִתְבּ֥וֹנְנ֛וּ וְקִרְא֥וּ לַמְקוֹנְנ֖וֹת וּתְבוֹאֶ֑ינָה וְאֶל־הַחֲכָמ֥וֹת שִׁלְח֖וּ וְתָבֽוֹאנָה׃

Jeremiah 9:16

(16) Thus said the LORD of Hosts: Listen Summon the mikonenet, let them come; Send for the wise women, let them come.

דברי הימים ב ל״ה:כ״ה

(כה) וַיְקוֹנֵ֣ן יִרְמְיָ֘הוּ֮ עַל־יֹאשִׁיָּ֒הוּ֒ וַיֹּאמְר֣וּ כׇֽל־הַשָּׁרִ֣ים ׀ וְ֠הַשָּׁר֠וֹת בְּקִינ֨וֹתֵיהֶ֤ם עַל־יֹאשִׁיָּ֙הוּ֙ עַד־הַיּ֔וֹם וַיִּתְּנ֥וּם לְחֹ֖ק עַל־יִשְׂרָאֵ֑ל וְהִנָּ֥ם כְּתוּבִ֖ים עַל־הַקִּינֽוֹת׃

II Chronicles 35:25

(25) Jeremiah composed laments for Josiah which all the singers, male and female, recited in their laments for Josiah, as is done to this day; they became customary in Israel and were incorporated into the laments.

The goal of the mikonenet was to bring mourners to tears:

ירמיהו ט׳:י״ז

(יז) וּתְמַהֵ֕רְנָה וְתִשֶּׂ֥נָה עָלֵ֖ינוּ נֶ֑הִי וְתֵרַ֤דְנָה עֵינֵ֙ינוּ֙ דִּמְעָ֔ה וְעַפְעַפֵּ֖ינוּ יִזְּלוּ־מָֽיִם׃

Jeremiah 9:17

(17) Let them quickly start a wailing for us,That our eyes may run with tears,Our pupils flow with water.

Princess Tamar illustrates how a mikonenet metabolizes grief. After Tamar is violated by her brother, she makes the secret pain visible and loud. I imagine her streaking ash tears down her cheeks, making sure that after her tears drip down her chin, they are not forgotten:

שמואל ב י״ג:י״ט

(יט) וַתִּקַּ֨ח תָּמָ֥ר אֵ֙פֶר֙ עַל־רֹאשָׁ֔הּ וּכְתֹ֧נֶת הַפַּסִּ֛ים אֲשֶׁ֥ר עָלֶ֖יהָ קָרָ֑עָה וַתָּ֤שֶׂם יָדָהּ֙ עַל־רֹאשָׁ֔הּ וַתֵּ֥לֶךְ הָל֖וֹךְ וְזָעָֽקָה׃

II Samuel 13:19

(19) Tamar put ash on her head and tore the ornamented tunic she was wearing; she put her hands on her head and walked away, screaming loudly as she went.

The ancestors had a four-day mikonenet festival every year. The origin story for this festival is told in the (possibly apocryphal) story of Yiftach/Jeptath. Yiftach is the ruler of the people. In war, he swears an oath that if he's successful he'll offer whatever comes out from the doors of his house to greet him as a sacrifice. He is successful, and he is greeted by his daughter, Seila. Some traditions say he does sacrifice her. Others say he merely secludes her away. But first, Seilah has a request:

שופטים י״א:ל״ז-מ׳

(לז) וַתֹּ֙אמֶר֙ אֶל־אָבִ֔יהָ יֵעָ֥שֶׂה לִּ֖י הַדָּבָ֣ר הַזֶּ֑ה הַרְפֵּ֨ה מִמֶּ֜נִּי שְׁנַ֣יִם חֳדָשִׁ֗ים וְאֵֽלְכָה֙ וְיָרַדְתִּ֣י עַל־הֶהָרִ֔ים וְאֶבְכֶּה֙ עַל־בְּתוּלַ֔י אָנֹכִ֖י (ורעיתי) [וְרֵֽעוֹתָֽי]׃ (לח) וַיֹּ֣אמֶר לֵ֔כִי וַיִּשְׁלַ֥ח אוֹתָ֖הּ שְׁנֵ֣י חֳדָשִׁ֑ים וַתֵּ֤לֶךְ הִיא֙ וְרֵ֣עוֹתֶ֔יהָ וַתֵּ֥בְךְּ עַל־בְּתוּלֶ֖יהָ עַל־הֶֽהָרִֽים׃ (לט) וַיְהִ֞י מִקֵּ֣ץ ׀ שְׁנַ֣יִם חֳדָשִׁ֗ים וַתָּ֙שׇׁב֙ אֶל־אָבִ֔יהָ וַיַּ֣עַשׂ לָ֔הּ אֶת־נִדְר֖וֹ אֲשֶׁ֣ר נָדָ֑ר וְהִיא֙ לֹא־יָדְעָ֣ה אִ֔ישׁ וַתְּהִי־חֹ֖ק בְּיִשְׂרָאֵֽל׃ (מ) מִיָּמִ֣ים ׀ יָמִ֗ימָה תֵּלַ֙כְנָה֙ בְּנ֣וֹת יִשְׂרָאֵ֔ל לְתַנּ֕וֹת לְבַת־יִפְתָּ֖ח הַגִּלְעָדִ֑י אַרְבַּ֥עַת יָמִ֖ים בַּשָּׁנָֽה׃ {פ}

Judges 11:37-40

(37) She further said to her father, “Let this be done for me: let me be for two months, and I will go with my companions and lament upon the hills and there bewail my maidenhood.” (38) “Go,” he replied. He let her go for two months, and she and her companions went and bewailed her maidenhood upon the hills. (39) After two months’ time, she returned to her father, and he did to her as he had vowed. She had never known a man. So it became a custom in Israel (40) for the daughters of Israel to go every year, for four days in the year, and chant dirges for the daughter of Jephthah the Gileadite.

Their are mikonenet in the spirit world as well as our own world. We're told that mother Rachel wails and cries for her children:

ירמיהו ל״א:ט״ו

(טו) כֹּ֣ה ׀ אָמַ֣ר יהוה ק֣וֹל בְּרָמָ֤ה נִשְׁמָע֙ נְהִי֙ בְּכִ֣י תַמְרוּרִ֔ים רָחֵ֖ל מְבַכָּ֣ה עַל־בָּנֶ֑יהָ מֵאֲנָ֛ה לְהִנָּחֵ֥ם עַל־בָּנֶ֖יהָ כִּ֥י אֵינֶֽנּוּ׃ {ס}

Jeremiah 31:15

(15) Thus said the Divine: A cry is heard on high-- wailing, bitter weeping—Rachel weeping for her children. She refuses to be comforted for her children, who are gone.

Many cultures practice sacred grieving. Our sacred texts reference these parallel practices:

יחזקאל ל״ב:ט״ז

(טז) קִינָ֥ה הִיא֙ וְק֣וֹנְנ֔וּהָ בְּנ֥וֹת הַגּוֹיִ֖ם תְּקוֹנֵ֣נָּה אוֹתָ֑הּ עַל־מִצְרַ֤יִם וְעַל־כׇּל־הֲמוֹנָהּ֙ תְּקוֹנֵ֣נָּה אוֹתָ֔הּ נְאֻ֖ם אדני יהוה׃ {פ}

Ezekiel 32:16

(16) This is a dirge, and it shall be intoned;The women of the nations shall intone it,They shall intone it over Egypt and all her multitude—declares the Lord GOD.

In ancient Egypt, a professional sacred mourner was called a Dryt.

In India, the role is a Rudaali.

In ancient Greece, the sacred mourner was called a moirologist. Artist Ioanna Sakellaraki explores the tradition of professional mourning in Greece in this essay: https://www.newyorker.com/culture/photo-booth/a-greek-photographers-ode-to-the-dying-art-of-mourning

The mikonenet was so valued, even the poorest people reserved funds for her services:

משנה כתובות ד׳:ד׳

(ד) ... רַבִּי יְהוּדָה אוֹמֵר, אֲפִלּוּ עָנִי שֶׁבְּיִשְׂרָאֵל, לֹא יִפְחֹת מִשְּׁנֵי חֲלִילִים וּמְקוֹנָנֶת:

Mishnah Ketubot 4:4

(4)...Rabbi Yehuda says: Even the poorest man of the Jewish people may not provide fewer than two flutes and a lamenting woman, which it was customary to hire for a funeral, as these too are included in the duties of burial.

The Talmud records some of the practices and canonical laments of the sacred grief workers:

מועד קטן כ״ח ב

מַתְנִי׳ נָשִׁים בַּמּוֹעֵד מְעַנּוֹת אֲבָל לֹא מְטַפְּחוֹת רַבִּי יִשְׁמָעֵאל אוֹמֵר הַסְּמוּכוֹת לַמִּטָּה מְטַפְּחוֹת בְּרָאשֵׁי חֳדָשִׁים בַּחֲנוּכָּה וּבְפוּרִים מְעַנּוֹת וּמְטַפְּחוֹת בְּזֶה וָזֶה לֹא מְקוֹנְנוֹת נִקְבַּר הַמֵּת לֹא מְעַנּוֹת וְלֹא מְטַפְּחוֹת אֵיזֶהוּ עִינּוּי שֶׁכּוּלָּן עוֹנוֹת כְּאַחַת קִינָה שֶׁאַחַת מְדַבֶּרֶת וְכוּלָּן עוֹנוֹת אַחֲרֶיהָ שֶׁנֶּאֱמַר וְלַמֵּדְנָה בְנוֹתֵיכֶם נֶהִי וְאִשָּׁה רְעוּתָהּ קִינָה אֲבָל לֶעָתִיד לָבֹא הוּא אוֹמֵר בִּלַּע הַמָּוֶת לָנֶצַח וּמָחָה יהוה אֱלֹהִים דִּמְעָה מֵעַל כׇּל פָּנִים וְגוֹ׳: גְּמָ׳ מַאי אֲמַרַן אָמַר רַב וַיהוה לְאָזְלָא וַיהוה לַחֲבִילָא אָמַר רָבָא נְשֵׁי דְּשַׁכְנְצִיב אֲמַרַן הָכִי וַיהוה לָאָזְלָא וַיהוה לַחֲבִילָא וְאָמַר רָבָא נְשֵׁי דְשַׁכְנְצִיב אָמְרָן גּוּד גַּרְמָא מִכַּכָּא וְנִמְטֵי מַיָּא לְאַנְטִיכִי וְאָמַר רָבָא נְשֵׁי דְשַׁכְנְצִיב אָמְרָן עֲטוֹף וְכַסּוֹ טוּרֵי דְּבַר רָמֵי וּבַר רַבְרְבֵי הוּא וְאָמַר רָבָא נְשֵׁי דְשַׁכְנְצִיב אָמְרָן שְׁייוֹל אִצְטְלָא דְמֵלָתָא לְבַר חוֹרִין דִּשְׁלִימוּ זְווֹדֵיהּ וְאָמַר רָבָא נְשֵׁי דְשַׁכְנְצִיב אָמְרָן רָהֵיט וְנָפֵיל אַמַּעְבָּרָא וִיזוּפְתָּא יָזֵיף וְאָמַר רָבָא נְשֵׁי דְשַׁכְנְצִיב אָמְרָן אֲחַנָא תַּגָּרֵי אַזַּבְזָגֵי מִיבַּדְקוּ וְאָמַר רָבָא נְשֵׁי דְשַׁכְנְצִיב אָמְרָן מוֹתָא כִּי מוֹתָא וּמַרְעִין חִיבוּלְיָא ...

Moed Katan 28b

MISHNA:On the intermediate days of a Festival women may wail in grief over the deceased, but they may not clap [metapeḥot] their hands in mourning. Rabbi Yishmael says: Those who are close to the bier may clap.On New Moons, Hanukkah and Purim, which are not Festivals by Torah law, the women may both wail and clap their hands in mourning. On both the intermediate days of a Festival and on New Moons, Hanukkah and Purim they may not lament. After the deceased has been buried they may neither wail nor clap. The mishna explains: What is considered wailing? This is when they all wail together simultaneously. And what is considered a lament? This is when one speaks and they all answer after her with a repeated refrain, as it is stated: “And teach your daughters wailing and everyone her neighbor lamentation” (Jeremiah 9:19). In order to conclude on a positive note, the mishna says: But with regard to the future, the verse states: “He will destroy death forever; and the Lord, God, will wipe away tears from off all faces and the reproach of His people He will take away from off all the earth” (Isaiah 25:8). GEMARA:What do the women who wail over the dead say? Rav said: They say:Woe for the one who leaves, woe for the one who remains.Rava said: The women in the city of Shekhantziv, who were known for their wisdom, would say as follows: Woe for the one who leaves, woe for the one who remains. And Rava said: The women of Shekhantziv would say: The bone falls from the jaw and the water returns to the kettle.And Rava said: The women of Shekhantziv would say: Shroud and cover the mountains for this is a sacred thing, they ie the deceased were the child of mighty ones. Rava said: The women of Shekhantziv would say: Removethe cloak of the matterfor a free person whose provisions have been completed.And Rava said: The women of Shekhantziv would say:A person runs and tumbles to the ferry and still they have to borrows a coin for the ferry across to the spirit world. And Rava said:The women of Shekhantziv would say: Our brothers, the merchants, will be examined at their places of business to see if they are honest businessmen.And Rava said: The women of Shekhantziv would say: Death is like death, as everyone must die, and suffering is like interest....

The Mikonenet might be understood as an archetype of the wounded healer, as taught by Carl Jung:

"..[A] good half of every treatment that probes at all deeply consists in the doctor's examining himself... it is his own hurt that gives a measure of his power to heal. This, and nothing else, is the meaning of the Greek Myth of the wounded physician."

Carl Jung

The mikonenet tradition was practiced through the generations by Yemenite Jews, as recorded here:

In "The Worlds of S. Ansky: A Russian Jewish Intellectual at the Turn of the Century" (Stanford University Press, 2006) we learn about the mikonenet tradition as it was practiced in Eastern Europe:

The mikonenet tradition had almost entirely died out when the Kohenet movement began to revive it in the past few decades. At Temple of the Stranger, we often sing the mikonenet's Gud Garma chant from the Talmud as a community mourning prayer, using a stirring tune by Miriam Rubin and Miriam Bursky-Tammam to bring the ancient words of our mothers and aunties to life for the first time in 1500 years.
You can listen and learn the tune here. https://shorturl.at/4t8sO )