What is special about 13? 13 is one more than the 12 months, the 12 signs of the zodiac. It is beyond the everyday number 12, the number of weighing and restraint (order and control)-- it is the infinite. So the 13 qualities of compassion are an aspect of the infinite compassion of the Beloved.
13 in gematria corresponds to both echad- one, and ahavah- love. 13, echad (oneness) and ahavah (love), are also aspects of the "ani l'dodi v'dodi li" (I am my beloved's and my beloved is mine - or I am for my beloved, and my beloved is for me) the acronym for the month of Elul.
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וַיַּעֲבוֹר ה׳ עַל פָּנָיו וַיִּקְרָא אָמַר רַבִּי יוֹחָנָן אִלְמָלֵא מִקְרָא כָּתוּב אִי אֶפְשָׁר לְאוֹמְרוֹ מְלַמֵּד שֶׁנִּתְעַטֵּף הַקָּדוֹשׁ בָּרוּךְ הוּא כִּשְׁלִיחַ צִבּוּר וְהֶרְאָה לוֹ לְמֹשֶׁה סֵדֶר תְּפִלָּה אָמַר לוֹ כׇּל זְמַן שֶׁיִּשְׂרָאֵל חוֹטְאִין יַעֲשׂוּ לְפָנַי כַּסֵּדֶר הַזֶּה וַאֲנִי מוֹחֵל לָהֶם
§ The verse states: “And the Infinite passed by before him, and proclaimed” (Exodus 34:6). Rabbi Yoḥanan said: Were it not explicitly written in the verse, it would be impossible to say this, as it would be insulting to God’s honor. The verse teaches that the Holy One, Blessed be, wrapped Themself in a prayer shawl like a prayer leader and showed Moses the structure of the order of the prayer. The Infinite said to him: Whenever the Jewish people sin, let them act before Me in accordance with this order. Let the prayer leader wrap himself in a prayer shawl and publicly recite the thirteen attributes of mercy, and I will forgive them.
There are many systems for counting the 13 middot. Here is the original from Exodus and then the Kabbalistic version, which is most widely used.
(6) The Infinite passed before him and proclaimed: “The Infinite! the Infinite! their nature is compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, abounding in kindness and faithfulness, (7) extending kindness to the thousandth generation, forgiving guilt, transgression, and mistakes yet They do not remit all punishment, but visits the guilt of parents upon children and children’s children, upon the third and fourth generations.”
Some read "act before me in accordance with this order" (the order of the 13 qualities) as offer them in prayer. Others see this as compelling us to make them a habit and bring them into our actions. I don't see a contradiction. Meditational prayer, when done with sincerity and focus, is a wonderful way to change our habits and influence the way we show up in the world. But it is a good reminder to both pray and act, to do both soul mending and earth tending.
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Because the Beloved wore a tallis when saying the 13 midot, and said, "This how it is done", there is a custom to wear a tallis when we say the 13 midot, even if it is evening and too dark to see the tzitzit.
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The kabbalists take the following approach to the words that are counted as an attribute.6
The 13 Attributes of Mercy according to Kabbalah:
- א-ל / G‑d — mighty in compassion to give all creatures according to their need;
- רַחוּם / rachum — merciful, that humankind may not be distressed;
- וְחַנּוּן / ve’chanun — and gracious if humankind is already in distress;
- אֶרֶךְ אַפַּיִם / erech apayim — slow to anger; (once, to the righteous)
- אֶרֶךְ אַפַּיִם / erech apayim — slow to anger; (repeated again for the wicked)
- וְרַב-חֶסֶד / ve’rav chesed — and plenteous in kindness;
- וֶאֱמֶת / ve’emet — and truth;
- נֹצֵר חֶסֶד / notzer chesed — keeping kindness
- לָאֲלָפִים / laalafim — unto thousands;
- נֹשֵׂא עָוֹן / noseh avon — forgiving iniquity;
- וָפֶשַׁע / vafeshah — and transgression;
- וְחַטָּאָה / vechata'ah — and sin;
- וְנַקֵּה / venakeh — and pardoning.
- YHVH - I am God before people sin
- YHVH - I am God after people sin if they repent
- El - (All-powerful) God
- Rahum - Compassionate
- VeHanun - Gracious
- Erekh Apayim - Slow to anger
- Verav Hesed - Abounding in lovingkindness
- Ve’emet - And in truth
- Notzer hesed La’alafim - Maintaining lovingkindness for 1,000 generations
- Nosei avon - Forgiving premeditated sins
- Va’fesha - sins committed in rebellion
- Va’hata’ah - sins made by mistake
- Venakeh - acquitting the penitent.
"The 13 Qualities links together three stories that are central to the High Holy Days- 1) the story of forgiveness after worshipping the golden calf (greed and materialsm, 2) the story of forgiveness after the ten Jewish spies convinced the people to not enter the Sacred Land, and 3) the Book of Jonah when Jonah uses the Qualities to convince the Source that They are being too forgiving.
- In the first one, Moshe says "Show me who You are." And after the 13 Qualities of Compassion are revealed, Moshe says--"Okay, if this is who You are, then You must forgive the people."
- In the second story, similarly Moshe quotes the Qualities as a way of reminding the Source who They are and requesting forgiveness. The Source replies, "You are forgiven as you asked." (a phrase we say in the Avodah Service at the end of Yom Kippur.)
- In the third story, after Jonah has successfully persuaded the Ninevans (Assyrians) to see the harm of their ways, repent and strive to change, he is furious with the Source. How could the Source forgive these people who have done the unforgivable, who may repent today but will backslide tomorrow? Jonah quotes from the Thirteen Qualities as a complaint against the Source-- "How can You be so easy on them?"
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Therefore, I pray, let the Beloved’s forbearance be great, as You have declared, saying, ‘The Infinite! slow to anger and abounding in kindness; forgiving iniquity and transgression; yet not remitting all punishment, but visiting the iniquity of fathers upon children, upon the third and fourth generations.’
(2) He prayed to the LORD, saying, “O LORD! Isn’t this just what I said when I was still in my own country? That is why I fled beforehand to Tarshish. For I know that You are a compassionate and gracious God, patient, forbearing, abounding in kindness, renouncing punishment.
וְזֶה בְּחִינַת טַלִּית לָבָן, שֶׁנִּתְעַטֵּף הַקָּדוֹשׁ־בָּרוּךְ־הוּא וְסִדֵּר שְׁלשׁ־עֶשְׂרֵה מִדּוֹת (כמו שאמרו רז"ל ראש השנה יז:), כִּי הַשְּׁלשׁ־עֶשְׂרֵה מִדּוֹת הֵן בְּחִינוֹת הָרוּחַ־חַיִּים דִּקְדֻשָּׁה כַּנַּ"ל. וְזֶהוּ בְּחִינַת טַלִּית, שֶׁהוּא אַרְבַּע כְּנָפוֹת, בְּחִינוֹת הָרוּחַ מֵאַרְבַּע רוּחוֹת כַּנַּ"ל. וְהַיְנוּ טַלִּית לָבָן,
And this is the concept of the white tallit (prayer shawl) that God donned when He set [before Moshe] the Thirteen Attributes (see Rosh HaShanah 17b). For the Thirteen Attributes corresponds to the holy ruach-of-life; and the tallit with its four corners alludes to the ruach from the four corners [of the earth].
רִבִּי חִזְקִיָּה פָּתַח, כְּתִיב, (שיר השירים ב) (פנחס רלג, ופ' תשא קפט) כְּשׁוֹשַׁנָּה בֵּין הַחוֹחִים. מָאן שׁוֹשַׁנָּה, דָּא כְּנֶסֶת יִשְׂרָאֵל. (בגין דאית שושנה ואית שושנה), מַה שּׁוֹשַׁנָּה דְּאִיהִי בֵּין הַחוֹחִים אִית בַּהּ סוּמָק וְחִוָּר, אוּף כְּנֶסֶת יִשְׂרָאֵל אִית בַּהּ דִּין וְרַחֲמֵי. מַה שּׁוֹשַׁנָּה אִית בַּהּ תְּלֵיסַר עָלִין, אוּף כְּנֶסֶת יִשְׂרָאֵל אִית בַּהּ תְּלֵיסַר מְכִילָן דְּרַחֲמֵי דְּסַחֲרִין לַהּ מִכָּל סִטְרָהָא. אוּף אֱלהִים דְּהָכָא (נשא דף קלא ב, וקלח, וקמז) (שמות קפו א) מִשַׁעְתָּא דְּאִדְכַּר אַפִּיק תְּלֵיסַר תֵּיבִין לְסַחֲרָא לִכְנְסֶת יִשְׂרָאֵל וּלְנַטְרָא לַהּ.
Rabbi Hizkiyah opened, “It is written, as a rose among thorns.” (Song of Songs 2:2) What is the Rose? It is the Assembly of Yisrael. Because there is a rose, and there is a Rose [Nukvah/Zeir Anpin (Shechinah)]. Just as the rose among the thorns is tinged with red and white, so is the Assembly of Yisrael affected by the qualities of Judgment and Compassion. Just as a rose has thirteen petals, the Assembly of Yisrael is surrounded on all sides by the thirteen attributes of Compassion. Thus, between the first mentions of the name Elohim, [in the Torah] these [thirteen] words surround and guard the Assembly of Yisrael.