(1) Comfort, oh comfort My people, Says your God.
(ו) וַיַּעֲבֹ֨ר ה' ׀ עַל־פָּנָיו֮ וַיִּקְרָא֒ ה' ׀ ה' אֵ֥ל רַח֖וּם וְחַנּ֑וּן אֶ֥רֶךְ אַפַּ֖יִם וְרַב־חֶ֥סֶד וֶאֱמֶֽת ׀ (ז) נֹצֵ֥ר חֶ֙סֶד֙ לָאֲלָפִ֔ים נֹשֵׂ֥א עָוֺ֛ן וָפֶ֖שַׁע וְחַטָּאָ֑ה וְנַקֵּה֙
לֹ֣א יְנַקֶּ֔ה פֹּקֵ֣ד ׀ עֲוֺ֣ן אָב֗וֹת עַל־בָּנִים֙ וְעַל־בְּנֵ֣י בָנִ֔ים עַל־שִׁלֵּשִׁ֖ים וְעַל־רִבֵּעִֽים׃
(6) The LORD passed before him and proclaimed: “The LORD! the LORD! a God compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, abounding in kindness and faithfulness, (7) extending kindness to the thousandth generation, forgiving iniquity, transgression, and sin;
yet He does not remit all punishment, but visits the iniquity of parents upon children and children’s children, upon the third and fourth generations.”
The following declaration is made by the Chazzan and repeated three times:
With the consent of the Almighty, and consent of this congretation, in a convocation of the heavenly court, and a convocation of the lower court,(The court of man) we hereby grant permission to pray with transgressors.
How does it make you feel to know that you are praying with others who have made mistakes? Are you more likely to be comfortable asking for forgiveness or are you less likely to feel that you need to be forgiven since everyone does it?
Discuss:
How does it feel to experience forgiveness?
Does it feel different as the forgiver and the forgiven?
Why is forgiveness important?
It is related that when Rabbi Zeira had a complaint against a person who insulted him, he would pace back and forth before him and present himself, so that the person could come and appease him. Rabbi Zeira made himself available so that it would be easy for the other person to apologize to him.
Discuss:
What makes forgiveness easy or difficult?
Is it easier for you to forgive others or to forgive yourself? Why?
רִבּוֹנוֹ שֶׁל עוֹלָם הֲרֵינִי מוֹחֵל לְכָל מִי שֶׁהִכְעִיס וְהִקְנִיט אוֹתִי אוֹ שֶׁחָטָא כְּנֶגְדִּי בֵּין בְּגוּפִי בֵּין בְּמָמוֹנִי בֵּין בִּכְבוֹדִי בֵּין בְּכָל אֲשֶׁר לִי בֵּין בְּאֹנֶס בֵּין בְּרָצוֹן בֵּין בְּשׁוֹגֵג בֵּין בְּמֵזִיד בֵּין בְּדִבּוּר בֵּין בְּמַעֲשֶׂה בֵּין בְּגִלְגּוּל זֶה בֵּין בְּגִלְגּוּל אַחֵר לְכָל בֶּן אָדָם וְלֹא יֵעָנֵשׁ שׁוּם אָדָם בְּסִיבָּתִי:
Siddur Sefard, Bedtime Sh'ma
Master of the Universe, behold, I now forgive all who have angered or provoked me, or sinned against me, whether to my body, my property, my honor, or to all that may belong to me,
whether they were forced, it was intentional, unintentional or unaware, or with full awareness and intention
whether through speech or act
whether in this incarnation or another incarnation--
every person--and bey they not be punished at all on account of me.
Discuss:
Who do you need to forgive?
What does it mean to truly forgive?
How can we forgive ourselves?
What is forgiveness?
One Christian understanding of forgiveness, which has become a part of our culture, is exemplified in the following news story from the aftermath of the shootings in a church in Charleston, South Carolina three years ago.
The relatives of people slain inside the historic African American church in Charleston, S.C., earlier this week were able to speak directly to the accused gunman Friday at his first court appearance.
One by one, those who chose to speak at a bond hearing did not turn to anger. Instead, while he remained impassive, they offered him forgiveness and said they were praying for his soul, even as they described the pain of their losses.
“I forgive you,” Nadine Collier, the daughter of 70-year-old Ethel Lance, said at the hearing, her voice breaking with emotion. “You took something very precious from me. I will never talk to her again. I will never, ever hold her again. But I forgive you. And have mercy on your soul.”
What is the model of forgiveness in this story?
Do you think you would be able to forgive in this situation?
There are similar stories in Judaism, of course.
The Chofetz Chaim was called once to testify in court, and the lawyer wanted to explain to the court what an honest man the Rabbi was. He said that once the Chofetz Chaim caught a thief stealing property from his small home. He pursued the thief, shouting “it’s yours! I forgive you!”
The judge looked at the lawyer and asked if he truly believed this amazing tale. “I’m not certain, your Honor,” said the lawyer, “but I do know that they do not tell such stories about you and me.
Discussion:
When it comes to forgiveness, what kind of story would others tell about you?
(י) אָסוּר לָאָדָם לִהְיוֹת אַכְזָרִי וְלֹא יִתְפַּיֵּס אֶלָּא יְהֵא נוֹחַ לִרְצוֹת וְקָשֶׁה לִכְעֹס וּבְשָׁעָה שֶׁמְּבַקֵּשׁ מִמֶּנּוּ הַחוֹטֵא לִמְחל מוֹחֵל בְּלֵב שָׁלֵם וּבְנֶפֶשׁ חֲפֵצָה. וַאֲפִלּוּ הֵצֵר לוֹ וְחָטָא לוֹ הַרְבֵּה לֹא יִקֹּם וְלֹא יִטֹּר.
(10) It is forbidden for man to be ill-natured and unforgiving, for he must be easily appeased but unwidely to wrath; and when a sinner implores him for pardon, he should grant him pardon wholeheartedly and soulfully. Even if one persecuted him and sinned against him exceedingly he should not be vengeful and grudge-bearing,
- How far does the obligation to forgive extend?
- Is this a reasonable expectation?
(הִלֵּל אוֹמֵר, אַל תִּפְרֹשׁ מִן הַצִּבּוּר, וְאַל תַּאֲמִין בְּעַצְמְךָ עַד יוֹם מוֹתְךָ, וְאַל תָּדִין אֶת חֲבֵרְךָ עַד שֶׁתַּגִּיעַ לִמְקוֹמוֹ:
( Hillel says: Do not separate yourself from the community. Do not believe in yourself until the day of your death. Do not judge your fellow until you come to his place.
It is important to remember that, in Judaism, there is a school of thought that suggests that not all forgiveness is the same. Rabbi David Blumenthal explains in an article that appears to draw on commentaries on the ethical teachings in the book Tomer Devorah.
The most basic kind of forgiveness is "forgoing the other's indebtedness" (mechilá). If the offender has done teshuva, as described above, and is sincere in his or her repentance, the offended person should offer mechila; that is, the offended person should forgo the debt of the offender, relinquish his or her claim against the offender. This is not a reconciliation of heart or an embracing of the offender; it is simply reaching the conclusion that the offender no longers owes me anything for whatever it was that he or she did. Mechila is like a pardon granted to a criminal by the modern state. The crime remains; only the debt is forgiven.
The second kind of forgiveness is "forgiveness" (selichá). It is an act of the heart. It is reaching a deeper understanding of the sinner. It is achieving an empathy for the troubledness of the other. Selicha, too, is not a reconciliation or an embracing of the offender; it is simply reaching the conclusion that the offender, too, is human, frail, and deserving of sympathy. It is closer to an act of mercy than to an act of grace. A woman abused by a man may never reach this level of forgiveness; she is not obliged, nor is it morally necessary for her, to do so.
The third kind of forgiveness is "atonement" (kappará) or "purification" (ahorá). This is a total wiping away of all sinfulness. It is an existential cleansing. Kappara is the ultimate form of forgiveness, but it is only granted by God. No human can "atone" the sin of another; no human can "purify" the spiritual pollution of another.
- How do you understand the difference between mechila, selicha and kappara? Use examples to better illustrate the differences.
- How do you feel about this understanding of forgiveness? Does it make it easier to fulfill the obligation to forgive?