Help Mate

'לא טוב היות וגו IT IS NOT GOOD etc. — I shall make an help meet for him in order that people may not say that there are two Deities, the Holy One, blessed be He, the only One among the celestial Beings without a mate, and this one (Adam), the only one among the terrestrial beings, without a mate (Pirkei D'Rabbi Eliezer 12).

עזר כנגדו A HELP MEET FOR HIM — (כנגדו literally, opposite, opposed to him) If he is worthy she shall be a help to him; if he is unworthy she shall be opposed to him, to fight him (Yevamot 63a).

AND THE LORD GOD SAID. It is not good means it is not good for the man.

A HELP MEET. Help meet should be understood in the light of Two are better than one (Eccles. 4:9).

IT IS NOT GOOD THAT THE MAN SHOULD BE ALONE. It does not appear likely that man was created to be alone in the world and not beget children since all created beings — male and female of all flesh — were created to raise seed. The herb and trees also have their seed in them. But it is possible to say that it was in accordance with the opinion of the Rabbi who says: “Adam was created with two faces [i.e., male and female persons combined],” and they were so made that there should be in them an impulse causing the organs of generation to produce a generative force from male to female, or you may say “seed,” in accordance with the known controversy concerning pregnancy, and the second face was a help to the first in the procreative process. And the Holy One, blessed be He, saw that it is good that “the help” stand facing him, and that he should see and be separated from it or joined to it at his will. This is the meaning of what He said in the verse, I will make him a helper opposite him.
The meaning of the expression, it is not good, is that it cannot be said of man that “it is good” when he is alone for he will not be able to so exist. In the work of creation, “the good” means existence, as I have explained on the text, And G-d saw that it was good.

עזר כנגדו, a helpmate who will be equal to him, also reflecting the divine image. This is essential for him if he is to know what precisely his needs are and so that he can meet them in time. The reason why the Torah added the word כנגדו is that whenever one confronts someone of equal power, moral and ethical weight, such a confrontation is termed נגד. It is a head-on collision of will. When the two parties disagreeing are not of equal power, or moral/ethical weight, the confrontation is termed as one being עולה or יורד one of the adversaries either prevailing or losing in such an encounter. It is in this sense that we have to understand such statements as משה שקול כנגד כל ישראל, “that Moses was the equal of the entire Jewish people.” (Mechilta Yitro 1) However, the Torah did not mean for woman to be 100% equal to man, else how could the man expect her to perform household chores for him, etc.? Hence the letter כ at the beginning of the word כנגדו somewhat tones down this equality.

לא טוב היות האדם לבדו, “it is not good for Adam to remain solitary;” this was not a new idea that G-d had; He had planned for it all the time; He did not want to impose a partner on Adam, and that is why He gave him a chance to name the animals and to find that all of them had suitable mates, something that he now felt he lacked. G-d therefore responded to a wish of Adam that he had not even voiced as yet. If the mate was provided in response to his longing he would appreciate his wife more.

לא טוב היות האדם לבדו, “it is not good for man to be by himself, etc.” Up until this point, the Torah had mentioned each time “it was good,” seeing that the “good” in question referred to the continued existence of the various species G-d had created. In the case of Adam, who was unable to procreate seeing he did not have a mate, the Torah had to describe his state of being as לא טוב, “not good.” The meaning of the verse is: “it is not good that man and woman remain attached to each other like Siamese twins”, i.e. one body with two faces (heads) This is what the sages meant when they said in Berachot 61 that the human species was created as a body with two heads seeing that the Torah testified that G-d had created them זכר ונקבה, “male and female” (5,2). Their body was so constructed that it possessed both male and female genitals. The second head assisted the first head in achieving the act of procreation. This is the reason that when G-d separated the bodies, He referred to the new body as the one which had previously been an automatic עזר, “helpmate,” to become עזר כנגדו, “a helpmate which corresponded to him (the male), i.e. an independent person with independent willpower. [The author’s description of this passage thus far is based completely on the commentary of Nachmanides. Rabbi Chavell]. If we are to accept this interpretation (by Nachmanides), we would have to attribute to G-d a complete change of mind from what He had planned originally when He created Adam. It is quite unacceptable to attribute such a change of mind to G-d. The fact is that the words: “it is not good that Adam be alone,” reported in our verse were not “spoken” by G-d after He had created Adam, but already prior to G-d actually having created Adam when the plan to create man had been conceived by G-d. As soon as G-d entertained that thought He added that it was not suitable that man should be the only type of inhabitant of earth just as the angels are the only inhabitants of the celestial regions. Rather, just as the other creatures in our terrestrial universe were created in pairs and reproduced themselves, so Adam (man) too should have a partner and he and she would reproduce and be subject to death as are all the other creatures in our” lower world. At this point in the narrative the Torah reports on the creation of woman, the fact that her raw material was identical to that of Adam as G-d took one of Adam’s sides to construct her body. There is no question of reconsideration by G-d of His original design in planning man. In Berachot 61 Rabbi Avuhu addressed the apparent contradiction by the words “male and female He created them,” whereas in Genesis 1,27 the Torah reported “He created him.” The meaning is that originally G-d had planned to create man and woman separately whereas upon further reflection He created them with a single body. The fact is that we observe that ultimately G-d carried out His original plan of creating two separate human bodies, a male and a female one. This gives the impression as if Rabbi Avuhu thought hat G-d did indeed reconsider and change His desire. My wise teacher Rabbi Shlomoh Aderet, may his soul rest in peace, wrote that this matter has to be approached from two separate aspects each one of which is true and accurate. When Rabbi Avuhu said that originally G-d planned to create man as two separate bodies, male and female, just like the animals, this must not be taken at face value. All allegorical statements were never expected to be taken at face value but were meant to help us understand abstract matters by explaining them in terms of phenomena we are familiar with. Rabbi Avuhu wanted to illustrate that G-d planned to create the species of man in the most perfect manner possible and this is why he spoke about G-d entertaining different thoughts at different times in order for the eventual translation of those thoughts into creative action to reflect that man’s creation had been well planned down to the last detail. When he spoke about G-d “originally” planning to create two separate human beings, he wanted to explain to us that G-d wanted both man and woman to be independent personalities who would at the same time draw on each other for support. He meant for us to picture the function of the male and the female of the species to be similar to the relationship between sun and moon, for instance.
Having given due consideration to these factors, G-d decided that it was not good that man, the crown jewel of His creation, should be the only active factor in the universe whereas the woman should be no more than a receptacle, a servant, just like the moon which only acts as a receptacle for the sun’s rays. This is why Rabbi Avuhu said that on further consideration G-d decided to create man with a single body, i.e. the male. However, although the female eventually was separated from him and they became two bodies, the female is not considered as having been a separate act of creation as she was formed from matter which was peripheral to Adam seeing that he survived as an entity although the part woman was made of was removed from him. This is why some sages (Berachot 61) have described woman as having been made out of man’s ”tail.” Another interpretation of Rabbi Avuhu’s statement goes as follows: When G-d contemplated creating man and woman as two separate bodies, His concern was that they should be male and female just like all the other animals. On the other hand, [what is termed as His “later” consideration], it was important to G-d that woman should be perceived as being made of the very same raw material as her husband, thus creating a natural affinity between man and wife [not like the animals]. As a result, woman would be viewed by her husband as if she were one of his very own limbs [and he would treat her with the same consideration as he treats his own organs. This may be why in Jewish law we have a saying אשתו כגופו, that even in legal terms very often “the wife is considered an extension of her husband’s body.” Ed.] Thus far the words of my revered teacher.

ויאמר ה' אלוקים, G’d did not utter these words audibly, as is the meaning of the word when applied to human beings, but He “spoke” to Himself. Alternatively, G’d did utter words to that effect without directly addressing Adam, but Adam happened to hear these words. When the Torah speaks of “G’d speaking,” we must understand this as a sound created especially for that particular occasion. Seeing that Adam overheard the words אעשה לו עזר כנגדו, “I shall make for him a suitable companion,” he had entertained the hope that when all the animals paraded before him that he would encounter among them the helpmate, companion, G’d had spoken of. This is how we must understand the words in verse 20 ולאדם לא מצא עזר כנגדו, that he had not found a suitable helpmate when reviewing all the animals and naming them.
The Torah inserted these words between reporting on the commandment not to eat from the tree of knowledge and the sin, in order to make plain that man’s sin was due to the influence of the woman, as he had not eaten from this tree before she had been formed and been given to him as a mate, companion. Clearly, also when G’d gave Adam the commandments and forbade him to eat from that tree, seeing that the woman had not been created yet, she could not have heard this commandment from the mouth of G’d, but only from the mouth of her husband. The woman was clever enough to know that G’d had created both her husband and her. She presumed that communication from G’d took place by means of both her and her husband’s intellect, seeing that they were the only creatures who had been endowed with superior intellect.

אעשה לו עזר, an assistant when the need should arise. Solomon, in Kohelet 4,9, paraphrased this when he wrote: טובים השנים מן האחד, “two are better than one alone.” Furthermore, woman was a necessity if man was to leave offspring behind to insure the continuity of his species.

And Rabbi Elazar said: What is the meaning of that which is written: “I will make him a helpmate for him [kenegdo]” (Genesis 2:18)? If one is worthy his wife helps him; if he is not worthy she is against him. And some say a slightly different version: Rabbi Elazar raised a contradiction: It is written in the Torah with a spelling that allows it to be read: Striking him [kenagdo], and we read it as though it said: For him [kenegdo]. If he is worthy she is for him as his helpmate; if he is not worthy she strikes him.

לא טוב היות האדם לבדו, “it is not good for man to remain solitary.” Clearly it had not been G’d’s intention already at the time He created Adam that he should remain single, seeing that all other creatures were created in pairs, male and female specimen. Even trees and herbs contain seed to enable them to “mate” and to reproduce their kind. However, it is possible to argue that man was created with two faces and that between them (within a single body) they possessed the ingredients necessary to reproduce so that the second “face” enabled Adam to help him to reproduce. G’d saw, however, that it would be better that man’s עזר, assistant, should stand independently, facing him, so that he could see her having the choice to separate from her or to closely associate with her in accordance with his wishes. This is the meaning of the words: עזר כנגדו.

R. Elazar said: "A Judaean who has no wife is not considered a man, for it is said (Gen. 5, 2) Male and female created He them and called their name Adam (man)." R. Elazar said further: "One who does not possess real estate is not considered a man, as it is said (Ps. 115, 16) The heavens are the heavens of the Lord: but the earth hath He given to the children of man." R. Elazar said further: "What is the meaning of the passage (Gen. 2, 18) I will make him (eizer) a help suitable for him (K'nedo) i.e., If he deserves well, she will be a help to him; if not, an opposition to him." According to others, R. Elazar raised the following contradiction. Since the text reads K'naggdo (opposing him), how can we read K'nigdo (corresponding to him?) This means, if he deserves well, she will be corresponding [in harmony with] him; if not, she will be a lash unto him."

A man who has already fulfilled the mitzva of procreation, even one who has been privileged to have many children, if his wife dies, there is a mitzva for him to remarry a woman who can still bear children, in order to continue fulfilling the mitzva of procreation (below, 5:6). However, if it would be difficult for him to raise more children – whether because of his age, or because supporting them would be too hard, or because he is worried about acrimony between his children from his first wife and his second wife and her children – he may refrain from marrying a woman who can still bear children (see below, 5:6). However, it is still a mitzva for him to remarry a woman who cannot have children, as a person is in a state of wholeness only when married. As the Sages said, “Any man without a wife is not a man” (Yevamot 63a); and “Any man without a wife lives without joy, without blessing, without goodness, without Torah, without fortification, and without peace” (ibid. 62b). This is the Sages’ instruction: “Even if a man already has a number of children, he may not remain without a wife, as it says (Bereishit 2:18), ‘It is not good for man to be alone’” (ibid. 61b). He will thus have the privilege of continued fulfillment of the mitzva of ona and will also prevent himself from having sinful thoughts.

ויברא אלהים את האדם בצלמו SO GOD CREATED THE MAN IN HIS IMAGE —in the type that was specially made for him, for everything else was created by a creative fiat, whilst he was brought into existence by a creative act (literally, by hand), as it is said (Psalms 139:5) “And Thou hast laid thy hand upon me.” He was made by a seal as a coin that is made by a die that is called in old French coin. It is similarly said, (Job 28:14) “it is changed as clay under the seal” (Sanhedrin 38a).

בצלם אלהים ברא אותו IN THE IMAGE OF GOD CREATED HE HIM — It explains to you that the form prepared for him was the form of the image of his Creator.

וכבשה AND SUBDUE IT — The word lacks a ו after the ש so that it may be read as meaning: and subdue her (i. e. the woman), thereby teaching you that the male controls the female in order that she may not become a gad-about; teaching you also that to the man, whose nature is to master, was given the Divine command to have issue, and not to the woman (Yevamot 65b).

AND G-D BLESSED THEM. This is an actual blessing [unlike Verse 22 where the blessing of the fish and fowl consisted of bestowing upon them the power of procreation]. Therefore, it is written here, And G-d blessed them, and G-d said unto them. But above in Verse 22 it is written, And G-d blessed them, saying, [the word saying indicating] that the blessing is the command of procreation, that He gave them the power of bringing forth offspring, and no other command with which they are to be blessed. [But in the case of man, in addition to the power of being fruitful, he was also blessed that he have dominion over the earth, hence Scripture continues, and G-d said unto them.]

AND HAVE DOMINION OVER THE FISH OF THE SEA. He said that they should also have dominion over the fish that are concealed from them, And over the fowl of the heaven which are not on the ground, and also over every wild animal. He thus mentioned them in the order of their creation: first the fish and fowl, and afterwards the animals. So likewise Scripture says, Thou hast made him have dominion over the works of Thy hands; Thou hast put all things under his feet: sheep and oxen, all of them, yea, and the beasts of the field, the fowl of the air, and the fish of the sea. Our Rabbis, however, have made a distinction between kvishah (subduing) and r’diyah (having dominion).

וכבשה, this is not a directive to conquer earth with muscular power, but to subdue it by means of man’s superior intellect. It means that man is to use his intelligence to prevent predators from invading his habitats, demonstrating the fact that man is superior, can outwit the beasts.

And conquer it: [Using the variant spelling that is] missing [the letter] vav, to teach you that it is the way of the man to 'conquer' the female; so that she not be unbridled, to cause a stumbling block for sexual impropriety, as did Leah, when she accustomed her daughter [to be unbridled] and created a stumbling block [for her]. And any [woman] who secludes herself in her home is fitting to marry the High Priest, as it is stated (Psalms 45:14), "All the honor of the king's daughter indoors, [is more than gold checkered clothing] etc," which means to say, that she will marry someone, about whom it is written (Exodus 28:39), "and you shall make checkered [...]." And she is fitting to have High Priests come from her, as it is stated (Psalms 128:3), "your sons will be like olive plantings;" meaning that they will be anointed with olive oil.

וכבשה, “and subdue her;” the missing letter ו which would signify the plural mode in that word, is to teach us that it is normal for the male to dominate the female in marital relations, she is to reside inside her home and not venture out without a suitable escort, as we know from Leah, Dinah’s mother whose daughter was raped by Sh’chem because she had been allowed to roam unescorted. Dinah’s mother Leah, was also quoted elsewhere as having left her tent unescorted, (Genesis 30,16) [although she had apparently good reason on that occasion; Ed.] Psalms 45,14 teaches that a truly Royal princess finds her glory inside her home, not when on public display. [If Bat Sheva had not displayed her charms when bathing on the roof of her house where David saw this, many problems in Jewish history might have been prevented. Ed.] (Samuel II 11,3-4) According to tradition, any woman who strictly observes this rule of chastity is worthy of becoming the wife of a High priest. The sages derive this from the word: ושבצת, (Exodus 28,39) which is interpreted as the High Priest adorning himself with his tunic, the “tunic” being his chaste wife. [The High Priest’s tunic covered him from neck to toe. Ed.] Such a wife is apt to give birth to sons, who in turn will qualify as future High priests.(Midrash Tanchuma Tetzaveh, 6) Of her it is said (Psalms 128,3: ‘your wife shall be like a fruitful vine ­within your house; your sons like olive saplings around your table.”