Soulmates: First and Second Matches

(12) And he said, “O YHVH, God of my master Abraham, grant me good fortune this day, and deal graciously with my master Abraham: (13) Here I stand by the spring as the daughters of the townsmen come out to draw water; (14) let the maiden to whom I say, ‘Please, lower your jar that I may drink,’ and who replies, ‘Drink, and I will also water your camels’—let her be the one whom You have decreed for Your servant Isaac. Thereby shall I know that You have dealt graciously with my master.”

THE ONE WHOM YOU HAVE DECREED — She is fit for him since she will be charitable and will therefore be worthy of admission into the house of Abraham.

Rav Shmuel bar Rav Yitzḥak says...Heaven matches a woman to a man only according to his actions, as it is stated: “For the rod of wickedness shall not rest upon the lot of the righteous” (Psalms 125:3). Rabba bar bar Ḥana says that Rabbi Yoḥanan says: And it is as difficult to match a couple together as was the splitting of the Red Sea...

Is that so that partner are matched according to one's actions? But Rav Yehuda says that Rav says: Forty days before an embryo is formed a Divine Voice issues forth and says: The daughter of so-and-so is destined to marry so-and-so; such and such a house is destined to be inhabited by so-and-so; such and such a field is destined to be farmed by so-and-so.

This distinction of views is not difficult. This statement that Rav Yehuda says in the name of Rav is with regard to a first match [zivug], while this statement of Rabba bar bar Ḥana in the name of Rabbi Yoḥanan is with regard to a second match.

A Roman Matron asked Rabbi Yosi ben Halafta, "In how many days did God create the world?" He said, "In six, as it is said, 'Since six days God made...' (Exodus 20:11) "And since then," she asked, "what has God been doing?" "God sits [on the Heavenly Throne] and makes matches: the daughter of this one to that one, the wife [i.e. widow] of this one to that one, the money of this one to that one," responded R. Yosi. "And for merely this you believe in G!d!" she said. "Even I can do that. I have many slaves, both male and female. In no time at all, I can match them for marriage." R. Yosi, "Though this may be an easy thing for you to do, for God it is as difficult as splitting the Sea of Reeds." Whereupon, Rabbi Yosi took his leave. What did she do? The Matron lined up a thousand male and a thousand female slaves and said you marry you, and married them all off that night. The next day, one slave had his head bashed in, another had lost an eye, while a third hobbled because of a broken leg. She said to them: "What happened to you?" and they each said to her: "I don't want this one" [with whom you matched me]." Immediately, she sent for and summoned R. Yosi and she said: "There is no God like your God, and your Torah is true, pleasing and praiseworthy. You spoke wisely."

He said to her, "Didn't I tell you, if it appears easy in your eyes, it is difficult for the Holy One Blessed Be He like splitting the sea." "What do you think? That The Holy One Blessed Be He, is marrying them against their will but not for their benefit?!?" This is why it states "God returns the solitary ones homeward, and brings out the chained ones with their bindings" (Psalms 58:7) What is binding (Kosharot), Crying (Bechi) and sing (Shirot). The one who wants [their spouse] sings, the one who doesn't want their spouse cries.

(1) Rabbi Yirmiyah son of Elazar said, when G!d created the first earthling, it was created an androgninus [intersex]; thus is it written, "male and female did G!d create them."

Rabbi Shmuel son of Nachman said, when G!d created the first earthling, G!d created him with two faces, one on each side, and G!d [later] split him along the middle, forming two backs. They [other rabbis] challenged him: saying but is it not written, "And G!d took one of his ribs!" Shmuel replied saying ,"mitzalotav" doesn't mean rib, but rather one of its sides.

Come and see. All souls that are in the world include both male and female. And when the souls issue forth, they emerge as male and female, and after [they have descended to the physical world] each separates and goes its own way.
If a person merits they join together [again] as one unit. His wife is his true soul mate. They join together as one unit in everything, in spirit and in body.

This is as is written, "And G-d said, 'Let the earth bring forth a live nefesh in its type'" (Bereishit 1:24). What does "in its type" mean? This is the spirit of that person that came into his soul mate who is of the same type as he is. And what is "the earth"? This is as in the verse, "My essence was not hidden from You, when I was made in secret, and finely wrought in the depths of the earth." (Tehillim 139:15). And this we have explained.
The [nefesh] certainly issues forth from "the earth"[malchut] because it is from her that it comes out in this world.

“Come and see: All those images of souls destined for the world stand before Him in couples. Later, when they arrive in this world, the blessed Holy One matches couples.

Rabbi Yehudah said, ‘The blessed Holy One matches couples, proclaiming: The daughter of so-and-so for so-so!’

Rabbi Yose said, ‘How can you make such an assertion? Look at what is written: There is nothing new under the sun (Ecclesiastes 1:9)!’

Rabbi Yehudah replied, ‘The verse reads: under the sun. It is different above!’

Rabbi Yose said, ‘Why a proclamation here? Didn’t Rabbi Ḥizkiyah say in the name of Rabbi Ḥiyya: ‘At the very moment a human being issues into the world, his mate is destined for him’?

Rabbi Abba said, ‘Happy are the righteous whose souls are hidden away with the Holy King before they come into the world! For so we have learned: At the moment the blessed Holy One brings forth souls into the world, all those spirits and souls comprise male and female joined as one. They are transmitted into the hands of the emissary appointed over human conception. As they descend and are entrusted to G!d, they separate—sometimes one preceding the other—and G!d deposits them in human beings. When the time of their coupling arrives, the blessed Holy One, who knows those spirits and souls, unites them as at first and issues a proclamation. When they unite they become a single body, a single soul, right and left, fittingly. So, There is nothing new under the sun.

Now, you might say ‘But we have learned: Coupling accords only with a person’s conduct. So it is! For if he is virtuous and his actions seemly, then he attains his—uniting as when issuing....

It has been taught in the mystery of the Mishnah: ‘All those arriving through cycling souls can anticipate their mates by supplication.’ Concerning this our Companions aroused: Lest another anticipate him by supplication

Well spoken: ‘another,’ precisely! So coupling is difficult for the blessed Holy One [since the recycled soul replaces the originally intended husband. In order to reunite the latter with his soul mate, God has to eliminate the interloper, but still, the ways of YHWH are right… (Hosea 14:10).

Rabbi Yehudah sent a question to Rabbi El’azar: ‘I know the mystery of the matter, but those who arrive through cycling souls—where do they find their mates? He sent back to him: ‘It is written: How can we provide wives for those who remain? (Judges 21:7). And then: Seize for yourselves… (ibid., 21). The episode of the Benjaminites demonstrates this. Therefore we have learned: lest another anticipate

Come and See: When King David sinned in the presence of the Holy Blessed One in the affair of Batsheva, he thought that the in was marked on him forever. What is written? G!d has removed your sin, you hall not die (2 Samuel 12:13) - He removed that mark from His presence. Rabbi Abba aid to him [Rabbi Shimon], "Look, we have learned that Bathsheba was destined for King David since the day the world was created! So why did the Blessed Holy One giver her first to Uriah the Hittite?" He replied, "Such are the way of the Blessed Holy One. Even though a woman is destined for a certain man, another - anticipating - marries her before the time of the other one arrives. As soon as his time arrive, the one who had married her is thrust away in favor of the other one coming later and he departs the world. It is difficult for the Blessed Holy One to remove him from the world before his time arrives, in favor of the other one."

Such was the case with Yehuda and Tamar, for she was his true soulmate [Where God announced that He had determined the affair in order to bring the Davidic line through their offspring Peretz]. This is also the case here, for Zimri was on the very highest level of guarding himself from giving in to his evil desires. Since it was impossible for him to remove himself from the action, he concluded that she was his true soulmate. Pinchas believed that the opposite was true, that Zimri still had the power of free choice and could have refrained from the sin

And it is as difficult to match a couple together as was the splitting of the Red Sea:

The Arizal quoted the Talmud: This [predestened easy zivug] is a first union [zivug rishon] and a second [difficult zivug] is a second union.

The first and the second union are not according to the simple meanings [first and second marriages], because there are many second marriages which are better than first marriages and one sees this daily. Rather to explicate this idea one needs to understand that there are new souls - which is to say it is the first time that they came to this world. For them, their bat zug [beshert] is born with them and it is not hard to find the at all.

And this is why the Talmud writes "second union" not "second partner," because actually it is the first partner. Rather its the union which is second - she [and he] have just returned to the union.

(12) And he said, “O YHVH, God of my master Abraham, grant me good fortune this day, and deal graciously with my master Abraham: (13) Here I stand by the spring as the daughters of the townsmen come out to draw water; (14) let the maiden to whom I say, ‘Please, lower your jar that I may drink,’ and who replies, ‘Drink, and I will also water your camels’—let her be the one whom You have decreed for Your servant Isaac. Thereby shall I know that You have dealt graciously with my master.”

THE ONE WHOM YOU HAVE DECREED — She is fit for him since she will be charitable and will therefore be worthy of admission into the house of Abraham.