PATIENCE | SAVLANUT | סבלנות
PHRASE/SLOGAN
When there's nothing you can do, don't add unnecessary grief
For the sake of the other and relationship, bear the weight until the time comes to put it down
Let go of the pushing and pulling, the straining against what is happening
Open the space between the match and the fuse
Just like me, others struggle with impatience; I feel it for them and we are connected
Breathe elongated breaths through your long vav bearing softened nose
No matter how insulted you feel, don't withhold your goodness, keep giving
SOUL TRAIT (MIDDAH) SPECTRUM
ETYMOLOGY
Savlanut/סבלנות
- patience, tolerance, forbearance, endurance
- root - סבל
- task, duty
- laden, press down
- porterage
- to lift something up
- to bear a burden, carry a load
Erech apayim / ארך אפים
- long-nosed, idiomatically "slow to anger" or long-suffering
- erech, to prolong, extend, elongate, lengthen, stretch, sustain, slow, soften
- apayim, nostrils, region of the nose, face, countenance
MUSSAR
Rabbi Shlomo Wolbe (1914-2005), in A. Morinis, Every Day, Holy Day: 365 Days of Teachings and Practices From the Jewish Tradition of Mussar (2010)
The patient person is exactly like someone who is carrying a heavy package. Even though it weighs upon him, he continues to go on his way, and doesn’t take a break from carrying it. The same is true in all the relationships that are between people: we see and hear many things that aren’t according to our will, and still we continue to be good friends. (Week 14, Day 2)
Dr. Alan Morinis, Climbing Jacob's Ladder: One Man's Journey to Rediscover a Jewish Spiritual Tradition (2002)
Imagine me sitting in my car waiting for my daughter after school. As every kid but her comes through the door, I become more and more impatient. Then I remember the rubber band. Just the act of remembering usually helps, because it makes me consciously aware of the impatience welling within me. As awareness kicks in, there appears in my mind’s eye an identifiable group of sensations illuminated by the cool light of consciousness. The awareness prevents me from being swallowed up and carried away by those negative sensations, which might otherwise have led me to indulge in a full-blown temper tantrum.
Then, as I slip the rubber band over my hand, my aggrieved little soul is no longer alone in that car. I am suddenly joined by Rabbi Perr, all his students, the Mussar masters and great teachers of that tradition, and every other human being who ever fumed with impatience and struggled to master his emotion. What a party in the car! It’s surprising there’s any room left for my daughter when she finally opens the door to be greeted by my happy smile. (Chp. 1: The Gate of Starting Out)
לג. לִפְעָמִים בָּא כַּעַס עַל־יְדֵי מַשָּׂא כְּבֵדָה.
33. Sometimes anger comes through (bearing) a heavy burden.
Rabbi Sonja K. Pilz, in The Mussar Torah Commentary: A Spiritual Path to Living a Meaningful and Ethical Life (2019)
Savlanut means “love,” I often think. Without savlanut, love dies. (Sh'lach L'cha: Savlanut)
Dr. Alan Morinis, Everyday Holiness: The Jewish Spiritual Path of Mussar (2007)
The situations in which we can feel impatience are numberless, but there is one common factor that unites them all. We only burn with that particular fire when the focus in the situation is on me. You are delaying me, misleading me, berating me. You are interfering with my plan or standing in the way of my needs. (Chp. 8: Patience)
(ב) וַ֠יֵּרָא מַלְאַ֨ךְ יהוה אֵלָ֛יו בְּלַבַּת־אֵ֖שׁ מִתּ֣וֹךְ הַסְּנֶ֑ה וַיַּ֗רְא וְהִנֵּ֤ה הַסְּנֶה֙ בֹּעֵ֣ר בָּאֵ֔שׁ וְהַסְּנֶ֖ה אֵינֶ֥נּוּ אֻכָּֽל׃
(2) There appeared an angel of Hashem to him in a blazing fire from within the thornbush. He saw and indeed the thornbush was burning in the fire but the thornbush was not consumed.
בְּחֹטְמוֹ מֵעוֹלָם לֹא יִמָּצֵא בוֹ חֲרוֹן אַף כְּלָל, אֶלָּא תָמִיד בְּאַפּוֹ חַיִּים וְרָצוֹן טוֹב וַאֲרִיכוּת אַף.
That there [should] never be burning fury (literally, fury of the nose) from his nostril at all. Rather, that there always be life, good will and patience (literally, duration of nose) in his nose.
Rabbi Dr. David Seidenberg, Kabbalah and Ecology: God's Image in the More-Than-Human World (2015)
Two Yuds and Vav (יוי) like eyes and nose, same gematria, 26, as יהוה
God's mercy, erech apayim ("slow to anger," "long-nosed")
God's judgment, charon/chari af ("burning anger" or "burning-nosed")
ט֤וֹב אֶ֣רֶךְ אַ֭פַּיִם מִגִּבּ֑וֹר וּמֹשֵׁ֥ל בְּ֝רוּח֗וֹ מִלֹּכֵ֥ד עִֽיר׃
Better to be forbearing than mighty, To have self-control than to conquer a city.
Dr. Alan Morinis, Every Day, Holy Day: 365 Days of Teachings and Practices From the Jewish Tradition of Mussar (2010)
Rabbi Simcha Zissel Ziv of Kelm (1824–1898) developed a strategy to never lose his temper. He had a special jacket that he had set aside to wear when he was angry. He said, “When I feel anger coming on, I know that I have to get my special jacket. But, by the time I do, I am no longer angry." (Week 13, Day 6)
אמר ליה אליהו לר' נתן אכול שליש ושתה שליש והנח שליש לכשתכעוס תעמוד על מילואך
§ Elijah the prophet said to Rabbi Natan: Eat a third of your fill, and drink a third of your fill, and leave a third of your fill, so that when you become angry you will become full. If you do this, there will be room, as it were, for the anger. If you become angry when your stomach is full you will be harmed.
Rabbi Dov Katz (1900–1979), in A. Morinis, Every Day, Holy Day: 365 Days of Teachings and Practices From the Jewish Tradition of Mussar (2010)
A rabbi once visited Rabbi Yisrael Salanter and found him depressed because he had just gotten angry at someone. “Did you give vent to your anger?” “God forbid,” Rabbi Yisrael replied, “only I was aware of it.” “Then why so upset?” Rabbi Yisrael was surprised, “Don’t you know that giving vent to anger is tantamount to idolatry, and that puts one in the grip of all forms of Hell?” (Week 40, Day 6)
The sages of yore said: "He who yields to anger is as if he worshiped idolatry".1See Nedarim, 22b. G. They also said: "Whosoever yields to anger, if he be a wise man his wisdom leaves him, and if he be a prophet his prophecy leaves him."2
אֵימַר דְּשָׁמְעַתְּ לֵיהּ לְרַבִּי יְהוּדָה בִּמְתַקֵּן, בִּמְקַלְקֵל מִי שָׁמְעַתְּ לֵיהּ? אָמַר רַבִּי אָבִין: הַאי נָמֵי מְתַקַּן הוּא, דְּקָעָבֵיד נַחַת רוּחַ לְיִצְרוֹ. וּכְהַאי גַּוְונָא מִי שְׁרֵי? וְהָתַנְיָא, רַבִּי שִׁמְעוֹן בֶּן אֶלְעָזָר אוֹמֵר מִשּׁוּם חִילְפָא בַּר אַגְרָא שֶׁאָמַר מִשּׁוּם רַבִּי יוֹחָנָן בֶּן נוּרִי: הַמְקָרֵע בְּגָדָיו בַּחֲמָתוֹ, וְהַמְשַׁבֵּר כֵּלָיו בַּחֲמָתוֹ, וְהַמְפַזֵּר מְעוֹתָיו בַּחֲמָתוֹ, יְהֵא בְּעֵינֶיךָ כְּעוֹבֵד עֲבוֹדָה זָרָה. שֶׁכָּךְ אוּמָּנוּתוֹ שֶׁל יֵצֶר הָרָע: הַיּוֹם אוֹמֵר לוֹ עֲשֵׂה כָּךְ, וּלְמָחָר אוֹמֵר לוֹ עֲשֵׂה כָּךְ, עַד שֶׁאוֹמֵר לוֹ עֲבוֹד עֲבוֹדָה זָרָה וְהוֹלֵךְ וְעוֹבֵד. אָמַר רַבִּי אָבִין: מַאי קְרָאָה — ״לֹא יִהְיֶה בְךָ אֵל זָר וְלֹא תִשְׁתַּחֲוֶה לְאֵל נֵכָר״, אֵיזֶהוּ אֵל זָר שֶׁיֵּשׁ בְּגוּפוֹ שֶׁל אָדָם? הֱוֵי אוֹמֵר, זֶה יֵצֶר הָרָע.
The Gemara asks: Say that you heard that Rabbi Yehuda rules that one is liable for performing a labor not needed for its own sake in the case of a constructive act; did you hear him deem one liable in the case of a destructive act? Rabbi Avin said: This case, where one rends his garment in anger, is also constructive, because in doing so he assuages his anger. Rending his garment calms him; therefore, it can be said that he derives benefit from the act of rending, and it is consequently a constructive act. The Gemara asks: And is it at all permitted to tear in that manner? Wasn’t it taught in a baraita that Rabbi Shimon ben Elazar says in the name of Ḥilfa bar Agra, who said in the name of Rabbi Yoḥanan ben Nuri: One who rends his garments in his anger, or who breaks his vessels in his anger, or who scatters his money in his anger, should be like an idol worshipper in your eyes, as that is the craft of the evil inclination. Today it tells him do this, and tomorrow it tells him do that, until eventually, when he no longer controls himself, it tells him worship idols and he goes and worships idols. Rabbi Avin said: What verse alludes to this? “There shall not be a strange god within you, and you shall not bow to a foreign god” (Psalms 81:10). What is the strange god that is within a person’s body? Say that it is the evil inclination. One may not rend his garments in anger, because in doing so he is deriving pleasure from satisfying the evil inclination.
הא' - מי אל כמוך - מוֹרֶה עַל הֱיוֹת הַקָּדוֹשׁ בָּרוּךְ הוּא מֶלֶךְ נֶעֱלַב, סוֹבֵל עֶלְבּוֹן מַה שֶׁלֹּא יְכִילֵהוּ רַעְיוֹן. הֲרֵי אֵין דָּבָר נִסְתָּר מֵהַשְׁגָּחָתוֹ בְּלִי סָפֵק, וְעוֹד אֵין רֶגַע שֶׁלֹּא יִהְיֶה הָאָדָם נִזּוֹן וּמִתְקַיֵּם מִכֹּחַ עֶלְיוֹן הַשּׁוֹפֵעַ עָלָיו, וַהֲרֵי תִּמְצָא שֶׁמֵּעוֹלָם לֹא חָטָא אָדָם נֶגְדּוֹ שֶׁלֹּא יִהְיֶה הוּא בְּאוֹתוֹ הָרֶגַע מַמָּשׁ שׁוֹפֵעַ שֶׁפַע קִיּוּמוֹ וּתְנוּעַת אֵבָרָיו, עִם הֱיוֹת שֶׁהָאָדָם חֹטֵא בַכֹּחַ הַהוּא לֹא מְנָעוֹ מִמֶּנּוּ כְּלָל אֶלָּא סוֹבֵל הַקָּדוֹשׁ בָּרוּךְ הוּא עֶלְבּוֹן כָּזֶה לִהְיוֹת מַשְׁפִּיעַ בּוֹ כֹּחַ תְּנוּעוֹת אֵבָרָיו, וְהוּא מוֹצִיא אוֹתוֹ כֹּחַ בְּאוֹתוֹ רֶגַע בְּחֵטְא וְעָוֹן וּמַכְעִיס וְהַקָּדוֹשׁ בָּרוּךְ הוּא סוֹבֵל. וְלֹא תֹאמַר שֶׁאֵינוֹ יָכוֹל לִמְנוֹעַ מִמֶּנּוּ הַטּוֹב הַהוּא ח"ו שֶׁהֲרֵי בְכֹחוֹ בְּרֶגַע כְּמֵימְרָא לְיַבֵּשׁ יָדָיו וְרַגְלָיו כְּעֵין שֶׁעָשָׂה לְיָרָבְעָם, וְעִם כָּל זֹאת שֶׁהַכֹּחַ בְּיָדוֹ לְהַחְזִיר הַכֹּחַ הַנִּשְׁפָּע הַהוּא וְהָיָה לוֹ לוֹמַר כֵּיוָן שֶׁאַתָּה חֹטֵא נֶגְדִּי תֶּחֱטָא בְּשֶׁלְּךָ לֹא בְשֶׁלִּי, לֹא מִפְּנֵי זֶה מָנַע טוּבוֹ מִן הָאָדָם אֶלָּא סָבַל עֶלְבּוֹן, וְהִשְׁפִּיעַ הַכֹּחַ וְהֵטִיב לְאָדָם טוּבוֹ. הֲרֵי זֶה עֶלְבּוֹן וְסַבְלָנוּת מַה שֶׁלֹּא יְסֻפָּר וְעַל זֶה קוֹרְאִים מַלְאֲכֵי הַשָּׁרֵת לְהַקָּדוֹשׁ בָּרוּךְ הוּא מֶלֶךְ עָלוּב וְהַיְנוּ אוֹמְרוֹ מִי אֵל כָּמוֹךָ, אַתָּה אֵל בַּעַל חֶסֶד הַמֵּטִיב, אֵל בַּעַל כֹּחַ לִנְקֹם וְלֶאֱסֹף אֶת שֶׁלְּךָ, וְעִם כָּל זֹאת אַתָּה סוֹבֵל וְנֶעֱלָב עַד יָשׁוּב בִּתְשׁוּבָה.
The First: "Who is a power like You" instructs about the Holy One, blessed be He, being an insulted King [that] tolerates insult that is inconceivable. Behold, nothing is hidden from His oversight, without a doubt, and [yet] there is no moment when a person is not nourished and preserved by the Highest force that flows upon him; and behold, you find that there was never a person who sinned against God, without Him - at that very instant - [willing] the flow of his existence and the movement of his limbs. While this person sins with that force, He does not withhold it from him at all. Rather, the Holy One, blessed be He, tolerates such an insult - to flow the power for the movement of his limbs into the person, and the person [uses] that power at that moment for sin and iniquity, and [to] anger [Him]; and the Holy One, blessed be He, tolerates [it]. And you [should] not say that He is not able to withhold this goodness from him - God forbid. As behold, it is in His power to make his arms and legs rigid instantly, like His word - similar to what He did to Yerovam (I Kings 13:4). And even with all this, that He has the power in His hand to withdraw that flowing force, and He could have said, "Since you sin against Me, sin with your own [strength], not with Mine" - He does not withhold good from a person for this. Instead, He tolerates the insult, flows the force [to do this] and gives the person of His goodness. Behold, this is insult and [its] toleration that cannot be told. And for this, the ministering angels call the Holy One, blessed be He, the insulted King. And this is [the meaning of] its stating, "Who is a power like You" - You are a Power that is a Master of Kindness that benefits, a Power that is a Master of strength to take revenge and take back what is Yours; and with all that, You tolerate [it] and are insulted until [the person] repents.
הֲרֵי זוֹ מִדָּה שֶׁצָּרִיךְ הָאָדָם לְהִתְנַהֵג בָּהּ רְצוֹנִי הַסַּבְלָנוּת וְכֵן הֱיוֹתוֹ נֶעֱלַב אֲפִלּוּ לְמַדְרֵגָה זוֹ וְעִם כָּל זֹאת לֹא יֶאֱסֹף טוֹבָתוֹ מִן הַמְּקַבֵּל:
Behold, this is a trait that a person must practice - I mean tolerance; and, so, to be insulted, even to this extent, and nonetheless not to withhold one’s goodness from the recipient.