The Messianic Life Force (Or: The Strange Genealogy of Messiah, Son of David)*: Parashat VaYeishev 5781

*I want to acknowledge the primary source of this dvar torah. I heard the core concept in a talk on this very parashah, given by Rabbi Joseph B. Soloveitchik in Boston in the late 1950s. I was so struck by the theme that I never forgot it. Over the years, I have worked variations on this theme but this is the first time that I put it in writing. To my knowledge, the shiur was not published, not even in the posthumous writing series. Let me also acknowledge with gratitude that this is but one drop from an ocean of Torah and insight which I gained from him.

Click the 'play' button below to listen to a recording of Rabbi Yitz Greenberg's Dvar Torah.

The story of Judah, told in our parashah, is full of tragedy and pain, with surprising twists and religiously dissonant behavior—perhaps even a bit shocking to the pious reader. This is one of the three surprising narratives that make up the ancestry of King David—and of the final Messiah, son of David. This strange genealogy demands an explanation.

Judah and his wife Bat Shua1 raised three children. The first born, Er marries a woman named Tamar. Er is apparently a bad person. He dies young and without children. As was the custom in the pre-Sinaitic times, when a man dies childless, his brother marries his widow2, and their first born child carries the name of the deceased and is designated to carry forth the chain of life of the brother whose line was “cut off.”3 Judah, the grieving father, honors this custom, and marries Tamar to his second son, Onan. Although Onan marries Tamar, he knows that his first child will be counted as his brother’s offspring, so he prevents conception by spilling his seed, that is, masturbation or coitus interruptus. He, too, is “struck down by God,” and dies young and childless (Genesis 38:10).

Now imagine the scene of death and devastation left behind. Two parents have lost two grown sons in their prime of their lives, both childless. Perhaps the tragedy is compounded by the suspicion—or knowledge?—that both sons were not good people. Consider Tamar’s pain and ruin. She suffered through extended periods of childlessness4 and the untimely death of her first husband. This was followed by the anguish of a second husband who—far from comforting her and carrying on the line of life—was self-centered, begrudging to his brother, and debilitated their sexual life to prevent conception. He, too, dies young, leaving her bereft, childless, and lonely.


Tamar is now a widow, bearing the stigma of being a “katlanit”,​​​​​​​5 a woman who has buried more than one husband. By drawing conclusions—and often by cultural tradition—men shunned such women, rather than face the risk of being the next fatality. Judah feels the obligation to marry Tamar to his youngest son, Shelah, but he fears that this would spell death to Shelah as well. He tells Tamar to remain, instead, in her widowed state, and wait until Shelah grows up. In effect, he dooms her to an endless loneliness, anchored to a dead man or a future redeemer, and unable to seek any new relationship or marriage on pain of being deemed an adulterous wife.

Years pass. Tamar sees that there is no move to bring Shelah to her as a husband. Her biological clock is ticking. Judah’s wife dies. He recovers from his grief, yet is deeply lonely. Tamar learns that he is going to Timna to graze his sheep and decides to “draft” him to be her redeemer/levir. She dresses as a prostitute and waits for him on the road to Timna. Judah passes and sees her, but does not recognize her as his daughter-in-law. He feels a rush of desire and sexual need and asks to have sex with her. He was so far from planning to go to a prostitute that he actually has no money to pay her hire. He offers to send her a goat when he reaches Timna. She asks him to leave his signet, rope, and staff with her as security. He agrees.

Out of that encounter, Tamar conceives. She leaves the scene, removes her harlot’s clothing and resumes wearing her widow’s weeds. When Judah, a man of his word, sends her the goat, the “prostitute” on the road to Timna is nowhere to be found. In three months time, Tamar’s pregnancy is visible. Judah is notified that his daughter-in-law has violated her widowhood and sentences her to death by fire.

As she is taken out to be burned, however, Tamar sends Judah the signet, staff, and rope he left with her. In a remarkably understated scene, she does not name him, only saying that these belong to the man with whom she slept. Judah is moved and shaken. He sees that Tamar acted for the sake of having a child, and that he had sinned against her by holding her captive while not giving Shelah to be her husband. He publicly acknowledges his personal responsibility. Tamar is saved. She is given the divine blessing of two healthy twins, who grow up to be community leaders and generational transmitters of the covenantal claim.6

In the book of Ruth, this genealogy of Judah’s son, Peretz, is taken up and directly traced to King David (Ruth 4:18-23), ancestor of the ultimate messiah, Messiah son of David. In making this connection, the story informs us that Ruth, a daughter of Moab, is central to the messianic lineage. This in turn directs our attention to the original ancestor of Moab, the daughters of Lot. That story is even more surprising and shocking than Peretz’s conception.

Lot and his daughters are the only survivors of the total destruction of Sodom and Gomorrah. From a cave on a mountain, they look down on a scene of smoking ruins and total devastation as far as the eye can see. There is no sign of life anywhere (Genesis 19:25, 28). As the end of the world as they know it sinks in, the eldest daughter initiates a stunning response. She tells her younger sister “There is no man left [alive] in the land who can come to us [a euphemism for having intercourse in order to conceive]” (19:31). She believes that the whole earth is wiped out. With their ultimate death, humanity—maybe life itself—will come to an end.


Lot’s daughter is not willing to accept the end of humanity. In truth, there is one man left to seed the future: their father, Lot. Her proposal is: let us get him drunk, then lie with him. Thus we will get the seed for new life from our father (ibid, 34). Both daughters carry out this plan on successive nights. Lot is so drunk that he does not know or remember what happened. Both daughters conceive, and the elder gives birth to a boy, Moab, the eponymous ancestor of the Moabite nation, from which Ruth is descended. Hardly an illustrious ancestry for the ultimate redeemer of the world, who will bring God’s Kingdom, the world’s final political, economic, social, spiritual perfection.7


This pushback of life against death and evil is the core of an insight of Rabbi Soloveitchik. He pointed out that Ruth represented the same response as Lot’s daughters’ and Tamar’s—a refusal to give in to death or to accept it as final. Ruth discovered the truth that “love is stronger than death” (Song of Songs 8:6), love persists after death, be that love for her dead husband or love of her mother-in-law whom she would not abandon. Ruth defied both logic, knowing that there would be no one to marry her, and convention, in going to Boaz on the threshing floor to ask him to redeem her (Ruth 3). So, too, Lot’s daughters defied the implacable fate that had, they believed, demolished the world. They would let no obstacle, no norm, no inhibition stop them from assuring that life would go on. This, too, is the power of Tamar, who defied the pattern of passive widows letting their lives drain away. She risked her life to ensure that the covenantal chain would not end with her.

Ruth, Tamar, and Lot’s daughters embody a fierce, unyielding rejection of death’s final victory. This determination to have life go on reflects an unlimited embrace of life. Knowing full well the extra risks and likely pain of loss of loved ones, the person answers, against all logic: “I choose life”—then makes it happen.

Says Soloveitchik: Judaism preaches that life, driven by love, is strong enough to overcome all the enemies of life and the inescapable natural phenomenon, death itself. This is the unlikely, in a sense, unbelievable, message of messianism and Jewish religion. But one must embrace life intensely, take the worst blows and come back with more life in order to make this come true. The proof that the Torah is not spouting hollow affirmation or spreading pollyannaish illusions is the women who fought back and overcame the finality of death. This is the force in humans that has the ability to give the final victory to life.

For years, I carried Soloveitchik’s insight in my mind as a deeply Jewish message. Then in the 1980s, I came across a newspaper story of a baby boom in Nicaragua, during and following the catastrophic Sandinista civil war. It reminded me of the Jewish DP camps after the Shoah, which had the second highest birth rate in the world. Apparently, people everywhere respond to death with affirmation of life. After being drowned in death, people either give up, or they intensely reaffirm hope and belief in the future by generating new life. In the Warsaw ghetto at the end, the death rate was forty times the birth rate. People understood that there was no hope and that no new child would survive. After the war, the Jewish people responded to the tsunami of death in the Holocaust with the greatest outburst of life, biological and cultural, in Jewish history. The United States of America also had a baby boom after World War II.

My wife and I chose to have a large family—in the 1960s, five children was considered a large family. In 2002, we suffered the ultimate parental devastation, the death of our son J.J., then 36. In the aftermath, I struggled with the unbearable pain of being cut off and wanting him back, and the urge, from somewhere deep inside of me, to strike back at death with more life. Over the next two years, out of love and longing, his two sisters, who had four children in their families, each had a fifth child, named after J.J.

Tamar’s response—and those before and after to this day—is the reason why I firmly believe that the Torah and Talmud’s messianic promise, the triumph of life, will come true.

1 This may not be her actual name since she is the daughter of a Canaanite man named Shua. The Torah not infrequently leaves off the name of important women in its narratives. The name of Tamar, the heroine of this story, is given, probably because she is the main driver of the action.

2 This practice was taken into the Torah, Deuteronomy 25:5-10, and known as levirate marriage. The levir (husband’s brother) redeems/preserves the chain of life of the dead brother “so his name not be erased from [the ranks of] Israel (v. 6). The levir could reject this role in which case there was a ceremony which released her and rebuked him (vv. 9-10); see next note.

3 This sentence assumes that the Torah’s practice and rationale was the same as the pre-biblical custom but this is far from certain. In later Jewish law, this practice was essentially replaced by the halitzah ceremony in which the living brother renounced this obligation and freed the widow to marry whomever she wanted.

4 Compare Rebecca’s similar experience (Genesis 25:21) and Rachel’s (Genesis 30:1) and my comments in my essay for Parashat Hayyei Sarah, “‘The Torah Came to Make a Mensch’: Reflections on the Discovery of Rebecca”, available here: https://www.hadar.org/torah-resource/torah-came-make-mensch

5 קטלנית = a killer woman (= a black widow?). In Yevamot 64b, Rabbi Yehudah Ha-Nasi rules that a woman whose first two husbands died may not get married to a third husband. Shulhan Arukh Even Ha-Ezer 9:1 codifies this ruling but reports that many men ignored this ruling and we (the authorities) “raise no objection.”

6 Unlike Rebecca’s twins, where the first one out was a source of problems for a lifetime, Tamar’s twin who fights his way out first, Peretz (= bursts out) is a good link in the covenantal chain, as is his brother, Zerah.

7 In my work with Jewish-Christian dialogue, I sought ways of stressing Jewish distinctive values and often focused on the contrast between the Torah’s flawed heroes (Jacob, Judah, Joseph, Moses, David, etc.) and the Christian vision of ideal heroes, modeled on Jesus, saintly and perfect in every way. I always got a big response when I delivered the punchline: how to birth the ultimate hero, the Messiah? In the Chrstian tradition, he is perfect and untainted by sin or sex. Jesus is the outcome of a Virgin Birth while his mother, Mary is born out of an Immaculate Conception (i.e. untainted by Original Sin). And how is the Jewish messiah birthed? Out of drunken incest and prostitution! Then I would argue my Jewish case. Take a redeemer who was born in Heaven and never tasted sin or experienced the blood, sweat, and tears of earthly oppression. Arriving on earth, that messiah would turn right around and return to Heaven at the first encounter with the unspeakable cruelty, suffering, and pain of life on Earth. However, a messiah born out of the unyielding pushback of the survivors of total devastation, who had grown in the reality of a cruel, wicked society, who was the outcome of a stained but life-affirming sexual congress, would encounter the worst that the planet could throw at him and would wade right in. She would roll up her sleeves and repair this broken world.

Texts Referenced

(י) וַיֵּ֛רַע בְּעֵינֵ֥י יְהוָ֖ה אֲשֶׁ֣ר עָשָׂ֑ה וַיָּ֖מֶת גַּם־אֹתֽוֹ׃
(10) What he did was displeasing to the LORD, and He took his life also.
(יח) וְאֵ֙לֶּה֙ תּוֹלְד֣וֹת פָּ֔רֶץ פֶּ֖רֶץ הוֹלִ֥יד אֶת־חֶצְרֽוֹן׃ (יט) וְחֶצְרוֹן֙ הוֹלִ֣יד אֶת־רָ֔ם וְרָ֖ם הוֹלִ֥יד אֶת־עַמִּֽינָדָֽב׃ (כ) וְעַמִּֽינָדָב֙ הוֹלִ֣יד אֶת־נַחְשׁ֔וֹן וְנַחְשׁ֖וֹן הוֹלִ֥יד אֶת־שַׂלְמָֽה׃ (כא) וְשַׂלְמוֹן֙ הוֹלִ֣יד אֶת־בֹּ֔עַז וּבֹ֖עַז הוֹלִ֥יד אֶת־עוֹבֵֽד׃ (כב) וְעֹבֵד֙ הוֹלִ֣יד אֶת־יִשָׁ֔י וְיִשַׁ֖י הוֹלִ֥יד אֶת־דָּוִֽד׃
(18) This is the line of Perez: Perez begot Hezron, (19) Hezron begot Ram, Ram begot Ammi-nadab, (20) Amminadab begot Nahshon, Nahshon begot Salmon, (21) Salmon begot Boaz, Boaz begot Obed, (22) Obed begot Jesse, and Jesse begot David.
(כה) וַֽיַּהֲפֹךְ֙ אֶת־הֶעָרִ֣ים הָאֵ֔ל וְאֵ֖ת כָּל־הַכִּכָּ֑ר וְאֵת֙ כָּל־יֹשְׁבֵ֣י הֶעָרִ֔ים וְצֶ֖מַח הָאֲדָמָֽה׃ (כו) וַתַּבֵּ֥ט אִשְׁתּ֖וֹ מֵאַחֲרָ֑יו וַתְּהִ֖י נְצִ֥יב מֶֽלַח׃ (כז) וַיַּשְׁכֵּ֥ם אַבְרָהָ֖ם בַּבֹּ֑קֶר אֶל־הַ֨מָּק֔וֹם אֲשֶׁר־עָ֥מַד שָׁ֖ם אֶת־פְּנֵ֥י יְהוָֽה׃ (כח) וַיַּשְׁקֵ֗ף עַל־פְּנֵ֤י סְדֹם֙ וַעֲמֹרָ֔ה וְעַֽל־כָּל־פְּנֵ֖י אֶ֣רֶץ הַכִּכָּ֑ר וַיַּ֗רְא וְהִנֵּ֤ה עָלָה֙ קִיטֹ֣ר הָאָ֔רֶץ כְּקִיטֹ֖ר הַכִּבְשָֽׁן׃ (כט) וַיְהִ֗י בְּשַׁחֵ֤ת אֱלֹהִים֙ אֶת־עָרֵ֣י הַכִּכָּ֔ר וַיִּזְכֹּ֥ר אֱלֹהִ֖ים אֶת־אַבְרָהָ֑ם וַיְשַׁלַּ֤ח אֶת־לוֹט֙ מִתּ֣וֹךְ הַהֲפֵכָ֔ה בַּהֲפֹךְ֙ אֶת־הֶ֣עָרִ֔ים אֲשֶׁר־יָשַׁ֥ב בָּהֵ֖ן לֽוֹט׃ (ל) וַיַּעַל֩ ל֨וֹט מִצּ֜וֹעַר וַיֵּ֣שֶׁב בָּהָ֗ר וּשְׁתֵּ֤י בְנֹתָיו֙ עִמּ֔וֹ כִּ֥י יָרֵ֖א לָשֶׁ֣בֶת בְּצ֑וֹעַר וַיֵּ֙שֶׁב֙ בַּמְּעָרָ֔ה ה֖וּא וּשְׁתֵּ֥י בְנֹתָֽיו׃ (לא) וַתֹּ֧אמֶר הַבְּכִירָ֛ה אֶל־הַצְּעִירָ֖ה אָבִ֣ינוּ זָקֵ֑ן וְאִ֨ישׁ אֵ֤ין בָּאָ֙רֶץ֙ לָב֣וֹא עָלֵ֔ינוּ כְּדֶ֖רֶךְ כָּל־הָאָֽרֶץ׃ (לב) לְכָ֨ה נַשְׁקֶ֧ה אֶת־אָבִ֛ינוּ יַ֖יִן וְנִשְׁכְּבָ֣ה עִמּ֑וֹ וּנְחַיֶּ֥ה מֵאָבִ֖ינוּ זָֽרַע׃ (לג) וַתַּשְׁקֶ֧יןָ אֶת־אֲבִיהֶ֛ן יַ֖יִן בַּלַּ֣יְלָה ה֑וּא וַתָּבֹ֤א הַבְּכִירָה֙ וַתִּשְׁכַּ֣ב אֶת־אָבִ֔יהָ וְלֹֽא־יָדַ֥ע בְּשִׁכְבָ֖הּ וּבְקׄוּמָֽהּ׃ (לד) וַֽיְהִי֙ מִֽמָּחֳרָ֔ת וַתֹּ֤אמֶר הַבְּכִירָה֙ אֶל־הַצְּעִירָ֔ה הֵן־שָׁכַ֥בְתִּי אֶ֖מֶשׁ אֶת־אָבִ֑י נַשְׁקֶ֨נּוּ יַ֜יִן גַּם־הַלַּ֗יְלָה וּבֹ֙אִי֙ שִׁכְבִ֣י עִמּ֔וֹ וּנְחַיֶּ֥ה מֵאָבִ֖ינוּ זָֽרַע׃
(25) He annihilated those cities and the entire Plain, and all the inhabitants of the cities and the vegetation of the ground. (26) Lot’s wife looked back, and she thereupon turned into a pillar of salt. (27) Next morning, Abraham hurried to the place where he had stood before the LORD, (28) and, looking down toward Sodom and Gomorrah and all the land of the Plain, he saw the smoke of the land rising like the smoke of a kiln. (29) Thus it was that, when God destroyed the cities of the Plain and annihilated the cities where Lot dwelt, God was mindful of Abraham and removed Lot from the midst of the upheaval. (30) Lot went up from Zoar and settled in the hill country with his two daughters, for he was afraid to dwell in Zoar; and he and his two daughters lived in a cave. (31) And the older one said to the younger, “Our father is old, and there is not a man on earth to consort with us in the way of all the world. (32) Come, let us make our father drink wine, and let us lie with him, that we may maintain life through our father.” (33) That night they made their father drink wine, and the older one went in and lay with her father; he did not know when she lay down or when she rose. (34) The next day the older one said to the younger, “See, I lay with Father last night; let us make him drink wine tonight also, and you go and lie with him, that we may maintain life through our father.”
(ו) שִׂימֵ֨נִי כַֽחוֹתָ֜ם עַל־לִבֶּ֗ךָ כַּֽחוֹתָם֙ עַל־זְרוֹעֶ֔ךָ כִּֽי־עַזָּ֤ה כַמָּ֙וֶת֙ אַהֲבָ֔ה קָשָׁ֥ה כִשְׁא֖וֹל קִנְאָ֑ה רְשָׁפֶ֕יהָ רִשְׁפֵּ֕י אֵ֖שׁ שַׁלְהֶ֥בֶתְיָֽה׃
(6) Let me be a seal upon your heart, Like the seal upon your hand. For love is fierce as death, Passion is mighty as Sheol; Its darts are darts of fire, A blazing flame.
(ה) כִּֽי־יֵשְׁב֨וּ אַחִ֜ים יַחְדָּ֗ו וּמֵ֨ת אַחַ֤ד מֵהֶם֙ וּבֵ֣ן אֵֽין־ל֔וֹ לֹֽא־תִהְיֶ֧ה אֵֽשֶׁת־הַמֵּ֛ת הַח֖וּצָה לְאִ֣ישׁ זָ֑ר יְבָמָהּ֙ יָבֹ֣א עָלֶ֔יהָ וּלְקָחָ֥הּ ל֛וֹ לְאִשָּׁ֖ה וְיִבְּמָֽהּ׃ (ו) וְהָיָ֗ה הַבְּכוֹר֙ אֲשֶׁ֣ר תֵּלֵ֔ד יָק֕וּם עַל־שֵׁ֥ם אָחִ֖יו הַמֵּ֑ת וְלֹֽא־יִמָּחֶ֥ה שְׁמ֖וֹ מִיִּשְׂרָאֵֽל׃ (ז) וְאִם־לֹ֤א יַחְפֹּץ֙ הָאִ֔ישׁ לָקַ֖חַת אֶת־יְבִמְתּ֑וֹ וְעָלְתָה֩ יְבִמְתּ֨וֹ הַשַּׁ֜עְרָה אֶל־הַזְּקֵנִ֗ים וְאָֽמְרָה֙ מֵאֵ֨ין יְבָמִ֜י לְהָקִ֨ים לְאָחִ֥יו שֵׁם֙ בְּיִשְׂרָאֵ֔ל לֹ֥א אָבָ֖ה יַבְּמִֽי׃ (ח) וְקָֽרְאוּ־ל֥וֹ זִקְנֵי־עִיר֖וֹ וְדִבְּר֣וּ אֵלָ֑יו וְעָמַ֣ד וְאָמַ֔ר לֹ֥א חָפַ֖צְתִּי לְקַחְתָּֽהּ׃ (ט) וְנִגְּשָׁ֨ה יְבִמְתּ֣וֹ אֵלָיו֮ לְעֵינֵ֣י הַזְּקֵנִים֒ וְחָלְצָ֤ה נַעֲלוֹ֙ מֵעַ֣ל רַגְל֔וֹ וְיָרְקָ֖ה בְּפָנָ֑יו וְעָֽנְתָה֙ וְאָ֣מְרָ֔ה כָּ֚כָה יֵעָשֶׂ֣ה לָאִ֔ישׁ אֲשֶׁ֥ר לֹא־יִבְנֶ֖ה אֶת־בֵּ֥ית אָחִֽיו (י) וְנִקְרָ֥א שְׁמ֖וֹ בְּיִשְׂרָאֵ֑ל בֵּ֖ית חֲל֥וּץ הַנָּֽעַל׃ (ס)

(5) When brothers dwell together and one of them dies and leaves no son, the wife of the deceased shall not be married to a stranger, outside the family. Her husband’s brother shall unite with her: he shall take her as his wife and perform the levir’s duty. (6) The first son that she bears shall be accounted to the dead brother, that his name may not be blotted out in Israel. (7) But if the man does not want to marry his brother’s widow, his brother’s widow shall appear before the elders in the gate and declare, “My husband’s brother refuses to establish a name in Israel for his brother; he will not perform the duty of a levir.” (8) The elders of his town shall then summon him and talk to him. If he insists, saying, “I do not want to marry her,” (9) his brother’s widow shall go up to him in the presence of the elders, pull the sandal off his foot, spit in his face, and make this declaration: Thus shall be done to the man who will not build up his brother’s house! (10) And he shall go in Israel by the name of “the family of the unsandaled one.”

(כא) וַיֶּעְתַּ֨ר יִצְחָ֤ק לַֽיהוָה֙ לְנֹ֣כַח אִשְׁתּ֔וֹ כִּ֥י עֲקָרָ֖ה הִ֑וא וַיֵּעָ֤תֶר לוֹ֙ יְהוָ֔ה וַתַּ֖הַר רִבְקָ֥ה אִשְׁתּֽוֹ׃
(21) Isaac pleaded with the LORD on behalf of his wife, because she was barren; and the LORD responded to his plea, and his wife Rebekah conceived.
(א) וַתֵּ֣רֶא רָחֵ֗ל כִּ֣י לֹ֤א יָֽלְדָה֙ לְיַעֲקֹ֔ב וַתְּקַנֵּ֥א רָחֵ֖ל בַּאֲחֹתָ֑הּ וַתֹּ֤אמֶר אֶֽל־יַעֲקֹב֙ הָֽבָה־לִּ֣י בָנִ֔ים וְאִם־אַ֖יִן מֵתָ֥ה אָנֹֽכִי׃
(1) When Rachel saw that she had borne Jacob no children, she became envious of her sister; and Rachel said to Jacob, “Give me children, or I shall die.”
אין והתניא ניסת לראשון ומת לשני ומת לשלישי לא תנשא דברי רבי רבן שמעון בן גמליאל אומר לשלישי תנשא לרביעי לא תנשא
The Gemara responds: Yes, and it is taught in a baraita: If a woman was married to her first husband and he died, to a second one and he also died, she may not get married to a third husband. This is the statement of Rabbi Yehuda HaNasi. Rabban Shimon ben Gamliel says: She may get married to a third husband, but if he also dies, she may not get married to a fourth husband.
איזה אשה נקראת קטלנית ובו ב סעיפים:
אשה שנשאת (או נתארסה) (מ"מ פכ"א ונ"י פ' הבא על יבמתו) לשני אנשים ומתו לא תנשא לשלישי שכבר הוחזקה להיות אנשיה מתים ואם נשאת לא תצא ואפילו נתקדשה יכנוס ואם הכיר בה יש לה כתובה לא הכיר בה אין לה כתובה משלישי אבל משני יש לה כתובה אפי' לא הכיר בה: הגה וי"א דדוקא אם מתו מיתת עצמם אבל אם נהרג אחד מהן או מת בדבר או נפל ומת וכדומה אינו כלום ולכן רבים מקילים בדברים אלו ואין מוחין בידיהם (ב"י בשם תשובת הרמב"ן שכ"כ בשי"א) י"א דה"ה אשה שנתגרשה שני פעמים אין לישא אותה (רש"י פ"י דיבמות והר"ן ר"פ נערה) אבל י"א מיתה דוקא (הגהות מיי' בשם התוס') (וכן עיקר):
A woman who was married (Rem"a: or engaged) (Maggid Mishneh ch. 21 and Nimmukei Yosef ch. Haba `Al Yevimto) to two men [sequentially] and they died may not become married to a third, for she is already assumed to be [a woman whose] husbands die. But if she married [a third husband] she need not get divorced, and even if she was [only] engaged, he may marry [her]. And if he is aware of her [as a woman whose husbands die, and nevertheless consents to marry her] she receives a ketubah; [but] if he is unaware of her [past], she gets not ketubah from the third. But from the second [husband whom she married after the first died] she has a ketubah even [if] he was unaware of her. Rem"a: There are those who say that [this law applies] specifically if they died natural deaths, but if one of them was murdered or died in a plague, or fell and died, etc., that doesn't count. And therefore most people are lenient in these matters, and one ought not prevent them [from acting leniently]. (Beit Yosef in the name of a responsum of the Ramban 121, who wrote this in the name of "those who say.") There are those who say that this law applies to a woman who is divorced twice, that one ought not marry her. (Rashi, ch. 10 of Yevamot and the Ra"n in the beginning of ch. Na`arah.) But there are those who say that [this law applies] specifically to dying (Hagahat Maimoni in the name of the Tosafot), and thus is the norm.