The matter at hand: what should we interrupt our prayers for?
If nothing, should we worry about dangerous animals while we pray?
The Talmud teaches:
One who prays and need not fear even a snake. The Sages taught: (Maiseh) There was an incident in one place where an arvad (probably a viper or cobra) was harming the people. The townspeople came and told Rabbi Ḥanina ben Dosa and asked for his help.
Rabbi Ḥanina ben Dosa told them: Show me the hole of the arvad. They showed him its hole. He placed his heel over the mouth of the hole and the arvad came out and bit the rabbi, and the SNAKE died.
Rabbi Ḥanina ben Dosa placed the arvad over his shoulder and brought it to the study hall. He said to those assembled there: See, my sons, it is not the arvad that kills a person, rather transgression kills a person. The arvad has no power over one who is free of transgression.
At that moment the Sages cried aloud: Woe unto the person who was attacked by an arvad! And woe unto the arvad that was attacked by Rabbi Ḥanina ben Dosa!
There is a teaching : R. 'Akiba said : Once I went into a privy behind R. Joshua and learned from him three things.
- I learned that we should not "evacuate" East or West, but North or South.
- I learned that we should not expose ourselves standing but sitting.
- I also learned that we should not wipe ourselves with the right hand but with the left.
Ben 'Azzai said to him, "Were you really so disrespectful with your master?" Rabbi Akiva replied, "It was a matter of Torah and I wished to learn."
Sneezing...from below.
[It is taught] One who was standing in prayer and sneezed from below waits until the odor dissipates and resumes praying.
Some say: One who was standing in prayer when he felt the need to sneeze from below, retreats four cubits, sneezes, waits until the odor dissipates and resumes praying.
Never go to the bathroom without your goat
Because fear of demons in bathrooms was pervasive, the Gemara teaches: Abaye’s mother raised a lamb to accompany him to the bathroom.
The Gemara objects: She should have raised a goat for him. A goat could be interchanged with a goat-demon. Since both the demon and the goat are called sa’ir, they were afraid to bring a goat to a place frequented by demons.
On a similar note, the Gemara tells a story that Rav Kahana entered and lay beneath Rav’s bed.
He heard Rav "chatting and laughing" with his wife, and "seeing to his needs," i.e., having relations with her.
Rav Kahana said out loud beneath the bed loud enough that Rav heard: The mouth of Abba, Rav, is like one who has never eaten a cooked dish, i.e., his behavior was lustful.
Rav said to him: Kahana, are you here? Leave! This is an undesirable mode of behavior.
Rav Kahana said to him: It is Torah, and I must learn.
'Ulla said : Behind a fence one may ease himself immediately; but in an open place [he may do it] so long as he can break wind without anybody hearing it.
It was also taught : Behind a fence [he may ease himself] so long as he can break wind without anybody hearing, but in an open place so long as nobody sees him.
There is a story of Rabba and Rabbi Zeira who prepared a Purim feast with each other.
They became intoxicated to the point that Rabba arose and murdered Rabbi Zeira.
The next day, when Rabba became sober and realized what he had done, he asked God for mercy, and revived Rabbi Zeira.
A year later, Rabba said to Rabbi Zeira: Come this year and let us prepare the Purim feast with each other. Rabbi Zeira said to him: Miracles do not happen each and every hour, and I do not want to undergo that experience again.
מקרי ליה רב יהודה לרב יצחק בריה (קהלת ז, כו) ומוצא אני מר ממות את האשה א"ל כגון מאן כגון אמך
The First "Your Mom" Joke
Rav Yehuda was teaching Torah to Rav Yitzḥak, his son, and they encountered the verse: “Now, I find a woman more bitter than death; she is all traps, her hands are fetters and her heart is snares. He who is pleasing to God escapes her, and he who is displeasing is caught by her.” (Ecclesiastes 7:26). His son said to him: Do you have an example of such a woman? His father replied: For example, your mother.
אי הכי אימא סיפא חוץ מחמשים אמה הרי הוא של מוצאו ואי דליכא ודאי מההוא נפל הכא במאי עסקינן במדדה דאמר רב עוקבא בר חמא כל המדדה אין מדדה יותר מחמשים בעי ר' ירמיה רגלו אחת בתוך חמשים אמה ורגלו אחת חוץ מחמשים אמה מהו ועל דא אפקוהו לרבי ירמיה מבי מדרשא
Stop Wasting Our Time!
The rabbis of the yeshiva are discussing how you track down the remains of a dead bird.
With what are we dealing here? We are dealing with a chick that hops from place to place but does not yet fly.
As Rav Ukva bar Ḥama says: With regard to any creature that hops, it does not hop more than fifty cubits.
Consequently, any bird found within fifty cubits of a dovecote is assumed to have come from there. If it is farther away than that, it likely came from elsewhere or was dropped by travelers.
Rabbi Yirmeya raises a dilemma: If one leg of the chick was within fifty cubits of the dovecote, and one leg was beyond fifty cubits, what is the halakha?
The Gemara comments: And it was for his question about this far-fetched scenario that they removed Rabbi Yirmeya from the study hall, as he was apparently wasting the Sages’ time.
The game of rabbinic telephone never works...
Rabbi Zeira said
that Rabbi Asi said
that Rabbi Elazar said
that Rabbi Ḥanina said
that Rav said:
Alongside this specific pillar
before me,
Rabbi Yishmael,
son of Rabbi Yosei,
prayed the Shabbat prayer
on the eve of Shabbat before nightfall.
But when Ulla came from the Eretz Yisrael to Babylonia, he related a different version of this story.
He said that he had heard:
This transpired beside a palm tree, not beside a pillar,
It was not Rabbi Yishmael, son of Rabbi Yosei,
but it was Rabbi Elazar, son of Rabbi Yosei,
and it was not the Shabbat prayer on Shabbat eve before nightfall,
rather it was the prayer of the conclusion of Shabbat on Shabbat.
Why record this!?!?!
Abaye said: This is not difficult; this ruling is referring to the fourteenth of Nisan, whereas that ruling is referring to the thirteenth. The Gemara elaborates: On the thirteenth of Nisan, when bread is still found in every house, the weasel does not conceal the leaven, and therefore there is no concern that perhaps the weasel dragged the leaven elsewhere and concealed it. However, on the fourteenth of Nisan, when bread is not found in any of the houses, the weasel hides the leaven. Rava said in surprise: And is the weasel a prophetess that knows that now is the fourteenth of Nisan and no one will bake until the evening, and it leaves over bread and conceals it in its hole? Rather, Rava rejected Abaye’s answer and said: With regard to the leaven that one leaves after the search, he should place it in a concealed location, lest a weasel take it before us and it will require searching after it. Only if one actually sees the weasel take the leaven, is he required to search after it.
There was a certain person who said to his wife: Benefiting from me is konam for you until you show some beautiful part of you to Rabbi Yishmael, son of Rabbi Yosei. Basically, you're lucky just to be around me!
Rabbi Yishmael attempted to find something beautiful about the woman.
He said to his students: Perhaps her head is beautiful?
They said to him: It is round [segalgal].
Perhaps her hair is beautiful?
They replied: Her hair resembles stalks of flax.
Perhaps her eyes are beautiful?
They are narrow [terutot].
Perhaps her ears are beautiful?
They are double in size.
Perhaps her nose is beautiful?
It is stubby.
Perhaps her lips are beautiful?
They are thick.
Perhaps her neck is beautiful?
It is low and short.
Perhaps her stomach is beautiful?
It is swollen.
Perhaps her legs are beautiful?
They are as wide as a goose’s.
Perhaps her name is beautiful?
Her name is Likhlukhit.
He said to them: It is fitting [yafeh] that she is called by the name Likhlukhit, as she is dirty [melukhlekhet] with blemishes. There is nothing more beautiful than a fitting name.
So Rabbi Yishmale permitted her to materially benefit from her husband, because she did have one beautiful feature, her fitting name.
The Gemara cites another incident: There was a certain Babylonian who went up to Eretz Yisrael and married a woman there.
He said to her: Cook two lentils, i.e., some lentils, for me.
She cooked exactly two lentils for him. He grew angry with her.
On the following day, so that she would not repeat what she had done, he said to her: Cook a se’a [geriva] for me, intending: A large amount.
She cooked an actual se’a for him, far more than what one person could eat.
He said to her: Go and bring me two butzinei, intending small gourds, as butzinei are small gourds in the Aramaic dialect spoken in Babylonia.
She went and brought him two lamps [sheraggei], called butzinei in the Aramaic dialect spoken in Eretz Yisrael.
In anger, he said to her: Go and break them on the head of the bava, intending the gate, as bava means a gate in the Aramaic dialect spoken in Babylonia.
She did not recognize this word. At that time, the Sage Bava ben Buta was sitting as a judge at the gate.
She went and broke them on his head, as his name was Bava.
Bava said to her: What is this you have done? She said to him: This is what my husband commanded me to do. He said: You fulfilled your husband’s desire, may the Omnipresent bring forth from you two sons, corresponding to the two candles, like Bava ben Buta.
Don't get smart with me
The Gemara relates: The emperor said to Rabbi Tanḥum: Come, let us all be one people. Rabbi Tanḥum said: Very well. But we, who are circumcised, cannot become uncircumcised as you are; you all circumcise yourselves and become like us. The emperor said to Rabbi Tanḥum: In terms of the logic of your statement, you are saying well, but anyone who bests the king in a debate is thrown to the enclosure [labeivar] of wild animals. They threw him to the enclosure but the animals did not eat him, as God protected him. A certain heretic said to the emperor: This incident, that they did not eat him, happened because they are not hungry. They then threw the heretic into the enclosure and the animals ate him.
Similarly, Rav Naḥman said: All mockery and obscenity is forbidden except for mockery of idol worship, which is permitted, as it is written: “Bel bows down, Nevo stoops” (Isaiah 46:1). The prophet mocks these idols by describing them as crouching in order to defecate. Additionally, it is written: “They stoop, they bow down together; they could not deliver the burden” (Isaiah 46:2).
Rav Huna bar Manoaḥ said in the name of Rav Aḥa, son of Rav Ika: It is permitted for a Jew to say to a gentile: Take your idol and put it in your shin tav, i.e., shet, buttocks.
Rav Ashi said: One whose reputation is tarnished, i.e., he is known as a philanderer, it is permitted to humiliate him by calling him gimmel sin, an acronym for girta sarya, son of a putrid harlot.
One whose reputation is commendable, it is permitted to publicly praise him, and one who praises him, blessings will rest upon his head.