1st go-around:
Names, kids, geography, something you admire about your father
לֹא־תִשְׁתַּחֲוֶ֥֣ה לָהֶ֖ם֮ וְלֹ֣א תָעָבְדֵ֑ם֒ כִּ֣י אָנֹכִ֞י יְהוָ֤ה אֱלֹהֶ֙יךָ֙ אֵ֣ל קַנָּ֔א פֹּ֠קֵד עֲוֺ֨ן אָב֧וֹת עַל־בָּנִ֛ים וְעַל־שִׁלֵּשִׁ֥ים וְעַל־רִבֵּעִ֖ים לְשֹׂנְאָֽ֑י׃
You shall not bow down to them or serve them. For I G!d your G!d am an impassioned G!d, visiting the guilt of the parents upon the children, upon the third and upon the fourth generations of those who reject Me,
(יד) וְהִנֵּה֙ הוֹלִ֣יד בֵּ֔ן וַיַּ֕רְא אֶת־כָּל־חַטֹּ֥את אָבִ֖יו אֲשֶׁ֣ר עָשָׂ֑ה וַיִּרְאֶ֕ה וְלֹ֥א יַעֲשֶׂ֖ה כָּהֵֽן׃ (טו) עַל־הֶֽהָרִים֙ לֹ֣א אָכָ֔ל וְעֵינָיו֙ לֹ֣א נָשָׂ֔א אֶל־גִּלּוּלֵ֖י בֵּ֣ית יִשְׂרָאֵ֑ל אֶת־אֵ֥שֶׁת רֵעֵ֖הוּ לֹ֥א טִמֵּֽא׃ (טז) וְאִישׁ֙ לֹ֣א הוֹנָ֔ה חֲבֹל֙ לֹ֣א חָבָ֔ל וּגְזֵלָ֖ה לֹ֣א גָזָ֑ל לַחְמוֹ֙ לְרָעֵ֣ב נָתָ֔ן וְעֵר֖וֹם כִּסָּה־בָֽגֶד׃ (יז) מֵעָנִ֞י הֵשִׁ֣יב יָד֗וֹ נֶ֤שֶׁךְ וְתַרְבִּית֙ לֹ֣א לָקָ֔ח מִשְׁפָּטַ֣י עָשָׂ֔ה בְּחֻקּוֹתַ֖י הָלָ֑ךְ ה֗וּא לֹ֥א יָמ֛וּת בַּעֲוֺ֥ן אָבִ֖יו חָיֹ֥ה יִחְיֶֽה׃ (יח) אָבִ֞יו כִּֽי־עָ֣שַׁק עֹ֗שֶׁק גָּזַל֙ גֵּ֣זֶל אָ֔ח וַאֲשֶׁ֥ר לֹא־ט֛וֹב עָשָׂ֖ה בְּת֣וֹךְ עַמָּ֑יו וְהִנֵּה־מֵ֖ת בַּעֲוֺנֽוֹ׃ (יט) וַאֲמַרְתֶּ֕ם מַדֻּ֛עַ לֹא־נָשָׂ֥א הַבֵּ֖ן בַּעֲוֺ֣ן הָאָ֑ב וְהַבֵּ֞ן מִשְׁפָּ֧ט וּצְדָקָ֣ה עָשָׂ֗ה אֵ֣ת כָּל־חֻקּוֹתַ֥י שָׁמַ֛ר וַיַּעֲשֶׂ֥ה אֹתָ֖ם חָיֹ֥ה יִחְיֶֽה׃ (כ) הַנֶּ֥פֶשׁ הַחֹטֵ֖את הִ֣יא תָמ֑וּת בֵּ֞ן לֹא־יִשָּׂ֣א ׀ בַּעֲוֺ֣ן הָאָ֗ב וְאָב֙ לֹ֤א יִשָּׂא֙ בַּעֲוֺ֣ן הַבֵּ֔ן צִדְקַ֤ת הַצַּדִּיק֙ עָלָ֣יו תִּֽהְיֶ֔ה וְרִשְׁעַ֥ת רשע [הָרָשָׁ֖ע] עָלָ֥יו תִּֽהְיֶֽה׃ (ס)
(14) Now suppose that he, in turn, has begotten a son who has seen all the sins that his father committed, but has taken heed and has not imitated them: (15) He has not eaten on the mountains or raised his eyes to the fetishes of the House of Israel; he has not defiled another man’s wife; (16) he has not wronged anyone; he has not seized a pledge or taken anything by robbery; he has given his bread to the hungry and clothed the naked; (17) he has refrained from oppressing the poor; he has not exacted advance or accrued interest; he has obeyed My rules and followed My laws—he shall not die for the iniquity of his father, but shall live. (18) To be sure, his father, because he practiced fraud, robbed his brother, and acted wickedly among his kin, did die for his iniquity; (19) and now you ask, “Why has not the son shared the burden of his father’s guilt?” But the son has done what is right and just, and has carefully kept all My laws: he shall live! (20) The person who sins, he alone shall die. A child shall not share the burden of a parent’s guilt, nor shall a parent share the burden of a child’s guilt; the righteousness of the righteous shall be accounted to him alone, and the wickedness of the wicked shall be accounted to him alone.
A Good Enough Parent by Bruno Bettelheim
In order to raise a child well one ought not to try to be a perfect parent, as much as one should not expect one’s child to be, or to become, a perfect individual. Perfection is not within the grasp of ordinary human beings. Efforts to attain it typically interfere with that lenient response to the imperfections of others, including those of one’s child, which alone make good human relations possible.
Father Hunger by James M. Herzog
Despite the fact that many children today grow up without one, there is much clinical evidence to support the idea that children need a father...without a father in one’s personal past, it is difficult to reconstruct a father in one’s own pre-fatherhood, and this situation seems to have fateful implications for both intimacy and caretaking during adulthood.
2nd Go around:
What do we think our father regrets?
What do we want to change in our father from what he role modeled?
Goals/Accountability For Next Month