כיבוד אב ואם

Kiddushin 31a

They asked Rav Ulla: To what extent must we honor our parents? He answered them and said, Go see what one non-Jew did in Ashkelon, Dama ben Netinah was his name. Once, the Sages wanted to buy certain merchandise from him at a price which would give him a profit of six hundred thousand gold dinars. But the key to the chest that contained the merchandise was lying under his sleeping father’s pillow. And Dama did not disturb his father…God rewarded Dama…

When Rav Dimi came to Israel, he said: Once, Dama ben Netinah was dressed in a golden silk coat and was sitting among the nobles of Rome. His mother came, ripped it off him, hit him on his head, spat in his face, yet he did not rebuke her.

Kiddushin 31b

The Rabbis taught in a Baraisa: What is proper reverence [for one's parents] and what is proper honor? Reverence means that one may not stand in his father's place, and he may not sit in his place; he may not contradict his father's words, and he may not offer an opinion [in a halakhic debate to which his father is a party]. Honor means that one must give his father food and drink; dress him and cover him; bring him in and take him out.

Sefer Chareidim 9:37

The Zohar praises “the son who looks after his father and mother and who loves them more than his own self, to the point that he would be willing to give up everything he had if only to do the will of his parents and to serve them.” This depiction teaches us that our Sages understood that the obligation to honor one’s parents includes loving them...

Kiddushin 30b

Our Rabbis taught: It is said, “Honor your father and your mother” (Ex. 20:12) and it is also said, “Honor the Lord with your property” (Proverbs 3:9). Thus the Torah is equating the honor due to parents to that of God. It is said, “Every man must revere his mother and father and keep my Shabbat: I am the Lord your God” (Lev. 19:3) and it is also said, “The Lord your God you shall revere…” (Deut. 6:13). Thus the Torah is equating the reverence towards parents to the reverence towards God. It is said, “He who curses his father or mother shall surely be put to death” (Ex. 21:17) and it is also said, “Whoever curses his God shall bear his sin” (Lev. 24:15). Thus the Torah is equating cursing parents to cursing God. However, with regard to striking it is certainly impossible [to compare parents and God, for God cannot be struck]. It is logical [to equate parents with God] because the three are partners in creating him [the child]. Our rabbis taught: There are three partners in humans: God, the father, and the mother. When a person honors his father and his mother, God says, “I credit them as though I dwelled among them and they had honored me.”

Rabbeinu Bachya, Shemot 20:12

Rav Saadia Gaon explains that the reason the Torah promises longevity to those who honor their parents is that often, parents eventually live with their children for many years and become a burden on them, causing it to be difficult to honor them. Therefore, the Torah promises long life for keeping this mitzvah, i.e., by your honoring them, you will merit a long life. One who views his parents’ longevity as an imposition on his life should realize that his own lifespan is really a function of how he cares for his parents!

Shabbat 127a

These are the precepts whose fruits a person enjoys in This World but whose principal remains intact for him in the World to Come. They are: honoring one’s father and mother, bringing peace between man and his fellow - and the study of Torah is equivalent to them all.

Sefer Chareidim 9:37

And this follows logically; for doesn’t the Midrash teach that honoring one’s parents is a debt that one owes them for all that they have done for him? If so, part of that debt is the obligation to love one’s parents intensely, as they love him, instead of feeling that they are a heavy burden or a bother.

Rema, Shulchan Aruch Yoreh Deah 240: 25

If the father protests against the son marrying a specific woman that he wishes [to marry], the son does not need to listen to his father.

Meshech Chochma, Devarim 5:16

“Honor your father and your mother as God your Lord has commanded you” – even under circumstances that your father and mother abandoned you and did not raise you, you should still honor them “as God your Lord has commanded you.” In the desert, where raising children did not take much effort – the manna fell from the sky, water was supplied from the well, meat from the quail and the clouds ironed their clothing – even so, God commanded you to honor your father and mother – for all generations. Amongst the Jews there is another basis for respecting parents, for they raise their children to achieve “true” success by transmitting to them the mitzvot and the Jewish tradition from generation to generation…Therefore [the Torah] says that even if one’s father did not transmit to him the correct traditions, he should still honor him “as God your Lord has commanded you” – for you [who were present at Mount Sinai] are in a generation where the children also heard directly from God and do not require their parents’ tradition, as you heard the Oral Law directly from Moshe. Yet despite this “God your Lord has commanded you” to honor your father and mother.