Building Blocks of Intimacy

What we can learn from 3 Torah couples

Yitzchok and Rivka

(כא) וַיֶּעְתַּ֨ר יִצְחָ֤ק לַֽה' לְנֹ֣כַח אִשְׁתּ֔וֹ כִּ֥י עֲקָרָ֖ה הִ֑וא וַיֵּעָ֤תֶר לוֹ֙ ה' וַתַּ֖הַר רִבְקָ֥ה אִשְׁתּֽוֹ׃

(21) Yitzchok pleaded with the LORD on behalf of his wife, because she was barren; and the LORD responded to his plea, and his wife Rivka conceived.

(א) ויהי אחרי מות אברהם ויברך וגו'. נִחֲמוֹ תַּנְחוּמֵי אֲבֵלִים. דָּ"אַ אַעַ"פִּ שֶׁמָּסַר הַקָּבָּ"ה אֶת הַבְּרָכוֹת לְאַבְרָהָם, נִתְיָרֵא לְבָרֵךְ אֶת יִצְחָק מִפְּנֵי שֶׁצָּפָה אֶת עֵשָׂו יוֹצֵא מִמֶּנוּ, אָמַר יָבֹא בַּעַל הַבְּרָכוֹת וִיבָרֵךְ אֵת אֲשֶׁר יִיטַב בְּעֵינָיו, וּבָא הַקָּבָּ"ה וּבֵרְכוֹ (סוטה י"ד):

(1) ויהי אחרי מות אברהם ויברך וגו AND IT CAME TO PASS AFTER THE DEATH OF AVRAHAM THAT GOD BLESSED YITZCHOK etc. — He comforted him with the words of the formula of consolation which we offer to mourners (Sotah 14a). Another explanation is: Although the Holy One, blessed be He, had entrusted the blessings to Avraham to bless whomever he wished yet he (Avraham) feared to bless Yitzchok, because he foresaw that Esav would be born from him. He therefore said, “Let the Master of the blessings come himself and bless whomever it seems proper in his eyes” — God came and blessed him (Yitzchok)(Genesis Rabbah 61:6).

The Midrash says:

"Opposite his wife." This teaches us that Yitzchok prostrated himself [in prayer] here and Rivka here, saying: "Master of the universe, all the children that You are to give me, may they be from this righteous woman." She also said the same thing: "All children that You are to give me in the future, may they be from this righteous man."

Yaakov and Rachel

(א) וַתֵּ֣רֶא רָחֵ֗ל כִּ֣י לֹ֤א יָֽלְדָה֙ לְיַעֲקֹ֔ב וַתְּקַנֵּ֥א רָחֵ֖ל בַּאֲחֹתָ֑הּ וַתֹּ֤אמֶר אֶֽל־יַעֲקֹב֙ הָֽבָה־לִּ֣י בָנִ֔ים וְאִם־אַ֖יִן מֵתָ֥ה אָנֹֽכִי׃ (ב) וַיִּֽחַר־אַ֥ף יַעֲקֹ֖ב בְּרָחֵ֑ל וַיֹּ֗אמֶר הֲתַ֤חַת אֱלֹקִים֙ אָנֹ֔כִי אֲשֶׁר־מָנַ֥ע מִמֵּ֖ךְ פְּרִי־בָֽטֶן׃

(1) When Rachel saw that she had borne Yaakov no children, she became envious of her sister; and Rachel said to Yaakov, “Give me children, or I shall die.” (2) Jacob was incensed at Rachel, and said, “Can I take the place of God, who has denied you fruit of the womb?”

The Midrash says:

After hearing how Yaakov expressed himself to his wife, Hashem said, "Is this how you respond to those in distress?"

Chana and Elkanah

(ו) וְכִֽעֲסַ֤תָּה צָֽרָתָהּ֙ גַּם־כַּ֔עַס בַּעֲב֖וּר הַרְּעִמָ֑הּ כִּֽי־סָגַ֥ר ה' בְּעַ֥ד רַחְמָֽהּ׃ (ז) וְכֵ֨ן יַעֲשֶׂ֜ה שָׁנָ֣ה בְשָׁנָ֗ה מִדֵּ֤י עֲלֹתָהּ֙ בְּבֵ֣ית ה' כֵּ֖ן תַּכְעִסֶ֑נָּה וַתִּבְכֶּ֖ה וְלֹ֥א תֹאכַֽל׃ (ח) וַיֹּ֨אמֶר לָ֜הּ אֶלְקָנָ֣ה אִישָׁ֗הּ חַנָּה֙ לָ֣מֶה תִבְכִּ֗י וְלָ֙מֶה֙ לֹ֣א תֹֽאכְלִ֔י וְלָ֖מֶה יֵרַ֣ע לְבָבֵ֑ךְ הֲל֤וֹא אָֽנֹכִי֙ ט֣וֹב לָ֔ךְ מֵעֲשָׂרָ֖ה בָּנִֽים׃

(6) Moreover, her rival, to make her miserable, would taunt her that the LORD had closed her womb. (7) This happened year after year: Every time she went up to the House of the LORD, the other would taunt her, so that she wept and would not eat. (8) Her husband Elkanah said to her, “Chana, why are you crying and why aren’t you eating? Why are you so sad? Am I not more devoted to you than ten sons?”

(ט) וַתָּ֣קָם חַנָּ֔ה אַחֲרֵ֛י אָכְלָ֥ה בְשִׁלֹ֖ה וְאַחֲרֵ֣י שָׁתֹ֑ה וְעֵלִ֣י הַכֹּהֵ֗ן יֹשֵׁב֙ עַל־הַכִּסֵּ֔א עַל־מְזוּזַ֖ת הֵיכַ֥ל ה'׃ (י) וְהִ֖יא מָ֣רַת נָ֑פֶשׁ וַתִּתְפַּלֵּ֥ל עַל־ה' וּבָכֹ֥ה תִבְכֶּֽה׃ (יא) וַתִּדֹּ֨ר נֶ֜דֶר וַתֹּאמַ֗ר ה' צְבָא֜וֹת אִם־רָאֹ֥ה תִרְאֶ֣ה ׀ בָּעֳנִ֣י אֲמָתֶ֗ךָ וּזְכַרְתַּ֙נִי֙ וְלֹֽא־תִשְׁכַּ֣ח אֶת־אֲמָתֶ֔ךָ וְנָתַתָּ֥ה לַאֲמָתְךָ֖ זֶ֣רַע אֲנָשִׁ֑ים וּנְתַתִּ֤יו לַֽה' כָּל־יְמֵ֣י חַיָּ֔יו וּמוֹרָ֖ה לֹא־יַעֲלֶ֥ה עַל־רֹאשֽׁוֹ׃

(9) After they had eaten and drunk at Shiloh, Chana rose.—The priest Eli was sitting on the seat near the doorpost of the temple of the LORD.— (10) In her wretchedness, she prayed to the LORD, weeping all the while. (11) And she made this vow: “O LORD of Hosts, if You will look upon the suffering of Your maidservant and will remember me and not forget Your maidservant, and if You will grant Your maidservant a male child, I will dedicate him to the LORD for all the days of his life; and no razor shall ever touch his head.”

(יב) וְהָיָה֙ כִּ֣י הִרְבְּתָ֔ה לְהִתְפַּלֵּ֖ל לִפְנֵ֣י ה' וְעֵלִ֖י שֹׁמֵ֥ר אֶת־פִּֽיהָ׃ (יג) וְחַנָּ֗ה הִ֚יא מְדַבֶּ֣רֶת עַל־לִבָּ֔הּ רַ֚ק שְׂפָתֶ֣יהָ נָּע֔וֹת וְקוֹלָ֖הּ לֹ֣א יִשָּׁמֵ֑עַ וַיַּחְשְׁבֶ֥הָ עֵלִ֖י לְשִׁכֹּרָֽה׃ (יד) וַיֹּ֤אמֶר אֵלֶ֙יהָ֙ עֵלִ֔י עַד־מָתַ֖י תִּשְׁתַּכָּרִ֑ין הָסִ֥ירִי אֶת־יֵינֵ֖ךְ מֵעָלָֽיִךְ׃ (טו) וַתַּ֨עַן חַנָּ֤ה וַתֹּ֙אמֶר֙ לֹ֣א אֲדֹנִ֔י אִשָּׁ֤ה קְשַׁת־ר֙וּחַ֙ אָנֹ֔כִי וְיַ֥יִן וְשֵׁכָ֖ר לֹ֣א שָׁתִ֑יתִי וָאֶשְׁפֹּ֥ךְ אֶת־נַפְשִׁ֖י לִפְנֵ֥י ה'׃ (טז) אַל־תִּתֵּן֙ אֶת־אֲמָ֣תְךָ֔ לִפְנֵ֖י בַּת־בְּלִיָּ֑עַל כִּֽי־מֵרֹ֥ב שִׂיחִ֛י וְכַעְסִ֖י דִּבַּ֥רְתִּי עַד־הֵֽנָּה׃

(12) As she kept on praying before the LORD, Eli watched her mouth. (13) Now Chana was praying in her heart; only her lips moved, but her voice could not be heard. So Eli thought she was drunk. (14) Eli said to her, “How long will you make a drunken spectacle of yourself? Sober up!” (15) And Chana replied, “Oh no, my lord! I am a very unhappy woman. I have drunk no wine or other strong drink, but I have been pouring out my heart to the LORD. (16) Do not take your maidservant for a worthless woman; I have only been speaking all this time out of my great anguish and distress.”

(יז) וַיַּ֧עַן עֵלִ֛י וַיֹּ֖אמֶר לְכִ֣י לְשָׁל֑וֹם וֵאלֹקֵ֣י יִשְׂרָאֵ֗ל יִתֵּן֙ אֶת־שֵׁ֣לָתֵ֔ךְ אֲשֶׁ֥ר שָׁאַ֖לְתְּ מֵעִמּֽוֹ׃ (יח) וַתֹּ֕אמֶר תִּמְצָ֧א שִׁפְחָתְךָ֛ חֵ֖ן בְּעֵינֶ֑יךָ וַתֵּ֨לֶךְ הָאִשָּׁ֤ה לְדַרְכָּהּ֙ וַתֹּאכַ֔ל וּפָנֶ֥יהָ לֹא־הָיוּ־לָ֖הּ עֽוֹד׃
(17) “Then go in peace,” said Eli, “and may the God of Israel grant you what you have asked of Him.” (18) She answered, “You are most kind to your handmaid.” So the woman left, and she ate, and was no longer downcast.

Moshe and the Luchos

(א) וַיֹּ֤אמֶר ה' אֶל־מֹשֶׁ֔ה פְּסָל־לְךָ֛ שְׁנֵֽי־לֻחֹ֥ת אֲבָנִ֖ים כָּרִאשֹׁנִ֑ים וְכָתַבְתִּי֙ עַל־הַלֻּחֹ֔ת אֶת־הַדְּבָרִ֔ים אֲשֶׁ֥ר הָי֛וּ עַל־הַלֻּחֹ֥ת הָרִאשֹׁנִ֖ים אֲשֶׁ֥ר שִׁבַּֽרְתָּ׃

(1) The LORD said to Moshe: “Carve two tablets of stone like the first, and I will inscribe upon the tablets the words that were on the first tablets, which you shattered.

אמר רבי חמא ברבי חנינא לא העשיר משה אלא מפסולתן של לוחות שנאמר פסל לך שני לוחות אבנים כראשונים (שמות לד, א) פסולתן שלך יהא

§ Rabbi Ḥama, son of Rabbi Ḥanina, said: Moshe became wealthy only from the waste remaining from hewing the Tablets of the Covenant, as it is stated: “Hew for you two tablets of stone like the first” (Exodus 34:1). “Hew for you” means that their waste shall be yours. As the tablets were crafted from valuable gems, their remnants were similarly valuable.