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On Jewish Fatherhood

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On Jewish Fatherhood
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ByRabbi Oren J. Hayon
דברים ו׳:ד׳-ט׳

(ד) שְׁמַ֖ע יִשְׂרָאֵ֑ל יי אֱלֹהֵ֖ינוּ יי ׀ אֶחָֽד׃ (ה) וְאָ֣הַבְתָּ֔ אֵ֖ת יי אֱלֹהֶ֑יךָ בְּכָל־לְבָבְךָ֥ וּבְכָל־נַפְשְׁךָ֖ וּבְכָל־מְאֹדֶֽךָ׃ (ו) וְהָי֞וּ הַדְּבָרִ֣ים הָאֵ֗לֶּה אֲשֶׁ֨ר אָנֹכִ֧י מְצַוְּךָ֛ הַיּ֖וֹם עַל־לְבָבֶֽךָ׃ (ז) וְשִׁנַּנְתָּ֣ם לְבָנֶ֔יךָ וְדִבַּרְתָּ֖ בָּ֑ם בְּשִׁבְתְּךָ֤ בְּבֵיתֶ֙ךָ֙ וּבְלֶכְתְּךָ֣ בַדֶּ֔רֶךְ וּֽבְשָׁכְבְּךָ֖ וּבְקוּמֶֽךָ׃ (ח) וּקְשַׁרְתָּ֥ם לְא֖וֹת עַל־יָדֶ֑ךָ וְהָי֥וּ לְטֹטָפֹ֖ת בֵּ֥ין עֵינֶֽיךָ׃ (ט) וּכְתַבְתָּ֛ם עַל־מְזוּזֹ֥ת בֵּיתֶ֖ךָ וּבִשְׁעָרֶֽיךָ׃

Deuteronomy 6:4-9

(4) Hear O Israel: ADONAI is our God; ADONAI is one. (5) And you will love ADONAI your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your might. (6) And these words, which I command you this day, shall be upon your heart; (7) and you will teach them diligently to your children, and you will speak of them when your sit in your house, and when you walk along the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise up. (8) And you will bind them for a sign upon you hand, and they shall be an amulet between your eyes. (9) And you will write them upon the doorposts of your house, and upon your gates.

Questions for Discussion:
  1. How does the Book of Deuteronomy see a parent's obligation?
  2. What are you instructed to teach diligently to your children?
  3. What would you say you try to "teach diligently" to your children?
משלי כ״ב:ו׳

(ו) חֲנֹ֣ךְ לַ֭נַּעַר עַל־פִּ֣י דַרְכּ֑וֹ גַּ֥ם כִּֽי־יַ֝זְקִ֗ין לֹֽא־יָס֥וּר מִמֶּֽנָּה׃

Proverbs 22:6

(6) Train up a child in the way s/he should go, And even when s/he is old, s/he will not depart from it.

Questions for Discussion:
  1. How is this perspective from the Book of Proverbs different from the one we read in the V'ahavta, above?
קידושין כ״ט א:י׳

האב חייב בבנו למולו ולפדותו וללמדו תורה ולהשיאו אשה וללמדו אומנות וי"א אף להשיטו במים רבי יהודה אומר כל שאינו מלמד את בנו אומנות מלמדו ליסטות

Kiddushin 29a:10

A [parent] is obligated to do the following for [his child]: to circumcise him, to redeem him if he is first-born, to teach him/her Torah, to find him/her a spouse, and to teach him/her a trade. Others say: Also, teaching him/her how to swim. Rabbi Yehuda says: One who does not teach [their child] a trade, it is as if s/he taught him/her thievery.

​Questions for Discussion:
  1. What is unsurprising about the Talmud's list of parental obligations? What is surprising?
  2. Would you expect to find on this list that was not included?
"....[W]hat does it mean to place words upon your heart? The Kotzker Rebbe responds so beautifully and assures us that there will be times that you feel as if you are not getting through to your children. You may grow despondent and think that you are talking to a wall. You begin to doubt yourself. Understand that even words placed on the heart eventually enter through the slightest opening."
Slovie Jungreis-Wolfe, Raising a Child With Soul, pp. 85-86