Living by a Text: An Interfaith Text Study on Sex Before Marriage with a Rabbi and a Christian Chaplain

Hebrew Bible/Old Testament/Pshat

(כ) וַיִּקְרָ֨א הָֽאָדָ֜ם שֵׁמ֗וֹת לְכָל־הַבְּהֵמָה֙ וּלְע֣וֹף הַשָּׁמַ֔יִם וּלְכֹ֖ל חַיַּ֣ת הַשָּׂדֶ֑ה וּלְאָדָ֕ם לֹֽא־מָצָ֥א עֵ֖זֶר כְּנֶגְדּֽוֹ׃ (כא) וַיַּפֵּל֩ יקוק אֱלֹהִ֧ים ׀ תַּרְדֵּמָ֛ה עַל־הָאָדָ֖ם וַיִּישָׁ֑ן וַיִּקַּ֗ח אַחַת֙ מִצַּלְעֹתָ֔יו וַיִּסְגֹּ֥ר בָּשָׂ֖ר תַּחְתֶּֽנָּה׃ (כב) וַיִּבֶן֩ יקוק אֱלֹהִ֧ים ׀ אֶֽת־הַצֵּלָ֛ע אֲשֶׁר־לָקַ֥ח מִן־הָֽאָדָ֖ם לְאִשָּׁ֑ה וַיְבִאֶ֖הָ אֶל־הָֽאָדָֽם׃ (כג) וַיֹּאמֶר֮ הָֽאָדָם֒ זֹ֣את הַפַּ֗עַם עֶ֚צֶם מֵֽעֲצָמַ֔י וּבָשָׂ֖ר מִבְּשָׂרִ֑י לְזֹאת֙ יִקָּרֵ֣א אִשָּׁ֔ה כִּ֥י מֵאִ֖ישׁ לֻֽקֳחָה־זֹּֽאת׃ (כד) עַל־כֵּן֙ יַֽעֲזָב־אִ֔ישׁ אֶת־אָבִ֖יו וְאֶת־אִמּ֑וֹ וְדָבַ֣ק בְּאִשְׁתּ֔וֹ וְהָי֖וּ לְבָשָׂ֥ר אֶחָֽד׃

(20) And the man gave names to all cattle, and to the fowl of the air, and to every beast of the field; but for Adam there was not found a help meet for him. (21) And the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and he slept; and He took one of his ribs, and closed up the place with flesh instead thereof. (22) And the rib, which the LORD God had taken from the man, made He a woman, and brought her unto the man. (23) And the man said: ‘This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.’ (24) Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife, and they shall be one flesh.

(י) וְאִ֗ישׁ אֲשֶׁ֤ר יִנְאַף֙ אֶת־אֵ֣שֶׁת אִ֔ישׁ אֲשֶׁ֥ר יִנְאַ֖ף אֶת־אֵ֣שֶׁת רֵעֵ֑הוּ מֽוֹת־יוּמַ֥ת הַנֹּאֵ֖ף וְהַנֹּאָֽפֶת׃

If a man commits adultery with another man’s wife—with the wife of his neighbor—both the adulterer and the adulteress are to be put to death.

(א) כִּֽי־יִקַּ֥ח אִ֛ישׁ אִשָּׁ֖ה וּבְעָלָ֑הּ וְהָיָ֞ה אִם־לֹ֧א תִמְצָא־חֵ֣ן בְּעֵינָ֗יו כִּי־מָ֤צָא בָהּ֙ עֶרְוַ֣ת דָּבָ֔ר וְכָ֨תַב לָ֜הּ סֵ֤פֶר כְּרִיתֻת֙ וְנָתַ֣ן בְּיָדָ֔הּ וְשִׁלְּחָ֖הּ מִבֵּיתֽוֹ׃

(1) When a man takes a wife, and marries her, then it comes to pass, if she find no favor in his eyes, because he hath found some unseemly thing in her, that he write her a bill of divorcement, and give it in her hand, and send her out of his house,

New Testament Texts

Mark 10:1-12

And he left there and went to the region of Judea and beyond the Jordan, and crowds gathered to him again. And again, as was his custom, he taught them. 2 And Pharisees came up and in order to test him asked, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife?” 3 He answered them, “What did Moses command you?” 4 They said, “Moses allowed a man to write a certificate of divorce and to send her away.” 5 And Jesus said to them, “Because of your hardness of heart he wrote you this commandment. 6 But from the beginning of creation, ‘God made them male and female.’ 7 ‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, 8 and the two shall become one flesh.’ So they are no longer two but one flesh. 9 What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.” 10 And in the house the disciples asked him again about this matter. 11 And he said to them, “Whoever divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery against her, 12 and if she divorces her husband and marries another, she commits adultery.”

Corinthians 6:15 - 7:2,8-9

Do you not know that your bodies are members of Christ? Shall I then take the members of Christ and make them members of a prostitute? Never! 16 Or do you not know that he who is joined to a prostitute becomes one body with her? For, as it is written, “The two will become one flesh.” 17 But he who is joined to the Lord becomes one spirit with him. 18 Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body. 19 Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, 20 for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body. 7 Now concerning the matters about which you wrote: “It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman.” 2 But because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband. 8 To the unmarried and the widows I say that it is good for them to remain single as I am. 9 But if they cannot exercise self-control, they should marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion.

Rabbinic Texts Remez

מתני׳ האשה נקנית בשלוש דרכים וקונה את עצמה בשתי דרכים נקנית בכסף בשטר ובביאה בכסף בית שמאי אומרים בדינר ובשווה דינר ובית הלל אומרים בפרוטה ובשווה פרוטה וכמה היא פרוטה אחד משמונה באיסר האיטלקי וקונה את עצמה בגט ובמיתת הבעל היבמה נקנית בביאה וקונה את עצמה בחליצה ובמיתת היבם

A wife is acquired in three ways and acquires herself in two ways. [She is] acquired through money, a document and sex. Through money: Beit Shammai say [this means] a dinar or the equivalent of a dinar. And Beit Hillel say a pruta or an equivalent of a pruta. How much is a pruta? One eight of an Italian issar. She acquires herself through a bill of divorce or if her husband dies.

Drash

(א) אֵין הָאִשָּׁה נֶחֱשֶׁבֶת אֵשֶׁת אִישׁ אֶלָּא עַל יְדֵי קִדּוּשִׁין שֶׁנִּתְקַדְּשָׁה כָּרָאוּי, אֲבָל אִם בָּא עָלֶיהָ דֶּרֶךְ זְנוּת, שֶׁלֹּא לְשֵׁם קִדּוּשִׁין, אֵינוֹ כְּלוּם. וַאֲפִלּוּ בָּא עָלֶיהָ לְשֵׁם אִשּׁוּת בֵּינוֹ לְבֵינָהּ, אֵינָהּ נֶחֱשֶׁבֶת כְּאִשְׁתּוֹ, וַאֲפִלּוּ אִם יִחֲדָהּ לוֹ, אֶלָּא אַדְּרַבָּא כּוֹפִין אוֹתוֹ לְהוֹצִיאָהּ מִבֵּיתוֹ. הַגָּה: דִּבְוַדַּאי בּוֹשָׁה הִיא מִלִּטְבֹּל, וּבָא עָלֶיהָ בְּנִדָּתָהּ (טוּר). אֲבָל אִם מְיַחֵד אֵלָיו אִשָּׁה וְטוֹבֶלֶת אֵלָיו, יֵשׁ אוֹמְרִים שֶׁמֻּתָּר וְהִיא ''פִּילֶגֶשׁ'' הָאֲמוּרָה בַּתּוֹרָה (הָרַאֲבַ''ד וּקְצָת מְפָרְשִׁים). וְיֵשׁ אוֹמְרִים שֶׁאָסוּר, וְלוֹקִין עַל זֶה מִשּׁוּם ''לֹא תִהְיֶה קְדֵשָׁיקוק' (דְּבָרִים כג, יח) (הָרַמְבַּ''ם וְהָרֹא''שׁ וְהַטּוּר).

(1) A woman is not considered to be married except by way of betrothal in which the betrothal was done appropriately. However, if he were to lie with her by way of harlotry, without the name of betrothal, it is nothing [towards her status as being a married woman]. Even if he lies with her with the intent of marriage, mutually agreed between him and her, she is not considered as his wife and even if she dedicated herself only for him, rather the opposite is true and he must be forced (by the court) to send her away from his home.

For certainly she would be considered an embarrassment for immersion in a mikveh and he will lie with her in ritual impurity (niddah); however, if she dedicates herself exclusively for him as his wife and she immerses for him, there are those who would say that this is allowed and she would be a "Pilegesh" as described in the Torah. There are those who say that this is forbidden and they should both get whiplashes from the Torah as they have transgressed the precept "don't be a harlot."

(ד) הַבָּא עַל הַפְּנוּיָה וְיָלְדָה מִמֶּנּוּ, אִם הוּא מוֹדֶה שֶׁהַוָּלָד מִמֶּנּוּ, חַיָּב לְזוּנוֹ:

(4) A [man] who has premarital sex and she gets pregnant from him, if he admits the fetus is from him, he is obligated to provide food for it.

Sod

Art Green - A Contemporary Approach to Jewish sexuality

[There is] for the Jew an ideal of sexuality. While we know well that most human sexuality hardly approaches this exalted pictures, it does provide us with a point of view. It indicates strongly that we Jews should stand opposed to the current moves toward the "the demystificication" of sexuality, which seeks to define coupling as purely biological function. We are made most fully human by the fact that this act, shared by us with the animal kingdom, can be raised in our consciousness to the rung of the raza de-yihuda - the sublime mystery of union, Sexuality at its fullest is brimming with religious kavanah [intention]: this is a teaching we would be fools to ignore. If we cannot fulfill the ideal, we can begin to approach it.