You will need to understand the following terms in order to understand the halachot included.
פריצות- Liscenciousness. Acting "slutty" but not punishable by beit din
נָשִׁים הַמְסוֹלָלוֹת- Literally, women rubbing against each other. This is the term used for lesbianism/lesbian sex
אָסוּר- Prohibited and punishable by beit din
זונה- No good English translation. In modern hebrew this means prostitute, but in the context of halacha, it refers to a woman who had sex with a human man she is not permitted to marry (ie with her brother)
מלקות- Lashes given by beit din as punishment for breaking a Torah law (deorayta lashes)
לָאו- Lo taaseh mitzvah, a negative biblical commandment (ie you shall not murder)
מַכַּת מַרְדּוּת- Literally, strikes for rebellion, a rabbinic catagory of lashes given for rabbinic commandments or misbehaviors as judged by beit din
פסול- Doesn't work halachically, invalid
עונה- The mitzvah on a man to pleasure his wife for the two of them to engage in sex
פרו ורבו- The mitzvah on a man to "be fruitful and multiply" aka have children, the specifics of how many are debated in other places
חֲלָלָה- The female child of a cohen and a woman he was not allowed to marry
אֹנֶס- Duress (spelled "oness" in English)
ואפילו לרבי אלעזר דאמר פנוי הבא על הפנויה שלא לשם אישות עשאה זונה ה"מ איש אבל אשה פריצותא בעלמא:
נָשִׁים הַמְסוֹלָלוֹת זוֹ בָּזוֹ אָסוּר וּמִמַּעֲשֵׂה מִצְרַיִם הוּא שֶׁהֻזְהַרְנוּ עָלָיו שֶׁנֶּאֱמַר (ויקרא יח ג) "כְּמַעֲשֵׂה אֶרֶץ מִצְרַיִם לֹא תַעֲשׂוּ". אָמְרוּ חֲכָמִים מֶה הָיוּ עוֹשִׂים אִישׁ נוֹשֵׂא אִישׁ וְאִשָּׁה נוֹשֵׂא אִשָּׁה. וְאִשָּׁה נִשֵּׂאת לִשְׁנֵי אֲנָשִׁים. אַף עַל פִּי שֶׁמַּעֲשֶׂה זֶה אָסוּר אֵין מַלְקִין עָלָיו. שֶׁאֵין לוֹ לָאו מְיֻחָד וַהֲרֵי אֵין שָׁם בִּיאָה כְּלָל. לְפִיכָךְ אֵין נֶאֱסָרוֹת לִכְהֻנָּה מִשּׁוּם זְנוּת וְלֹא תֵּאָסֵר אִשָּׁה עַל בַּעְלָהּ בָּזֶה שֶׁאֵין כָּאן זְנוּת. וְרָאוּי לְהַכּוֹתָן מַכַּת מַרְדּוּת הוֹאִיל וְעָשׂוּ אִסּוּר. וְיֵשׁ לָאִישׁ לְהַקְפִּיד עַל אִשְׁתּוֹ מִדָּבָר זֶה וּמוֹנֵעַ הַנָּשִׁים הַיְדוּעוֹת בְּכָךְ מִלְּהִכָּנֵס לָהּ וּמִלָּצֵאת הִיא אֲלֵיהֶן:
"Lesbianism" is not allowed because it is considered a "action of Egypt" we have been warned about. As it says "the actions which were done in the land of Egypt, don't do." The Chachamim say that this a man marrying a man or a woman marrying a woman or a woman marrying 2 men. Even though this deed is forbidden, we don't give her lashes [in a beit din] because she hasn't done any particular "lo taaseh" mitzvah because there isn't penetration at all. Therefore, she isn't assure to marry a cohen because sh is not a zonah [a woman who becomes a "zonah" is forbidden to a cohen]. She is also not forbidden to her husband because this is not "zenut." You can't give her "rebellion lashes" because here she hasn't done anything super forbidden. Men are required to prevent their wives from doing this deed and prevent his wife from mingling with women who are known for doing it.
נשים המסוללות זו בזו אסור וממעשה מצרים הוא שהוזהרנו עליו דכתיב כמעשה ארץ מצרים אשה היתה נושאה אשה ואין מלקין על זה שאין לו לאו מיוחד ומכל מקום נראה דאיסורא הוי מדאוריתא כיון דהוי בכלל מעשה מצרים וכתיב כמעשה ארץ מצרים לא תעשו אלא דלענין מלקות הא דלא לקי משום דלא מיחד ליה לאו בפני עצמו להא מילתא וכן משמע לשון הרב ז"ל.
"Lesbianism" is forbidden because it is considered "a deed of Egypt" which we are warned as it is written "'like the deeds of egypt' refers to a woman being with another woman." There are no lashes given for this because it isn't one particular "lo taaseh" mitzvah. Any place where you see this forbidden act, it is considered an "issur deorayta" since it is for sure this deed of Egypt and it is written "don't do the deeds of Egypt." But, don't give her lashes since it can't isn't from a "lo taaseh" mitzvah. This is congruent with the language of the Rambam.
נשים המסוללות וכו'. בת''כ כמעשה ארץ מצרים ומה היו עושין נושא האיש לאיש והאשה לאשה ומבואר בפרק הערל שאין הלכה כרב הונא דאמר נשים המסוללות זו בזו פסולה לכהונה ופי' ריב''ן ורש''י ז''ל מסוללות שדיין שכבת זרע להדדי ודין המכת מרדות שכתב רבינו פשוט הוא:
It is written "like the deeds of the land of Egypt." What's this talking about? a man marrying a man or a woman marrying a woman. it is explained in the chapter about circumcision that the halacha doesn't follow Rav Huna that says that "lesbianism" does not make you passul to a cohen. Says Rivin and Rashi "misolelot" is a like the law that of spilling sperm which you get rabbinic lashes for.
פניני הלכה: פרק: ד - שמירת הברית י"ב
אסור לאשה לגרות עצמה עם חברתה, מפני שתשוקה זו צריכה להיות שמורה לאהבה המקודשת שבין איש לאשתו ולקיום מצוות עונה ומצוות פרו ורבו. ועל כך הוזהרנו בתורה (ויקרא יח, ג): “כְּמַעֲשֵׂה אֶרֶץ מִצְרַיִם אֲשֶׁר יְשַׁבְתֶּם בָּהּ לֹא תַעֲשׂוּ… וּבְחֻקֹּתֵיהֶם לֹא תֵלֵכוּ”. אמרו חכמים (ספרא שם) שמעשה ארץ מצרים היה: “איש נושא איש, ואשה נושאת אשה, ואשה נשאת לשני אנשים” (רמב”ם איסורי ביאה כא, ח; שו”ע אה”ע כ, ב).
יש תנאים ואמוראים שסברו, שאשה שעשתה זאת נחשבת ‘זונה’, ואסור לכהן להתחתן איתה, שנאמר (ויקרא, כא, ז): “אִשָּׁה זֹנָה וַחֲלָלָה לֹא יִקָּחוּ, וְאִשָּׁה גְּרוּשָׁה מֵאִישָׁהּ לֹא יִקָּחוּ, כִּי קָדֹשׁ הוּא לֵאלוֹהָיו”. אבל למעשה נפסק שאף שזו פריצות, אין אשה שעשתה זאת נחשבת ‘זונה’ להיאסר לכהן. וכמובן שגם אשת איש אינה נאסרת בזה לבעלה, הואיל ואין במעשה זה בעילה כדרך איש באשה (יבמות עו, א; רמב”ם שם).[
A woman may not sexually arouse herself with another woman, because sexual desire must be reserved for the sacred love between husband and wife and for fulfilling the mitzvot of ona and procreation. The Torah admonishes, “You shall not copy the practices of the land of Egypt where you dwelt…nor shall you follow their laws” (Vayikra 18:3). The Sages explained (Sifra ad loc.) that the “practices of the land of Egypt” are “a man marrying a man, a woman marrying a woman, and a woman marrying two men” (MT, Laws of Sexual Prohibitions 21:8; SA EH 20:2).
Some Tanna’im and Amora’im maintain that a woman who is intimate with another woman is considered a zona, who may not marry a kohen. The Torah restricts kohanim from marrying certain women: “They shall not marry a zona or ḥalala, nor shall they marry one divorced from her husband. For they are holy to their God” (Vayikra 21:7). However, in practice the halakha does not follow this opinion. While lesbian sex is considered promiscuous, a woman who engages in it is not considered a zona, and thus may marry a kohen. Certainly, a married woman who engages in it is not forbidden to her husband (as would be a woman who commits adultery), since this activity involves no penetration in the way that a man penetrates a woman (Yevamot 76a; Rambam ad loc.).
(ב) נשים המסוללות (פי' המשחקות ומתחככות זו בזו) אסור ממעשה ארץ מצרים שהוזהרנו עליו וראוי להכותן מכת מרדות הואיל ועשו איסור ויש לאיש להקפיד על אשתו מדבר זה ומונע הנשים הידועות בכך מלהכנס לה ומלצאת היא אליהן:
(2) Women who rub up on each other is forbidden, from it being like that of the forbidden sexual actions of the Egyptians (cf. Lev. 18:3), upon which we were warned. And it is appropriate to strike them with disciplinary flogging since they have committed a prohibited action. And there is for a man to be careful about his wife's activities in this regard and to hold back women who are known to be involved in this from coming into see his wife or for her to visit them.
Question:
Is it against the torah to have lesbian sex? It is understood that by males it is called an abomination due to waste of seed, but by women, this isn't the case. Is it allowed?
Answer:
Wasting seed is prohibited. However, the Torah's label of "abomination" is applied to the male homosexual act without specific reference to wasting seed (Vayikra 18:22).
Sexual relations between women are prohibited, at least on a rabbinic level. The prohibition is explicit in the Shulchan Aruch (Even HaEzer 20:2). Such relations are also mentioned in a negative context in the Talmud (Yevamot 76a).
Additionally, a steady lesbian relationship may be prohibited by the Torah under the prohibition of maaseh eretz Mitzrayim (Vayikra 18:3).
Statement originally in Hebrew by Rav Benny Lau on homosexuality (originally posted on his personal faccebook)
Thank you, to Rav Mordechai Vardi, for his enthralling film, “Chatuna Hafucha” (Opposite
wedding?). During the firm, Rav Yuval Sherlow says that we, the rabbis, know how to say
no, but we don’t have any position where we say yes. His words deeply touched me, because I see how right he is. Close to thirty years I have
accompanied and been close with members of the [LGBT] community and their families.
The title for what includes us all in this situation is, mevocha – embarrassment. Few of
these people want to tear apart their son or daughter who is coming out of the closet, but
the way to behave in family and communal life is foggy, and we are deeply lacking a map
for the correct way. The thought of this document wouldn’t give me rest. In accordance with the Ramchal,
who in Mesilat Yesharim (Trait of Speed) teaches to force the thought into action, and not
to wait for a more convenient time, I wrote the first draft of this document and I sent it to
a few rabbis, and a few friends from the LGBT community. I debated with them over
some of the details – some of the suggestions I included and some I left outside. This document isn’t a Halacha sefer, from the perspective of “שדקו האר הזכ” status of
actual psak halacha. It’s a document of recommendations for the management of a
relationship, and a family, for members of the LGBT community, as part of religious
families and the religious community. This document doesn’t come to permit the
forbidden, or forbid the permitted. It seeks to pave the way for a possible life within real
life. It is the meeting between the ideal world and the actual world. Between the
perspective that looks up to Heaven, and the meeting with people that live around me. The action of fixing the world happens through the eye contact, speech, and heartbeat of
“the other”. The ideal world tries to create pure truths, and so prefers to look away from
the personal and to focus on the ideal. In our religious world we are always built from
these two parts. The ideal torah level and the world as it is.
There are those who run to create a solution that reaches the ideal, but ignores real life.
There are those who run to make a solution that deals with reality, but ignores the ideals. But someone who wants to serve G-d in the world, whole-ly, needs to get used to holding
in his hands, both the torah idealsand also the practical reality, and to live with both of
them. It will always be more difficult, and many times we will be left with unanswered
questions, lack of understanding, and sometimes deep confusion from the gap between
heaven and earth.
I believe in the wisdom of the masses and hope that from the many readers of this
document will bring up and bring to light different sides of it. From the strength of
goodwill of the many and from the strength of the understanding of the masses, we will
improve and refine this in the future.
The closet Is death – revealing the secret
It is not good for a person to be alone. From all the parts of the creation of the world, only
loneliness is called “not good.” The need to come out from the circle of loneliness is as
essential as needing air to breath. This begins at the special moment where a person stands, as they are, opposite the mirror
and says to his Creator, “Here I am.” My standing with open eyes opposite who I am is a
threshold for choice in life. This standing, alone, opposite the mirror, is the moment that
prepares you for coming out of the closet. Of the ability to answer the question of G-d,
“Where are you?” and not to hide. The next step in leaving for life is the leaving of the hermetically sealed closet. Another
pair of eyes and a beating heart need to be partnered to your big secret. There are those
who prefer to keep the secret hidden from society and just to tell someone close. There
are people who feel that the coming out of the closet frees them. That finally, finally they
can live without having to hide themselves. Many times the correct journey of coming out
of the closet is through moderation and carefulness, in order that the surroundings will be
able to accept and absorb the new reality that contains a lot of uncertainty. A person is
also able to plan out the coming out as a process as it works best for him. The coming out
begins with identifying the person that has a mature ability to hear and absorb. Proper
preparation for coming out of the closet will lead to the blessed result of a supportive and
accompanying family throughout your life.
relationships – I made for him an ezer knegdo
1) I will make for him an “ezer knegdo” (“helpmate opposite / beside him”?). The ideal
structure in the Torah for a family is a man and a woman – the family pattern. As we
know, reality isn’t ideal, and the question of choosing the correct relationship
structure for each unique individual is a crucial question.
2) Finding a partner who you can share a whole life with is a life-saving medicine.( Loosely
translated, necessity.)
3) In the process of dating, the first rule above everything is “don’t let any person despise his
fellow.” Even if someone has a clear orientation to people of their gender, but has chosen
to try to establish a family of a man and a woman, it is their obligation to inform their
partner of their sexual orientation. There are too many people in our world who have been
shattered as a result of hiding this.
4) The question which is difficult to give an answer to is when is the right time to share with
a partner. Opening the heart and entrusting your consciousness in the hands of someone
else demands a lot of faith and trust. It's not correct to talk about your sexual orientation
immediately at the start of dating, but also very incorrect to create a meaningful, deep,
connection, without saying. The subtle correct moment is critical, and it's very worthwhile
to bring someone into the picture to help you find the right moment for this decision.
5) The need for partnership for a person with attraction to their gender is not different from
other needs of people. The way for actualising the relationship is different, according to
the depth of the orientation and other factors in the decision. There are those who will
seek a partner of the opposite gender, and there are those who will seek a partner of their
gender. It is a very personal decision and the surroundings that accompany someone
need to try and reduce their judgmentalism, and to allow for the person to flourish
according to their uniqueness and needs.
6) If touch or attraction to the opposite gender is a cause for complete revulsion, it is
forbidden to try to build a regular family. It is a severe injury to the person with whom you
enter into the covenant [ of marriage].
7) Most of the people in the LGBT community prefer and try to have relationships with
people of their gender. When the son or daughter tells their parents and family members
about their partner from their own gender, they [the family] receive the news with strong
and mixed feelings. One the one hand, happiness to see the loved one leave their
loneliness, but on the other hand there is another stage of mourning and separation from
the dream of a “regular” child, and this sets his life as being defined as “other.” Just like
coming out of the closet is better done with care and sensitivity, it's also good here to
adjust to the ability of the family to absorb. Experience teaches that comments in this
stage are many times harder than in earlier stages, and it's very worthwhile for parents
and family to seek help from support groups, like Tehila - Parents supporting Parents of
LGBT kids.
8) There are situations where someone not from the LGBT community wants to enter into a
relationship with someone from the LGBT community – with eyes open. Sometimes the
desire to do this comes from altruistic desire and lack of sufficient understanding of the
challenge and difficulties along the way. It is necessary to accompany a couple that
decides to do this with complete openness as to the future situation that awaits them,
including the fact that limited sexuality within the relationship could lead to seeking it
outside the house.
Choosing a relationship that is celibate is a possible choice, but it isn’t natural. Like with
all human needs, the sexual needs are not uniform and change in their strength. There are
those for whom a hug is able to satisfy them, and there are those who need deeper touch.
In any case, it is practically impossible to instruct a person, as part of spiritual or
emotional [ישפנ] accompaniment, to abstain entirely from a sexual life.
9) Part of the process of a person getting to know themselves is they need to arrive at a
deep understanding of their relationship and attraction to their gender and the opposite
gender. The question of being able to have a satisfying sexual relationship is difficult for
any partner, and even more difficult when coming from the starting point of [one of the
members at least] being attracted to their own gender. It is very difficult to fully explore
this point – and this requires attention and treatment from professional, licenced,
knowledgeable people.
10) There are therapists whose approach is to try “fix” someone from their orientation. You
need to be wary and protect yourself from these people because the emotional damage
they can cause can be destructive and deadly. A person who is exposed to their son or
daughter coming out of the closet may react with shock and seek to quickly find them
help with love. Deeper understanding, that generally, this isn’t a choice, rather an
orientation from birth can help parents and also the whole family to cope with the
challenges that will accompany them throughout their life. On the other hand, a mature
adult can seek help from a licensed and professional professional to help him cope with
his nature and his orientation, and it's impossible to remove this option from him, if it's his
will. It's his right.
The covenant / commitment of relationships
1) .The halachic status of kidushin for people of the LGBT community does not exist in the
religious world. This is a point that is missing and very painful for part of the LGBT
community and their surroundings. This difficulty has not found a solution that is
acceptable to the general halachic space.
2) Living in a relationship, a commitment and building a shared system of family is the
nature of all people. Even if there isn't a religious framework that fills in for kidushin for
someone and their partner of the same gender, there isn't any reason to alienate or deny
the relationship of the son or daughter. Also the desire to make a wedding event
celebration is not vain, rather, comes from the desire to announce to the community the
commitment the couple are entering into. The desire to announce to ourselves and the
world that we decided to live in a committed relationship is an understandable desire, and
this is the reason that many from the community seek to have recognition and desire to
be able to get married. It's impossible and not correct to ignore this need or to alienate
because of it.
3) Family and relatives struggle with the question of participation in wedding celebrations of
their children of the LGBT community. The difficulty in attending comes from a few
reasons. Doubts that change from person to person, and also within families there are
pulls in different directions. This is a topic that doesn't have tradition. Experience teaches
that communication between the young person who is wanting to get married to his
parents will lead to greater understanding, even if not an agreement. It's necessary to
consider the difficulty parents have digesting and accompanying their child getting
married, and from within this consideration there are greater chances of sharing and
involvement with the wedding. The status of the wedding doesnt need to be legally a
kidushin ceremony, and building an alternative status can remove a lot of the opposition.
Parents are often very concerned with the question of mediating the reality of the
surrounding community - the shul, the community. The ability to mediate and to deal with
reality is very dependent on the ability to accept and changes from place to place. The
family almost always finds the things which can connect between themselves and the
surroundings.
"be fruitful and multiply and fill the land"
1) The desire of all people to bring life to the world is a deep internal nature. It's impossible
and forbidden for a man to suppress this internal desire. We already heard the cry of
Rachel Imenu - “And if none [if i have no children] I am dead.” The halacha does not
forbid LGBT people to raise children and build families. Also, the ability to parent is not
specific to one community or another. People of the [LGBT] community are able to build a
shared space of sharing and responsibility, and their children will be part of the regular
community that they live in.
2) Unique halachic questions accompany the LGBT couple with regards to children.
Questions regarding surrogacy;conversion (for male couples), and questions regarding
the source of sperm (for female couples). It's good if the couple seek advice at the start of
the journey from a rav who will accompany them along their whole journey.
3) Like any other member of the community, there will be LGBT couples and their children
mixing and participating in the rights and responsibilities of the community. Their choice
to be committed partners for life doesn't undermine the community and doesn't threaten
its completeness. For their side, like all members of a community, they should behave
with privacy / modesty and restraint, and not publicise their private behaviour in public.
4) Society is able to, and really needs to, decrease judgement from a religious point of
people who come out of the closet and also if they are living in a partnership. If they don't
publicly transgress Torah prohibitions and do not disgrace the Torah, they are kasher for
all jobs in the community, including Avodat Kodesh of being the Shaliach Tzibbur and in
mitzvot.
Inclusion of LGBT people does not destabilize family and community. The reality teaches
that a man or woman doesn't freely choose their orientation and therefore there is no
space for suspicion that inclusion will cause identity confusion in young people.
5) Like their parents, children of LGBT couples did not sin and are not different from all
other children. It is necessary to be careful of embarrassing them, and actions that can
injure their respect and their place in the group of children.
6) Above all, this document contains within it the question of faith in the Creator of the
world. Anyone who sees this reality as ugly, they have the obligation to stand before G-d,
the Artist who created mankind, and to say his claims / complaints.
In any case, it’s prohibited for us to hurt people who were created and live with their
orientation. And may we fulfil - “With You the source of life, with Your light do we see
light.”
At the Stanton Street Shul, I’m proud to partner with the board in our decision to embrace the LGBT Jewish community, welcome them in our shul, and love and encourage them to observe mitzvot to the best of their ability just as we do with every Jew who joins our community. This is not a compromise but rather an expression of the mitzvah ואהבת לרעך כמוך – Love thy neighbor as yourself. It’s that simple, and it’s unfortunate that we need to justify our obligation to observe one of the greatest values of Judaism. We believe that we may invite an organization or and individual to come to the Stanton Street Shul even if we do not agree on everything or even strongly disagree. The rabbis who made the statement do not have the monopoly over Orthodoxy or the Torah. Disagreements are healthy and welcome, but they must be voiced with respect. Decisions about what is best for each shul will rightfully differ, but they should be left to the synagogue leadership, and no one should be subject to public shaming.
Additionally, the authors write that gay men and women should try and “refrain from severe transgressions,” but that anyone committing such transgressions should be seen as doing so unintentionally and not deliberately, as those concepts are understood within Jewish law.
They emphasized, however, that the Torah and Halacha prohibit homosexual acts but not homosexual inclinations or orientation, and “thus, there is nothing wrong, morally or halachically, with individuals, men or women, exhibiting homosexual tendencies.”
Beit Hillel’s statement said religious homosexuals, therefore, may serve in any congregational capacity, just like any other member of the community.
This means, according to Beit Hillel director Rabbi Shlomo Hecht, that they may fulfill all communal religious obligations such as leading prayer services, being called to the Torah, and similar such duties, except for leading services on Yom Kippur.
“It is up to those around them [homosexuals] – like their relatives and other members of the community – to be even more sensitive to fulfilling the Torah’s obligation of ‘loving your neighbor as yourself’ in the way they conduct themselves with them. They also need to make sure they don’t violate the prohibition of verbally harming others,” Beit Hillel stated.
The authors argue that many communities do not reject individuals who transgress other religious prohibitions, and that the same attitude should be adopted for dealing with people of the LGBT community.
A Different Kind of Oness
One of the chief arguments put forth against the oness approach, since R. Lamm first suggested it forty years ago, has been that most cases of oness are cases of an action taken under duress at a specific point in time. This would not apply to homosexuals who, like heterosexuals, can certainly control their urges at any given moment, and should be expected to do so. Nevertheless, I believe this is a false comparison.
Urges are controlled by the calming factor of knowing there is an alternative outlet. Unlike heterosexuals, gay Orthodox Jews have no halakhically acceptable outlet for the vital human need for intimate partnership, and never will. This is the key difference between this case of oness and most other cases. One cannot view celibacy as moment by moment abstinence. The oness derives from the cumulative weight of the totality of the moments of a person’s life, an absolutely crushing weight in this case.
Psychologically, gay Orthodox Jews are faced with one of two options: either be sexually active and fragment this transgression from their conscious minds, or be celibate and live with the knowledge that they will never experience a real intimate relationship. I firmly believe that the latter is not really a livable option for most adults, but a debilitating and life-crushing prospect. Advocating for it is an exercise in futility.
In reality, gay Orthodox Jews who are advised or pressured to be celibate either ignore the advice, hide in the “closet,” or leave Orthodoxy altogether. Worse, if the guilt or dissonance is too great, they may turn to drugs, extreme promiscuity or even suicide. This is not at all what we want to accomplish. I believe we must come to terms with the fact that, in the long run, Orthodox homosexual Jews really have no choice but to allow themselves to fulfill the intense desire for emotional and physical intimacy in the only way open to them.
Caveat
To be sure, calling something oness does not make the action halakhically permitted; it is not. Moreover, adopting the oness principle does not mean that halakha recognizes same sex qiddushin (Jewish marriage) – it does not. Finally, the concept of oness does not cover people with a more fluid sexuality; those who are capable of forming a satisfying intimate bond with members of the opposite sex and choose to do so with a member of their own sex cannot reasonably be called “compelled.”
However, the concept of oness does apply to that percentage of the population for whom homosexual love is the only expression of emotional intimacy and sexuality available. Consequently, it is my firm belief that the Orthodox community should accept the fact that there will be non-celibate homosexuals in our midst and we should welcome them.
For the last six months a number of Orthodox rabbis and educators have been preparing a statement of principles on the place of our brothers and sisters in our community who have a homosexual orientation.
The original draft was prepared by Rabbi Nathaniel Helfgot. It was then commented upon by and revised based on the input from dozens of talmidei chachamim, educators, communal rabbis, mental health professionals and a number of individuals in our community who are homosexual in orientation.
Significant revisions were made based upon the input of Rabbi Aryeh Klapper and Rabbi Yitzchak Blau who were intimately involved in the process of editing and improving the document during the last three months.
The statement below is a consensus document arrived at after hundreds of hours of discussion,debate and editing.
Statement of Principles on the Place of Jews with a Homosexual Orientation in Our Community
We, the undersigned Orthodox rabbis, rashei yeshiva, ramim, Jewish educators and communal leaders affirm the following principles with regard to the place of Jews with a homosexual orientation in our community:
1. All human beings are created in the image of God and deserve to be treated with dignity and respect (kevod haberiyot). Every Jew is obligated to fulfill the entire range of mitzvot between person and person in relation to persons who are homosexual or have feelings of same sex attraction. Embarrassing, harassing or demeaning someone with a homosexual orientation or same-sex attraction is a violation of Torah prohibitions that embody the deepest values of Judaism.
2. The question of whether sexual orientation is primarily genetic, or rather environmentally generated, is irrelevant to our obligation to treat human beings with same-sex attractions and orientations with dignity and respect.
3. Halakhah sees heterosexual marriage as the ideal model and sole legitimate outlet for human sexual expression. The sensitivity and understanding we properly express for human beings with other sexual orientations does not diminish our commitment to that principle.
4. Halakhic Judaism views all male and female same-sex sexual interactions as prohibited. The question of whether sexual orientation is primarily genetic, or rather environmentally generated, is irrelevant to this prohibition. While halakha categorizes various homosexual acts with different degrees of severity and opprobrium, including toeivah, this does not in any way imply that lesser acts are permitted. But it is critical to emphasize that halakha only prohibits homosexual acts; it does not prohibit orientation or feelings of same-sex attraction, and nothing in the Torah devalues the human beings who struggle with them. (We do not here address the issue of hirhurei aveirah, a halakhic category that goes beyond mere feelings and applies to all forms of sexuality and requires precise halakhic definition.)
5. Whatever the origin or cause of homosexual orientation, many individuals believe that for most people this orientation cannot be changed. Others believe that for most people it is a matter of free will. Similarly, while some mental health professionals and rabbis in the community strongly believe in the efficacy of “change therapies”, most of the mental health community, many rabbis, and most people with a homosexual orientation feel that some of these therapies are either ineffective or potentially damaging psychologically for many patients.
We affirm the religious right of those with a homosexual orientation to reject therapeutic approaches they reasonably see as useless or dangerous.
6. Jews with a homosexual orientation who live in the Orthodox community confront serious emotional, communal and psychological challenges that cause them and their families great pain and suffering. For example, homosexual orientation may greatly increase the risk of suicide among teenagers in our community. Rabbis and communities need to be sensitive and empathetic to that reality. Rabbis and mental health professionals must provide responsible and ethical assistance to congregants and clients dealing with those human challenges.
7. Jews struggling to live their lives in accordance with halakhic values need and deserve our support. Accordingly, we believe that the decision as to whether to be open about one's sexual orientation should be left to such individuals, who should consider their own needs and those of the community. We are opposed on ethical and moral grounds to both the “outing” of individuals who want to remain private and to coercing those who desire to be open about their orientation to keep it hidden.
8. Accordingly, Jews with homosexual orientations or same sex-attractions should be welcomed as full members of the synagogue and school community. As appropriate with regard to gender and lineage, they should participate and count ritually, be eligible for ritual synagogue honors, and generally be treated in the same fashion and under the same halakhic and hashkafic framework as any other member of the synagogue they join. Conversely, they must accept and fulfill all the responsibilities of such membership, including those generated by communal norms or broad Jewish principles that go beyond formal halakha.
We do not here address what synagogues should do about accepting members who are openly practicing homosexuals and/or living with a same-sex partner. Each synagogue together with its rabbi must establish its own standard with regard to membership for open violators of halakha.
Those standards should be applied fairly and objectively.
9. Halakha articulates very exacting criteria and standards of eligibility for particular religious offices, such as officially appointed cantor during the year or baal tefillah on the High Holidays. Among the most important of those criteria is that the entire congregation must be fully comfortable with having that person serve as its representative. This legitimately prevents even the most admirable individuals, who are otherwise perfectly fit halakhically, from serving in those roles. It is the responsibility of the lay and rabbinic leadership in each individual community to determine eligibility for those offices in line with those principles, the importance of maintaining communal harmony, and the unique context of its community culture.
10. Jews with a homosexual orientation or same sex attraction, even if they engage in same sex interactions, should be encouraged to fulfill mitzvot to the best of their ability. All Jews are challenged to fulfill mitzvot to the best of their ability, and the attitude of “all or nothing” was not the traditional approach adopted by the majority of halakhic thinkers and poskim throughout the ages.
11. Halakhic Judaism cannot give its blessing and imprimatur to Jewish religious same-sex commitment ceremonies and weddings, and halakhic values proscribe individuals and communities from encouraging practices that grant religious legitimacy to gay marriage and couplehood. But communities should display sensitivity, acceptance and full embrace of the adopted or biological children of homosexually active Jews in the synagogue and school setting, and we encourage parents and family of homosexually partnered Jews to make every effort to maintain harmonious family relations and connections.
12. Jews who have an exclusively homosexual orientation should, under most circumstances, not be encouraged to marry someone of the other gender, as this can lead to great tragedy, unrequited love, shame, dishonesty and ruined lives. They should be directed to contribute to Jewish and general society in other meaningful ways. Any such person who is planning to marry someone of the opposite gender is halakhically and ethically required to fully inform his or her potential spouse of their sexual orientation.
We hope and pray that by sharing these thoughts we will help the Orthodox community to fully live out its commitment to the principles and values of
Torah and Halakha as practiced and cherished by the children of Abraham, who our sages teach us are recognized by the qualities of being rahamanim (merciful), bayshanim (modest), and gomelei hasadim engaging in acts of loving-kindness).
Recently, an American Jewish clergyman officiated at a matrimonial ceremony that is incorrectly being reported by some in the media as “the first time that an ordained Orthodox Rabbi has officiated at a same-sex marriage in the United States.”
We, as rabbis from a broad spectrum of the Orthodox community around the world, wish to correct the false impression that an Orthodox-approved same-gender wedding took place. By definition, a union that is not sanctioned by Torah law is not an Orthodox wedding, and by definition a person who conducts such a ceremony is not an Orthodox rabbi.
Jewish tradition unequivocally teaches that marriage can only exist as a union between a man and a woman, to the exclusion of a homosexual relationship. It is a distortion of Torah to confound that sacred principle. We strongly object to this desecration of Torah values and to the subsequent misleading reportage.
We appreciate the sensitive nature of intimacy. We, as rabbis, lovingly play a crucial role in helping Jews who may be facing great personal challenges to feel comfortable and welcome in our communities. Rabbis are always available to discuss congregants’ personal issues, including intimacy. We understand from our experiences in offering pastoral care that some individuals experience deep inner conflict as they seek a holy path to serve G-d and to fulfill their spiritual needs. As rabbis, we devote our lives towards helping all those in our broader community achieve their loftiest spiritual potential, while fully upholding the timeless values expressed in our Holy Torah.
The public should not be misled into thinking that Orthodox Jewish views on this issue can change, are changing, or might someday change. The Rabbinical Council of America recently declared that “the Torah, which forbids homosexual activity, sanctions only the union of a man and a woman in matrimony.” This is the only statement on this matter that can reflect Orthodox Judaism. Any claims or statements to the contrary are inaccurate and false.
Hi. Zohar/Zoie here writing in my own voice. After going over the traditional halachic texts, it is pretty obvious what the rabbanim think: woman on woman sex is salacious and overall not ok even if a Beit Din could not give full deorayta style punishment. However, modern rabbanim and community leaders, a small sampling shown above, do leave room for "don't ask don't tell" about the actual act of sex between two women. Many community leaders find room for lesbians and WLW in their communities and embrace them with open arms in many roles in the community (along with other LGBTQ+ identifying people).
This is a very challenging issue. Halacha has its point of view. I challenge those of you reading this to allow yourself to digest this information and have your own point of view. If this is an issue that you personally deal with, I recommend speaking to a rabbi with experience in this subject, reaching out to a yoetzet halacha, or contacting local JQY or Eshel groups.