Why is Rabbi Patrick going on-and-on about language, communication, relationships, etc?
- Memory matters & the body keeps the score
- Storytelling is what makes us uniquely human -Professor Yuval Harari
- Communication is the singular world currency
For ancient people, words had material power.
- The root word for "word" in Hebrew is "dabar". It can mean words or speech (verbal and written) as well as things
- Words have substance. Example: the root word for "honor" or "glory" (kavod) is connected to something's weight ("marketplace" language) as well as..."Hey Man, that's some heavy stuff you're talking about!"
How does this play out?
- Torah - "law" as well as "instruction" and from the root word for "parent"
- Blessings - Birthrights (Jacob/Esau), Jacob becoming Israel when God blesses him, Priestly Blessing. These cannot be taken back, by the way
- Curses - Balaam the sorcerer trying to curse the Israelite camp and blessing them instead. Cursing parents or God led to the death penalty
- Vows - particularly using God's name when testifying to something (ancient equivalent of "as God as my witness..." We sing "Kol Nidre" (All Vows) to ward off the decree of God punishing us for the sins of false oaths
- Amulets - mezuzah, tefillin, the respect given to the siddur/machzor, Hebrew in wedding rings, Aramaic divination bowls
- God Name - יהוה is considered so sacred that we no longer use that name
Using the "davar model" of words as things, let's explore what "things" are behind these words, and how they may impact people.
Diversity or Inclusion
Customized or Personalized
Making Tough Choices or Setting Priorities
Everyone Wins or Everyone Benefits
Opportunity or Freedom
Getting To "Yes" or Helping People Say "No"
First five based on research of political scientist and former pollster Dr. Frank Luntz; latter two from Chris Voss, former FBI hostage negotiator
Makhloket l’Shem Shamayim - Arguing For the Sake of Heaven
א"ר אבא אמר שמואל שלש שנים נחלקו ב"ש וב"ה הללו אומרים הלכה כמותנו והללו אומרים הלכה כמותנו יצאה בת קול ואמרה אלו ואלו דברי אלהים חיים הן והלכה כב"ה וכי מאחר שאלו ואלו דברי אלהים חיים מפני מה זכו ב"ה לקבוע הלכה כמותן מפני שנוחין ועלובין היו ושונין דבריהן ודברי ב"ש ולא עוד אלא שמקדימין דברי ב"ש לדבריהן
...For three years Beit Shammai and Beit Hillel disagreed. These said: The halakha is in accordance with our opinion, and these said: The halakha is in accordance with our opinion.
Ultimately, a Divine Voice emerged and proclaimed: Both these and those are the words of the living God. However, the halakha is in accordance with the opinion of Beit Hillel.
The Gemara asks: Since both these and those are the words of the living God, why were Beit Hillel privileged to have the halakha established in accordance with their opinion? The reason is that they were:- agreeable and forbearing
- showing restraint when affronted
- and when they taught the halakha they would teach both their own statements and the statements of Beit Shammai.
Moreover, when they formulated their teachings and cited a dispute, they prioritized the statements of Beit Shammai to their own statements, in deference to Beit Shammai.
אע"פ שנחלקו ב"ש וב"ה ... ללמדך שחיבה וריעות נוהגים זה בזה, לקיים מה שנאמר (זכריה ח, יט) האמת והשלום אהבו.
Although Beit Shammai and Beit Hillel disagreed (on many critical issues) ... nevertheless .. they behaved with love and friendship toward one another, as it says in Zecharia, "TRUTH and PEACE they loved."
When people argue for the sake of heaven they put aside ego and the need to win at all costs. By not descending into ad hominem insults and dismissal of the truth of the other participant in the argument, the parties to the argument bring to light different facets of ultimate truth. In this way, they arrive at as much truth as human beings are vouchsafed. This truth, which is the end product of a combination of deeply held principles tempered by a willingness to yield in the face of a point of view that resonates with the mind or the heart, endures and has a powerful impact on the lives of those who hear and accept it. ––Rabbi Michael Chernick