Tochecha: The Art of Reproof

(16) Do not go about as a talebearer among your people.

Do not profit by the blood of your fellow: I am the LORD.

(17) You shall not hate your brother in your heart.

Reprove your kinsman and incur no guilt because of them.

(18) You shall not take vengeance nor bear a grudge against your kin.

Love your fellow as yourself:

I am the LORD.

(25) But it shall go well with them who reprove; Blessings of good things will light upon them.

(23) One who reproves a person will in the end find more favor than one who splits the tongue (ie speaks duplicitously).

France, 1085-1158; one of Rashi's grandsons

(1) Do not hate your kinsfolk in your heart, if they have done something evil to you, do not behave as if you continue to love them, all the time setting an ambush for them in your heart (Jeremiah 9:7). Such an attitude is unhealthy, but (2), rebuke them for what they have done and as a result you will restore harmonious relations. (3) so that you will not incur guilt on their account, in your heart.

French, 13th C

(1) לא תשנא את אחיך בלבבך, “do not hate your brother in your heart.”
If it has come to your attention that someone has made negative comments about you, accused you falsely behind your back of wrongdoing, do not bottle your resentment up in your heart "by hating him.” You should rather הוכח תוכיח את עמיתך, “remonstrate with your colleague about having wrongly accused you,” asking him what prompted him to badmouth you. Perhaps, once matters are in the open you can demonstrate to your colleague that he completely misinterpreted one of your actions. Alternately, you will become aware that what had been reported to you as having said by him about you was misrepresented, and not meant detrimentally at all.

Thus you will avoid "hating him in your heart" by suspecting him of something that didn't really happen!

aka Nachmanides, 1194-1270, Spain

(1) You shall not hate your brother in your heart: Since it is the way of haters to hide their hatred in their hearts, as it stated (Proverbs 26:24), "A hater makes his lips foreign," (ie dissembles - hating on the inside, but speaking as if everything is OK) the verse mentions this common [temptation].

And [then] it states, you shall surely rebuke your kinsman, [as] a separate commandment to teach the importance ethical reproofs.

And and you shall not carry sin for him [means] that there will be guilt upon you if your fellow sins and you had not reproved them. And the language of Onkelos, an early translation of the Torah, inclines to this [understanding], as he says, "that you not receive liability for what is his" - that you do not receive punishment for his sin...

When the verse says, "You shall not hate your brother in your heart" it refers to when he has done something to you that goes against your preferences; if this happens, you should rebuke him [by saying], "Why did you do like this to me?" [Thus] And you shall not carry sin for him - ie by covering up your hatred for him in your heart and not telling him.

If you rebuke him, he will make amends with you or repent and admit his sin, and it will be atoned for him.

And afterwards it warns that you not take revenge on him and not bear a grudge in your heart [about] what he did to you. As it is likely that even if you do not hate him, you might still remember the sin inside. Therefore it warns you to completely erase the crime and sin of your brother from your heart.

Anyone who had the capability to effectively protest the sinful conduct of the members of their household and does not protest, is held liable [lit. apprehended] for the sins of the members of their household and punished.

If one is in a position to protest the sinful conduct of the people of one's town, and fails to do so, one is apprehended for the sins of the people of his town.

If you are in a position to protest the sinful conduct of the whole world, and you fail to do so, you are apprehended for the sins of the whole world.

Luzzatto (aka Ramchal), 1707-1746, Italy and Netherlands

(14) The Torah commands us: "You shall surely rebuke your fellow" (Vayikra 19:17).

Oftentimes, a person attempts to rebuke sinners at a place or a time when their words will not be heeded. When this happens, one actually causes them to breach even further in their wickedness, to desecrate the Name of G-d, and to add transgression to their sin.

In such cases, the only chasidut [pious response] is to keep silent. Thus, our sages, of blessed memory, said in the Talmud: "Just as it is a mitzva to say what will be heeded, so too it is a mitzva to not say what will not be heeded" (Yevamot 65b).

1550-1619, Prague

"Reprove your friend and incur no guilt because of them." (Lev 19)

The Torah specifically says "friend" in order to exclude three categories of people who don't receive rebuke: the wicked, idiots, and mockers. This is why it says in the book of Proverbs "Don't reprove a mocker" (Proverbs 9:8), and "Don't bother speaking to an idiot" (Proverbs 23:9) and "If you reprove a wicked man it will end up harming you" (Proverbs 9:7).

(7) To correct a scoffer, Or rebuke a wicked man for his blemish, Is to call down abuse on oneself. (8) Do not rebuke a scoffer, for he will hate you; Reprove a wise man, and he will love you.

(9) Do not speak to a fool, For he will disdain your sensible words.

Anonymous, Germany, 15thC, aka Sefer haMiddot

(12) Even when it becomes necessary to rebuke someone we have been warned not to rebuke with cruelty, as it is written: "You shall surely rebuke your neighbor but not bear sin because of him" (Lev. 19:17), which is to say - remember he is your neighbor, and don't rebuke him in such a way (for instance, harshly, with relish, in a way that shames him) and thus be guilty of sinning against him.

(10) One who is habitually angry cannot be a great sage, for wrath causes wisdom to flee from the mind, so that he cannot answer as is proper, and he cannot rebuke as is proper, and not all his words are prompted by intelligence.

The irascible person also withholds from themself all corrections and rebukes, for no one feels comfortable to discuss their errors or shortcomings with them directly, since everyone is afraid that they might blow up at the one who shares their concerns.

And even if some person does offer rebuke, the angry person is prevented from receiving correction because of their anger.

In general, then, the irascible person cannot acquire any good quality unless they first removes the anger from their heart.

Just as the angry man does not accept rebuke from others, so is he not able to administer rebuke to others...

If you rebuke your companion right at the beginning with an angry voice and with wrath, and you shame him, then you are sinning, for your companion will not receive correction from you. For this is human nature: if a man comes to his companion with force, then his companion will be stubborn and unyielding to him, and will not listen to him. Concerning this the wise man said in Kohelet, "The words of the wise are heard gently" (Eccl. 9:17), that is to say, the wise man speaks gently.

Maimonides, Morocco 1138-1204

(6) If one man commit a sin against another man, the one sinned against shall not remain in silent hate against the sinner, as it is said of the wicked: "And Absalom spoke unto [his half-brother] Amnon neither good nor bad; for Absalom hated Amnon" [and ended up having him assassinated] (Second Samuel. 13.22); but, on the contrary, it is obligatory upon him to let him know [that something upset him] and say unto him: "Why did you behave like that? Why did you wrong me in this particular matter?" -for we learn from Leviticus: "And thou shalt indeed rebuke thy neighbor" (Lev. 19.17).

And, if the sinner does repent and ask to be forgiven by him, he must forgive him; and in doing so he should not be cruel, for it is said: "And Abraham prayed unto God" (Gen. 20.17).⁶[for Abimelech, who had wronged him.]

(7) He who beholds his fellow sinning, or that he is going down a path that leads nowhere good, has a mitzva incumbent upon him to return his fellow toward the good, and to let him know that he is actually sinning against himself in pursuing wicked deeds for, it is said: "And thou shalt indeed rebuke thy neighbor" (Lev. 19.17).

He who rebukes his fellow, whether it be regarding a sin committed between man and man, or whether it be regarding matters between man and God, it is essential that the rebuke be administered only between them both [ie in private]; and he shall speak to him calmly, employing soft language, telling him that he does not speak of it to him except for his own good, to bring him to a life in the world to come.

If he receive it attentively from him, it is well; if not, he should rebuke him a second, even a third time. So is the constant duty of a man to continue to rebuke his fellow, even until the sinner strike him, and say unto him: "I will not listen." He in whose power it is to prevent sin and does not take the means to prevent it, he himself is ultimately overtaken by their sin, since it was possible for him to prevent them.⁷Shabbat, 54a; Ibid. 119b; Baba Mezi’a 31a. C. G.

(8) He who rebukes a friend, at the beginning, no hard words should be used against him to shame him, for it is said: "And thou shalt bear no sin upon him" (Lev. 19.17). Thus did the wise men say: "You might think it was acceptable to rebuke him in such a way that his face will change (ie you'll see how much it impacts him by the expression on his face); that's why the Torah reminds us instead: 'And thou shalt bear no sin upon him'" (Ibid.; Arakin, 16b); for it is forbidden to put someone to shame, even in private - never mind in public! Although he who does put his fellow to shame is not flogged, it is a grievous sin - in fact the sages say:

"He who publicly puts his fellow to shame [lit. makes his face go white] has no share in the world to come" (Pirke Abot, 3.15).

A person is, therefore obliged to guard themself against publicly shaming their fellow, whether they be young or old, important or powerless. Do not to call them by a name of which they might feel ashamed, and do not publicly report behavior of which they are ashamed. Baba Mezi’a 59a; Yoma, 86b. C. G.

Why does the verse specify “in your heart”? One might have thought that the verse means: Do not hit him, do not slap him, and do not ruin him due to hatred. Therefore the verse states “in your heart.”

If one rebuked someone for his action but he did not accept the rebuke, from where is it derived that he must rebuke him again? The verse states: “You shall surely rebuke [hokhe’aḥ tokhiaḥ],” and the double language indicates he must rebuke in any case.

One might have thought that one should continue rebuking him even if his face changes due to humiliation. Therefore, the verse states: “Do not bear sin because of him”; the one giving rebuke may not sin by embarrassing the other person.

It is taught in a baraita that Rabbi Tarfon says: I would be surprised if there is anyone in this generation who can receive rebuke. Why? Because if the one rebuking says to him: Remove the splinter from between your eyes, i.e., rid yourself of a minor infraction, the other says to him: Remove the beam from between your eyes, i.e., you have committed far more severe sins.

Rabbi Elazar ben Azaria says: I would be surprised if there is anyone in this generation who knows how to rebuke correctly, without embarrassing the person he is rebuking.

And Rabbi Yoḥanan ben Nuri says: I call the heavens and the earth as witnesses before me that Akiva was lashed, i.e., punished, many times on my account, as I would complain about him before Rabban Shimon ben Gamliel the Great.

And all the more so I thereby increased his love for me!

This incident serves to affirm that which is stated: “Do not rebuke a scorner lest he hate you; rebuke a wise man and he will love you” (Proverbs 9:8).
A wise man wants to improve himself and loves those who assist him in that task.

Rebbe Nachman of Breslov, 1772-1810, Ukraine

(2) Although tokhachah (moral guidance and reproof) is extremely important, and it is incumbent upon every Jew to reprove his fellow Jew when he sees him acting incorrectly, as it is written (Leviticus 19:17), “You shall surely reprove your fellow,” nevertheless, not everyone is fit to offer moral guidance. As Rabbi Akiva said: I doubt if there is anyone in this generation who is capable of giving reproof (Arakhin 16b). And if Rabbi Akiva said this in his era, then it is all the more so now, in this current era.

(3) When the one who gives moral guidance is unfit to give it, not only does he not help with his reproof, but he even causes the souls which hear it to raise a bad odor. For his reproof arouses the stench of the wicked deeds and bad traits of the people he reproves.

(4) This is akin to when something that has an unpleasant odor is at rest. As long as we don’t move the object, the foul odor is undetected. But when one starts to move that object, the stench is stirred up. Likewise the reproof given by someone who is unfit to give it; it moves and stirs the stench of the wicked deeds and bad traits of the people he reproves.

Rabbi Yosi bar Chanina said: A love without reproof is no love. Reish Lakish said: Reproof leads to peace. A peace where there has been no reproof is no peace.

It is taught in a baraita that Rabbi Yehuda HaNasi says: Which way of life is an upright path that a person should select for themself; what should be their guiding principle?

You should love admonition, for as long as statements of admonition from the wise are heard in the world, pleasantness comes into the world; goodness and blessing come into the world; and evil departs from the world, as it is stated: “But to those who admonish shall be delight, and a good blessing shall come upon them” (Proverbs 24:25).

And some say: The path one should select is to adhere to utmost faithfulness in business and interpersonal relations, as it is stated: “My eyes are upon the faithful of the land, that they may dwell with Me; he who walks in a way of integrity, he shall serve Me” (Psalms 101:6).

Rabbi Shmuel bar Naḥmani says that Rabbi Yonatan says: Anyone who rebukes another for the sake of Heaven is privileged to dwell in the portion of the Holy One, Blessed be He, as it is stated: “The reprover is in My retinue” (Proverbs 28:23). Moreover, the heavenly court extends over this person a cord of divine grace, as it is stated in the same verse: “S/he will find more favor than those who split the tongue.”

Rav Amram, son of Rabbi Shimon bar Abba, said that Rabbi Shimon bar Abba said that Rabbi Ḥanina said: Jerusalem was destroyed only because the people did not rebuke one another, as it is stated: “Her ministers were like stags that found no pasture, and they walked without strength before their pursuer” (Lamentations 1:6). Just as this stag turns its head toward the other’s tail when it grazes, and each one feeds on its own, so too, the Jewish people in that generation lowered their faces to the ground and did not rebuke one another.