... וְאָֽהַבְתָּ֥ לְרֵעֲךָ֖ כָּמ֑וֹךָ אֲנִ֖י יהוה׃
(18) ...Love your fellow as yourself: I am the LORD.
"ואהבת לרעך כמוך" – רבי עקיבא אומר זה כלל גדול בתורה
"And you shall love your neighbor as yourself": R. Akiva says: This is an all-embracing principle in the Torah.
The Lead Up & The Ask
(ב) דַּבֵּ֞ר אֶל־כָּל־עֲדַ֧ת בְּנֵי־יִשְׂרָאֵ֛ל וְאָמַרְתָּ֥ אֲלֵהֶ֖ם קְדֹשִׁ֣ים תִּהְי֑וּ כִּ֣י קָד֔וֹשׁ אֲנִ֖י יהוה אֱלֹהֵיכֶֽם׃(ג) אִ֣ישׁ אִמּ֤וֹ וְאָבִיו֙ תִּירָ֔אוּ וְאֶת־שַׁבְּתֹתַ֖י תִּשְׁמֹ֑רוּ אֲנִ֖י יהוה אֱלֹהֵיכֶֽם׃(ד) אַל־תִּפְנוּ֙ אֶל־הָ֣אֱלִילִ֔ים וֵֽאלֹהֵי֙ מַסֵּכָ֔ה לֹ֥א תַעֲשׂ֖וּ לָכֶ֑ם אֲנִ֖י יהוה אֱלֹהֵיכֶֽם׃(ה) וְכִ֧י תִזְבְּח֛וּ זֶ֥בַח שְׁלָמִ֖ים לַיהוה לִֽרְצֹנְכֶ֖ם תִּזְבָּחֻֽהוּ׃(ו) בְּי֧וֹם זִבְחֲכֶ֛ם יֵאָכֵ֖ל וּמִֽמָּחֳרָ֑ת וְהַנּוֹתָר֙ עַד־י֣וֹם הַשְּׁלִישִׁ֔י בָּאֵ֖שׁ יִשָּׂרֵֽף׃(ז) וְאִ֛ם הֵאָכֹ֥ל יֵאָכֵ֖ל בַּיּ֣וֹם הַשְּׁלִישִׁ֑י פִּגּ֥וּל ה֖וּא לֹ֥א יֵרָצֶֽה׃(ח) וְאֹֽכְלָיו֙ עֲוֺנ֣וֹ יִשָּׂ֔א כִּֽי־אֶת־קֹ֥דֶשׁ יהוה חִלֵּ֑ל וְנִכְרְתָ֛ה הַנֶּ֥פֶשׁ הַהִ֖וא מֵעַמֶּֽיהָ׃(ט) וּֽבְקֻצְרְכֶם֙ אֶת־קְצִ֣יר אַרְצְכֶ֔ם לֹ֧א תְכַלֶּ֛ה פְּאַ֥ת שָׂדְךָ֖ לִקְצֹ֑ר וְלֶ֥קֶט קְצִֽירְךָ֖ לֹ֥א תְלַקֵּֽט׃
————————(י) וְכַרְמְךָ֙ לֹ֣א תְעוֹלֵ֔ל וּפֶ֥רֶט כַּרְמְךָ֖ לֹ֣א תְלַקֵּ֑ט לֶֽעָנִ֤י וְלַגֵּר֙ תַּעֲזֹ֣ב אֹתָ֔ם אֲנִ֖י יהוה אֱלֹהֵיכֶֽם׃(יא) לֹ֖א תִּגְנֹ֑בוּ וְלֹא־תְכַחֲשׁ֥וּ וְלֹֽא־תְשַׁקְּר֖וּ אִ֥ישׁ בַּעֲמִיתֽוֹ׃(יב) וְלֹֽא־תִשָּׁבְע֥וּ בִשְׁמִ֖י לַשָּׁ֑קֶר וְחִלַּלְתָּ֛ אֶת־שֵׁ֥ם אֱלֹהֶ֖יךָ אֲנִ֥י יהוה׃(יג) לֹֽא־תַעֲשֹׁ֥ק אֶת־רֵֽעֲךָ֖ וְלֹ֣א תִגְזֹ֑ל לֹֽא־תָלִ֞ין פְּעֻלַּ֥ת שָׂכִ֛יר אִתְּךָ֖ עַד־בֹּֽקֶר׃(יד) לֹא־תְקַלֵּ֣ל חֵרֵ֔שׁ וְלִפְנֵ֣י עִוֵּ֔ר לֹ֥א תִתֵּ֖ן מִכְשֹׁ֑ל וְיָרֵ֥אתָ מֵּאֱלֹהֶ֖יךָ אֲנִ֥י יהוה׃(טו) לֹא־תַעֲשׂ֥וּ עָ֙וֶל֙ בַּמִּשְׁפָּ֔ט לֹא־תִשָּׂ֣א פְנֵי־דָ֔ל וְלֹ֥א תֶהְדַּ֖ר פְּנֵ֣י גָד֑וֹל בְּצֶ֖דֶק תִּשְׁפֹּ֥ט עֲמִיתֶֽךָ׃(טז) לֹא־תֵלֵ֤ךְ רָכִיל֙ בְּעַמֶּ֔יךָ לֹ֥א תַעֲמֹ֖ד עַל־דַּ֣ם רֵעֶ֑ךָ אֲנִ֖י יהוה׃(יז) לֹֽא־תִשְׂנָ֥א אֶת־אָחִ֖יךָ בִּלְבָבֶ֑ךָ הוֹכֵ֤חַ תּוֹכִ֙יחַ֙ אֶת־עֲמִיתֶ֔ךָ וְלֹא־תִשָּׂ֥א עָלָ֖יו חֵֽטְא׃(יח) לֹֽא־תִקֹּ֤ם וְלֹֽא־תִטֹּר֙ אֶת־בְּנֵ֣י עַמֶּ֔ךָ וְאָֽהַבְתָּ֥ לְרֵעֲךָ֖ כָּמ֑וֹךָ אֲנִ֖י יהוה׃
————————(י) וְכַרְמְךָ֙ לֹ֣א תְעוֹלֵ֔ל וּפֶ֥רֶט כַּרְמְךָ֖ לֹ֣א תְלַקֵּ֑ט לֶֽעָנִ֤י וְלַגֵּר֙ תַּעֲזֹ֣ב אֹתָ֔ם אֲנִ֖י יהוה אֱלֹהֵיכֶֽם׃(יא) לֹ֖א תִּגְנֹ֑בוּ וְלֹא־תְכַחֲשׁ֥וּ וְלֹֽא־תְשַׁקְּר֖וּ אִ֥ישׁ בַּעֲמִיתֽוֹ׃(יב) וְלֹֽא־תִשָּׁבְע֥וּ בִשְׁמִ֖י לַשָּׁ֑קֶר וְחִלַּלְתָּ֛ אֶת־שֵׁ֥ם אֱלֹהֶ֖יךָ אֲנִ֥י יהוה׃(יג) לֹֽא־תַעֲשֹׁ֥ק אֶת־רֵֽעֲךָ֖ וְלֹ֣א תִגְזֹ֑ל לֹֽא־תָלִ֞ין פְּעֻלַּ֥ת שָׂכִ֛יר אִתְּךָ֖ עַד־בֹּֽקֶר׃(יד) לֹא־תְקַלֵּ֣ל חֵרֵ֔שׁ וְלִפְנֵ֣י עִוֵּ֔ר לֹ֥א תִתֵּ֖ן מִכְשֹׁ֑ל וְיָרֵ֥אתָ מֵּאֱלֹהֶ֖יךָ אֲנִ֥י יהוה׃(טו) לֹא־תַעֲשׂ֥וּ עָ֙וֶל֙ בַּמִּשְׁפָּ֔ט לֹא־תִשָּׂ֣א פְנֵי־דָ֔ל וְלֹ֥א תֶהְדַּ֖ר פְּנֵ֣י גָד֑וֹל בְּצֶ֖דֶק תִּשְׁפֹּ֥ט עֲמִיתֶֽךָ׃(טז) לֹא־תֵלֵ֤ךְ רָכִיל֙ בְּעַמֶּ֔יךָ לֹ֥א תַעֲמֹ֖ד עַל־דַּ֣ם רֵעֶ֑ךָ אֲנִ֖י יהוה׃(יז) לֹֽא־תִשְׂנָ֥א אֶת־אָחִ֖יךָ בִּלְבָבֶ֑ךָ הוֹכֵ֤חַ תּוֹכִ֙יחַ֙ אֶת־עֲמִיתֶ֔ךָ וְלֹא־תִשָּׂ֥א עָלָ֖יו חֵֽטְא׃(יח) לֹֽא־תִקֹּ֤ם וְלֹֽא־תִטֹּר֙ אֶת־בְּנֵ֣י עַמֶּ֔ךָ וְאָֽהַבְתָּ֥ לְרֵעֲךָ֖ כָּמ֑וֹךָ אֲנִ֖י יהוה׃
- You shall be holy, for I, the LORD your God, am holy
- You shall each revere his mother and his father
- Keep My sabbaths
- Do not turn to idols or make molten gods for yourselves
- When you sacrifice an offering of well-being to the LORD, sacrifice it [correctly] so that it may be accepted on your behalf.
—————— - When you reap the harvest of your land [or pick your vineyard], you shall not reap all the way...you shall leave them for the poor and the stranger
- You shall not steal; you shall not deal deceitfully or falsely with one another.
- You shall not swear falsely by God's name [or render an unfair decision]
- The wages of a laborer shall not [be held back]
- You shall not insult the deaf, or place a stumbling block before the blind
- Do not profit by the blood of your fellow
- You shall not hate your kinsfolk in your heart. Reprove your kinsman but incur no guilt because of him
- You shall not take vengeance or bear a grudge against your countrymen. Love your fellow as yourself: I am the LORD.
The Lead Up: God is holy, and we are to be holy, and we are made holy by commandments, both ethical and ritual. That gets us in the right frame of mind to...
The Ask: fulfill commandments which are rooted in loving the neighbor as yourself (would YOU want your wages held back, to be unjustly imprisoned, to be robbed or for your death to be profitable to someone?)
Love is an action, not a feeling.
The Ask: fulfill commandments which are rooted in loving the neighbor as yourself (would YOU want your wages held back, to be unjustly imprisoned, to be robbed or for your death to be profitable to someone?)
Love is an action, not a feeling.
Strangers To One Another
Do you ever feel like we are so polarized that you don't even know who people are anymore? What if we took the term for stranger (ger) and applied it to those we feel are our opposite, who we could never understand, even perhaps even our enemies.
The first occurrence of the word “torah” in the Torah is:
(מט) תּוֹרָ֣ה אַחַ֔ת יִהְיֶ֖ה לָֽאֶזְרָ֑ח וְלַגֵּ֖ר הַגָּ֥ר בְּתוֹכְכֶֽם׃
(49) There shall be one law [torah] for the citizen and for the stranger who dwells among you.
In the three Levite [priestly biblical] sources, the command to treat "aliens" fairly comes up 52 times. Why?
(לג) וְכִֽי־יָג֧וּר אִתְּךָ֛ גֵּ֖ר בְּאַרְצְכֶ֑ם לֹ֥א תוֹנ֖וּ אֹתֽוֹ׃(לד) כְּאֶזְרָ֣ח מִכֶּם֩ יִהְיֶ֨ה לָכֶ֜ם הַגֵּ֣ר ׀ הַגָּ֣ר אִתְּכֶ֗ם וְאָהַבְתָּ֥ לוֹ֙ כָּמ֔וֹךָ כִּֽי־גֵרִ֥ים הֱיִיתֶ֖ם בְּאֶ֣רֶץ מִצְרָ֑יִם אֲנִ֖י יהוה אֱלֹהֵיכֶֽם׃
(33) When a stranger resides with you in your land, you shall not wrong him.(34) The stranger who resides with you shall be to you as one of your citizens; you shall love him as yourself, for you were strangers in the land of Egypt: I the LORD am your God.
"B'artzchem" or "your land" implies social and political power. The Levites have that. The stranger would logically not have that in a foreign land. Yet, we are to treat them as our equal. In doing so, they become our neighbor.
"If we trade long enough and if we respect each other's rights long enough, then maybe we start give ourselves the chance to be friends." -Magician Penn Jillette
How To Stay Sane
(א) בֶּן זוֹמָא אוֹמֵר, אֵיזֶהוּ חָכָם, הַלּוֹמֵד מִכָּל אָדָם, שֶׁנֶּאֱמַר (תהלים קיט) מִכָּל מְלַמְּדַי הִשְׂכַּלְתִּי כִּי עֵדְוֹתֶיךָ שִׂיחָה לִּי. אֵיזֶהוּ גִבּוֹר, הַכּוֹבֵשׁ אֶת יִצְרוֹ, שֶׁנֶּאֱמַר (משלי טז) טוֹב אֶרֶךְ אַפַּיִם מִגִּבּוֹר וּמשֵׁל בְּרוּחוֹ מִלֹּכֵד עִיר. אֵיזֶהוּ עָשִׁיר, הַשָּׂמֵחַ בְּחֶלְקוֹ, שֶׁנֶּאֱמַר (תהלים קכח) יְגִיעַ כַּפֶּיךָ כִּי תֹאכֵל אַשְׁרֶיךָ וְטוֹב לָךְ. אַשְׁרֶיךָ, בָּעוֹלָם הַזֶּה. וְטוֹב לָךְ, לָעוֹלָם הַבָּא. אֵיזֶהוּ מְכֻבָּד, הַמְכַבֵּד אֶת הַבְּרִיּוֹת, שֶׁנֶּאֱמַר (שמואל א ב) כִּי מְכַבְּדַי אֲכַבֵּד וּבֹזַי יֵקָלּוּ:
(1) Ben Zoma said:
- Who is wise?He who learns from every man
- Who is mighty? He who subdues his [evil] inclination
- Who is rich? He who rejoices in his lot
- Who is he that is honored? He who honors his fellow human beings
Jedi Mind Tricks
(ז) שִׁבְעָה דְבָרִים בַּגֹּלֶם וְשִׁבְעָה בֶחָכָם. חָכָם אֵינוֹ מְדַבֵּר בִּפְנֵי מִי שֶׁהוּא גָדוֹל מִמֶּנּוּ בְחָכְמָה וּבְמִנְיָן, וְאֵינוֹ נִכְנָס לְתוֹךְ דִּבְרֵי חֲבֵרוֹ, וְאֵינוֹ נִבְהָל לְהָשִׁיב, שׁוֹאֵל כָּעִנְיָן וּמֵשִׁיב כַּהֲלָכָה, וְאוֹמֵר עַל רִאשׁוֹן רִאשׁוֹן וְעַל אַחֲרוֹן אַחֲרוֹן, וְעַל מַה שֶּׁלֹּא שָׁמַע, אוֹמֵר לֹא שָׁמָעְתִּי, וּמוֹדֶה עַל הָאֱמֶת. וְחִלּוּפֵיהֶן בַּגֹּלֶם:
(7) [There are] seven things [characteristic] in a fool, and seven in a wise man:
- A wise man does not speak before one who is greater than he in wisdom
- And does not break into his fellow’s speech
- And is not hasty to answer
- He asks what is relevant
- He answers to the point
- He speaks of the first [point] first and of the last [point] last
- And concerning that which he has not heard, he says: I have not heard
- And he acknowledges the truth
The reverse of these [are characteristic] in a fool.
Active Listening Technique: Great For Couples!
- Person 1 says something
- Person 2 repeats back a version of "I have heard you say... Is this correct?"
- Person 1 replies with a yes or no, and any clarifying points
- Repeat, repeat, repeat
Person 1: You're wasting your time taking those classes. You should spend the money on something practical. Your father would never have wanted this.
Person 2: So you're saying you want me to spend the money on something practical because this is what my dad would want. Am I understanding you correctly?
Person 2: So you're saying you want me to spend the money on something practical because this is what my dad would want. Am I understanding you correctly?
Person 1: Yes, but really it's because I just don't want it to go to waste.
Person 2: You are worried about wasting money. Is that right?
Person 1: Yes, you never had anything when you were growing up.
Person 2: I think I hear you. You're saying that since we have this money, and my family never had it before, you don't want it being spent on something that you think Dad would have found wasteful?
Person 1: Yes, you get it
Person 2: So I think you're saying that we should think about what my dad's values were
Person 1: Yes, that's right
Person 2: What do you think my dad's values were?
Person 1: I don't know, he was your father!
Person 2: You're saying I should know his values.
Person 1: I guess. I don't know. It's too much.
Person 2: I think I see where you are coming from: trying to figure out what my dad would have wanted, but not being sure, but being afraid of us doing the wrong thing. Am I hearing you correctly?
Person 1: Yes, you are! I'm glad we're on the same page here. Can we talk about what those classes are actually about?
Asking, Labeling and Mirroring
- Asking people questions is better than making statements. It invokes a sense of relationship
- Labeling is where we define how someone feels based on how you heard them speak. You can pivot a conversation that way, while helping the person feel like you aren't cutting them off
- Mirroring is repeating the last 3-5 words they said. It makes them feel heard
Him: I don't understand how you can vote for her. She's just terrible.
You: Tell me about why you feel that way (asking)
Him: She'll be a tyrant who will destroy this country!
You: It sounds like you're worried. (labeling). What are you worried about? (Asking)
Him: Yes, I'm worried. I'm worried about my business, my parents who can't afford healthcare and sending my kids to school
You: Wow, you really care about a lot of people (labeling)
Him: Yes I do! I have too much on my mind
You: You'd like to have less worry (labeling)
Him: Heck yeah! It's just too much.
You: Just too much? (mirroring)
Him: Yeah, I'm just tired.
You: Sounds like you could use a friend. (labeling)
Him: I feel lonely.
You: Lonely? (mirroring)
Him: That's why I worry so much about this country.
You: I didn't know you felt that way. You want to talk about it? (asking)