הטיפול בזקן במעגל המשפחתי

for in six days the LORD made heaven and earth, the sea, and all that in them is, and rested on the seventh day; wherefore the LORD blessed the sabbath day, and hallowed it.

Ye shall fear every man his mother, and his father, and ye shall keep My sabbaths: I am the LORD your God.

What is the distinction between reverence and honor? Reverence signifies that the son must neither stand nor sit in his father's place; he must not contradict his father nor decide against him.— — What does honoring signify? The son must provide his father and mother with food and drink and clothing, paid for by the father. If the father has no money and the son has, he is compelled to maintain his father and mother as much as he can. He must manage his father's affairs, conducting him in and out, and doing for him the kind of service that is performed by servants for their master ; he should rise before him, as he should rise before his teacher.

"G-d said to Abram, 'Go forth from your land…'" (Genesis 12:1) Rabbi Yitzchak opened: "Listen, daughter, look, and incline your ear, and forget your people and your father's house." (Psalms 45:11) Rabbi Yitzchak said: this may be compared to a man who was traveling from place to place when he saw a a castle aglow. He said, "Is it possible that this castle lacks a person to look after it?" The owner of the building looked at him and said to him, 'I am the master of the castle.'" What happened with Abraham our father was similar. He said, “Is it possible that this universe lacks a person to look after it?," the Holy Blessed One looked at him and said to him, 'I am the Master of the Universe.'" "And let the king be aroused by your beauty since he is your master" (Psalms 45:12) And let the king be aroused for your beauty in the universe. "And bow to him" (Psalms 45:12) Hence, G-d said to Abram, [go forth...].Rabbi Yitzchak opened: "Listen, daughter, look, and incline your ear, and forget your people and your father's house." (Psalms 45:11) Rabbi Yitzchak said: this may be compared to a man who was traveling from place to place when he saw a castle aglow. He said, "Is it possible that this castle lacks a person to look after it?" The owner of the building looked at him and said to him, "I am the master of the castle." What happened with Abraham our father was similar. He said, "Is it possible that this universe lacks a person to look after it?" The Holy Blessed One looked at him and said to him, "I am the Master of the Universe." "And let the king be aroused by your beauty since he is your master..." (Psalms 45:12) And let the king be aroused for your beauty in the universe. "And bow to him" (Psalms 45:12) Hence, G-d said to Abram, [go forth...]. "G-d said to Abram…" (Genesis 12:1) Rabbi Berekhyah opened: "Your perfumes have good fragrance, your name is poured-out oil" (Song of Songs 1:3) Rabbi Berekhyah said: to what was Abraham our father similar? to a flask of balsam-tree juice close with a tight lid, placed in a corner and its fragrance was not emitted. When it was moved, its fragrance was emitted. Thus the Holy Blessed One said to Abraham our Father, move yourself from place to place and your name will become great in the world.... Rabbi Azariah in the name of Rabbi Acha opened: “You love justice and hate evil, therefore God, your God has anointed you with oil of joy over your peers” (Pslams 45:8). Rabbi Azariah solved this verse [as being in reference to] Abraham: at the time that Abraham our father stood to request mercy for the Sodomites, what is written there? “Far be it from you to do this thing – to kill the righteous with the evildoer so that [the righteous is like the evildoer] – should not the judge of all the earth do justly?” (Genesis 18:25) Rabbi Acha said: you swore and said that you would not bring a flood ever again – why have you violated your vow?! It is strange! A flood of water you won’t bring, but a flood of fire you will bring?! If so, you have not fulfilled your vow. “Does not the judge of all the earth do justice” If you want a world, you can’t have strict justice; if you want strict justice, you can’t have a world. How can you hold a world with two heads? You want a world and strict justice - Choose one of them! If you cannot give up a little, the world cannot exist. The Holy Blessed One said to him: Abraham, “you love justice and hate evil… over your peers” Who is your peer? From Noah to you, [there were] 10 generation, and from all of them I have not spoken with one of them other than you. YHVH said to Abram, "Go forth from your land…" (Genesis 12:1) What was written prior to this matter? “…and Teraḥ died in Ḥaran.” (Genesis 11:32) Rabbi Yitzḥak said: if the matter is the math, then up to now [where Avram leaves, for Teraḥ to be dead,] it would need another 65 years, but initially, you can interpret that evildoers are called “dead” during their lives. It is because Abraham our father was afraid and said, “If I go out, they will profane the Heavenly Name through me and say that he left his father and went during his [father’s] old age. The Holy One Blessed Be He said to him, I exempt you from honoring father and mother, but I do not exempt [any] other from honoring father and mother. And not only that, but I moved forward his death to before your going out: first, “And Teraḥ died in Ḥaran.”, and afterwards “And YHVH said to Avram”

and this action brings him to the life of the World-to-Come. Rabbi Abbahu said: One such as Avimi, my son, properly fulfilled the mitzva of honoring his parents. The Gemara relates: Avimi had five sons during his father’s lifetime who were ordained to issue halakhic rulings, and he too was ordained. And yet when Rabbi Abbahu, his father, came and called at the gate to enter, Avimi would himself run and go to open the door for him. And before he arrived there, he would already say: Yes, yes, so that his father would not think that he was being ignored. One day Rabbi Abbahu said to Avimi his son: Give me water to drink. Before he brought him the water, Rabbi Abbahu dozed off. Avimi bent over and stood over him until his father awoke. The performance of this mitzva aided him, i.e., as a reward God helped him in his studies, and Avimi succeeded in homiletically interpreting the psalm: “A song to Asaph” (Psalms 79). Rav Ya’akov bar Avuh said to Abaye: With regard to one such as I, so beloved by my parents that before I return from the study hall my father brings me a cup and my mother pours for me, how should I act? Is it disrespectful to accept this honor from them? Abaye said to him: Accept it from your mother, but do not accept it from your father, as, since he is a Torah scholar he will be disheartened if his son does not show him the proper level of respect. The Gemara relates: Rabbi Tarfon had a certain manner of treating his mother, that whenever she wished to ascend into her bed he would bend over and help her to ascend, and whenever she wished to descend from the bed, she would descend onto him. He came and praised himself in the study hall for performing the mitzva of honoring one’s father and mother so thoroughly. They said to him: You still have not reached even half of the honor due to her. Has it ever happened that she threw a purse into the sea in front of you, and you did not embarrass her? When Rav Yosef heard his mother’s footsteps, he would say: I will stand before the arriving Divine Presence. Rabbi Yoḥanan said: Fortunate is one who never saw his father and mother, as it is so difficult to honor them appropriately. The Gemara relates that Rabbi Yoḥanan himself never saw his parents. When his mother was pregnant with him, his father died; and when she gave birth to him, his mother died. And the same is true of Abaye. The Gemara asks: Is that so, that Abaye never saw his mother? But didn’t Abaye say on many occasions: My mother told me? The Gemara answers: That mother was actually his foster mother, not his birth mother. Rav Asi had an elderly mother. She said to him: I want jewelry, and he made jewelry for her. She said to him: I want a man whom I can marry, and he said to her: I will seek one for you. She said to him: I want a husband who is as handsome as you. At this point, he realized that she was senile, and that he would be unable to fulfill all her requests. Therefore, he left her and went to Eretz Yisrael. Rav Asi heard that she was following him to Eretz Yisrael. He came before Rabbi Yoḥanan and said to him: What is the halakha with regard to leaving Eretz Yisrael to go outside of Eretz Yisrael? Rabbi Yoḥanan said to him: It is prohibited. Rav Asi further asked: If one is going to greet his mother, what is the halakha? Rabbi Yoḥanan said to him: I do not know. Rav Asi waited a little while, and then came back to him. Rabbi Yoḥanan said to him: Asi, you are evidently determined to leave. May the Omnipresent return you in peace, and he said no more. Rav Asi came before Rabbi Elazar, because he did not know how to interpret Rabbi Yoḥanan’s statement. He said to Rabbi Elazar: God forbid, perhaps he is angry with me that I wished to leave? Rabbi Elazar said to him: What exactly did he say to you? Rav Asi said to him: May the Omnipresent return you in peace. Rabbi Elazar said to him: If it is so that he was angry, he would not have blessed you. Rabbi Yoḥanan certainly gave you permission to leave. In the meantime, while he was traveling to meet her, Rav Asi heard that her coffin was coming, i.e., his mother had died and her coffin was being brought to Eretz Yisrael. He said: Had I known I would not have left, as after his mother’s death he was not obligated to leave Eretz Yisrael to honor her. The Sages taught: One honors his father in his life and honors him in his death. How does he honor him in his life? One who goes to a place on the command of his father should not say to the people to whom he has been sent, to hurry them along: Send me on my journey on my own behalf, or: Hurry up on my own behalf, or: Allow me to take leave of this business on my own behalf. Rather, he should say all of the above in the following manner: Act in this manner on Father’s behalf, as a mark of respect for his father. How does he honor him in his death? If he says a matter he heard from his father’s mouth, he should not say: So said Father. Rather, he should say: So said Father, my teacher, may I be an atonement for his resting soul. And this halakha applies within twelve months of his death. From this time onward he says: May his memory be for a blessing, for the life of the World-to-Come. The Sages taught: A Sage who lectures in public must change the name of his father, i.e., when he quotes his father he should not mention him by name. And similarly, he changes the name of his teacher. The disseminator, who explains the statements of a Sage to the audience, changes neither the name of his father nor the name of his teacher. The Gemara asks: To whose father is this referring? If we say it is referring to the father of the disseminator, whom the Sage mentioned in his lecture, is that to say that the disseminator is not obligated to observe the mitzva of honoring one’s father? How can a disseminator mention his own father by name? Rather, Rava said: This is referring to the name of the Sage’s father and the name of the Sage’s teacher. This is like that which Mar bar Rav Ashi would do, as when he would teach Torah at his regular lecture and would mention a halakha in the name of his father, Rav Ashi, he would say: So said my father, my teacher; and his disseminator would say: So said Rav Ashi. Although a son may not mention his father’s name, the disseminator of his lecture may do so. The Sages taught: What is fear and what is honor? Fear of one’s father includes the following: One may not stand in his father’s fixed place, and may not sit in his place, and may not contradict his statements by expressing an opinion contrary to that of his father, and he may not choose sides when his father argues with someone else. What is considered honor? He gives his father food and drink, dresses and covers him, and brings him in and takes him out for all his household needs. A dilemma was raised before the Sages:

The Gemara further suggests: Come and hear: They asked Rabbi Eliezer how far one must go in honoring his father and mother. Rabbi Eliezer said to them: Such that the father takes a purse and throw it into the sea in front of his son, and the son does not embarrass him. And if you say that the son honors him from the money of the father, what difference does it make to the son? Why would the son care if his father throws away his own purse? The Gemara answers: This is referring to a son who is fit to inherit from him. Since the son thinks that the money will eventually belong to him, he has cause for anger.

To what lengths should the honoring of one's father and mother go? Even if they took a pocketful of gold pieces belonging to him and cast it into the sea right in his presence, he must not shame them or scream and be angry at them; instead, he should accept the divine decree and keep silent. To what lengths should the duty of revering them go? Even if he wore costly clothes while presiding over a public assembly, and his father and mother came and tore his clothes, struck him on the head, and spat in his face, he must not embarrass them but keep silent. He should revere and fear the supreme King of kings who has thus commanded him. Had a mortal king laid a more painful restraint on him, he would be powerless to struggle against it; so much the more if the decree comes from him who spoke and the world came into being by his will.