Kindness, Truth, and Self-Actualizing Torah: The Psychology of Jacob

(10) Then Jacob said, “O God of my father Abraham and God of my father Isaac, O LORD, who said to me, ‘Return to your native land and I will deal bountifully with you’! (11) I am unworthy of all the kindness that You have so steadfastly shown Your servant: with my staff alone I crossed this Jordan, and now I have become two camps. (12) Deliver me, I pray, from the hand of my brother, from the hand of Esau; else, I fear, he may come and strike me down, mothers and children alike.

(1) The great Rabbi Hoshaya opened [with the verse (Mishlei 8:30),] "I [the Torah] was an amon to Him and I was a plaything to Him every day."...Alternatively, amon means "artisan." The Torah is saying, "I was the artisan's tool of Hashem." In the way of the world, a king of flesh and blood who builds a castle does not do so from his own knowledge, but rather from the knowledge of an architect, and the architect does not build it from his own knowledge, but rather he has scrolls and books in order to know how to make rooms and doorways. So too Hashem gazed into the Torah and created the world. Similarly the Torah says, "Through the reishis Hashem created [the heavens and the earth]," and reishis means Torah, as in "Hashem made me [the Torah] the beginning (reishis) of His way" (Mishlei 8:22).

Rabbi Simlai taught: There were 613 mitzvot stated to Moses in the Torah, consisting of 365 prohibitions corresponding to the number of days in the solar year, and 248 positive mitzvot corresponding to the number of a person’s limbs. Rav Hamnuna said: What is the verse that alludes to this? It is written: “Moses commanded to us the Torah, an inheritance of the congregation of Jacob” (Deuteronomy 34:4). The word Torah, in terms of its numerical value [gimatriyya], is 611, the number of mitzvot that were received and taught by Moses our teacher. In addition, there are two mitzvot: “I am the Lord your God” and: “You shall have no other gods” (Exodus 20:2, 3), the first two of the Ten Commandments, that we heard from the mouth of the Almighty, for a total of 613.

On the verse, "I am unworthy of all the kindness that You have so steadfastly (emet) shown your servant"

It is possible to understand that because God provided unearned kindness toward Jacob he excluded his merits.

And what does Emet refer to?

Indeed when referring to Emet we mean the ability of a person to realize/actualize themselves. What god transmits to the soul is understood in this sense of Emet, which is none other than words of Torah, as the sages say, "Emet always refers to Torah", as it is written, "Buy truth...". For all is created with Torah. In every person there exists a unique Torah that is able to be realized/actualized, and is a divine gift offered according to each person't portion.

And for that we have even more reason to exalt and praise God that he implanted within us eternal life (i.e. Torah).

Whereas Chesed is the helping context that God provides for people to realize/actualize themselves. And there exist even greater kindnesses that God adds allowing us new insights in each moment.

Jacob our Father, peace be upon him, of whom it is said "Give truth to Jacob", not only realized/actualized the revelation of Torah but also established the 613 limbs and sinews - a task we can only accomplish through the 613 mitzvot.

Given that view, it seems that these stand opposite each other when he said, "Save me from the hand of my brother, from the hand of Esau", which stand opposed to kindness and truth. Meaning that the shadow forces have a natural power to battle against the servants of God.

But there are those who increase the potency of the shadow forces beyond the letter of the law. This is what is meant by "from the hand of my brother". For certainly Jacob and Esau were created to be equal opposites. But "from the hand of Esau", as our sages teach "who does not treat me as a brother but rather as Esau the wicked" signals the additional force we attach to the shadow self.