1) A helpmate vs an Adversary - the function of one's partnership
(ב) עזר כנגדו. זָכָה – עֵזֶר; לֹא זָכָה – כְּנֶגְדּוֹ לְהִלָּחֵם:
(2) עזר כנגדו A HELP MATE FOR HIM — (כנגדו literally, opposite, opposed to him) If he is worthy she shall be a help to him; if he is unworthy she shall be opposed to him, to fight him (Yevamot 63a).
2) Communication is key! Say what you need to!
(10) She said to Abraham, “Cast out that slave-woman and her son, for the son of that slave shall not share in the inheritance with my son Isaac.”
3) Diplomacy and sensitivity - this is the key to Shalom Bayit
(12) And Sarah laughed to herself, saying, “Now that I am withered, am I to have enjoyment—with my husband so old?” (13) Then the LORD said to Abraham, “Why did Sarah laugh, saying, ‘Shall I in truth bear a child, old as I am?’
(1) האף אמנם means SHALL I REALLY BEAR? (2) ואני זקנתי I BEING OLD — Scripture (God) in relating her words to her husband alters them for the sake of peace, for she had said (v. 12) “my lord is old” (Genesis Rabbah 48:18).
4) Role Modeling and Teamwork
(21) So the LORD God cast a deep sleep upon the man; and, while he slept, He took one of his ribs and closed up the flesh at that spot. (22) And the LORD God fashioned the rib that He had taken from the man into a woman; and He brought her to the man. (23) Then the man said, “This one at last Is bone of my bones And flesh of my flesh. This one shall be called Woman, For from man was she taken.”
5) The spouse is number 1! The in-laws are number 2! don't forget it!
(24) Hence a man leaves his father and mother and clings to his wife, so that they become one flesh.
6) The goal is for children should solidify the relationship, not hinder it!
7) Make space for Hashem in your relationship
§ Rabbi Akiva taught: If a man [ish] and woman [isha] merit reward through a faithful marriage, the Divine Presence rests between them. The words ish and isha are almost identical; the difference between them is the middle letter yod in ish, and the final letter heh in isha. These two letters can be joined to form the name of God spelled yod, heh. But if due to licentiousness they do not merit reward, the Divine Presence departs, leaving in each word only the letters alef and shin, which spell esh, fire.
By Rabbi Aryeh Carmell
It was past midnight. I was walking through the deserted city to my hotel on the other side of the river. The night was dark and foggy and I couldn’t get a taxi. As I approached the bridge, I noticed another man walking along the river bank. Not giving him much thought I walked, rushing to get to bed. Then he disappeared. I heard a splash. “Help! Help!” he shouted. My G-d, I thought, he’s fallen in...I ran back under the bridge, onto the embankment, and waded into the river, managing to grab him and drag him up on to the embankment. He was quite a young guy. He was still breathing. A couple of people noticed and I shouted to them to get an ambulance. They managed to stop a taxi and between us we half-dragged, half-carried the man into the taxi. I got in and told the driver to drive to the nearest hospital emergency room. I waited until the man was admitted, told the doctors what happened, and got a taxi back to my hotel at last.I had ruined a good suit, and knew I would have a terrible cold in the morning. I could feel it coming on. But anyway, I had saved a life. I had a hot bath and got into bed but it still worried me. Would he be ok? Did he have family and friends to visit him? The next morning, as soon as I could, I set off for the hospital. I wanted to find out how he was feeling. Maybe I could help.
Why was I so interested in the guy? In this great city there are many other people who get into trouble. Their plight did not really touch me. Then it dawned on me. Of course! First you give, then you care. I had given quite a lot. I had risked my life and gotten a bad cold in the bargain. I had given something of myself to that man. Now my love and care grew for him. That’s how it goes. First we give, then we come to love.