"Ezer K'negdo": Help-meet, Equal, or Better Half? Central Synagogue Torah Study for Parashat Bereishit October 26, 2019 / 27 Tishrei 5780

(יח) וַיֹּ֙אמֶר֙ יְהוָ֣ה אֱלֹהִ֔ים לֹא־ט֛וֹב הֱי֥וֹת הָֽאָדָ֖ם לְבַדּ֑וֹ אֶֽעֱשֶׂהּ־לּ֥וֹ עֵ֖זֶר כְּנֶגְדּֽוֹ׃

(18) The LORD God said, “It is not good for man to be alone; I will make a fitting helper for him.”
עזר כנגדו. זָכָה – עֵזֶר; לֹא זָכָה – כְּנֶגְדּוֹ לְהִלָּחֵם:
עזר כנגדו A HELP MEET FOR HIM — (כנגדו literally, opposite, opposed to him) If he is worthy she shall be a help to him; if he is unworthy she shall be opposed to him, to fight him (Yevamot 63a).
עזר כנגדו עזר שיהיה כמו שוה לו בצלם ודמות כי זה הכרחי לו בידיעת צרכיו והמציאם במועד' ואמר כנגדו כי הנכנס לכף נגד דבר אחר כשיהי' שוה לו בשקל יהי' נגדו בקו ישר אבל כשלא יהיו שוים שני הנשקלי' יהי' זה עולה וזה יורד ולא יהיו זה נגד זה בקו ישר ובזה האופן אמרו רז''ל שקול משה כנגד כל ישראל אמנם לא היה ראוי שיהי' העזר שוה לו לגמרי כי אז לא היה ראוי שיעבוד וישרת אחד מהם לחבירו:
עזר כנגדו, a helpmate who will be equal to him, also reflecting the divine image. This is essential for him if he is to know what precisely his needs are and so that he can meet them in time. The reason why the Torah added the word כנגדו is that whenever one confronts someone of equal power, moral and ethical weight, such a confrontation is termed נגד. It is a head-on collision of will. When the two parties disagreeing are not of equal power, or moral/ethical weight, the confrontation is termed as one being עולה or יורד one of the adversaries either prevailing or losing in such an encounter. It is in this sense that we have to understand such statements as משה שקול כנגד כל ישראל, “that Moses was the equal of the entire Jewish people.” (Mechilta Yitro 1) However, the Torah did not mean for woman to be 100% equal to man, else how could the man expect her to perform household chores for him, etc.? Hence the letter כ at the beginning of the word כנגדו somewhat tones down this equality.
לא טוב היות האדם לבדו. ודאי לא נברא האדם מתחלה להיות יחיד בעולם שכל הנבראים זכר ונקבה נבראו וגם העץ והעשב זרעם בהם. אבל יתכן לומר כדברי האומר דיו פרצופין נבראו והיה בהם טבע מביא באברי ההולדה מהזכר לנקבה כח המוליד והיה הפרצוף השני עוזר לו בתולדתו בענין שיהי' לעולם קיום. וראה הב"ה כי טוב שיהיה העזר עומד לנגדו והוא יראנו ויפרד ממנו ויתחבר אליו כפי רצונו וזהו שאמר אעשה לו עזר כנגדו:
לא טוב היות האדם לבדו, “it is not good for man to remain solitary.” Clearly it had not been G’d’s intention already at the time He created Adam that he should remain single, seeing that all other creatures were created in pairs, male and female specimen. Even trees and herbs contain seed to enable them to “mate” and to reproduce their kind. However, it is possible to argue that man was created with two faces and that between them (within a single body) they possessed the ingredients necessary to reproduce so that the second “face” enabled Adam to help him to reproduce. G’d saw, however, that it would be better that man’s עזר, assistant, should stand independently, facing him, so that he could see her having the choice to separate from her or to closely associate with her in accordance with his wishes. This is the meaning of the words: עזר כנגדו.

(א) אֵלּוּ דְבָרִים שֶׁאֵין לָהֶם שִׁעוּר. הַפֵּאָה, וְהַבִּכּוּרִים, וְהָרֵאָיוֹן, וּגְמִילוּת חֲסָדִים, וְתַלְמוּד תּוֹרָה. אֵלּוּ דְבָרִים שֶׁאָדָם אוֹכֵל פֵּרוֹתֵיהֶן בָּעוֹלָם הַזֶּה וְהַקֶּרֶן קַיֶּמֶת לוֹ לָעוֹלָם הַבָּא. כִּבּוּד אָב וָאֵם, וּגְמִילוּת חֲסָדִים, וַהֲבָאַת שָׁלוֹם בֵּין אָדָם לַחֲבֵרוֹ, וְתַלְמוּד תּוֹרָה כְּנֶגֶד כֻּלָּם:

(1) These are the things that have no measure: Peah [corner of the field which, while harvesting, must be left for the poor], Bikurim [First-fruits that must be brought to the Temple and given to the priest], the appearance-sacrifice [brought to the Temple on Pilgrimage Festivals], acts of kindness, and the study of the Torah. These are things the fruits of which a man enjoys in this world, while the principal remains for him in the World to Come: Honoring one's father and mother, acts of kindness, and bringing peace between a man and his fellow. But the study of Torah is equal to them all.

Eilu D'varim (trans. Mishkan Tefillah)

These are things that are limitless, of which a person enjoys the fruit of this world, while the principal remains in the world to come. They are:

honoring one’s father and mother,

engaging in deeds of compassion,

arriving early for study, morning and evening,

dealing graciously with guests,

visiting the sick,

providing for the wedding couple,

accompanying the dead for burial,

being devoted in prayer,

and making peace among people.

But the study of Torah encompasses them all.

Hirsch Siddur

"But the study of Torah is equal to them all"

Gates of Prayer

"And the study of Torah is equal to them all because it encompasses them all."

My People's Prayerbook

"And the study of Torah is like them all"

Hirsch Siddur Commentary on Eilu D'varim

The mitzvot enumerated here, most of which are services to be rendered to one's fellow-men, are rewarding through the joy inherent in the very act of their fulfillment, while attendance at houses of study and devotion at prayer constitute their own spiritual reward because they serve to edify, purify, and exalt us. Through their beneficial effect upon our relationships with our fellow-men and upon our own steady progress towards personal perfection, the "interest" of such acts can be enjoyed even here below, while the "principal" of spiritual and moral achievement which accompany us to the hereafter will remain ours for eternity. But no other mitzvah holds such a liberal portion of "interest" to be enjoyed on earth and of "capital" remaining for eternity as does the genuine and industrious study of the Torah.

וכבר היה רבי טרפון וזקנים מסובין בעלית בית נתזה בלוד נשאלה שאילה זו בפניהם תלמוד גדול או מעשה גדול נענה רבי טרפון ואמר מעשה גדול נענה ר"ע ואמר תלמוד גדול נענו כולם ואמרו תלמוד גדול שהתלמוד מביא לידי מעשה

In connection to the mishna’s statement about the importance of Torah study, the Gemara relates the following incident: And there already was an incident in which Rabbi Tarfon and the Elders were reclining in the loft of the house of Nit’za in Lod, when this question was asked of them: Is study greater or is action greater? Rabbi Tarfon answered and said: Action is greater. Rabbi Akiva answered and said: Study is greater. Everyone answered and said: Study is greater, but not as an independent value; rather, it is greater as study leads to action.

Arnie Draiman, "For or Against?: K'neged Kulam,"

Times of Israel, March 5, 2018.

Most everyone traditionally translates “k’neged kulam” as “being equal to”. So, in this case, we have Torah study as “being equal to” the other 9 items listed. (The image often used is “the scales of justice” where you put those 9 items on one side, and Torah study on the other, and the scale is balanced).

I never liked that. How can honoring parents, burying the dead, visiting the sick, et al together be equal to studying Torah. Especially since there are many people who feel that only Torah study is what is important, since it is (minimally) ‘equal’ to all of the others.

So, I wanted to look more closely at the word “k’neged.” Indeed, it is most often used in the Torah and in rabbinic sources (and modern Hebrew) to mean opposite, opposing, against, across from – as when Moshe is told that he will not enter the Promised Land but only see it from across the way; or today, when two sports teams play against each other.

However, another use of the word “k’neged,” is loosely translated as ‘being present’ (in Hebrew: nochach). We see this in Eve being created for Adam (as an “ezer k’negdo” – a helpmate, being present as partner with Adam), as well as in the verse from Psalms (Tehillim 16:8) Shiviti Hashem l’negdi tamid – I have placed Gd eternally before me (I make sure that Gd is always present with me).

Therefore, I can say about the study of Torah, that it is not “opposite” the other 9, as if on a balance but rather, that the study of Torah must be present in each one. You have to keep Torah present – in front of you, before you, when you are doing these other things.

So that doing bikur holim (visiting the sick) and other gemilut chasadim (acts of lovingkindness) are done from a Torah perspective, with Torah in mind, and NOT “plain” like “social action” activists who may have forgotten (or never learned) the roots of this in Torah/Judaism.

Talmud Torah K’neged Kulam – the image that I prefer, is that the study of Torah is kept in front of your eyes, “sitting” across from you, and becomes incorporated in each mitzvah that you do.