Part 1: The Crucial Importance of Having Goals
?Q: Do you think achieving your goals in life will make you happier
(א) יסוד החסידות ושרש העבודה התמימה הוא שיתברר ויתאמת אצל האדם מה חובתו בעולמו ולמה צריך שישים מבטו ומגמתו בכל אשר הוא עמל כל ימי חייו.
(1) The foundation of piety and the root of perfect service [of G-d] is for a man to clarify and come to realize as truth what is his obligation in his world and to what he needs to direct his gaze and his aspiration in all that he toils all the days of his life.
(ב) והנה מה שהורונו חכמינו זכרונם לברכה הוא, שהאדם לא נברא אלא להתענג על ה' ולהנות מזיו שכינתו שזהו התענוג האמיתי והעידון הגדול מכל העידונים שיכולים להמצא. ומקום העידון הזה באמת הוא העולם הבא, כי הוא הנברא בהכנה המצטרכת לדבר הזה.
(2) Behold, what our sages, of blessed memory, have taught us is that man was created solely to delight in G-d and to derive pleasure in the radiance of the Shechina (divine presence). For this is the true delight and the greatest pleasure that can possibly exist. The place of this pleasure is, in truth, in Olam Haba (the World to Come). For it was created expressly for this purpose.
Only at the time when a person remembers the purpose of his life is a man truly alive.
Bilvavi Mishkan Evneh 1:1
The world is called עולם from a language of 'Heelem', and the confusion in this world is great. As long as a person is not yearning and toiling to clarify exactly
"What Hashem asks from you", he won't know and his life will be one of confusion and hiddenness, and he won't have a clear way of serving Hashem Yitbarach.
Imagine I am driving and I pull over to ask directions:
I'm asked, "Where are you headed?"
I respond: "I have no idea."
That is a life without purpose. It won't be an enjoyable ride.
(טו) רַבִּי טַרְפוֹן אוֹמֵר, הַיּוֹם קָצָר וְהַמְּלָאכָה מְרֻבָּה, וְהַפּוֹעֲלִים עֲצֵלִים, וְהַשָּׂכָר הַרְבֵּה, וּבַעַל הַבַּיִת דּוֹחֵק:
(15) Rabbi Tarfon said: the day is short, and the work is plentiful, and the laborers are indolent, and the reward is great, and the master of the house is insistent.
(טז) הוּא הָיָה אוֹמֵר, לֹא עָלֶיךָ הַמְּלָאכָה לִגְמֹר, וְלֹא אַתָּה בֶן חוֹרִין לִבָּטֵל מִמֶּנָּה. אִם לָמַדְתָּ תוֹרָה הַרְבֵּה, נוֹתְנִים לְךָ שָׂכָר הַרְבֵּה. וְנֶאֱמָן הוּא בַעַל מְלַאכְתְּךָ שֶׁיְּשַׁלֵּם לְךָ שְׂכַר פְּעֻלָּתֶךָ. וְדַע מַתַּן שְׂכָרָן שֶׁל צַדִּיקִים לֶעָתִיד לָבֹא:
(16) He [Rabbi Tarfon] used to say: It is not your duty to finish the work, but neither are you at liberty to neglect it; If you have studied much Torah, you shall be given much reward. Faithful is your employer to pay you the reward of your labor; And know that the grant of reward unto the righteous is in the age to come.
שבת היא...
סוף מעשה במחשבה תחילה
תכלית שמים וארץ.
'שמחה זה צמיחה'
Viktor Frankel in Man's Search for Meaning
Goals without purpose are doomed to fail – either not achieved or even if achieved, contribute no more happiness. e
Who will be happier in the long term lotto winners, or paraplegics?
Psychologist Philip Brickman looked at the levels of happiness of people had after winning the lottery.
Within as short a period as a month, lottery winners return to their base levels of well being. Similarly accident victims who became paraplegic often are as happy as they were before the accident, within a short time after the incident.
Have you ever experienced achieving a goal you worked hard for? How long did the happiness last for?
Moreese Bickham was 78 years old.
He'd spent 37 years in Louisiana State Penitentiary for a crime he didn't commit.
He was ultimately [released for good behavior halfway through his sentence.]
What did he have to say about his experience? uttered these words upon being released. "I don't have one minute's regret. It was a glorious experience."
Pete Best was the original drummer for the Beatles, until they picked up Ringo on a tour. In 1994, when Pete Best was interviewed -- yes, he's still a drummer; yes, he's a studio musician -- he had this to say: "I'm happier than I would have been with the Beatles."
What these examples show us is how poor most of us are at predicting our future emotional states. We think the new house or promotion will makes us happy, when really it will provide a temporary spike in our well being.
We think the emotional pain that comes with the end of a romantic relationship, losing our job, or the failure of our political candidate will last long:
but most of the time we come back to our original state of happiness or unhappiness-just as we were before the event.
(Happier -Tal Shachar, p. 69. and Dan Gilber's Ted Talk)
Dan Gilbert:
Our amazingly resilient brain
The psychological immune system works best when we are totally stuck, when we are trapped. This is the difference between dating and marriage.
You go out on a date with a guy, and he picks his nose; you don't go out on another date. You're married to a guy and he picks his nose? He has a heart of gold. Don't touch the fruitcake! You find a way to be happy with what's happened.
Part 3: So should we not have goals???
We should have preferences that lead us into one future over another.
But when those preferences drive us too hard and too fast because we have overrated the difference between these futures, we are at risk. When our ambition is bounded, it leads us to work joyfully.
When our ambition is unbounded, it leads us to lie, to cheat, to steal, to hurt others, to sacrifice things of real value. When our fears are bounded, we're prudent, we're cautious, we're thoughtful. When our fears are unbounded and overblown, we're reckless, and we're cowardly.
Psychologist and Author David Watson:
Contemporary research emphasises that it is the process of striving after goals - rather then goal attainment per se-that is crucial for happiness.
Goals are the means not the ends.
The proper goal of goals is to liberate us, so we can enjoy the here and now!
If we set off on a road trip without a destination, we are unlikely to have much fun. Every fork in the road will be a site of ambivalence, and we won't be able to focus on the beautiful sites. The focus is less about achieving our goals, and more about having goals!
Part 4: What types of goals should we be setting?
Goals need to be meaningful and self concordant:
What types of goals have provided you with the most enjoyment in your life?
Ideally goals should be pursued out of self interest.
Things you want to do, and not just things you have to do!
Tim Kasser demonstrated that making money as primary goal does not serve us well.
It leads to more distress and anxiety.
Materialistic values led to more unhappiness in Singapore.
Ohad Kamin (Philosopher)
“Life is short. 1st ask yourself what can you do.
Then what do you want to do.
Then what do you really really want to do. Then do it.
Every day, write down your goals. Keep your eye on the prize, but make sure to enjoy the journey! Don't miss the football game for the end zone dance!!!
Practical Weekly Exercise:
Step 1: Start your day writing down meaningful goals, of things you reallywant to do!
Step 2: Write down 'enjoy the journey!!!' and remind yourself of this throughout your day.
Let's Start: Weekly Exercise:
What are your goals for tomorrow?
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"Write down" "Enjoy the journey".