Simcha Seminar Teacher's Version Master Our Habits: Master Our Lives

Introductory Words:
1: What is the Goal of this class?
1) To work together at inculcating new healthy habits to bring positivity into our lives.
I think you can view this as an amazing opportunity, to work together as a team to pick up great new habits which atleast some of them will last throughout the year, and hopefully even longer.
Baruch Hashem, I have students who have taken the lessons given out here and brought them with them for life. Max still does the GPS prayer every day, meditative brachos are still happening in Penn and there are people whose whole approach to sleep/exercise has been transformed. So it really can be transformative. But it's up to you, and how seriuoulsy you take it both in class and out.
Class time will be devoted to learning about new happiness topics, and than after class you will be asked and expected to practice these habits in your personal life, follow the chats and...report back next class. Don't worry, the new habits will not be intimidating and there will be an option of "not ready to try this one just yet". But in general there must be an attitude of yaaleh lets give it a go-and try this...for this week atleast!
Our 1st topic is tackling the topic of habits:
explain why I believe it's crucial that we focus on changing our habits.
We've all been there...We felt so excited about a new project! We were so inspired by that shiur, a class, a youtbe video or by that Ted Talk?
We were going to run every day!
We were going to start daavning and with kavanna every day.
We're never speak lashon hora ever again!...
But for some reason it didn't last.
We lost our motivation...we stopped caring, got lazy, got sad...it didn't last.
So what is the key to real, lasting change???
Vilna Gaon and John Dreyden said it: Change your habits, change your life.
The key is forming habits which stick to our daily schedule.
Why is this more effective?
Because a habit becomes easy for our brain to do. We don't have to think much about it and therefore it becomes a part of our lives.
Think about it: how much time do you waste thinking about brushing your teeth, combing your hair, riding a bike, or putting on a seat belt. it comes naturally and these are good habits! On a societal level we have added good habits like using soap after the bathroom, and we can do the same on a personal level.
Let me give you some personal examples"
Kaballat Shabbat
Daily Halacha
GPS Model
Mikveh every morning:
Cutting out Cursing and Cutting down on Sugar
We will be placing more focus on adding new good habits into our lives, as that is the goal of this seminar. To add new good habits which hopefully can transform our lives!
We will be introducing new habits like exercise, meditative brachot, gratitude journalling etc. But 1st I hope to introduce and explain the principles for transformation-the 1st of which is the Power of Good Habits.
2: In Jim Loehr's book "The Power of Full Engagement", he explains that we make the mistake of focussing on "willpower" or self discipline, and while this is definately a necesarry part of the equation for change- it is overrated. Because the inspiration has a short shelf life. And once the inspiration dissipates and we don't have a system to put that inspiration into reality, the dream ends and we end up going back to our old habits...
Instead, Loehr suggests, we need to create "rituals" and habits, which are motivated by deeply held values, with precise behaviours, performing them at very specific times.
The Plusses and Minusses of Habits:
40 percent of our lives are things which we do on auto-pilot.
And that's ok. Imagine if every morning we had to debate the pros and cons of brushing our teeth. Imagine if each time we had to learn how to brush our teeth and comb our hair. We'd go crazy. Enter habits. Our brain learns amazingly fast to do new things, and that which once seemed so challenging we now do on autopilot. Riding a bike or a car, or reading a book are great examples.
The downsid of habits
But ofcourse the downside is that sometimes we develop habits that don't serve us well, but we keep doing them, because our brain is already used to doing them, and they offer short term rewards.
For example: Lazinesss leads to Netflix binging, which leads to more laziness
Mind wandering in Davenning, leads to the brain to start associating Amidah with time to day dream! So we've got a negative domino effect, mitzvah Goreret Mitzvah...
My Story: Falling asleep at Kaballat Shabbat vrs Current day Kaballat Shabbat singing.
If we can infuse our brain with positive habits it will lead to more Positive Habits.
For example, Daavning Early, Learning, Running, Eating Healthier, Self Confidence etc.
So here are some tips for making new Habits a reality:
1) Ask yourself why you want to do this:
2) Start small.
3) Be specific. When and what exactly will I be doing?
4)
Ask yourself not just what I want, but who do I want to be?
There's a huge difference between saying: "No I'm not a smoker", to "I'm trying to quit smoking." "I'm Shomer Negiah", I'm an Eved Hashem. I'm a positive person, I'm trying to cut down on whining.
2) Start with a small but realistic goal. A goal which connects to your core values and which you've always wanted to achieve. "Zorro effect". Don't write a book, write a page every day.
For example: I want to run every day.
I want to learn a page from this sefer every day.
I want to listen to this shiur every day.
3) After then: Link your goal with something which you already do!
After/then
4) Make your goal highly visible.
Water sales raised 25 percent in the hospital just by putting water out.
Put the Guitar next to your bed.
Place the Sefer in your Makom.
5) Recognize the importance of your environment: Oy larasha Oyy Lascheno
Ben Yehuda/Chess Master:
Bar Ilan Kefira or Sefarim
Recognize that your screens are also your environment.
Your social circle affects the decisions you make
Ask for Hashem's help!
6) Ok let's choose our habit for the week!
Here are some ideas:
Learn a new Sefer
Start Saying Brachot with more kavanah
Start Saying Asher Yaztar with intention
Start Daavning
Start Saying Shema at Bed
Start Exercising
Eat Less Junk Food
Get to classes on time.
1)Vilna Gaon/Dryden:Change your habits and you'll change your life. Ofcourse we need motivation to change our habits, but inspiration is far less important long term than creating habits which will last. Very often our emotions follow our habits. (Chinuch).
2) Why focus on habits? Because an incredible amount of the decisions we make come down to our habits. Things which we do on autopilot. That's because a lot of the stress in life comes down to deciding and deliberating what to do. And then doing new stuff is hard. The 1st time you walk through a new area it always seems so complex, but after a few times, it's nothing. Our brain learns fast!
So our brain much prefers to choose that which it is used to doing instead of fighting the uphill battle of forming new habits. But after a few times it's not such a big deal...In other words
Domino Effect:

John Dryden, 17th Century British Poet
"First we make our habits, and then our habits make us."
A Duke University researcher (in 2006 study )found that more than 40 percent of the actions people performed each day weren’t actual decisions, but habits.
Charles Duhig
“Habits can be ignored, changed, or replaced. However, habits are so powerful because unless you actively work on fighting that habit, your brain stops fully participating in decision-making and focuses on other tasks. Therefore, unless you create new routines, the original habit (or routine) will progress automatically.
For example: Did you wake up this morning look at the mirror and ask yourself: Should I put on clothes today? Should I brush my teeth? Should I daven?
The goal is to make habits a part of our lives, so that we no longer have to struggle over whether we will do this. This is just what I do. This is who I am.

Sean Achor in The Happiness Advantage on how habits work neurologically:
Within our brain are billions of neutrons interconnected in every way to form a complex set of neural pathways. Electrons travel down these pathways delivering the message that makes up our every thought and action.
The more we perform an action, the more connections between the corresponding neutrons.
"Cells that fire together, wire together". The stronger the link the faster the message can travel down the pathway. This is what makes the behaviour seem second nature.

The Power of Habit: Why We Do What We Do in Life and Business, Charles Duhigg:
How Habits Work:
The process of forming a habit is a three-step circular system within our brains.
1) Habits begin with a cue, or a trigger that signals to your brain to go into “automatic.” A cue can be a time of day, sound, smell, or feeling.
2) Once the cue is triggered, there is the routine, or the response, whether it is physical, mental, or emotional.
3) With time, this loop becomes more and more automatic. The cue and the reward become interconnected until your brain anticipates the reward as soon as it hears, sees, or touches the cue. In this way, the routine action becomes a habit – a powerful craving for a reward whenever the trigger is activated
Important Side Point:
What habits does living halachikly create for us?
Jonathan Sacks on the pro's of Halachik Habits: Nathan Cardoza on the danger of habits...

Rav Shlomo Carlebach
I really want to start again!
But what's the biggest problem? Our Habits (הרגלים).
I'm used to doing the wrong thing, and it's hard for me to stop...
You should know, The Holy Baal Shem Tov says the greatest master in the world are your (bad) habits. Your habits can make you a slave.
Do you remember what Avraham Avinu said to the three idolaters who entered into his house? He said to them:
'רחצו רגליכם'-wash your feet (literally).
And all the Rebbeh's explain "Regel" is from a language of "Hergel"- Habits.
Meaning to say, Avraham was saying "Wash yourself away from your habits".
If you want to start from scratch you need to change your habits...
Lev Hashamayim on Sukkot, page 334

Crucial Tip for Mastering New Habits:
Examples: Stretching before a game:
Brushing your teeth when you wake up.
2) The After...Then Strategy: Based on BJ Fogg's Ted Talk
Schedule Your new Activity for right after you do an activity which you always do.
3) The Zorro Effect: Start Small....Really Small!
"Don Diego tells Zorro: "The Circle will be your world. Until I tell you otherwise, there is nothing outside of it."
Loehr: "Success feeds on itself."
Peter Bregman "Don't write a book, write a page."
4) Making the new habits convenient and very visible.
Anchor: Want to go running? Sleep With Your Gym Shoes on@
or place the guitar right next to your bed. Put the apples on the counter not at the bottom of the fridge. Put the journal next to your bed.
Getting Rid of Bad Habits
Change Your Environment-change your life. (Oyy Larasha Oyy Lashcheno)
Fit people hang out together!
A) The cupcake battle is not lost at home, it is lost in the supermarket!
B) Who are you hanging out with?
Smokers generally start smoking when they are surrounded by other smokers.
20 percent of those who came back from Vietnam were addicted to heroin but 9 out of 10 kicked the habit once they got back home!
When Anne Thorndike, a doctor at Massachusetts hospital added water as an option next to refigerators, bottled water sales went up 25 percent while soda plummetted. Noone said a word about the health effects of water
Laszlo Polgar raised all 3 of his kids in. a chess environment. By age 15 she was the greatest chess layer in the world. She held that record for 25 years!
Change Your Identity!
5) The "Don't break the streak method!"
Daniel Kahanemen: Noble prize Winner in economics: The brain is wired to be more scared of losing, then it looks forward to gain.
Think about the loss off missing on the 48th day of the Omer...
Great Apps: Way of Life, Habitify:
Pointing and Calling

R' Elimelech of Lizhensk
“If a person was born with a stubborn nature he should break his nature for forty consecutive days, doing the opposite of what comes naturally to his mind.
A person should accustom himself to do every action promptly, be it going to sleep, waking up in the morning, getting dressed and washing hands, clean his body as well as going to the synagogue to pray and so forth…
A person whose speech, because of his nature or his tongue, is not clear or well arranged should accustom himself for forty consecutive days of listening to speeches that are uttered naturally, be it worldly or spiritual matters, or while studying.
Know that a habit becomes power that governs.
Studiers estimate forming a new habit can take between 3 weeks to 6 month's...
It depends on the habit...

Anne Thorndike wanted to improve eating habits of hospital staff and visitors without changing willpower. Added the option to drink water. Water sales zoomed up. Nobody said a word...

Change One Habit: It can change your life:
Lisa Allen was 34 years old, had started smoking and drinking when she was 16 and had suffered from obesity for many years. Her longest job had lasted less than a year, and collection agencies were constantly calling her to recover over $10,000 in debt. One day her husband came home and announced that he was leaving her; Lisa fell into a deep depression.
Not knowing what else to do and having always wanted to see the pyramids, Lisa decided to go on a trip to Egypt. On her first morning there she woke up in her hotel room and reached for a cigarette. She didn’t realize that she was actually trying to light a pen until she smelled burning plastic. Feeling more depressed than ever before, she left the hotel to see the pyramids. But when she stood in the middle of the enormous desert, something shifted within her. Suddenly she thought that maybe what she really needed was a goal, some kind of direction for her life. And so on the way back to the hotel in the taxi, Lisa decided that in one year she would return to Egypt and hike across the desert.
The idea didn’t make any sense. She was overweight, had no money, didn’t know the name of the desert she was looking at or even if the trip would be possible. But Lisa needed something to strive for, and the desert trek became her focus. And she knew that in order to survive the hike, she would need to quit smoking. So over the next six months, Lisa replaced smoking with jogging. And that one habit change set off a whole series of changes in her life. It changed how she worked, ate, slept and saved money.
When she made the trek across the desert one year later in the air-conditioned, motorized tour with a half-dozen other tourists, the caravan carried so much food, water, tents, and global positioning systems that she probably would have accomplished her goal without giving up smoking, but she hadn’t known that when she first set her goal. And by the time she made her way across the desert, her smoking habit had already been replaced. A few years later Lisa lost 60 pounds, bought a house, went back to school for a degree, become engaged and held the same job for more than three years.
She agreed to participate in a scientific study examining how forming new habits affects our brains. And researchers saw something fascinating when they looked at images of Lisa’s brain. Her old habits, detected from a set of neurological patterns, were still visible on the brain scan, but they were being crowded out and overrun by her new habits and urges. But the scans also revealed that the areas of her brain associated with addictive craving and hunger were still active. Her brain was still producing urges that made her smoke and overeat. The difference was that there was new, stronger activity in the area of Lisa’s brain where self-discipline and inhibition begin. And that activity kept getting stronger every time the scientists took a new brain scan. (From The Power of Habit, Charles Duhigg, Prologue XIV-XV – a highly recommended book)

Exercise:
Make a list of positive habits you'd like to start doing:
1)
2)
3)
Now narrow this down to a very small doable project, that you can commit yourself to for the next 21 days!
Go get the app/Calendar...