פרשת קדושים - על נקימה ונטירה

(17) You shall not hate your kinsfolk in your heart. Reprove your kinsman but incur no guilt because of him. (18) You shall not take vengeance or bear a grudge against your countrymen. Love your fellow as yourself: I am the LORD.

(1) לא תקם THOU SHALT NOT AVENGE — If one says to another “Lend me your sickle", and he replies, “No!", and the next day he (the latter) says to him (the former), “Lend me your hatchet”, and he retorts, “I am not going to lend it to you, just as you refused to lend me your sickle״ — this is avenging. And what is “bearing a grudge”? If one says to another, “Lend me your hatchet”, and he replies “No!” and on the next day he says to him “Lend me your sickle”, and he replies: “Here it is; I am not like you, because you would not lend me” — this is called “bearing a grudge (נטירה)” because he retains (נוטר) enmity in his heart although he does not actually avenge himself (Sifra, Kedoshim, Chapter 4 10-11; Yoma 23a).

(6) If one man commit a sin against another man, the one sinned against shall not remain in silent hate against the sinner, as it is said of the wicked: "And Absalom spoke unto Amnon neither good nor bad; for Absalom hated Amnon" (Second Samuel. 13.22); but, on the contrary, it is obligatory upon him to make known to him and say unto him: "Why have you done to me thus and such, and wherefore have you sinned against me in that particular matter?"; for, it is said: "And thou shalt indeed rebuke thy neighbor" (Lev. 19.17). And, if the sinner did repent and begged to be forgiven by him, he must forgive him; and in doing so he should not be cruel, for it is said: "And Abraham prayed unto God" (Gen. 20.17).⁶For Abimelech, who sinned against him. G.

It is written (Leviticus 19:17) "Do not hate your brother in your heart." And of Joseph it is written (Genesis 50:21) "And he counseled them and he spoke to their hearts." It is written (Leviticus 19:18) "You shall not take revenge and you shall not bear a grudge," and (in respect to Joseph, Genesis 50:20) "And you contemplated evil against me, but G d contemplated it for the good."

HATRED AND VENGEANCE: Hatred and vengeance are likewise exceedingly difficult for the mocked heart of human beings to escape from. For a human being strongly feels insults and he experiences great pain therein. Revenge is then sweeter to him than honey for it alone is his peace. Therefore for one to have the strength to relinquish what his nature impels him to and to overlook the wronging, not hating the one who ignited hatred in his heart, not exacting vengeance when he has the opportunity to do so nor bearing a grudge against him, but rather to forget the whole incident and remove it from his heart as if it had never happened - he is mighty and courageous. Such forbearance is easy only to the ministering angels who do not have among them these traits, but not to human beings "who dwell in houses of clay, whose foundation is in the dust" (Job 4:19). But it is a decree of the King, and the scriptural verses state in explicit and clear language, requiring no explanation: "you shall not hate your brother in your heart" (Vayikra 19:17), "you shall not take vengeance nor bear a grudge against the members of your people" (Vayikra 19:18). The explanation of taking vengeance and bearing a grudge is known.