Moishe House - Murder myEsthery Shabbat A Talmudic Exploration for Purim Katan

Welcome to the Moishe House Pittsburgh Murder Mystery Shabbat 2019!

This week in Adar I was Purim Katan or "Little Purim" - where we celebrate about as much Purim as there is flavour in a La Croix. Tonight we'll quickly learn why, followed by some choice selections for the Sages: their inserts and exegetical scenes from the Book of Esther - intercalated into our Shabbat Service...

(Recall that for Sefaria bold text in Talmud translation is translating the words that are there, the non-bold is connective tissue and sometimes Rashi)

קָרְאוּ אֶת הַמְּגִלָּה בַּאֲדָר הָרִאשׁוֹן וְנִתְעַבְּרָה הַשָּׁנָה, קוֹרִין אוֹתָהּ בַּאֲדָר הַשֵּׁנִי, אֵין בֵּין אֲדָר הָרִאשׁוֹן לַאֲדָר הַשֵּׁנִי אֶלָּא קְרִיאַת הַמְּגִלָּה וּמַתָּנוֹת לָאֶבְיוֹנִים:

If the Megillah was read in first of Adar, and the year was [subsequently] intercalated, we read it in second of Adar. There is no difference between the first Adar and the second Adar except the reading of the Megillah and alms to the poor.

אמר רבי טבי טעמא דרבי שמעון בן גמליאל מסמך גאולה לגאולה עדיף

Rabbi Tavi said: The reason for the opinion of Rabban Shimon ben Gamliel is that juxtaposing the celebration of one redemption, Purim, to the celebration of another redemption, Passover, is preferable.

הִנֵּה מַה־טּוֹב וּמַה־נָּעִים שֶׁבֶת אַחִים גַּם־יָחַד.
Hineih mah tov u’mah na-im, shevet achim gam yachad

How good and how pleasant it is that siblings dwell together

...Sung to the tune of the Scooby-Doo theme?

What did we do to deserve Haman?

שאלו תלמידיו את רשב"י מפני מה נתחייבו שונאיהן של ישראל שבאותו הדור כליה אמר להם אמרו אתם אמרו לו מפני שנהנו מסעודתו של אותו רשע אם כן שבשושן יהרגו שבכל העולם כולו אל יהרגו אמרו לו אמור אתה אמר להם מפני שהשתחוו לצלם

​​​​​​​ אמרו לו וכי משוא פנים יש בדבר אמר להם הם לא עשו אלא לפנים אף הקב"ה לא עשה עמהן אלא לפנים והיינו דכתיב (איכה ג, לג) כי לא ענה מלבו:

The students of Rabbi Shimon bar Yoḥai asked him: For what reason were the enemies of Jewish people, a euphemism for the Jewish people themselves when exhibiting behavior that is not in their best interests, in that generation deserving of annihilation? He, Rabbi Shimon, said to them: Say the answer to your question yourselves. They said to him: It is because they partook of the feast of that wicked one, Ahasuerus, and they partook there of forbidden foods. Rabbi Shimon responded: If so, those in Shushan should have been killed as punishment, but those in the rest of the world, who did not participate in the feast, should not have been killed. They said to him: Then you say your response to our question. He said to them: It is because they prostrated before the idol that Nebuchadnezzar had made, as is recorded that the entire world bowed down before it, except for Hananiah, Mishael, and Azariah.

They said to him: But if it is true that they worshipped idols and therefore deserved to be destroyed, why was a miracle performed on their behalf? Is there favoritism expressed by God here? He said to them: They did not really worship the idol, but pretended to do so only for appearance, acting as if they were carrying out the king’s command to bow before the idol. So too, the Holy One, Blessed be He, did not destroy them but did act angry with them only for appearance. He too merely pretended to desire to destroy them, as all He did was issue a threat, but in the end the decree was annulled. And this is as it is written: “For He does not afflict from His heart willingly” (Lamentations 3:33), but only for appearances’ sake.

The gates wasn't the first time Mordechai & Haman met... And this isn't even the whole story!

אין אונס אמר רבי אלעזר מלמד שכל אחד ואחד השקהו מיין מדינתו לעשות כרצון איש ואיש אמר רבא לעשות כרצון מרדכי והמן, מרדכי דכתיב איש יהודי המן איש צר ואויב

The verse states: “None did compel” (Esther 1:8). Rabbi Elazar said: This teaches that each and every guest at the feast was poured a drink from wine of his own country, so that he would feel entirely free, as if he were in his home country. The verse continues: “That they should do according to every man’s pleasure” (Esther 1:8). Rava commented on the literal meaning of the verse, which is referring to two men, a man and a man [ish va’ish], and said: The man and man whom they should follow indicates that they should do according to the wishes of Mordecai and Haman. The two of them served as butlers at the feast, and they were in charge of distributing the wine. Why is the verse interpreted in this way? Mordecai is called “man,” as it is written: “There was a certain Jewish man [ish] in Shushan the castle, whose name was Mordecai, the son of Jair” (Esther 2:5). And Haman is also called man, as it states: “A man [ish] who is an adversary and an enemy, this evil Haman” (Esther 7:6).

וכל זה איננו שוה לי אמר רבי אלעזר אמר רבי חנינא בשעה שראה המן את מרדכי יושב בשער המלך אמר כל זה אינו שוה לי כדרב חסדא דאמר רב חסדא זה בא בפרוזבולי וזה בא בפרוזבוטי אמר רב פפא וקרו ליה עבדא דמזדבן בטלמי
Haman said: “Yet all this avails me nothing” (Esther 5:13). Rabbi Elazar said that Rabbi Ḥanina said: When Haman saw Mordecai sitting at the king’s gate he said: Yet all this avails me nothing. This may be understood as was suggested by Rav Ḥisda, for Rav Ḥisda said: This one, Mordecai, came as one with the heritage of a rich man [perozebuli], whereas that one, Haman, came as one with the heritage of a poor man [perozeboti], as Mordecai had been Haman’s slave master and was aware of Haman’s lowly lineage. Rav Pappa said: And he was called: The slave who was sold for a loaf of bread.

The following expands on that dreadfully quick claim in the Talmud, copied from a Chabad article by Nissan Mindel in a series, "Complete Story of Purim." A comment says is adapted from "Medrash Agadas Esther, Chapter 5... brought as well in the Yalkut Shimoni 856 with slight variations."

"Mordechai and Haman had occasion to meet before under very different circumstances. It happened many years before, in the days of King Cyrus, when the Jews had just begun to rebuild their Temple in Jerusalem. At that time there lived a certain tribe in Samaria whom King Sancherib had settled there after leading away many Jews into exile. These Samaritans partly accepted the Jewish faith, but did not fully identify themselves with the Jewish people and the Torah. Now, that the special royal decree issued by King Cyrus permitted the Jews to rebuild their Temple, they wanted to be partners in it. But the Jews did not want to have anything to do with them. The Samaritans therefore tried to do everything possible to hinder the Jews in the fulfillment of their cherished ambition. When force was met with force, bringing the Samaritans no satisfaction, they turned to the royal house in Persia with an accusation to the effect that the Jews were not merely rebuilding the Temple, but were also organizing themselves to rebel against the Persian rule.

The Samaritans and other enemies of the Jews further chose a man called Haman to represent them at the court and press the charges against the Jews. The Jews chose Mordechai to represent them and plead their cause.

The two delegates set out on their way to Persia at the same time. As their way took them through a desert they brought with them provisions for the journey. Haman, who was greedy, ate his all at once, while Mordechai allowed enough to remain for the whole journey. Soon Haman became very hungry and begged Mordechai to share the remainder of his fare with him. At first, Mordechai refused his request, but later, he relented on the condition that Haman agree to become Mordechai's slave. As they had no paper to upon which to write a contract, Haman wrote the following pledge upon the sole of Mordechai's shoe: "I, Haman the Agagite, have sold myself to Mordechai as his slave in consideration of bread."

Since then Haman could never forgive Mordechai for his humiliation, and he was in constant dread lest Mordechai enforce his slave claim over him.

Mordechai, of course, never dreamed of doing it. Later, however, when Haman became Prime Minister, and demanded that Mordechai bow down to him, Mordechai would merely remove his shoe and wave it at him. Haman had to hold his tongue and keep silent. The enraged Haman swore he would destroy Mordechai and all the Jews."

I always wanted more Vashti growing up... but maybe not like this? It's like the Rabbis go out of their way to villainize her, and for what reason?

(שם, ט) גם ושתי המלכה עשתה משתה נשים בית המלכות בית הנשים מיבעי ליה אמר רבא שניהן לדבר עבירה נתכוונו היינו דאמרי אינשי איהו בקרי ואתתיה בבוציני

ביום השביעי כטוב לב המלך ביין אטו עד השתא לא טב לביה בחמרא אמר רבא יום השביעי שבת היה שישראל אוכלין ושותין מתחילין בד"ת ובדברי תשבחות אבל עובדי כוכבים שאוכלין ושותין אין מתחילין אלא בדברי תיפלות

וכן בסעודתו של אותו רשע הללו אומרים מדיות נאות והללו אומרים פרסיות נאות אמר להם אחשורוש כלי שאני משתמש בו אינו לא מדיי ולא פרסי אלא כשדיי רצונכם לראותה אמרו לו אין ובלבד שתהא ערומ

שבמדה שאדם מודד בה מודדין לו מלמד שהיתה ושתי הרשעה מביאה בנות ישראל ומפשיטן ערומות ועושה בהן מלאכה בשבת היינו דכתיב אחר הדברים האלה כשוך חמת המלך אחשורוש זכר את ושתי ואת אשר עשתה ואת אשר נגזר עליה

כשם שעשתה כך נגזר עליה ותמאן המלכה ושתי מכדי פריצתא הואי דאמר מר שניהן לדבר עבירה נתכוונו מ"ט לא אתאי א"ר יוסי בר חנינא מלמד שפרחה בה צרעת במתניתא תנא [בא גבריאל ועשה לה זנב]

ויקצף המלך מאד אמאי דלקה ביה כולי האי אמר רבא שלחה ליה בר אהורייריה דאבא אבא לקבל אלפא חמרא שתי ולא רוי וההוא גברא אשתטי בחמריה מיד וחמתו בערה בו

The verse states: “Also Vashti the queen made a feast for the women, in the royal house, which belonged to King Ahasuerus” (Esther 1:9). The Gemara questions why she held the feast in the royal house, a place of men, rather than in the women’s house, where it should have been. Rava said in response: The two of them had sinful intentions. Ahasuerus wished to fornicate with the women, and Vashti wished to fornicate with the men. This explains the folk saying that people say: He with pumpkins and his wife with zucchinis, indicating that often a man and his wife engage in similar actions.

The verse states: “On the seventh day, when the heart of the king was merry with wine” (Esther 1:10). The Gemara asks: Is that to say that until now his heart was not merry with wine? Did it take seven days for him to achieve merriment? Rava said: The seventh day was Shabbat, when the difference between the Jewish people and the gentiles is most apparent. On Shabbat, when the Jewish people eat and drink, they begin by occupying themselves with words of Torah and words of praise for God. But the nations of the world, when they eat and drink, they begin only with words of licentiousness.

The Gemara continues to detail what occurred at the feast. So too, at the feast of that wicked man, Ahasuerus, when the men began to converse, some said: The Median women are the most beautiful, while others said: The Persian women are the most beautiful. Ahasuerus said to them: The vessel that I use, i.e., my wife, is neither Median nor Persian, but rather Chaldean. Do you wish to see her? They said to him: Yes, provided that she be naked, for we wish to see her without any additional adornments.

The Gemara comments: Vashti was punished in this humiliating way for it is with the measure that a man measures to others that he himself is measured. In other words, God punishes individuals in line with their transgressions, measure for measure. This teaches that the wicked Vashti would take the daughters of Israel, and strip them naked, and make them work on Shabbat. Therefore, it was decreed that she be brought before the king naked, on Shabbat. This is as it is written: “After these things, when the wrath of King Ahasuerus was appeased, he remembered Vashti, and what she had done, and what was decreed against her” (Esther 2:1). That is to say, just as she had done with the young Jewish women, so it was decreed upon her.

The verse states: “But the queen Vashti refused to come” (Esther 1:12). The Gemara asks: Since she was immodest, as the Master said above: The two of them had sinful intentions, what is the reason that she did not come? Rabbi Yosei bar Ḥanina said: This teaches that she broke out in leprosy, and therefore she was embarrassed to expose herself publicly. An alternative reason for her embarrassment was taught in a baraita: The angel Gabriel came and fashioned her a tail.

The verse continues: “Therefore the king was very wrathful, and his anger burned in him” (Esther 1:12). The Gemara asks: Why did his anger burn in him so greatly merely because she did not wish to come? Rava said: Vashti not only refused to come, but she also sent him a message by way of a messenger: You, son of my father’s stableman [ahuriyyarei]. Belshazzar, my father, drank wine against a thousand men and did not become inebriated, as the verse in Daniel (5:1) testifies about him: “Belshazzar the king made a great feast to a thousand of his lords, and drank wine before the thousand”; and that man, referring euphemistically to Ahasuerus himself, has become senseless from his wine. Due to her audacity, immediately “his anger burned in him” (Esther 1:12).

You say Esther won a "Beauty Contest"?

ותהי אסתר נשאת חן אר"א מלמד שלכל אחד ואחד נדמתה לו כאומתו ותלקח אסתר אל המלך אחשורוש אל בית מלכותו בחדש העשירי הוא חדש טבת ירח שנהנה גוף מן הגוף
The verse states: “And Esther obtained favor in the sight of all those who looked upon her” (Esther 2:15). Rabbi Elazar said: This teaches that she appeared to each and every one as if she were a member of his own nation, and therefore she obtained favor in the eyes of all. The next verse states: “So Esther was taken to King Ahasuerus into his royal house in the tenth month, which is the month Tevet” (Esther 2:16). It was by act of divine providence that Esther was taken to Ahasuerus in a cold winter month, in which the body takes pleasure in the warmth of another body, and therefore she found favor in his eyes.

The Megillah never mentions G-d, and yet Esther is known as a prophetess. Usually you need to talk to G-d to be a prophet, so:

אסתר דכתיב (אסתר ה, א) ויהי ביום השלישי ותלבש אסתר מלכות בגדי מלכות מיבעי ליה אלא שלבשתה רוח הקדש כתיב הכא ותלבש וכתיב התם (דברי הימים א יב, יט) ורוח לבשה את עמשי וגו'
Esther was also a prophetess, as it is written: “And it came to pass on the third day that Esther clothed herself in royalty” (Esther 5:1). It should have said: Esther clothed herself in royal garments. Rather, this alludes to the fact that she clothed herself with a divine spirit of inspiration. It is written here: “And she clothed herself,” and it is written elsewhere: “And the spirit clothed Amasai” (I Chronicles 12:19). Just as there the reference is to being enclothed by a spirit, so too Esther was enclothed by a spirit of divine inspiration.

So how beautiful was Esther? (NSFW)

תנו רבנן ארבע נשים יפיפיות היו בעולם שרה (ואביגיל רחב) ואסתר ולמאן דאמר אסתר ירקרוקת היתה מפיק אסתר ומעייל ושתי

תנו רבנן רחב בשמה זינתה יעל בקולה אביגיל בזכירתה מיכל בת שאול בראייתה אמר רבי יצחק כל האומר רחב רחב מיד ניקרי א"ל רב נחמן אנא אמינא רחב רחב ולא איכפת לי אמר ליה כי קאמינא ביודעה ובמכירה

To complete the discussion about the prophetesses, the Gemara cites a baraita in which the Sages taught: There were four women of extraordinary beauty in the world: Sarah, and Abigail, Rahab, and Esther. And according to the one who said that Esther was greenish in color, lacking natural beauty, only that a cord of divine grace was strung around her, remove Esther from the list and insert Vashti in her place, for she was indeed beautiful.

The Sages taught in a baraita: Rahab aroused impure thoughts by her name, i.e., the mere mention of her name would inspire lust for her; Yael, by her voice; Abigail, by remembering her; Michal, the daughter of Saul, by her appearance. Similarly, Rabbi Yitzḥak said: Anyone who says Rahab, Rahab, immediately experiences a seminal emission due to the arousal of desire caused by Rahab’s great beauty. Rav Naḥman said to him: I say: Rahab, Rahab, and it does not affect me. Rabbi Yitzchak said to Rav Naḥman: When I said this, I was specifically referring to one who knows her personally and recognizes her beauty. Only for one who has met Rahab in person is the mere mention of her name capable of arousing lust.

And when Esther heard the news from Mordechai that Haman had set up a plan to kill the Jews... (arguably also NSFW)

ותתחלחל המלכה מאי ותתחלחל אמר רב שפירסה נדה ור' ירמיה אמר שהוצרכה לנקביה
The verse states: “Then the queen was exceedingly distressed” [vatitḥalḥal] (Esther 4:4). The Gemara asks: What is the meaning of vatitḥalḥal? Rav said: This means that she began to menstruate out of fear, as the cavities, ḥalalim, of her body opened. And Rabbi Yirmeya said: Her bowels were loosened, also understanding the verse as referring to her bodily cavities.

Okay, Gavriel wasn't the only angel to flit on into the Purim story, and these won't be the last! *insert halo emoji*

And for those in the know, it's nice to see the statements of R' Yochanan and Reish Lakeish so close *insert wink emoji*

ויהי כראות המלך את אסתר המלכה אמר רבי יוחנן ג' מלאכי השרת נזדמנו לה באותה שעה אחד שהגביה את צוארה ואחד שמשך חוט של חסד עליה ואחד שמתח את השרביט

וכמה אמר רבי ירמיה שתי אמות היה והעמידו על שתים עשרה ואמרי לה על שש עשרה ואמרי לה על עשרים וארבע במתניתא תנא על ששים וכן אתה מוצא באמתה של בת פרעה וכן אתה מוצא בשיני רשעים דכתיב (תהלים ג, ח) שיני רשעים שברת ואמר ריש לקיש אל תקרי שברת אלא שריבבת רבה בר עופרן אמר משום ר"א ששמע מרבו ורבו מרבו מאתים

The verse states: “And so it was, that when the king saw Esther the queen standing in the court, that she obtained favor in his sight; and the king held out to Esther the golden scepter that was in his hand” (Esther 5:2). Rabbi Yoḥanan said: Three ministering angels happened to join her at that time: One that raised up her neck, so that she could stand erect, free of shame; one that strung a cord of divine grace around her, endowing her with charm and beauty; and one that stretched the king’s scepter.

How much was it stretched? Rabbi Yirmeya said: The scepter was two cubits, and he made it twelve cubits. And some say that he made it sixteen cubits, and yet others say twenty-four cubits. It was taught in a baraita: He made it sixty cubits. And similarly you find with the arm of Pharaoh’s daughter, which she stretched out to take Moshe. And so too, you find with the teeth of the wicked, as it is written: “You have broken the teeth of the wicked” (Psalms 3:8), with regard to which Reish Lakish said: Do not read it as “You have broken [shibbarta],” but as: You have enlarged [sheribavta]. Rabba bar Oferan said in the name of Rabbi Elazar, who heard it from his teacher, who in turn heard it from his teacher: The scepter was stretched two hundred cubits.

Some questions we don't think to ask, perhaps because we have the benefit of two thousand years of stories and narrative tropes, and maybe because we're making too many assumptions.

Below, the sages debate exactly why Esther asked for a banquet with King Ahasuerus and Haman (note who settles the debate!):

יבא המלך והמן אל המשתה ת"ר מה ראתה אסתר שזימנה את המן ר"א אומר פחים טמנה לו שנאמר (תהלים סט, כג) יהי שלחנם לפניהם לפח

ר' יהושע אומר מבית אביה למדה שנאמר (משלי כה, כא) אם רעב שונאך האכילהו לחם וגו' ר"מ אומר כדי שלא יטול עצה וימרוד

ר' יהודה אומר כדי שלא יכירו בה שהיא יהודית ר' נחמיה אומר כדי שלא יאמרו ישראל אחות יש לנו בבית המלך ויסיחו דעתן מן הרחמים ר' יוסי אומר כדי שיהא מצוי לה בכל עת ר"ש בן מנסיא אומר אולי ירגיש המקום ויעשה לנו נס

רבי יהושע בן קרחה אומר אסביר לו פנים כדי שיהרג הוא והיא רבן גמליאל אומר מלך הפכפכן היה אמר רבי גמליאל עדיין צריכין אנו למודעי דתניא ר' אליעזר המודעי אומר קנאתו במלך קנאתו בשרים

רבה אמר (משלי טז, יח) לפני שבר גאון אביי ורבא דאמרי תרוייהו (ירמיהו נא, לט) בחומם אשית את משתיהם וגו' אשכחיה רבה בר אבוה לאליהו א"ל כמאן חזיא אסתר ועבדא הכי א"ל ככולהו תנאי וככולהו אמוראי

The verse states that Esther requested: “If it seem good unto the king, let the king and Haman come this day to the banquet that I have prepared for him” (Esther 5:4). The Sages taught in a baraita: What did Esther see to invite Haman to the banquet? Rabbi Elazar says: She hid a snare for him, as it is stated: “Let their table become a snare before them” (Psalms 69:23), as she assumed that she would be able to trip up Haman during the banquet.

Rabbi Yehoshua says: She learned to do this from the Jewish teachings of her father’s house, as it is stated: “If your enemy be hungry, give him bread to eat” (Proverbs 25:21). Rabbi Meir says: She invited him in order that he be near her at all times, so that he would not take counsel and rebel against Ahasuerus when he discovered that the king was angry with him.

Rabbi Yehuda says: She invited Haman so that it not be found out that she was a Jew, as had she distanced him, he would have become suspicious. Rabbi Neḥemya says: She did this so that the Jewish people would not say: We have a sister in the king’s house, and consequently neglect their prayers for divine mercy. Rabbi Yosei says: She acted in this manner, so that Haman would always be on hand for her, as that would enable her to find an opportunity to cause him to stumble before the king. Rabbi Shimon ben Menasya said that Esther said to herself: Perhaps the Omnipresent will take notice that all are supporting Haman and nobody is supporting the Jewish people, and He will perform for us a miracle.

Rabbi Yehoshua ben Korḥa says: She said to herself: I will act kindly toward him and thereby bring the king to suspect that we are having an affair; she did so in order that both he and she would be killed. Essentially, Esther was willing to be killed with Haman in order that the decree would be annulled. Rabban Gamliel says: Ahasuerus was a fickle king, and Esther hoped that if he saw Haman on multiple occasions, eventually he would change his opinion of him. Rabban Gamliel said: We still need the words of Rabbi Eliezer HaModa’i to understand why Esther invited Haman to her banquet. As it is taught in a baraita: Rabbi Eliezer HaModa’i says: She made the king jealous of him and she made the other ministers jealous of him, and in this way she brought about his downfall.

Rabba says: Esther invited Haman to her banquet in order to fulfill that which is stated: “Pride goes before destruction” (Proverbs 16:18), which indicates that in order to destroy the wicked, one must first bring them to pride. It can be understood according to Abaye and Rava, who both say that she invited Haman in order to fulfill the verse: “When they are heated, I will make feasts for them, and I will make them drunk, that they may rejoice, and sleep a perpetual sleep” (Jeremiah 51:39). The Gemara relates that Rabba bar Avuh once happened upon Elijah the Prophet and said to him: In accordance with whose understanding did Esther see fit to act in this manner? What was the true reason behind her invitation? He, Elijah, said to him: Esther was motivated by all the reasons previously mentioned and did so for all the reasons previously stated by the tanna’im and all the reasons stated by the amora’im.

Like my grandma used to do with misplaced apostrophe's, the Rabbis read as far as they could into apparent grammatical mistakes. How many angels can dance on the head of a typo?

ויהיו נקראים מלמד שנקראים מאיליהן וימצא כתוב כתב מבעי ליה מלמד ששמשי מוחק וגבריאל כותב אמר רבי אסי דרש ר' שילא איש כפר תמרתא ומה כתב שלמטה שלזכותן של ישראל אינו נמחק כתב שלמעלה לא כל שכן

The verse states: “And they were read before the king” (Esther 6:1). The Gemara explains that this passive form: “And they were read,” teaches that they were read miraculously by themselves. It further says: “And it was found written [katuv]” (Esther 6:2). The Gemara asks: Why does the Megilla use the word katuv, which indicates that it was newly written? It should have said: A writing [ketav] was found, which would indicate that it had been written in the past. The Gemara explains: This teaches that Shimshai, the king’s scribe who hated the Jews (see Ezra 4:17), was erasing the description of Mordecai’s saving the king, and the angel Gavriel was writing it again. Therefore, it was indeed being written in the present. Rabbi Asi said: Rabbi Sheila, a man of the village of Timarta, taught: If something written down below in this world that is for the benefit of the Jewish people cannot be erased, is it not all the more so the case that something written up above in Heaven cannot be erased?

BUCKLE UP, BUCKAROOS, HERE'S WHERE IT GETS GOOD

Unsatisfied with the original text where Haman ends up leading Mordechai around on the king's horse, the Sages give us the source texts for the "Kuzco's poison" scene in The Emperor's New Groove (2000) & Sweeney Todd (2007), proof that it's okay to punch nazis, and originate the term sh*thead...

ועשה כן למרדכי אמר ליה מנו מרדכי אמר ליה (אסתר ו, י) היהודי אמר ליה טובא מרדכי איכא ביהודאי אמר ליה (אסתר ו, י) היושב בשער המלך

אמר ליה סגי ליה בחד דיסקרתא אי נמי בחד נהרא אמר ליה הא נמי הב ליה אל תפל דבר מכל אשר דברת

ויקח המן את הלבוש ואת הסוס אזל אשכחיה דיתבי רבנן קמיה ומחוי להו הלכות קמיצה לרבנן כיון דחזייה מרדכי דאפיק לקבליה וסוסיה מיחד בידיה מירתת אמר להו לרבנן האי רשיעא למיקטל נפשי קא אתי זילו מקמיה די לא תכוו בגחלתו בההיא שעתא נתעטף מרדכי וקם ליה לצלותא אתא המן ויתיב ליה קמייהו ואוריך עד דסליק מרדכי לצלותיה

אמר להו במאי עסקיתו אמרו ליה בזמן שבית המקדש קיים מאן דמנדב מנחה מייתי מלי קומציה דסולתא ומתכפר ליה אמר להו אתא מלי קומצי קמחא דידכו ודחי עשרה אלפי ככרי כספא דידי אמר ליה רשע עבד שקנה נכסים עבד למי ונכסים למי

אמר ליה קום לבוש הני מאני ורכוב האי סוסיא דבעי לך מלכא אמר ליה לא יכילנא עד דעיילנא לבי בני ואשקול למזייא דלאו אורח ארעא לאשתמושי במאני דמלכא הכי

שדרה אסתר ואסרתינהו לכולהו בי בני ולכולהו אומני עייליה איהו לבי בני ואסחיה ואזיל ואייתי זוזא מביתיה וקא שקיל ביה מזייה בהדי דקא שקיל ליה אינגד ואיתנח אמר ליה אמאי קא מיתנחת אמר ליה גברא דהוה חשיב ליה למלכא מכולהו רברבנוהי השתא לישוייה בלאני וספר אמר ליה רשע ולאו ספר של כפר קרצום היית תנא המן ספר של כפר קרצום היה עשרים ושתים שנה

בתר דשקלינהו למזייה לבשינהו למאניה אמר ליה סק ורכב אמר ליה לא יכילנא דכחישא חילאי מימי תעניתא גחין וסליק כי סליק בעט ביה אמר ליה לא כתיב לכו (משלי כד, יז) בנפל אויבך אל תשמח אמר ליה הני מילי בישראל אבל בדידכו כתיב (דברים לג, כט) ואתה על במותימו תדרוך

(אסתר ו, יא) ויקרא לפניו ככה יעשה לאיש אשר המלך חפץ ביקרו כי הוה נקיט ואזיל בשבילא דבי המן חזיתיה ברתיה דקיימא אאיגרא סברה האי דרכיב אבוה והאי דמסגי קמיה מרדכי שקלה עציצא דבית הכסא ושדיתיה ארישא דאבוה דלי עיניה וחזת דאבוה הוא נפלה מאיגרא לארעא ומתה

והיינו דכתיב וישב מרדכי אל שער המלך אמר רב ששת ששב לשקו ולתעניתו והמן נדחף אל ביתו אבל וחפוי ראש אבל על בתו וחפוי ראש על שאירע לו

The verse relates that Ahasuerus ordered Haman to fulfill his idea of the proper way to honor one who the king desires to glorify by parading him around on the king’s horse while wearing the royal garments: “And do so to Mordecai the Jew who sits at the king’s gate, let nothing fail of all that you have spoken” (Esther 6:10). The Gemara explains that when Ahasuerus said to Haman: “And do so to Mordecai,” Haman said to him in an attempt to evade the order: Who is Mordecai? Ahasuerus said to him: “The Jew.” Haman then said to him: There are several men named Mordecai among the Jews. Ahasuerus then said to him: I refer to the one “who sits at the king’s gate.”

Haman said to him: Why award him such a great honor? It would certainly be enough for him to receive one village [disekarta] as an estate, or one river for the levy of taxes. Ahasuerus said to him: This too you must give him. “Let nothing fail of all that you have spoken,” i.e., provide him with all that you proposed and spoke about in addition to what I had said.

The Gemara describes what occurred as Haman went to follow the king’s orders, as the verse states: “Then Haman took the apparel and the horse” (Esther 6:11). When he went, he found Mordecai as the Sages were sitting before him, and he was demonstrating to them the halakhot of the handful, i.e., the scooping out of a handful of flour from the meal-offering in order to burn it on the altar. Once Mordecai saw him coming toward him with his horse’s reins held in his hands, he became frightened, and he said to the Sages: This evil man has come to kill me. Go away from him so that you should not get burnt from his coals, i.e., that you should not suffer harm as well. At that moment Mordecai wrapped himself in his prayer shawl and stood up to pray. Haman came over to where they were and sat down before them and waited until Mordecai finished his prayer.

In the interim, as he waited, Haman said to the other Sages: With what were you occupied? They said to him: When the Temple is standing, one who pledges a meal-offering would bring a handful of fine flour and achieve atonement with it. He said to them: Your handful of fine flour has come and cast aside my ten thousand pieces of silver, which I had pledged toward the destruction of the Jewish people. When Mordecai finished praying, he said to Haman: Wicked man, when a slave buys property, to whom belongs the slave and to whom belongs the property? As I once bought you as a slave, what silver can be yours?

Haman said to him: Stand up, put on these garments and ride on this horse, for the king wants you to do so. Mordecai said to him: I cannot do so until I enter the bathhouse [bei vanei] and trim my hair, for it is not proper conduct to use the king’s garments in this state that I am in now.

In the meantime, Esther sent messengers and closed all the bathhouses and all the shops of the craftsmen, including the bloodletters and barbers. When Haman saw that there was nobody else to do the work, he himself took Mordecai into the bathhouse and washed him, and then he went and brought scissors [zuza] from his house and trimmed his hair. While he was trimming his hair he injured himself and sighed. Mordecai said to him: Why do you sigh? Haman said to him: The man whom the king had once regarded above all his other ministers is now made a bathhouse attendant [balanei] and a barber. Mordecai said to him: Wicked man, were you not once the barber of the village of Kartzum? If so, why do you sigh? You have merely returned to the occupation of your youth. It was taught in a baraita: Haman was the barber of the village of Kartzum for twenty-two years.

After Haman trimmed his hair, Haman dressed Mordecai in the royal garments. Haman then said to him: Mount the horse and ride. Mordecai said to him: I am unable, as my strength has waned from the days of fasting that I observed. Haman then stooped down before him and Mordecai ascended on him. As he was ascending the horse, Mordecai gave Haman a kick. Haman said to him: Is it not written for you: “Do not rejoice when your enemy falls” (Proverbs 24:17)? Mordecai said to him: This statement applies only to Jews, but with regard to you it is written: “And you shall tread upon their high places” (Deuteronomy 33:29).

The verse states: “And he proclaimed before him: Thus shall it be done to the man whom the king delights to honor” (Esther 6:11). As Haman was taking Mordecai along the street of Haman’s house, Haman’s daughter was standing on the roof and saw the spectacle. She thought to herself that the one who is riding on the horse must be her father, and the one walking before him must be Mordecai. She then took a chamber pot full of feces and cast its contents onto the head of her father, whom she mistakenly took as Mordecai. When Haman raised his eyes in disgust afterward, and looked up at his daughter, she saw that he was her father. In her distress, she fell from the roof to the ground and died.

And this is as it is written: “And Mordecai returned to the king’s gate” (Esther 6:12). Rav Sheshet said: This means that he returned to his sackcloth and his fasting over the troubles of the Jewish people. Simultaneously, “but Haman hastened to his house, mourning, and having his head covered” (Esther 6:12). “Mourning”; over the death of his daughter. “And having his head covered”; due to what had happened to him, as his head was full of filth.

(אסתר ו, יד) וסריסי המלך הגיעו ויבהילו מלמד שהביאוהו בבהלה
The next verse states: “The king’s chamberlains came, and they hastened [vayavhilu] to bring Haman” (Esther 6:14). This teaches that they brought him in disarray [behala], not even giving him a chance to wash himself from the filth.

We're at the second banquet now, where, with much more confidence than the night before, Esther accuses Haman of his intended genocide. You'd think the theatrics and stark reality of it all'd be enough for Ahasuarus, but these last angels are just making sure...

(I think the Sages injected so many angels because they were compensating for the lack of the Divine in the text of the Book of Esther. Let me know your thoughts?)

והמלך קם בחמתו וגו' והמלך שב מגנת הביתן מקיש שיבה לקימה מה קימה בחימה אף שיבה בחימה דאזל ואשכח למלאכי השרת דאידמו ליה כגברי וקא עקרי לאילני דבוסתני ואמר להו מאי עובדייכו אמרו ליה דפקדינן המן

אתא לביתיה והמן נופל על המטה נופל נפל מיבעי ליה אמר רבי אלעזר מלמד שבא מלאך והפילו עליה אמר ויי מביתא ויי מברא ויאמר המלך הגם לכבוש את המלכה עמי בבית

The verse states: “And the king arose from the banquet of wine in his wrath and went into the palace garden” (Esther 7:7), and the next verse states: “Then the king returned out of the palace garden to the place of the wine drinking” (Esther 7:8). The Gemara comments: The verses here compare his returning to his arising: Just as his arising was in wrath, so too, his returning was in wrath. And why did he return in wrath? For when he went out he found ministering angels who appeared to him as people and they were uprooting trees from the garden, and he said to them: What are you doing? They said to him: Haman commanded us to do this.

And when he entered his house he saw that “Haman was falling upon the bed” (Esther 7:8). The Gemara asks: Why does it say “was falling” [nofel] in the present tense, implying that he was currently falling? It should have said “fell” [nafal] in the past tense. Rabbi Elazar said: This teaches that an angel came and pushed him down on it, and every time he would try to stand up, the angel would push him down again. Ahasuerus said: Woe unto me in the house and woe unto me outside, as the verse continues: “Then the king said: Will he even force the queen before me in the house?” (Esther 7:8).

JK - totally Purim Foolsed you! Haman and his sons have been hung on their own gallows, and the Jews get permission to fight back against the enemies that come to murder us. King Ahashuarus, totally one of those "there's violence on both sides" types opens his mouth only to be set straight by One Last Angel...

ויאמר המלך לאסתר המלכה בשושן הבירה הרגו היהודים אמר רבי אבהו מלמד שבא מלאך וסטרו על פיו
The verse states: “And the king said to Esther the queen: The Jews have slain and destroyed five hundred men in Shushan the capital, and also the ten sons of Haman; what have they done in the rest of the king’s provinces? Now what is your petition and it shall be granted to you; and what more do you request, and it shall be done” (Esther 9:12). Rabbi Abbahu said: This teaches that an angel came and slapped him on his mouth, so that he was unable to finish what he was saying; he started with a complaint about what the Jews were doing, but ended on an entirely different note.

In the last line of the Megillah, Mordechai is graced with one of the greatest compliments you can grace someone with:

כי מרדכי היהודי משנה למלך אחשורוש וגדול ליהודים ורצוי לרוב אחיו לרוב אחיו ולא לכל אחיו מלמד שפירשו ממנו מקצת סנהדרין

The verse states: “For Mordecai the Jew was second to the king Ahasuerus, and great among the Jews, and accepted by the majority of his brethren” (Esther 10:3). The Gemara comments: The verse indicates that Mordecai was accepted only “By the majority of his brethren,” but not by all his brethren. This teaches that some members of the Sanhedrin parted from him, because he occupied himself with [government] needs, and was therefore compelled to neglect his Torah study. They felt that this was a mistake and that he should have remained active on the Sanhedrin.

BUT WAIT! This is Olivia's service packet, right? We got angels and tails and feces (oh my!) but where's the hidden queer stuff???

Well! What if I told you that Mordechai one of the Tanach's greatest Trans Men! ... Maybe?

From "Medicine in the Bible and the Talmud: Selections from Classical Jewish Sources" by Fred Rosner:

"The Midrash states (Esther Rabbah 6:5) that Mordechai raised his niece Esther because when her mother was pregnant her father died and soon after her birth her mother also dies (Megillah 13a). Elsewhere, the Midrash asks:

Did Mordechai actually feed and sustain Esther? Said Rabbi Judan: on one occasion he went round to all the wet nurses but could not find one for Esther whereupon he himself suckled her. Rabbi Berachiah and Rabbi Abbahu in Rabbi Eleazar's name said: milk came to him and he suckled her [always, and he never sought a wet nurse]. When Rabbi Abbahu taught this publicly, the congregation laughed. Said he to them: Yet is it not a Mishnah? [Machshirin 6:7 "the milk of the man is clean"] (Gen. Rabbah 30:8)."

(See more in Rabbi Mark Sameth's article in The Forward, "Gender Bending In The Torah: The Nursing Kings of Israel," exploring the word אֹמֵן in Esther 2:7)

After encountering that text, I was on the look-out for additional evidence or hints of Mordechai's transness. Mordechai practically lives outside of the palace gates - it's where he hears Bigtan & Teresh (eunuchs btw, considered a separate gender in rabbinic lit, and like a minyan's worth get names in the Megillah!), where he infuriates Haman, and probably where he fought off hoards of Anti-Semites.

Who else hung out outside of entrances? Well, the tzva'ot of Exodus 38:8, sometimes called "women who preformed tasks," the ones who donated their mirrors to building the laver in the miskhan (portable desert tabernacle). The tzva'ot still had their jobs in 1 Samuel 2:22 (and there's much more to read in Jill Hammer's "The Hebrew Priestess") - so, what I'm imagining is that pre-transition Mordechai held this sort of role, and, as a man well-liked by the majority of his brethren, he kept up what he was good at, living in the liminal.

For a hyper-modern reference, come and hear "New Men With Old Man Names" from the album "The Whale That Ate Jonah" by the all trans-Jewish band, Schmekel:

"There once was a girl whose name was Ann
He knew that he was really a man
His brother's names were Mike and Dan
But he changed his name to Mordechai" ... someone knows what's up!

And if you're gonna sit there and call that a stretch, well, go and play Hamen's Daughter with everything else we read tonight!

~Shabbat Shalom & Chag Purim Katan Tov M'od~