Life Cycle Part II

בָּרוּךְ אַתָּה יהוה אֱלהֵינוּ מֶלֶךְ הָעולָם אֲשֶׁר קִדְּשָׁנוּ בְּמִצְותָיו וְצִוָּנוּ לַעֲסוק בְּדִבְרֵי תורָה:

Blessing for Torah Study

Barukh Atah Adonai Eloheinu Melekh Ha'Olam Asher Kideshanu Bemitzvotav Vetzivanu La'asok Bedivrei Torah

Blessed are you Adonai, our God, Sovereign of Eternity, who has made us holy through Your sacred obligations and obligated us to immerse ourselves in the words of Torah.

Sydney Emanuel Goldstein

The title of the tractate in the Talmud dealing with marriage is 'Qiddushin.' This is the term employed in every code of Jewish Law. This term is derived from the Hebrew word Qadosh which means holy or sacred. Marriage, therefore, according to the teachings of Israel, is a consecration, a sanctification of life. Its purpose is to hallow and to sanctify conduct. This concept of marriage is expressed in the very words that from ancient days the bridegroom utters in wedding his bride: 'Harei at mequdeshet li’; ‘Be thou consecrated unto me'

Sheva Berachot - Seven Blessings
1. בָּרוּךְ אַתָּה יהוה אֱלֹהֵינוּ מֶלֶךְ הָעוֹלָם, בּוֹרֵא פְּרִי הַגָּפֶן.
Blessed are you, Adonai Our God, Sovereign of the Universe, who creates the fruit of the vine
2. בָּרוּךְ אַתָּה יהוה אֱלֹהֵינוּ מֶלֶךְ הָעוֹלָם, שֶׁהַכֹּל בָּרָא לִכְבוֹדוֹ.
Blessed are you, Adonai Our God, Sovereign of the Universe, who created all for His glory.
3. בָּרוּךְ אַתָּה יהוה אֱלֹהֵינוּ מֶלֶךְ הָעוֹלָם, יוֹצֵר הָאָדָם.
Blessed are you, Adonai Our God, Sovereign of the Universe, who fashions human beings
4. בָּרוּךְ אַתָּה יהוה אֱלֹהֵינוּ מֶלֶךְ הָעוֹלָם, אֲשֶׁר יָצַר אֶת הָאָדָם בְּצַלְמוֹ, בְּצֶלֶם דְּמוּת תַּבְנִיתוֹ, וְהִתְקִין לוֹ מִמֶּנּוּ בִּנְיַן עֲדֵי עַד: בָּרוּךְ אַתָּה יְ-יָ, יוֹצֵר הָאָדָם.
Blessed are you, Adonai Our God, Sovereign of the Universe, who has fashioned human beings in His image, patterning them in His likeness, establishing for them, from His own self, an everlasting edifice.. Blessed are you, Adonai, who fashions human beings.
5. שׂוֹשׂ תָּשִׂישׂ וְתָגֵל הָעֲקָרָה, בְּקִבּוּץ בָּנֶיהָ לְתוֹכָהּ בְּשִׂמְחָה: בָּרוּךְ אַתָּה יהוה, מְשַׂמֵּחַ צִיּוֹן בְּבָנֶיהָ.
May the barren one rejoice in the gladsome ingathering of her children. Blessed are you, Adonai, who causes Zion to rejoice with her children.
6. שַׂמַּח תְּשַׂמַּח רֵעִים הָאֲהוּבִים, כְּשַׂמֵּחֲךָ יְצִירְךָ בְּגַן עֵֽדֶן מִקֶּֽדֶם: בָּרוּךְ אַתָּה יהוה, מְשַׂמֵּֽחַ חָתָן וְכַלָּה.
Make joyful these loving companions, just as you once as You once gladdened Your creations in the Garden of Eden. Blessed are you Adonai who makes bride and groom joyful.
בָּרוּךְ אַתָּה יְ-יָ אֱלֹהֵ-ינוּ מֶלֶךְ הָעוֹלָם, אֲשֶׁר בָּרָא שָׂשׂוֹן וְשִׂמְחָה, חָתָן וְכַלָּה, גִּילָה רִנָּה דִּיצָה וְחֶדְוָה, אַהֲבָה וְאַחֲוָה שָׁלוֹם וְרֵעוּת, מְהֵרָה יְ-יָ אֱלֹהֵ-ינוּ יִשָּׁמַע בְּעָרֵי יְהוּדָה וּבְחוּצוֹת יְרוּשָׁלָיִם, קוֹל שָׂשׂוֹן וְקוֹל שִׂמְחָה, קוֹל חָתָן וְקוֹל כַּלָּה, קוֹל מִצְהֲלוֹת חֲתָנִים מֵחֻפָּתָם, וּנְעָרִים מִמִּשְׁתֵּה נְגִינָתָם: בָּרוּךְ אַתָּה יְ-יָ, מְשַׂמֵּחַ חָתָן עִם הַכַּלָּה.
Blessed are you, Adonai our God, who created joy and gladness, groom and bride, merriment, song, dance and delight, love and harmony, peace and companionship. O Adonai Eloheinu, may there soon be heard in the cities of Judah and the streets of Jerusalem the voice of joy and the voice of gladness, the voice of the groom and the voice of the bride, jubilant voices of the married from their wedding canopies; and of the young from their feasts of song. Blessed are you Adonai who brings the groom and bride together to rejoice in each other.

דברים כ״ד:ה׳

(ה) כִּֽי־יִקַּ֥ח אִישׁ֙ אִשָּׁ֣ה חֲדָשָׁ֔ה לֹ֤א יֵצֵא֙ בַּצָּבָ֔א וְלֹא־יַעֲבֹ֥ר עָלָ֖יו לְכָל־דָּבָ֑ר נָקִ֞י יִהְיֶ֤ה לְבֵיתוֹ֙ שָׁנָ֣ה אֶחָ֔ת וְשִׂמַּ֖ח אֶת־אִשְׁתּ֥וֹ אֲשֶׁר־לָקָֽח׃ (ס)

Deuteronomy 24:5

(5) When a man has taken a bride, he shall not go out with the army or be assigned to it for any purpose; he shall be exempt one year for the sake of his household, to give happiness to the woman he has married.

ב"ה

... בשבת ... לחדש ... שנת חמשת אלפים ושבע מאות ... לבריאת עולם למנין שאנו מנין כאן ... איך ... בן ... אמר לה להדא ... בת ... הוי לי לאנתו כדת משה וישראל ואנא אפלח ואוקיר ואיזון ואפרנס יתיכי ליכי כהלכות גוברין יהודאין דפלחין ומוקרין וזנין ומפרנסין לנשיהון בקושטא ויהיבנא ליכי ... כסף זוזי ... דחזי ליכי ... ומזוניכי וכסותיכי וסיפוקיכי ומיעל לותיכי כאורח כל ארעא וצביאת מרת ... דא והות ליה לאנתו ודן נדוניא דהנעלת ליה מבי ... בין בכסף בין בזהב בין בתכשיטין במאני דלבושא בשמושי דירה ובשמושא דערסא הכל קבל עליו ... חתן דנן ב... זקוקים כסף צרוף וצבי ... חתן דנן והוסיף לה מן דיליה עוד ... זקוקים כסף צרוף אחרים כנגדן סך הכל ... זקוקים כסף צרוף וכך אמר ... חתן דנן אחריות שטר כתובתא דא נדוניא דן ותוספתא דא קבלית עלי ועל ירתי בתראי להתפרע מכל שפר ארג נכסין וקנינין דאית לי תחות כל שמיא דקנאי ודעתיד אנא למקני נכסין דאית להון אחריות ודלית להון אחריות כלהון יהון אחראין וערבאין לפרוע מנהון שטר כתובתא דא נדוניא דן ותוספתא דא מנאי ואפילו מן גלימא דעל כתפאי בחיי ובתר חיי מן יומא דנן ולעלם ואחריות וחומר שטר כתובתא דא נדוניא דן ותוספתא דא קבל עליו ... חתן דנן כחומר כל שטרי כתובות ותוספתות דנהגין בבנת ישראל העשויין כתיקון חכמינו ז"ל דלא כאסמכתא ודלא כטופסי דשטרי וקנינא מן ... בן ... חתן דנן למרת ... בת ... דא על כל מה דכתוב ומפורש לעיל במנא דכשר למקניא ביה הכל שריר וקים

נאום ...

Ketubah Text

On the [...] day of the week, the [...] day of the [Hebrew] month of [...], the year [...] after the creation of the world, according to the manner in which we count [dates] here in [...], the bridegroom [...] son of [...] said to this [...] daughter of [...], “Be my wife according to the law of Moses and Israel. I will work honor, feed and support you in the custom of Jewish men, who work, honor, feed, and support their wives faithfully. I will give you the settlement of [...] silver zuzim, which is due you according to [...] law, as well as your food, clothing, necessities of life, and conjugal needs, according to the universal custom.”

Ms. [...] agreed, and became his wife. This dowry that she brought from her father’s house, whether in silver, gold, jewelry, clothing, home furnishings, or bedding, Mr. [...], our bridegroom, accepts as being worth [...] silver pieces (zekukim).

Our bridegroom, Mr. [...] agreed, and of his own accord, added an additional [...] silver pieces (zekukim) paralleling the above. The entire amount is then [...] silver pieces (zekukim).

Mr. [...] our bridegroom made this declaration: “The obligation of this marriage contract (ketubah), this dowry, and this additional amount, I accept upon myself and upon my heirs after me. It can be paid from the entire best part of the property and possessions that I own under all the heavens, whether I own [this property] already, or will own it in the future. [It includes] both mortgageable property and non-mortgageable property. All of it shall be mortgaged and bound as security to pay this marriage contract, this dowry, and this additional amount. [it can be taken] from me, even from the shirt on my back, during my lifetime, and after my lifetime, from this day and forever.”

And the surety for all the obligations of this marriage contract (ketubah), dowry and the additional sum has been assumed by [...] the said groom, with the full obligation dictated by all documents of ketubot and additional sums due every daughter of Israel, executed in accordance with the enactment of our Sages, of blessed memory. It is not to be regarded as an indecisive contractual obligation nor as a stereotyped form.

And we have completed the act of acquisition from Mr.[...] son of [...] our bridegroom, to Ms. [...] daughter of [...], regarding everything written and stated above, with an article that is fit for such a kinyan. And everything is valid and confirmed.

[...] son of [...] Witness

Richard Hirsh

Jewish tradition has accepted the reality that, while divorce is sad and regrettable, not all marriages are destined to endure. From a very early period, Jewish tradition has both allowed for and structured a religious way of ending marriages, just as it has allowed for and structured a religious way of starting and sanctifying marriages.

Klein, Isaak. A Guide to Jewish Religious Practice

"When a man taketh a wife, and marrieth her, then it cometh to pass, if she finds no favor in his eyes, because he hath found some unseemly thing in her, that he writeth her a bill of divorcement and giveth in her hand, and sendeth her out of the house . . . " (Deut. 24:1).

"Over him who divorces the wife of his youth, even the altar of God sheds tears" (B. Git. 90b). "
Rabbi Yohanan said, ‘He that putteth her [his wife] away is hated of God' " (ibid.).

There is a tradition that the greatest glory of Aaron the high priest was his work in reconciling discontented husbands and wives and inducing them to live together in harmony (A vot Derabbi Natan, Tanna Devei 'Eliyahu Rabbah 30).

“While Judaism does not consider divorce a sin, it recognizes it as a tragedy. Each divorce is a tombstone on high hopes once held by two young people—hopes that have dissolved in bitterness and hostility. The unhappiness of the adult partner is only one part of this massive burden of misery. There are hundreds of thousands of innocent victims of discord, the children of divorce, who lack the security and guidance of two parents and a stable home" (Gordis, Sex and the Family in the Jewish Tradition, p. 25).

“Judaism in its continuous concern for human life and fulfillment stresses the sanctity of matrimonial ties, but concomitantly believes in [humanity's] freedom of choice and inherent respect for one's total independence. It therefore permits the marital dissolution, after ascertaining that the welfare of the parties is mutually endangered by continuing to use marriage as a source of misery and human degradation, instead of a vital source of happiness and communion" (Fried, Jews and Divorce, pp. 17 f.).

Traditional Get

On the __________ day of the week, the __________ day of the month of __________ in the year __________ after creation of the world, according to the calendaric calculations that we count here, in the city __________, which is situated on the__________ river, and situated near springs of water, I, __________ the son of __________, who today am present in the city __________, which is situated on the__________ river, and situated near springs of water, willingly consent, being under no duress, to release, discharge, and divorce you [to be] on your own, you, my wife __________, daughter of __________, who are today in the city of __________, which is situated on the__________ river, and situated near springs of water, who has hitherto been my wife. And now I do release, discharge, and divorce you [to be] on your own, so that you are permitted and have authority over yourself to go and marry any man you desire. No person may object against you from this day onward, and you are permitted to every man. This shall be for you from me a bill of dismissal, a letter of release, and a document of absolution, in accordance with the law of Moses and Israel.
_________ the son of _________ -- witness
_________ the son of _________ -- witness.

Rabbi Simchah Raphael

In the encounter with grief, individuals frequently experience the following stages, which correspond approximately to the cycle of Jewish mourning rituals:

Phase One: The Initial Shock and Denial - "The central task for the bereaved is to accept the reality of death"

Aninut
Keriah
Funeral
Shiva
Shloshim

Phase Two: Facing the Painful Truth - "To experience fully the pain of grief, as difficult as it may be"

Shiva
Sheloshim
Kaddish

Phase Three: Putting the Pieces Together - "To learn to adjust to an environment in which the deceased is missing. Time for restructuring one's life, both functionally and emotionally.

Kaddish
Yahrtzeit

Phase Four: Affirming Life and Legacy - "To say yes to life, to affirm its fullness, given the reality of mortality and the finite nature of human relationships.

Yahrtzeit
Yizkor

Isaak Klein

The period between death and burial is called ‘aninut, and the bereaved person is called ’onen. The ‘onen is exempt from the performance of all positive religious obligations, such as reciting the morning and evening prayers and putting on Tefilin (Y.D. 341:1). At the same time he is forbidden to drink wine, eat meat, or indulge in luxuries (O.H. 341:1). If his ’aninut should fall on a Sabbath or a festival, he is permitted to eat meat and drink wine and is obligated to fulfill all the mitswot except his sexual obligations to his spouse.

Isaak Klein

Shivah

The sages of the Talmud declared: "Do not comfort a person when his dead lies before him" (M. Avot 4:18). At the time of death, the bereaved is in a state of shock and cannot be reached by comforting words. After the funeral, when he becomes aware of his loss, he is open to consolation. The rite of Shiv'ah serves to tide him over during this painful period until he is able to resume his normal life. A number of prescribed observances aid in this process; they are obligatory on the following relatives of the deceased: father, mother, son, daughter, brother, sister, husband, wife (Y.D. 374:4).
Klein, Isaak. A Guide to Jewish Religious Practice . The Jewish Theological Seminary Press. Kindle Edition.

אֵל מָלֵא רַחֲמִים שׁוֹכֵן בַּמְּרוֹמִים, הַמְצֵא מְנוּחָה נְכוֹנָה עַל כַּנְפֵי הַשְּׁכִינָה בְּמַעֲלוֹת קְדוֹשִׁים וטְהוֹרִים כְּזוֹהַר הָרָקִיעַ מַזְהִירִים (נִשְׁמַת (פלוני בן פלוני ,שֶׁהָלַךְ לְעוֹלָמוֹ בַּעֲבוּר שֶׁנָדְבוּ צְדָקָה בְּעַד הַזְכָּרַת נִשְׁמָתוֹ .בְּגַן עֵדֶן תְּהֵא מְנוּחָתוֹ לָכֵן בַּעַל הָרַחֲמִים ,יַסְתִּירֵהוּ בְּסֵתֶר כְּנָפָיו לְעוֹלָמִים ,וְיִצְרֹר בִּצְרוֹר הַחַיִּים אֶת נִשְׁמָתוֹ יהוה הוּא נַחֲלָתוֹ, וְיָנוּחַ ,בְּשָׁלוֹם עַל מִשְׁכָּבוֹ וְנֹאמַר אָמֵן

El Maleh Rachamim

God filled with mercy, dwelling in the heights, grant true rest in Your sheltering presence to the soul of [the name of the deceased] who travels to her eternal home, amid the ranks of the Holy and the pure, shining like the radiance of the skies. Merciful one, we ask that she find shelter in Your eternal embrace. May her soul be bound up in the bond of life, Eternal one, her inheritance, that she may rest in peace. And let us say, Amen.

המקום ינחם אתכם בתוך שאר אבלי ציון וירושלים

Traditional Words of Comfort

Hamakom yenakhem etekhem betokh shaar avelay tziyon viyrushalayim

May the Omnipresent comfort you among the rest of the mourners of Zion and Jerusalem