Honoring Your Parents - Torah Tuesday

(12) Honor your father and your mother, that you may long endure on the land that the LORD your God is assigning to you.

The Sages raised a dilemma before Rav Ulla: How far must one go to fulfill the mitzva of honoring one’s father and mother? Rav Ulla said to them: Go and see what one gentile did in Ashkelon, and his name was Dama ben Netina. Once the Sages sought to purchase merchandise [perakmatya] from him for six hundred thousand gold dinars’ profit, but the key for the container in which the merchandise was kept was placed under his father’s head, and he was sleeping at the time. And Dama ben Netina would not disturb his father by waking him, although he could have made a substantial profit.

Rav Yehuda says that Shmuel says: They asked Rabbi Eliezer: How far must one go to fulfill the mitzva of honoring one’s father and mother? Rabbi Eliezer said to them: Go and see what one gentile did for his father in Ashkelon, and the name of the son was Dama ben Netina. Once the Sages wished to purchase precious stones from him for the ephod of the High Priest for six hundred thousand gold dinars’ profit, and Rav Kahana taught that it was eight hundred thousand gold dinars’ profit. And the key to the chest holding the jewels was placed under his father’s head, and he would not disturb him.

The next year the Holy One, Blessed be He, gave Dama ben Netina his reward, as a red heifer was born in his herd, and the Jews needed it. When the Sages of Israel came to him he said to them: I know, concerning you, that if I were to ask for all the money in the world you would give it to me. But I ask only that money that I lost due to the honor of Father.

And Rabbi Ḥanina says: And if this is related about one who is not commanded by the Torah to honor his father, as Dama was a gentile, and nevertheless when he performs the mitzva he is given this great reward, all the more so is one rewarded who is commanded to fulfill a mitzva and performs it. As Rabbi Ḥanina says: Greater is one who is commanded to do a mitzva and performs it than one who is not commanded to do a mitzva and performs it.

Rav Yosef, who was blind, said: At first I would say: If someone would tell me that the halakha is in accordance with the opinion of Rabbi Yehuda, who says: A blind person is exempt from fulfilling the mitzvot, I would make a festive day for the rabbis, as I am not commanded and yet I perform the mitzvot. This means my reward is very great. Now that I have heard that which Rabbi Ḥanina says: Greater is one who is commanded to do a mitzva and performs it than one who is not commanded to do a mitzva and performs it, on the contrary: If someone would tell me that the halakha is not in accordance with the opinion of Rabbi Yehuda, and a blind person is obligated in mitzvot, I would make a festive day for the rabbis.

When Rav Dimi came from Eretz Yisrael to Babylonia, he said: Once Dama ben Netina was wearing a fine cloak [sirkon] of gold, and was sitting among the nobles of Rome. And his mother came to him and tore his garment from him and smacked him on the head and spat in his face, and yet he did not embarrass her.

And his mother came to him and tore [his garment] -- It states in the Midrash that she was mentally unstable.

The roots and origins of this mitzva are that it is right and beneficial for a person to recognise and acknowledge when someone does good for them, and to act generously and kindly in return. And he should not disgrace himself by being stubborn and distant and closed of heart, for this is a poor and wholly despicable trait in the eyes of God and man. And he should meditate on the fact that his father and mother are the reason for his existence in the world, and that therefore it is truly incumbent upon him to act respectfully and in ways that will benefit and help them. For they brought him into the world, and showed him all manner of kindness and affections when he was young. And when he properly internalises and strengthens this trait in his soul, there will grow from it a recognition of the goodness and kindness of God. For he is the ultimate reason for our existence, and for the existence of our forefathers stretching all the way back to Adam HaRishon. And he brought the individual into the air of the world, and provided all his needs, and enabled him to have clothing and completeness of body. He also gave him a mind capable of knowledge and understanding, and without this act of kindness he would live in darkness and ignorance. Reflecting on all of this, he will understand the need for thought and care in his worship and service of God. ...

(10) If one's father or mother has become mentally disordered, he should make an effort to behave toward them according to their state of mind until they will be shown mercy [and get cured]. But if he is unable to endure the strain any longer, because they have become utterly insane, he may leave them and go elsewhere, charging others to take proper care of them.

Honor your father and mother -- This mitzvah concludes the first five [of the Ten] Commandments, which all feature commandments that are Bein Adam laMakom (between man and G-d); this is why each of these 5 statements include the words, "Hashem your G-d," while G-d's name is not mentioned in the final 5 statements, which are Bein Adam laChaveiro (between man and man). Even though the mitzvah of honoring your parents is indeed Bein Adam laChaveiro, but nevertheless it pertains to G-d. Our sages tell us (Kiddushin 30b) that there are 3 partners in creating of a person: G-d, man and woman. If you honor your parents for giving you your physical life, then all the more so should you honor G-d for giving you your soul!