יע"ל לסוגיה 25 - הדדיות בנישואין: זכויות מול חובות

(1) When a man marries a woman, he is obligated to her in ten things, and he merits [is owed] from her in four things, even if it is not written.

(2) These are the ten: her food, her clothing, her regular sexual relations, the core of her Ketubah, her healing, to redeem her if she is captured, her burial, that she be sustained from his possessions and live in his house after his death the whole time she is a widow, that her children be sustained after his death until they are engaged, that her sons from him inherit her ketubah more than their portion of inheritance that is with their siblings.

(3) These are the four: the work of her hands, what she finds, her fruits, and her inheritance.

(4) The work of her hands corresponds to her sustenance. Therefore, if she says "I will not be sustained, and I will not produce" we listen to her. Rema: See further in Section 80. There are those that say that every woman who says "I will not be sustained, and I will not produce", the enactment is nullified, and she can't rescind and say "I will be sustained, and I will produce." (Bet Yosef in the name of the Ran who writes in the name of the Ra'ah) and there are those who disagree (Rabenu Yerucham chapter 23, halacha 5). And all who are not sustained are not obligated to be clothed, which is in the category of sustenance (there in the Ran). But the husband who says "I will not sustain her, and I will not take the work of her hands" - we don't listen to. But, he can say put out [sell] the work of your hands for your food, and what isn't covered I will pay (Ran Ketubot Chapter 7)

(5) If she says, "I will not give you fruits, and I don't want you to redeem me if I'm taken captive" we don't listen to her, so that she shouldn't be mixed in with the Kutim [non-Jews]. Rema: and also with inheritance and burial, neither can say I will not be bury and I will not inherit, in any case [the obligation remains] to bury and inherit.

(6) If the husband makes a condition that he will not be obligated in one of the things that he is obligated in, or the wife makes a condition that he will not acquire one of the things that he acquires, the condition stands. Except for three things where conditions are not effective: her regular sexual relations, the core of her Ketubah, and her inheritance.

(7) That which is said, that conditions are not effective to remove her inheritance - this is when he makes the condition after the marriage or before the engagement, but when he makes the condition with her while they are engaged, it is effective. Rema: Look farther on in section 92. Our Rabbis of blessed memory said: "There is no fitting woman except one who does the will of her husband." (Hagot Maimoni chapter 15 in the name of Tanna d'bei Eliyahu)