"Broadly defined, teshuvah is more than just repentance from sin; it is a spiritual reawakening, a desire to strengthen the connection between oneself and the sacred. The effectiveness of teshuvah is thus frequently a function of one's sense of distance from the sacred. The greater the distance, the greater the potential movement towards renewed connectedness. As one Jewish sage put it, A rope that is cut and retied is doubly strong at the point where it was severed.... All forms of teshuvah, however diverse and complex, have a common core: the belief that human beings have it in their power to effect inward change.
-- Adin Steinsaltz, Teshuvah: A Guide for the Newly Observant Jew, ed. and trans. by Michael Swirsky (New York: Free Press, 1987), 3-4.
(כג) הֶחָפֹ֤ץ אֶחְפֹּץ֙ מ֣וֹת רָשָׁ֔ע נְאֻ֖ם אֲדֹנָ֣י יי הֲל֛וֹא בְּשׁוּב֥וֹ מִדְּרָכָ֖יו וְחָיָֽה׃ (ס)
(23) Have I any pleasure at all that the wicked should die? saith the Lord GOD; and not rather that they should return from their ways, and live?
(ו) וַיַּעֲבֹ֨ר יְהוָ֥ה ׀ עַל־פָּנָיו֮ וַיִּקְרָא֒ יְהוָ֣ה ׀ יְהוָ֔ה אֵ֥ל רַח֖וּם וְחַנּ֑וּן אֶ֥רֶךְ אַפַּ֖יִם וְרַב־חֶ֥סֶד וֶאֱמֶֽת ׀ (ז) נֹצֵ֥ר חֶ֙סֶד֙ לָאֲלָפִ֔ים נֹשֵׂ֥א עָוֺ֛ן וָפֶ֖שַׁע וְחַטָּאָ֑ה וְנַקֵּה֙ לֹ֣א יְנַקֶּ֔ה פֹּקֵ֣ד ׀ עֲוֺ֣ן אָב֗וֹת עַל־בָּנִים֙ וְעַל־בְּנֵ֣י בָנִ֔ים עַל־שִׁלֵּשִׁ֖ים וְעַל־רִבֵּעִֽים׃
(6) The LORD passed before him and proclaimed: “The LORD! the LORD! a God compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, abounding in kindness and faithfulness, (7) extending kindness to the thousandth generation, forgiving iniquity, transgression, and sin; yet God does not remit all punishment, but visits the iniquity of parents upon children and children’s children, upon the third and fourth generations.”
(10) But the he-goat, on which the lot fell for Azazel, shall be set alive before the LORD, to make atonement over him, to send him away for Azazel into the wilderness.
(5) The goat sent off [on Yom Kippur, the Day of Atonement], since it is an atonement for all of Israel, the High Priest does the confession on it using language inclusive of all of Israel, as it says, (Leviticus 16:21) "And he shall confess on it all the sins of the people of Israel."
(8) The sin-offering and guilt-offering atone [for sin]. Death and Yom Kippur, the Day of Atonement, atone with repentance. Repentance atones for minor transgressions of positive or negative commandments; for grave transgressions, it obtains a respite until Yom Kippur completes the atonement.
(ט) האומר, אחטא ואשוב, אחטא ואשוב, אין מספיקין בידו לעשות תשובה. אחטא ויום הכפורים מכפר, אין יום הכפורים מכפר. עברות שבין אדם למקום, יום הכפורים מכפר. עברות שבין אדם לחברו, אין יום הכפורים מכפר, עד שירצה את חברו.
(9) One who says, "I will sin, and then repent, I will sin [again], and then repent," will not receive an opportunity to repent; [for one who says] "I will sin, and Yom Kipur will atone," Yom Kippur will not atone. Yom Kippur atones for transgressions between a person and God, but for a transgression against one's neighbor, Yom Kipur cannot atone, until they appease their neighbor.
(2) How does one confess? One says, "Please G-d, I have sinned, I have erred, I have [willfully but unrebelliously] transgressed, I have done such-and-such [specific sins], I am regretful, and ashamed for my actions, and I will never again return to my old ways." This is the essence of the confession, and anyone who wants to lengthen [their confession], this is praiseworthy.
(1) What is complete repentance? When a person has the opportunity to commit the same sin, and they possess the ability to do it, but they separate and do not do it because of teshuvah and not out of fear or lack of strength. What is an example? A person who had illicit sex with a woman, and after some time he is alone with her, and he still loves her and possesses his physical power and is in the same country where he committed the sin, but he separates and does not sin – that person is a complete ba’al teshuvah (penitent person), about whom [King] Solomon said, Remember your Creator in the days of your youth (Ecclesiastes 12:1).
(6) It is very praiseworthy for the penitent to confess in public and disclose their sins to them, and reveal interpersonal sins to others and tell them: “I surely sinned against so-and-so and did such-and-such to them; but today, behold, I return and regret.” But anyone who is prideful and does not disclose, but rather hides their sins – their repentance is not complete, as it says, One who covers their transgressions shall not prosper (Proverbs 28:13).
(7) What situation are we talking about? Interpersonal sins. But with regard to sins between a person and the Omnipresent, one need not expose oneself; and it is arrogance if one reveals them. Instead, one should return before God, The Blessed One, specify one's sins before God, and confess them in public only generally. And it is better for one that their sins are not revealed, as it says, Happy is one whose transgression is forgiven, whose sin is covered (Psalms 32:1).
(1) Twenty-four things delay teshuvah (repentance). Four of them are a great sin and anyone who does one of them, the Holy Blessed One does not assist that person in repentance because of the seriousness of their sin, and they are: (1) Someone who causes others to sin; and included in this sin is anyone who delays others from a mitzvah (such as repenting). (2) Someone who turns their friend away from a good path to a bad one, like someone who persuades and tempts [toward idolatry]. (3) Someone who sees their child taking on bad habits and does not prevent them – since the child is in the parent’s control, if the parent would prevent them, they would certainly stop, so the parent is considered causing them to sin. And included in this sin is anyone who has the ability to prevent someone else [from sinning], whether one person or many, and leaves them to their mistake instead of preventing them. (4) Someone who says, “I will sin and I will repent,” and this includes a person who says, “I will sin and Yom Kippur will atone for me.”
שאלו לחכמה מה משפט החוטא, אמרה: ימות; שאלו לנבואה מה משפט החוטא, אמרה: רשע תמית רעה. שאלו לתורה, אמרה: יביא קרבן.שאלו להקב''ה, אמר: יעשה תשובה
Jeruselem Talmud Makos 6:2
They asked Wisdom how is the soul of a sinner atoned for? It responded "The sinner shall die". They asked prophecy, it responded, "Evil will pursue the sinner". Torah was asked.... "Let the soul bring a sacrifice and it will be atoned for. They asked God... and God responded, let them do Teshuvah.
(ז) רבי נחמן בר שמואל בר נחמן בשם רב שמואל בר נחמן אמר: הנה טוב מאד, זה יצר טוב. והנה טוב מאד, זה יצר רע. וכי יצר הרע טוב מאד אתמהא?! אלא שאלולי יצר הרע, לא בנה אדם בית, ולא נשא אשה, ולא הוליד, ולא נשא ונתן. וכן שלמה אומר: (קהלת ד): כי היא קנאת איש מרעהו:
(7) Rabbi Nahman said in Rabbi Samuel's name: 'Behold, it was good' refers to the Good Desire; 'And behold, it was very good' refers to the Evil Desire. (It only says 'very good' after the earthling was created with both the good and bad inclinations, in all other cases it only says 'and God saw that it was good') Can then the Evil Desire be very good? That would be extraordinary! But without the Evil Desire, however, no person would build a house, take a spouse and beget children; and thus said Solomon: 'Again, I considered all labor and all excelling in work, that it is a person's rivalry with their neighbor.' (Ecclesiastes 4:4).
They said about Rabbi Elazar ben Durdayya that he was so promiscuous that he did not leave one prostitute in the world with whom he did not engage in sexual intercourse. Once, he heard that there was one prostitute in one of the cities overseas who would take a purse full of dinars as her payment. He took a purse full of dinars and went and crossed seven rivers to reach her. When they were engaged in the matters to which they were accustomed, a euphemism for intercourse, she passed wind and said: Just as this passed wind will not return to its place, so too Elazar ben Durdayya will not be accepted in repentance, even if he were to try to repent. This statement deeply shocked Elazar ben Durdayya, and he went and sat between two mountains and hills and said: Mountains and hills, pray for mercy on my behalf, so that my repentance will be accepted. They said to him: Before we pray for mercy on your behalf, we must pray for mercy on our own behalf, as it is stated: “For the mountains may depart, and the hills be removed” (Isaiah 54:10). He said: Heaven and earth, pray for mercy on my behalf. They said to him: Before we pray for mercy on your behalf, we must pray for mercy on our own behalf, as it is stated: “For the heavens shall vanish away like smoke, and the earth shall wax old like a garment” (Isaiah 51:6). He said: Sun and moon, pray for mercy on my behalf. They said to him: Before we pray for mercy on your behalf, we must pray for mercy on our own behalf, as it is stated: “Then the moon shall be confounded, and the sun ashamed” (Isaiah 24:23). He said: Stars and constellations, pray for mercy on my behalf. They said to him: Before we pray for mercy on your behalf, we must pray for mercy on our own behalf, as it is stated: “And all the hosts of heaven shall molder away” (Isaiah 34:4). Elazar ben Durdayya said: Clearly the matter depends on nothing other than myself. He placed his head between his knees and cried loudly until his soul left his body. A Divine Voice emerged and said: Rabbi Elazar ben Durdayya is destined for life in the World-to-Come. The Gemara explains the difficulty presented by this story: And here Elazar ben Durdayya was guilty of the sin of forbidden sexual intercourse, and yet he died once he repented. The Gemara answers: There too, since he was attached so strongly to the sin, to an extent that transcended the physical temptation he felt, it is similar to heresy, as it had become like a form of idol worship for him. When Rabbi Yehuda HaNasi heard this story of Elazar ben Durdayya, he wept and said: There is one who acquires their share in the World-to-Come only after many years of toil, and there is one who acquires their share in the World-to-Come in one moment. And Rabbi Yehuda HaNasi further says: Not only are penitents accepted, but they are even called: Rabbi, as the Divine Voice referred to Elazar ben Durdayya as Rabbi Elazar ben Durdayya.
הנהו בריוני דהוו בשבבותיה דר"מ והוו קא מצערו ליה טובא הוה קא בעי ר' מאיר רחמי עלויהו כי היכי דלימותו אמרה לי' ברוריא דביתהו מאי דעתך משום דכתיב (תהלים קד, לה) יתמו חטאים מי כתיב חוטאים חטאים כתיב ועוד שפיל לסיפיה דקרא ורשעים עוד אינם כיון דיתמו חטאים ורשעים עוד אינם אלא בעי רחמי עלויהו דלהדרו בתשובה ורשעים עוד אינם בעא רחמי עלויהו והדרו בתשובה:
There were some lawless men living in the neighborhood of R. Meir, and they used to cause him considerable distress. Once R. Meir prayed that they should die. His wife, Beruriah, exclaimed, "Why would you prayer for them to do die? Is it because it is written, 'Let sinners cease out of the earth'? But does the text use the word choteim (implying sinners)? No, it is written chata'im (implying that which caused sin, i.e. the Yetzer Hara). Look also at the end of the verse, which states: 'And let the wicked be no more' — Now is it definitely true that when 'sins will cease,' 'the wicked will be no more?' No because, there will be more sinners. Rather you should pray for mercy on them that they should repent and turn from their evil inclination (Yetzer Ha'ra) and then the wicked shall be no more. R. Meir heeded his wife's advice and offered prayer on their behalf so they repented.
Alan Morinis, Everyday Holiness, Pp. 24 – 26
Think of those choices that often confront you, when you really do experience the possibility of going either way. Do you waver over the second piece of dessert? Is reaching into your purse or wallet to give charity a struggle with an uncertain outcome? Do you know you should call or visit a sick friend, and yet you hesitate and vacillate over actually doing it? Do you look at the sink full of dishes and lean this way and that way and back again and go all around over whether the responsibility is yours? …
Your inner adversary, your yetzer ha’ra, come[s] at you with challenges that are uniquely tailored just for you. You’re only going to be tempted or pushed in regard to traits and choices that are personally challenging for you. Perhaps you know you should be more patient with your spouse or children, and you want to be, but as soon as you set that resolution, whose inner voice is it that points out to you how outrageous it is that they are slow or late? You want to open your hand in charity, but as soon as you make the first move to reach into your pocket, where does the thought originate that wonders whether you will have enough for yourself? You decide to lose a few pounds, so who is it who tells you that having only one more won’t matter? …
The yetzer ha’ra will do everything in its power to subvert your higher self and to influence you to indulge your desires. Hence the goal is not to try to destroy the yetzer ha’ra but to control it, and to apply it for good. Ben Zoma asked, eizeh hu gibbor? Who is strong? His answer is: Ha’kovesh et yitzro, the one who controls their evil inclination.” …
In our uniqueness, you and I have desires that have their own distinctive weave and coloration. And your yetzer ha’ra is matched up to your desires, inch for inch, stitch for stich. Your yetzer ha’ra is perfectly contoured to provide exactly the challenges you must overcome in order to grow spiritually.
(ד) ב. ועקר התשובה כשישמע בזיונו, ידם וישתק... בחינת אהיה, בחינת תשובה,
(ה) כי אהיה דא אנא זמין למהוי. הינו קדם התשובה, עדין אין לו הויה, כאילו עדיין לא נתהוה בעולם, כי טוב לו שלא נברא משנברא, וכשבא לטהר את עצמו ולעשות תשובה, אז הוא בבחינת אהיה, הינו שיהיה לו הויה בעולם, הינו אנא זמין למהוי.
אבל קדם התשובה אזי בחינת אהיה בהסתרת פנים ממנו, כי עדין לא הכין את עצמו למהוי בעולם.
The essence of teshuvah is that when a person hears themselves being insulted, they remain quiet and silent...
This corresponds to Ehyeh, which corresponds to teshuvah.
For the meaning of Ehyeh is "I am prepared to be." That is, before teshuvah a person does not yet have a being. It is as if they do not yet exist in the world. Indeed, [if this is the case] it [may be] better off if they had not been created. But when a person prepares to purify and do teshuvah, they are then in the aspect of ehyeh. In other words, he will then exist in the world--i.e. "I am prepared to be."
Before teshuvah, however, the aspect of ehyeh is hidden from them. For they have not yet prepared themselves to exist in the world.
(ואמר) ר' יוסי בר חנינא כל המבקש מטו מחבירו אל יבקש ממנו יותר משלש פעמים שנאמר (בראשית נ, יז) אנא שא נא ועתה שא נא ואם מת מביא עשרה בני אדם ומעמידן על קברו ואומר חטאתי לה' אלהי ישראל ולפלוני שחבלתי בו ר' ירמיה הוה ליה מילתא לר' אבא בהדיה אזל איתיב אדשא דר' אבא בהדי דשדיא אמתיה מיא מטא זרזיפי דמיא ארישא אמר עשאוני כאשפה קרא אנפשיה (תהלים קיג, ז) מאשפות ירים אביון שמע ר' אבא ונפיק לאפיה אמר ליה השתא צריכנא למיפק אדעתך דכתיב לך התרפס ורהב רעיך ר' זירא כי הוה ליה מילתא בהדי איניש הוה חליף ותני לקמיה וממציא ליה כי היכי דניתי וניפוק ליה מדעתיה רב הוה ליה מילתא בהדי ההוא טבחא לא אתא לקמיה במעלי יומא דכפורי אמר איהו איזיל אנא ' לפיוסי ליה פגע ביה רב הונא אמר ליה להיכא קא אזיל מר אמר ליה לפיוסי לפלניא אמר אזיל אבא למיקטל נפשא אזל וקם עילויה הוה יתיב וקא פלי רישא דלי עיניה וחזייה אמר ליה אבא את זיל לית לי מילתא בהדך בהדי דקא פלי רישא אישתמיט גרמא ומחייה בקועיה וקטליה רב הוה פסיק סידרא קמיה דרבי עייל
Rabbi Yosei bar Ḥanina said: Anyone who asks forgiveness of their friend should not ask more than three times, as it is stated: “Please, please forgive the transgression of your brothers and their sin, for they did evil to you. And now, please forgive” (Genesis 50:17). The verse uses the word please three times, which shows that one need not ask more than three times, after which the insulted friend must be appeased and forgive. And if the insulted friend dies before they can be appeased, one brings ten people, and stands them at the grave of the insulted friend, and says in front of them: I have sinned against the Lord, the God of Israel, and against so-and-so whom I wounded. The Gemara relates that Rabbi Yirmeya insulted Rabbi Abba, causing the latter to have a complaint against him. Rabbi Yirmeya went and sat at the threshold of Rabbi Abba’s house to beg him for forgiveness. When Rabbi Abba’s maid poured out the dirty water from the house, the stream of water landed on Rabbi Yirmeya’s head. He said about himself: They have made me into a trash heap, as they are pouring dirty water on me. He recited this verse about himself: “Who lifts up the needy out of the trash heap” (Psalms 113:7). Rabbi Abba heard what happened and went out to greet him. Rabbi Abba said to him: Now I must go out to appease you for this insult, as it is written: “Go, humble yourself [hitrapes] and urge your neighbor” (Proverbs 6:3). It is related that when Rabbi Zeira had a complaint against a person who insulted him, he would pace back and forth before him and present himself, so that the person could come and appease him. Rabbi Zeira made himself available so that it would be easy for the other person to apologize to him. It is further related that Rav had a complaint against a certain butcher who insulted him.The butcher did not come before him to apologize. On Yom Kippur eve, Rav said: I will go and appease him. He met his student Rav Huna, who said to him: Where is my Master going? He said to him: I am going to appease so-and-so. Rav Huna called Rav by his name and said: Abba is going to kill a person, for surely that person’s end will not be good. Rav went and stood by him. He found the butcher sitting and splitting the head of an animal. The butcher raised his eyes and saw him. He said to him: Are you Abba? Go, I have nothing to say to you. While he was splitting the head, one of the bones of the head flew out and struck him in the throat and killed him, thereby fulfilling Rav Huna’s prediction.
ר' חמא בי ר' חנינה ור' הושעיה חד אמר אי זו אומה כאומה הזאת בנוהג שבעולם אדם יודע שיש לו דין לובש שחורים ומתעטף שחורים ומגדל זקנו שאינו יודע היאך דינו יוצא אבל ישרראל אינן כן אלא לובשים לבנים ומתעטפן לבנים ומגלחין זקנם ואוכלין ושותין ושמחים יודעין שהקב"ה עושה להן ניסים.
Rabbi. Hama son of Rabbi Hanina, and Rabbi Hoshaya-- one said, "Is there a nation like this nation? Ordinarily someone who knows they are on trial wears black and wraps themselves in black and lets their beard grow since they do not know how their trial will turn out. But that is not how it is with Israel. Rather, on the day of their trial they wear white and shave their beards and eat, drink, and rejoice, for they know that the Holy Blessed One does miracles for them.