This commentary explains that the rebuker is Shlomo's mother, Batsheva, and Lemuel is King Shlomo.
In a general sense, this pasuk shows how the mother feels more pain if a child goes astray because she carried him for nine months, which were kind of like a promise that he would turn out alright, and that promise is now broken
Rashi explains the pressure that Batsheva in particular went through, being married to a righteous king like David, that if her son turned out bad, it would obviously be because of her.
This is another example of this rebuke being specific to Shlomo and Batsheva, especially pertaining to the pressures of being in the royal family. This pasuk explains that Shlomo has a responsibility to remain righteous because he has so much power at his disposal, that if he becomes wicked, he can become corrupt and oppress the poor.
In short, Malbim explains that, like a crown, a wife is a symbol of status, because a husband is praised by her and because of her. The opposite of an eishes chayil is someone who is lazy, and he wants to hide her. She is rotting his bones because when woman was created, she was part of man. When man and woman become man and wife, these two parts unite into one being, but if the woman humiliates the man, this missing part of him rots away.
(18) The LORD God said, “It is not good for man to be alone; I will make a fitting helper for him.”
בראשית רבה (משלי יב, ד): אֵשֶׁת חַיִל עֲטֶרֶת בַּעְלָהּ, אָמַר רַבִּי אַחָא בַּעֲלָהּ נִתְעַטֵּר בָּהּ וְהִיא לֹא נִתְעַטְּרָה בְּבַעֲלָהּ.
A woman of valor is a crown to her husband, but she is not crowned through her husband.
Rabbi Samson Rafael Hirsch in his book on Mishlei, page 245, comments here that women have both the power to build and destroy their house. He then goes on to say that a man is more reliant on his wife for his own happiness than the other way around. This is because she completes him, while she is complete without him. This is why the man has a commandment to go out and search for a wife.
Metzudat David comments that a way that a woman completes a man is that a woman saves a man from sin.
What does the phrase "ezer kinegdo" helpmate mean in practical terms?
An "ezer" means a helper. But in tanach, the term helper is not an inferior term, it is not an assistant. A helper is similar to a tutor, it is someone of superior abilities and strengths helping someone else.
The root of "kinegdo" is "neged", meaning against or oppositional or it can mean alongside. Like Rashi says in beraishis, this word is representative of the two paths that the role of ezer could go.
Rabbi Samson Refael Hirsch says that the is kinegdo and not imo = with him. The reason for this is that the man and the woman do not work with each other meaning they do not do the same jobs. Each has a unique mission and role to play in the world. If they work opposite each other, each does their own part, and the whole job is completed.
This is translated as a declaration, but if translated as a question, it gives an obligation to a man to find that missing part of himself.
We know the word Chayil from the chayalim = soldiers in the Israeli army. This word is the first of many in Eishes Chayil to connote a military-like personality. This woman is not fragile or delicate, she bears the weight of the world on her shoulders...and she wears it well.
(יא) בָּ֣טַח בָּ֭הּ לֵ֣ב בַּעְלָ֑הּ וְ֝שָׁלָ֗ל לֹ֣א יֶחְסָֽר׃
The word "shalal", which is translated here as "good thing" is also a military term, for in other places in Tanach, it refers to spoils of war exclusively.
While the woman is portrayed as active and military-like, in this passage, her husband and children are quite passive.
The use of the words "ra" = bad and "tov" good, reminds us of the tree of knowledge and Adam and Eve's sin. In this sin, Chava convinces Adam to eat from the eitz hadas, while here, the woman only gives her husband good, and helps him avoid the bad. This can be understood that the actions of the eishes chayil are a correction of the sins of the first woman.
The root of the word "gimalashu" is "gomel". We know this word from the term gemilus chasadim, kind actions. This pasuk tells us that this woman is not lazy, rather she is a doer, she takes action, and she gives to others.
The woman is looking/investigating... For what?
We know wool and flax from the commandment to not wear these two fabrics together in a garment, called "shaatniz". The eishes chayil is separating these two forbidden fabrics.
Rebbetzin Heller says that this represents the way she conducts herself in her household. Linen is a coarse fabric, and wool is softer. In regards to her home, the woman investigates whether, at a given moment, she has to be harsh like linen or soft like wool to her husband and children.
The Eishes Chayil cares about her family, but she is not a stay-at-home mother.
Rebbetzin Heller says that she is actually a career woman, she influences her community at large. But what makes her a woman of valor is that she "tavi" = brings it home. Everything she does outside of the home is motivated by taking care of her family.
Rebbetzin Heller comments on the use of the word "laila" = night and interprets it to mean time of depression and the low feeling someone has when they are stuck in the daily mundane activities of the house. But an Eishes Chayil gets up through all the bleakness, because she sees the reward in the future.
The word "teref" is not a neutral word. In all other places in Tanach, it is an animal slain in a violent manner. It is like she is the one going out and slaying the animal herself to provide for her family.
The Eishes Chayil establishes her home based on "chok" laws, specifically ethics. She takes this so strongly that even her servants follow her moral code.
Again, we see that she does not stay in her home. She owns her own field. She is an industrious woman who can multitask and handle her own career and business as well as take care of her family.
Rebbetzin Heller takes this line figuratively that she is planting her seeds of hard work, and waiting for them to grow, meaning that she is waiting to see the outcomes of her work.
Again, we see that she is not a weak woman. This woman has a lot of responsibility, and therefore feels the need to prepare herself with strength because it can all get overwhelming, because everyone is depending on her.
The word "tama" comes from the word "ta'am" = taste. The Eishes Chayil is honest in that she tastes her merchandise to see if it is good before she sells it.
Although she is rich and well-dressed, she is not too ashamed to physically work to provide for her family.
We see here that she is not superficial, she gives her wealth to the needy. Also, from the wording of her hand being stretched, we get the feeling that she is not do this begrudgingly, she even goes out of her way to give charity.
These are very expensive fabrics. We see that she is wealthy and works hard, but she is not superficial, as we see from her giving tzedaka.
The word "tzofeah" also connotes the military like the word "tzofeh" = military scout. She is the scout to see what is going on her household.
We see from this that the Eishes Chayil not only lifts herself up in procuring a career, she puts effort into helping her husband as well.
As Rashi says, she dresses him up so well that he is recognizable among his peers.
Again we have military language with "oz" = strength.
She looks to the future cheerfully because she knows that all her hardwork have good outcomes, and she will achieve complete happiness.
From this we see that she has proper speech and uses her speech in the right way.
This portrait of a woman seems so unattainable -- is this supposed to be taken literally?
Looking at the first part of this commentary, Rashi says that the woman is an allegory for Torah. Both guard against sin, children represent Torah scholars, the husband is Hashem.
מדרש תנחומה חיי שרה פרק ד': וְאַבְרָהָם זָקֵן. זֶה שֶׁאָמַר הַכָּתוּב: אֵשֶׁת חַיִל עֲטֶרֶת בַּעְלָהּ (משלי יב, ד), זֶה אַבְרָהָם שֶׁהָיָה מְקוֹנֵן עַל שָׂרָה.
Other commentaries, like the Medrash Tanchuma attribute Eishes Chayil to being about real women in history, like Sara. The parallels are that Avraham had to put his trust in her in the situation with Paroah, she had to separate between Yitzchak and Yishmael, her field is Maarat Hamachpaila, she made food for the angels, etc. This opinion means that this description is meant to be taken literally and is attainable
(There are other commentaries that attribute different pesukim to specific women in Tanach)