Before the act: Are our bodies good or evil?
(לא) וַיַּ֤רְא אֱלֹהִים֙ אֶת־כָּל־אֲשֶׁ֣ר עָשָׂ֔ה וְהִנֵּה־ט֖וֹב מְאֹ֑ד וַֽיְהִי־עֶ֥רֶב וַֽיְהִי־בֹ֖קֶר י֥וֹם הַשִּׁשִּֽׁי׃ (פ)
And God saw all that God had made, and found it very good. And there was evening and there was morning, the sixth day.
Neither sexual organs nor sexual intercourse are obscene, for how could God create something that contains an obscenity? God created man and woman, and all their organs and functions, with nothing obscene in them. We believe that God created nothing containing either ugliness or obscenity.
-Iggeret ha-Kodesh, 13 C.
-Iggeret ha-Kodesh, 13 C.
"Intercourse is a holy and pure thing, when it is done in an appropriate time, and with an appropriate intention. Let no man think that in proper intercourse there is anything blameworthy or perverse. Heaven forbid, for intercourse is called “knowing” (Iggeret Hakodesh, Ch. 2).
Three things enfeeble a man’s body, namely, to eat standing, to drink standing, and to have marital intercourse in a standing position. - Babylonian Talmud, Gittin 70a
The right (not privilege) to sexual pleasure
(ה) כִּֽי־יִקַּ֥ח אִישׁ֙ אִשָּׁ֣ה חֲדָשָׁ֔ה לֹ֤א יֵצֵא֙ בַּצָּבָ֔א וְלֹא־יַעֲבֹ֥ר עָלָ֖יו לְכָל־דָּבָ֑ר נָקִ֞י יִהְיֶ֤ה לְבֵיתוֹ֙ שָׁנָ֣ה אֶחָ֔ת וְשִׂמַּ֖ח אֶת־אִשְׁתּ֥וֹ אֲשֶׁר־לָקָֽח׃ (ס)
When a man has taken a bride, he shall not go out with the army or be assigned to it for any purpose; he shall be exempt one year for the sake of his household, to give happiness to the woman he has married.
A woman once came before Rabbi and said, 'Rabbi! I set a table before my husband [i.e. I prepared to make love with him], but he overturned it [i.e. wanted to engage in anal intercourse].' Rabbi replied: 'My daughter! The Torah has permitted you to him — what then can I do for you?' - Babylonian Talmud, Nadarim 20b
What makes it holy?
Sexual intercourse is an action that is important, good and valuable to the soul also, and there is no act of flesh and blood that compares with it – if it is done with pure intention and a pure, clean mind, then it is called holy.Sefer Mor v’Ketziyah
When you and your wife are engaged in sexual union do not behave lightheartedly and regard this act as vain, idle, improper. Therefore, first introduce her into the mood with gentle words that excite her emotion, appease her mind and delight her with joy. Thus you unite your mind and intention with hers. Say to her words which in part arouse in her passion, closeness, love, will, and erotic desire, and in part evoke in her reverence for God, piety and modesty...Never impose yourself upon her nor force her. For any sexual union without an abundance of passion, love and will, is without the Divine Presence. Do not quarrel with her nor act violently whenever coitus is involved. The Talmud says, "A lion ravishes and then eats and has no shame. So acts the brute: He hits and then cohabits and has no shame." Rather, court and attract her to you first with gracious and seductive, as well as refined and gentle words, so that both your intentions be for the sake of God...Do not hurry in arousing passion. Prolong till she is ready and in a passionate mood. Approach her lovintly and passionately, so that she reaches her orgasm first. - Iggeret Hakodesh, 13th C.
Life loses its magic when it loses its eroticism. That thirsty desire to uncover the mystery of all life has to teach us is noticeably absent from our being. It isundeniable that the metaphor chosen by the Bible (in Song of Songs) to convey these religious insights is that of a highly erotically charged relationship between two people.
God is a burning, raging vibrant inferno. Moses encounters God in a burning bush. The Jews are led through the wilderness of Sinai by a pillar of fire. And in our relationship with God, and with all things outside us, we need to find passion! The Song of Songs challenges us to feel for God and life what two people feel for each other in the heat of passion.
Great sex has you focused entirely on the body of your partner; kosher sex has you bound with the soul of your lover.
Great sex promotes physical exhilaration; kosher sex leads to spiritual integration.
Great sex satisfies a hormonal urge for sexual release; kosher sex caters to a spiritual need for human fusion with another soul.
Great sex consists entirely of motions; kosher sex consists of motions that elicit lasting emotions.
Great sex is making friction; kosher sex is making love.
Great sex is measured while you’re in bed together with your partner; kosher sex is measured in the period thereafter, when you are physically apart but emotionally close.
Great sex can be had even while all one’s barriers and inhibitions are still up; kosher sex is humans at their most vulnerable, when their defenses are down and their heart exposed.
Great sex is an end to an encounter; kosher sex is the beginning of a relationship. Kosher Sex: A Recipe for Passion and Intimacy by Shmuley Boteach, 2000
God is a burning, raging vibrant inferno. Moses encounters God in a burning bush. The Jews are led through the wilderness of Sinai by a pillar of fire. And in our relationship with God, and with all things outside us, we need to find passion! The Song of Songs challenges us to feel for God and life what two people feel for each other in the heat of passion.
Great sex has you focused entirely on the body of your partner; kosher sex has you bound with the soul of your lover.
Great sex promotes physical exhilaration; kosher sex leads to spiritual integration.
Great sex satisfies a hormonal urge for sexual release; kosher sex caters to a spiritual need for human fusion with another soul.
Great sex consists entirely of motions; kosher sex consists of motions that elicit lasting emotions.
Great sex is making friction; kosher sex is making love.
Great sex is measured while you’re in bed together with your partner; kosher sex is measured in the period thereafter, when you are physically apart but emotionally close.
Great sex can be had even while all one’s barriers and inhibitions are still up; kosher sex is humans at their most vulnerable, when their defenses are down and their heart exposed.
Great sex is an end to an encounter; kosher sex is the beginning of a relationship. Kosher Sex: A Recipe for Passion and Intimacy by Shmuley Boteach, 2000