"In this month of Nisan, we are reminded once again about the integral role children play in Judaism and its observance. The words we hear over and over again, והגדת לבנך , and you shall tell your children, can pierce like a dagger through the hearts of couples who struggle with infertility. They are a direct reminder of what these individuals want so desperately - a family - but are not able to have at the moment."
-- Yesh Tikva Inc. Infertility Awareness Shabbat Resource 2018
It's a positive commandment from the Torah to tell about the miracles and wonders that were done for our fathers in Egypt on the night of the 15th of Nisan, as it is said (Exodus 13:3) "Remember this day when you left Egypt." As it is said (Exodus 20:8) "Remember the Sabbath day." And from where [do we know] that it's on the 15th night? The verse says (Exodus 13:8) "And you shall tell your son on that night telling him because of this." And the time when the Matzah and Maror are in front of you. And even if he doesn't have a son. Even great sages are obligated to tell about leaving Egypt, and anybody who speaks at length about the things that happened and what was, that is praiseworthy.
It's important to remember this as we come toward Passover when we talk about the importance of passing our tradition to our children. Everyone is allowed -- and required-- to participate.
Infertility is common in our tradition and can be found with the following people:
1. The Matriarchs
- a. Sarah: Genesis (15-17)
- b. Rivkah: Genesis (26:21) and Yevamot 64a
- c. Rachel: Genesis (29:31)
- d. Leah: Genesis (30:1-25)
2. The wife of Manoach: Judges (13:24-25)
3. Hannah: Samuel 1 (1-2), Berakot 31b
Rava said to Rav Naḥman: Let us derive from Isaac that one may wait a longer period of time, as it is written: “And Isaac was forty years old when he took Rebekah…to be his wife” (Genesis 25:20), and it is written with regard to the birth of Jacob and Esau: “And Isaac was sixty years old when she bore them” (Genesis 25:26). This indicates that one may wait twenty years. Rav Naḥman said to him: Isaac knew that he was infertile, and therefore there was no reason for him to marry another woman, as Rebekah was not the cause of their infertility.
Rabbi Yitzḥak said: Isaac our father was infertile, as it is stated: “And Isaac entreated the Lord concerning [lenokhaḥ] his wife because she was barren” (Genesis 25:21). It is not stated that he entreated the Lord for [al] his wife, but lenokhaḥ, which can mean opposite, against, or corresponding to; this teaches that they were both infertile. The Gemara asks: If so, why does the verse continue: “And the Lord let Himself be entreated of him”? The verse should say: And the Lord let Himself be entreated of them. The Gemara answers that their prayers were answered due to Isaac, because the prayer of a righteous individual who is the son of a righteous individual is not similar to the prayer of a righteous individual who is the son of a wicked individual, and Rebekah’s father was the wicked Laban.
This is still a difficult text and it is hard to look at how some of the people who are infertile in our tradition become fertile through prayer, which is not always possible for people today.
We need to recognize this and be cognizant of it so that we can truly welcome all into our community.