Siman 391שצ״א
1 א

אבל אסור בכל מיני שמחה. ובו ג' סעיפים:
אבל אסור בשמחה לפיכך לא יקח תינוק בחיקו כל שבעה שמא יבא לידי שחוק:

A mourner is forbidden joyous entertainment.1M.K. 22b. infra par. 3. Therefore, he should not take an infant in his arms2Lit. ‘in his lap.’, lest he be amused [thereby].3M.K. 26b in accord with dictum of R. Papa on the authority of Ebel Rabbathi. This is one of the three texts cited by Amoraim in the Talmud not found in our texts of Sem. Sem(H). pp. 14-15, 230. Amusement (שחוק) is not regarded as real joyous entertainment, but is related thereto. Hence, the prohibition applies only for seven days. Cf. Yad, Ebel V, 20. שחוק is the reverse of בכי (weeping). Koh. III, 4: ‘A time to weep and a time to laugh.’ Therefore, during the seven days, the first three of which are for weeping (M.K. 27a), laughter or amusement is forbidden, but not during the remainder of the thirty days of mourning. Thus Tur and Caro. Caro’s text here, however, presents a difficulty. He begins with ‘joyous entertainment’ and then states ‘therefore he should not etc.,’ but as explained above, amusement (שחוק) is not complete joyous entertainment. The text should therefore, be understood thus, — ‘therefore etc.,’ i.e. since שחוק is not equivalent to joyous entertainment (שמחה), the prohibition lasts only for seven days — A.H. During the seven days of mourning a mourner may recite the prayers relating to the sanctification of the New Moon, provided that after the seven days the time limit to recite these prayers will have lapsed. On the Habdalah prayer during the seven days of mourning, v. supra § 376, 3, n. 14.

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על כל המתים נכנס לבית המשתה לאחר שלשים יום על אביו ועל אמו לאחר י"ב חדש ואף אם השנה מעוברת מותר לאחר י"ב חדש ומיהו שמחת מריעות שהיה חייב לפרוע אותה מיד מותר לעשותה מיד אחר שבעה אבל אם אינו חייב לפרעה אסור ליכנס לה עד ל' ועל אביו ועל אמו אע"פ שחייב לפרעה אסור [עד] לאחר י"ב חדש: הגה ובחבורת מצוה כגון שמשיא יתום ויתומה לשם שמים ואם לא יאכל שם יתבטל המעשה מותר לאחר ל' אבל תוך ל' אסור לכל סעודת מצוה שבעולם (טור בשם הראב"ד) אבל סעודת מצוה דלית בה שמחה מותר ליכנס בה כגון פדיון הבן או סעודת ברית מילה מותר לאכול שם אפי' תוך שבעה ובלבד שלא יצא מפתח ביתו (ת"ה סי' רנ"א) ויש אוסרין בסעודת ברית מילה (מרדכי) והמנהג שלא לאכול בשום סעודה בעולם כל י"ב חדש אם הוא חוץ לביתו ובתוך הבית מקילין שאוכל בביתו בסעודת ברית מילה וכ"ש בשאר סעודות שאין בהם שמחה אבל בסעודת נישואין יש להחמיר כן נ"ל. אבל שהוא בעל ברית או מוהל ילבש בגדי שבת עד לאחר המילה ומותר ליכנס למילה לאכול שם אם הוא לאחר ל' אע"פ שאין המילה בביתו (ב"י בשם תשובת מהרי"ל):

[One in mourning] for all [other] dead may enter a house of feasting after thirty days; for his father and mother [not] until after twelve months [of mourning].4M.K. 22b; Y.M.K. III, 8(83d); Sem(H). IX, 15. Tur and Caro use the term בית המשתה following Sem. In B. and Y. ibid. the term בית השמחה (house of joy) is found. Cf. Tosef. M.K. II end according to which these two terms connote two different aspects of joyous entertainment. Tur and Caro use בית המשתה (house of feasting) in a general sense including all types of joyous entertainment. And even if the year is a leap year, he is permitted [to enter a house of feasting] after twelve months.5Since in the aforementioned texts twelve months are mentioned, not a year. Thus Asheri on the authority of Ra’BlaH a.o. Some texts omit this. however, Nek. Hak. However, [in the case of] a joyous entertainment of companions,6This refers to social gatherings of feasting which take place one day in the home of one person, and the next day in another’s home, and so on. Cf. Job. I, 4. This is not regarded as complete joyous entertainment. Moreover, the person is indebted to reciprocate. M.K. ibid., Rashi s.v. הא באריסותא. which he [the mourner] is obliged to reciprocate forthwith, he is permitted to hold it immediately after the seven days;7M.K. ibid. in accord with Amemar’s comments on the Baraitha. but if he is not obliged to reciprocate it, he is forbidden to enter [the place of such entertainment] until thirty days;8Thus M.K. ibid. in removing contradiction between two Baraithas. and [one in mourning] for his father or mother, even if he is obliged to reciprocate it, he is forbidden until after twelve months.9Thus Alfasi; Asheri; Yad, Ebel VI, 7; T.H. The reason for this ruling is that the Gemara ibid. makes a distinction only with respect to the thirty days of mourning, whence we infer that in the case of one’s parent, the prohibition remains in force for twelve months even in the case where the mourner’s turn to reciprocate had arrived. Gloss: And in [the case of] a group [gathered] for a religious purpose, e.g., one [a mourner] who gives away in marriage a male or female orphan [thus performing a religious act] for the sake of heaven, and should he not eat there, [his meritorious] act might become suspended, — [the law is that] he is permitted [to join in the festivities] after thirty [days];10This refers to one in mourning for a parent. In the case of other near-of-kin he is permitted even during the thirty days. Thus BaḤ. ShaK makes no such distinction. Nod‘ah Bihudah agrees with BaḤD.Merb., P.Tesh. For additional sources on Isserles’ ruling, v. Koh. R. IX, 9; M. Ebel p. 238 (Hor.); M.K. 22b, Tosaf. s.v, ולשמחת; Yeb. 43b-44a, Tosaf. s.v. שאני; Ket. 4a, Tosaf. s.v. אבל איפכא לא; T.H.; Sem. of R. Meir of Rothenberg s. 48-49 and Maḥane Leviyah a.l. ; Asheri to M.K. 22b, 23a; RIDBaZ to Ebel VI, 5-6; Hag. Maim. ibid. and cf. Sem(H). ibid for further references on this ruling. but within the thirty [days of mourning], he is forbidden [to join] in any feast whatsoever that is connected with a religious deed.11Tur on the authority of RaBaDG. However, he may enter [to join in] a feast that is connected with a religious act that has no joyous entertainment,12For according to this viewpoint joyous entertainment refers only to a marriage feast where ‘שהשמחה במעונו’ (‘the joy is in his dwelling’) is recited — N.Yos. e.g., the redemption of the [firstborn] son, or a feast of circumcision, [in which case] he is permitted to eat there, even during the seven [days of mourning], provided he does not leave the door of his house;13T. ha-Deshen s. 251 — G. but there are some who prohibit [this] in [the case of] a feast of circumcision.14Mord. — G. Shab. 130a (and cf. M.K. 22b, Tosaf. s.v. ולשמחת) : ‘R. Simeon b. Gamaliel said, Every religious duty which they accepted with joy, e.g., circumcision, as it is written, “I rejoice at Thy word as one that findeth great spoil” (Ps. CXIX, 162), they still continue to observe with joy.’ There are some nowadays who adopt the practice to go and participate in a circumcision feast or any other feast that is connected with a religious duty in accord with the ruling of TaZ, for according to this viewpoint only a feast that has a secular nature is prohibited but not one that has a religious purpose — A.H. The accepted practice, however, is, not to eat at any feast whatsoever, for the entire twelve months [of mourning],15And likewise within the thirty days of mourning for other near-of-kin — TaZ.if it is outside of his home; and in his home we adopt the lenient view, [viz.,] that he may eat in his home at a feast of circumcision, and much more so at other feasts that have no joyous entertainment;16Likewise in the case of a feast held after the completion of a Talmudical tractate, or a Bar-Miẓwah celebration where the youngster delivers a legal discourse, or if the feast coincides with his thirteenth birthday, provided this takes place in his own home — P.Tesh., D.Merb., ShaK (supra § 246, n. 27) and G.Mah. but in [the case of] a marriage-feast the stringent view should be adopted. Thus seems to me [to be the correct view]. A mourner who is a Sandek17 Glos. or a Mohel17 Glos. may wear Sabbath garments until after the circumcision, and he is permitted to enter a circumcision ceremony [and] to eat there, if it is after the thirty [days of mourning], although the circumcision does not [take place] in his home.18B.Yos. on the authority of MaHaRIL Resp.G.

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ליכנס לחופה שלא בשעת אכילה לשמוע הברכות יש מתירים ויש אוסרין אלא עומד חוץ לבית לשמוע הברכות: הגה אבל לא יכנס לבית כלל בשעה שעומדים שם במזמוטי חתן וכלה וכן נוהגים באשכנז (טור) ובמדינות אלו וכל זה בבית שעושין החתונה שאוכלין ושותין ושמחין שם אבל בחופה שעושין בבית הכנסת שמברכין שם ברכת אירוסין ונישואין ואין שם שמחה כלל מותר מיד אחר שבעה (הגהות מיימוני) ויש אוסרין עד שלשים (שם בשם ראבי"ה) וכן נראה לי ויש מקומות שמחמירין להיות האבל עומד כל י"ב חדש חוץ לבית הכנסת לשמוע הברכות (הגהות במהרי"ל) ומ"מ נראה דאבל יכול לברך ברכת אירוסין ונישואין תחת החופה שבבית הכנסת וכן יוכל להכניס חתן כדרך ארצנו ששני אנשים מכניסין החתן תחת החופה ויכול ללבוש קצת בגדי שבת בשעה שמכניסין ובלבד שיהא אחר ל' (ד"ע) וכן נוהגין. יש מתירין לאבל לאכול בסעודת נשואין או ברית מילה עם המשמשין ובלבד שלא יהא במקום שמחה כגון בבית אחר (כל בו וב"י בשם סמ"ק) ויש אוסרין (הגהות אשיר"י) וכן נוהגין רק שהאבל משמש שם אם ירצה ואוכל בביתו ממה ששולחין לו מן הסעודה יש מתירין לאבל לאכול באותה סעודה של דגים שעושים לאחר הנישואין כי מאחר שכבר פסקו לומר שהשמחה במעונו אית ליה היכר שאין שמחה באותה סעודה ושרי (בית יוסף בשם רוקח) יש אומרים דאסור לאכול בסעודה בלילה שביום המחרת מת אביו או אמו (בהגהות מנהגים בשם מהרי"ו):

[With respect] to [a mourner] entering [a place wherein] a marriage ceremony [is held], [i.e.,] not at the time that the wedding-meal is served, [but only] to hear the benedictions [recited under the canopy], — some permit,19For the prohibition applies only to the wedding-meal. and others prohibit, [unless] he remains only outside the building [wherein the marriage ceremony is held] in order to hear the benedictions.20Tur on the authority of R. Judah of Barcelona; M.K. 22b, Tosaf. s.v. ולשמחת end; and SeMaG. Gloss: But he should not enter the building at all at the time that [people who conduct] the musical entertainment for the groom and bride, are present therein.21 Ḥag. 14b and Y.Ḥag. II, 1(77a). And this is the common practice in Germany22TurG. and in these countries.23e., Poland. However, all this [refers to] the house wherein the wedding [-feast] is held, [viz., to the place] wherein they eat, drink and make merry, but as to [the wedding ceremony under] the canopy which is held in the Synagogue,24 Suk. 25b. where they recite the betrothal and marriage benedictions, and where there is no joyous entertainment25e., no music. at all, it is permissible [to enter therein] immediately after the seven [days of mourning],26Hag. Maim.G. and some prohibit until thirty [days],27Ibid on the authority of Ra’BIaHG. and thus seems to me [to be the correct view]. There are some localities where a stringent view is adopted for the mourner to remain during the entire twelve months outside the Synagogue [with respect] to hearing the benedictions.28Glosses in MaHaRILG. Nevertheless, it seems [to me] that a mourner may recite the benedictions of betrothal and marriage under the canopy in the synaagogue,29A Rabbi is permitted to officiate at a marriage ceremony, to recite the benedictions of betrothal and marriage, during the thirty days of mourning for a parent, provided there is no musical entertainment there — G.Mah., A.H. A Rabbi is also permitted even within the thirty days of mourning for a parent to attend the wedding-meal, if it is a question of losing livelihood — Resp. Tub Ta‘am wa-Da‘ath. Minḥath Elazar, however, forbids him to attend the wedding-feast. and he may likewise lead a groom [to the canopy] in accordance with the usage of our country that two persons lead the groom under the canopy, and he [the mourner] may wear some30‘Some’ is deleted by certain authorities. He may wear all his usual Sabbath apparel — ShaK. of [his] Sabbath garments at the time that they lead [the groom under the canopy], provided it is after thirty [days of mourning].31His (Isserles’) own opinion — G. In the case of one in mourning for other near-of-kin, he is permitted even during the thirty days of mourning — BaḤ and P.Tesh. contra ShaK. Cf. supra par. 2 Gloss and notes. And thus is the common practice. Some permit a mourner to eat at a wedding banquet or a circumcision with those who wait upon [the guests], provided it is not in a place of joyous entertainment, e.g., [where] he is in another room;32Kol Bo and B.Yos. on the authority of SeMaKG. If there was one short for the requisite number of ten (Minyan), the mourner may enter the place of the wedding banquet and eat there — R.A.Eger. and some prohibit [this];33Hag. AsheriG. According to the first opinion that permits, the prohibition applies only if the mourner eats together with all the guests. Hence, if he eats with the waiters in another room, it is permissible ; whereas, according to the second opinion that prohibits, even if the mourner eats in a separate room with the waiters, it is still designated a place of joyous entertainment — A.H. and thus is the accepted practice, only that the mourner waits upon [the guests] there, if he so desires, but eats in his house of whatever [food] they send to him from the [wedding-] meal. Some permit a mourner to eat of the fishmeal34Cf. Gen. I, 20-23 and Ket. 5a on the blessing given to the fish. which is [usually] prepared after the marriage,35e., on the day following the marriage. for after they have already ceased to say, 'in whose dwelling there is joy,' there is a distinct indication that there is no joyous entertainment at that meal, and [consequently] he is permitted [to be present there].36B.Yos. on the authority of RokeaḥG. This is in accord even with those authorities who prohibit the mourner against participating in any feast whatsoever (v. supra par. 2 Gloss). It seems that in former days it was customary not to recite ‘in those dwelling there is joy,’ beginning with the second day after marriage. However, nowadays it is customary to recite this passage throughout the seven days of the wedding-feast. Consequently, the present ruling does not apply today. BaḤ and ShaK. Some say that one is forbidden to eat at a feast, on the night of which the following day is the death [anniversary]37The Yahrzeit day. of one's father or mother.38Hag. Minhag. on the authority of MaHaRIWG. Some say that this refers only to the first year — A.H. In any case this refers only to a marriage feast that has musical entertainment, but at a circumcision, redemption of the first-born or a feast held after the completion of a Talmudical tractate, it is permissible — P.Tesh. One who makes a living as a musician is permitted to play music even during the twelve months of mourning for a parent or within the thirty days for other near-of-kin — A.H.