(ואמר) מר זוטרא בר טוביה אמר רב ואמרי לה אמר רב חנא בר ביזנא אמר ר"ש חסידא ואמרי לה א"ר יוחנן משום רשב"י נוח לו לאדם שיפיל עצמו לכבשן האש ואל ילבין פני חבירו ברבים מנ"ל מתמר דכתיב (בראשית לח, כה) היא מוצאת והיא שלחה אל חמיה
And Mar Zutra bar Toviyya says that Rav says; and some say Rav Ḥana bar Bizna says that Rabbi Shimon Ḥasida says; and some say Rabbi Yoḥanan says in the name of Rabbi Shimon ben Yoḥai: It is more comfortable for a person to cast himself into a fiery furnace, than to humiliate another in public to avoid being cast into the furnace. From where do we derive this? From Tamar, daughter-in-law of Judah. When she was taken out to be burned, she did not reveal that she was pregnant with Judah’s child. Rather, she left the decision to him, to avoid humiliating him in public, as it is written: “And Judah said: Bring her forth, and let her be burnt. When she was brought forth, she sent to her father-in-law, saying: I am pregnant by the man to whom these belong. And she said: Examine these, whose are these, the signet, and the cords, and the staff?” (Genesis 38:24–25).
(ח) אָמַר רַבִּי שְׁמוּאֵל בַּר נַחְמָן, לְסַכָּנָה גְדוֹלָה יָרַד יוֹסֵף, שֶׁאִם הֲרָגוּהוּ אֶחָיו, אֵין בְּרִיָּה בָּעוֹלָם מַכִּירוֹ. וְלָמָּה אָמַר הוֹצִיאוּ כָל אִישׁ מֵעָלָי. אֶלָּא כָּךְ אָמַר יוֹסֵף בְּלִבּוֹ, מוּטָב שֶׁאֵהָרֵג וְלֹא אֲבַיֵּשׁ אֶת אַחַי בִּפְנֵי הַמִּצְרִים.
(טו) כֵּיוָן שֶׁרָאָה יוֹסֵף שֶׁהָיְתָה לָהֶם בּוּשָׁה גְדוֹלָה, אָמַר לָהֶן, גְּשׁוּ נָא אֵלַי, וַיִּגָּשׁוּ. וְכָל אֶחָד וְאֶחָד הָיָה מְנַשְּׁקוֹ וּבוֹכֶה עָלָיו, שֶׁנֶּאֱמַר: וַיְנַשֵּׁק לְכָל אֶחָיו וַיֵּבְךְִ עֲלֵיהֶם. וּכְשֵׁם שֶׁלֹּא פִיֵּס יוֹסֵף אֶת אֶחָיו אֶלָּא מִתּוֹךְ בִּכְיָה, כָּךְ כְּשֶׁיִּגְאַל הַקָּדוֹשׁ בָּרוּךְ הוּא אֶת יִשְׂרָאֵל, מִתּוֹךְ בִּכְיָה הוּא גוֹאֲלָם, שֶׁנֶּאֱמַר: בִּבְכִי יָבֹאוּ וּבְתַחֲנוּנִים אוֹבִילֵם אוֹלִיכֵם אֶל נַחֲלֵי מַיִם בְּדֶרֶךְ יָשָׁר לֹא יִכָּשְׁלוּ בָּהּ כִּי הָיִיתִי לְיִשְׂרָאֵל לְאָב וְאֶפְרַיִם בְּכֹרִי הוּא (ירמיה לא, ח).
(8) R. Samuel the son of Nahman remarked: Then Joseph placed himself in an extremely precarious position, for if his brothers had killed him, not a single person would have been aware of it. Why did he say: Cause every man to go out from me (Gen. 45:1)? Joseph had said to himself: “I would rather die than shame my brothers before the Egyptians.”
When Joseph saw (that they were extremely embarrassed, he said to them: Come near to me, I pray you (Gen. 45:4). As each one of them approached, he kissed him and wept with him, as is said: And he kissed all his brethren, and wept upon them (ibid., v. 15). Just as Joseph comforted his brothers while they were weeping, so the Holy One, blessed be He, will redeem Israel while she weeps, as it is said: They shall come with weeping, and with supplications will I lead them; I will cause them to walk by rivers of waters, in a straight way wherein they shall not stumble (Jer. 31:9).
Rabbi Shai Held, The Heart of Torah, Vayigash
Joseph, like Tamar just a few chapters earlier, would rather die than humiliate another person. Those whose feelings he wants to protect have hurt him immensely and caused him great pain and suffering. Perhaps, in learning from these biblical models, we are meant to reason as follows: If Tamar and Joseph, each nursing such deep wounds, nevertheless refuse to humiliate those who have aggrieved them, even at the price of their own lives, how much more so must we subdue the impulse to shame and humiliate.
(ח) הַמּוֹכִיחַ אֶת חֲבֵרוֹ תְּחִלָּה לֹא יְדַבֵּר לוֹ קָשׁוֹת עַד שֶׁיַּכְלִימֶנּוּ שֶׁנֶּאֱמַר (ויקרא יט יז) "וְלֹא תִשָּׂא עָלָיו חֵטְא". כָּךְ אָמְרוּ חֲכָמִים יָכוֹל אַתָּה מוֹכִיחוֹ וּפָנָיו מִשְׁתַּנּוֹת תַּלְמוּד לוֹמַר וְלֹא תִשָּׂא עָלָיו חֵטְא. מִכָּאן שֶׁאָסוּר לָאָדָם לְהַכְלִים אֶת יִשְׂרָאֵל וְכָל שֶׁכֵּן בָּרַבִּים. אַף עַל פִּי שֶׁהַמַּכְלִים אֶת חֲבֵרוֹ אֵינוֹ לוֹקֶה עָלָיו עָוֹן גָּדוֹל הוּא. כָּךְ אָמְרוּ חֲכָמִים (גמרא סנהדרין קז א) "הַמַּלְבִּין פְּנֵי חֲבֵרוֹ בָּרַבִּים אֵין לוֹ חֵלֶק לָעוֹלָם הַבָּא". לְפִיכָךְ צָרִיךְ אָדָם לְהִזָּהֵר שֶׁלֹּא לְבַיֵּשׁ חֲבֵרוֹ בָּרַבִּים בֵּין קָטָן בֵּין גָּדוֹל. וְלֹא יִקְרָא לוֹ בְּשֵׁם שֶׁהוּא בּוֹשׁ מִמֶּנּוּ. וְלֹא יְסַפֵּר לְפָנָיו דָּבָר שֶׁהוּא בּוֹשׁ מִמֶּנּוּ. בַּמֶּה דְּבָרִים אֲמוּרִים בִּדְבָרִים שֶׁבֵּין אָדָם לַחֲבֵרוֹ. אֲבָל בְּדִבְרֵי שָׁמַיִם אִם לֹא חָזַר בּוֹ בַּסֵּתֶר מַכְלִימִין אוֹתוֹ בָּרַבִּים וּמְפַרְסְמִים חֶטְאוֹ וּמְחָרְפִים אוֹתוֹ בְּפָנָיו וּמְבַזִּין וּמְקַלְּלִין אוֹתוֹ עַד שֶׁיַּחֲזֹר לַמּוּטָב כְּמוֹ שֶׁעָשׂוּ כָּל הַנְּבִיאִים בְּיִשְׂרָאֵל:
(8) He who rebukes a friend, at the beginning, no hard words should be used against him to shame him, for it is said: "And thou shalt bear no sin upon him" (Lev. 19.17). Thus did the wise men say: "Understand it not by rebuking him thou mayest cause his countenance to change expression; for, it is said: 'And thou shalt bear no sin upon him'" (Ibid.; Arakin, 16b); herefrom we learn that it is forbidden to put an Israelite to shame, needless to say publicly. Although he who does put his fellow to shame is not flogged, it is a grievous sin. Even so did the wise men say: "He who publicly puts his fellow's countenance to shame has no share in the world to come" (Pirke Abot, 3.15). A man is, therefore obliged to guard himself against putting his fellow to shame publicly, regardless of whether he be young or old; not to call him by a name of which he feels ashamed, nor tell aught in his presence of which he is ashamed. However, all these refer to matters touching the relationship between man and man; but if it concern heavenly matters, if the sinner does not repent after being rebuked privately, he should be shamed publicly, and his sin should be proclaimed, and harsh words should be used in his presence, and he should be shamed and cursed till he repent and take up the good path, even as all of the prophets in Israel did with the wicked.8Baba Mezi’a 59a; Yoma, 86b. C. G.
(יד) כָּל אֶחָד וְאֶחָד מֵעֶשְׂרִים וְאַרְבָּעָה אֲנָשִׁים אֵלּוּ שֶׁמָּנִינוּ אַף עַל פִּי שֶׁהֵן מִיִּשְׂרָאֵל אֵין לָהֶם חֵלֶק לָעוֹלָם הַבָּא. וְיֵשׁ עֲבֵרוֹת קַלּוֹת מֵאֵלּוּ וְאַף עַל פִּי כֵן אָמְרוּ חֲכָמִים שֶׁהָרָגִיל בָּהֶן אֵין לָהֶם חֵלֶק לָעוֹלָם הַבָּא (וּכְדֵי) [וּכְדַאי] הֵן לְהִתְרַחֵק מֵהֶן וּלְהִזָּהֵר בָּהֶן. וְאֵלּוּ הֵן. הַמְכַנֶּה שֵׁם לַחֲבֵרוֹ. וְהַקּוֹרֵא לַחֲבֵרוֹ בְּכִנּוּיוֹ. וְהַמַּלְבִּין פְּנֵי חֲבֵרוֹ בָּרַבִּים. וְהַמִּתְכַּבֵּד בִּקְלוֹן חֲבֵרוֹ. וְהַמְבַזֶּה תַּלְמִידֵי חֲכָמִים. וְהַמְבַזֶּה רַבּוֹתָיו. וְהַמְבַזֶּה אֶת הַמּוֹעֲדוֹת. וְהַמְחַלֵּל אֶת הַקָּדָשִׁים. בַּמֶּה דְּבָרִים אֲמוּרִים שֶׁכָּל אֶחָד מֵאֵלּוּ אֵין לוֹ חֵלֶק לָעוֹלָם הַבָּא כְּשֶׁמֵּת בְּלֹא תְּשׁוּבָה אֲבָל אִם שָׁב מֵרִשְׁעוֹ וּמֵת וְהוּא בַּעַל תְּשׁוּבָה הֲרֵי זֶה מִבְּנֵי הָעוֹלָם הַבָּא שֶׁאֵין לְךָ דָּבָר שֶׁעוֹמֵד בִּפְנֵי הַתְּשׁוּבָה.
(14) Each and every one of the enumerated twenty-four different categories of persons, Israelites though they be, have no share in the World to Come. And, there are yet lesser transgressions than those referred to concerning which the sages, nevertheless, said, that he who makes a practice to violate them has no share in the World to Come, and that they are of sufficient importance to be kept at a distance, and to watch out against them. They are: he who gives an alias name to his friend; he who calls his friend by his aliases; he who shames his friend publicly; he who glorifies himself by disgracing his friend; he who insults scholars; he who insults his masters; he who despises holy times; he who profanes holy objects. That is saying, that none of these will have a share in the World to Come, if he dies without repentance; but if he repent from his wickedness and died in a state of repentance, he is, indeed, of the sons of the World to Come, as there is not a thing to stand in the way of repentance.