1. What, if anything, do we owe our parents? What did they ever do for us?
2. How can we repay that debt?
12 “Honor your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the Lord your God is giving you
16 “Honor your father and your mother, as the Lord your God has commanded you, so that you may live long and that it may go well with you in the land the Lord your God is giving you
3. What is the commandment here?
4. Why are we commanded to 'honour' rather than 'love' our parents?
5. What is the reward promised in the Torah? 6. Why would this reward make sense for this commandment?
6. This is the fifth of the ten commandments - why do you think it is important enough to be in this position?
Rabbi Joseph Telushkin
The surprising feature of the Fifth Commandment is its insistence that we owe our parents honor, while saying nothing about loving them. It is not as if the Torah is reluctant to command love: “Love your neighbor as yourself” (Lev. 19:18); “And you shall love the Lord your God” (Deut. 6:5); “You shall love the stranger” (Lev. 19:34).
Why then are we not commanded to love our parents?
I think the real reason is that the Torah realized that it is harder to command love in a relationship as intimate as that between children and parents; either the love is present or it isn’t.
In addition, many children, much as they might love their parents most of the time, go through periods of estrangement from them. Thus, what the Torah is offering us is a guideline for behavior even during those periods when we might not be feeling loving toward our parents. Even at those times when we feel our parents have not been fair to us, or even when we have seen them do something we regard as wrong, we are still obligated to honor them.
7. How does Rabbi Telushkin explain the idea of 'honouring' rather than 'loving'?
1 The Lord said to Moses, 2 “Speak to the entire assembly of Israel and say to them: ‘Be holy because I, the Lord your God, am holy.
3 “‘Each of you must fear your mother and father, and you must observe my Sabbaths. I am the Lord your God.
8. Why do we need to be told to 'fear' our parents as well?
9. Does it make sense to have such a commandment?
10. What are some of the reasons we might not 'respect' or 'fear' or 'honour' our parents?
11. Do you think we should still 'honour' them even if we feel they don't deserve it? Why?
The roots and origins of this mitzva are that it is right and beneficial for a person to recognise and acknowledge when someone does good for them, and to act generously and kindly in return. And he should not disgrace himself by being stubborn and distant and closed of heart, for this is a poor and wholly despicable trait in the eyes of God and man.
And he should meditate on the fact that his father and mother are the reason for his existence in the world, and that therefore it is truly incumbent upon him to act respectfully and in ways that will benefit and help them. For they brought him into the world, and showed him all manner of kindness and affections when he was young.
12. Why is this commandment important according to this source?
13. What general value is it trying to teach us?
And when he properly internalises and strengthens this trait in his soul, there will grow from it a recognition of the goodness and kindness of God. For he is the ultimate reason for our existence, and for the existence of our forefathers stretching all the way back to Adam HaRishon. And he brought the individual into the air of the world, and provided all his needs, and enabled him to have clothing and completeness of body.
He also gave him a mind capable of knowledge and understanding, and without this act of kindness he would live in darkness and ignorance. Reflecting on all of this, he will understand the need for thought and care in his worship and service of God.
14. What other value will we learn if we respect and honour our parents?
All that is left to us is a choice — to answer or to refuse to answer. Yet the more deeply we listen, the more we become stripped of the arrogance and callousness which alone would enable us to refuse.
Abraham Joshua Heschel
15. What value does Heschel think we learn from our interactions with our parents?
16. Why is it important to 'answer' in life rather than to 'refuse'? Can you think of examples to do with charity, being a 'mensch' and helping someone less lucky than you?
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Abraham's father, Terach was an idol-manufacturer. Once he had to travel, so he left Abraham to manage the shop. People would come in and ask to buy idols. Abraham would say, "How old are you?" The person would say, "Fifty," or "Sixty". Abraham would say, "Isn't it pathetic that a man of sixty wants to bow down to a one-day-old idol?" The man would feel ashamed and leave. One time a woman came with a basket of bread. She said to Abraham, "Take this and offer it to the gods". Abraham got up, took a hammer in his hand, broke all the idols to pieces, and then put the hammer in the hand of the biggest idol among them. When his father came back and saw the broken idols, he was appalled. "Who did this?" he cried. "How can I hide anything from you?" replied Abraham calmly. "A woman came with a basket of bread and told me to offer it to them. I brought it in front of them, and each one said, "I'm going to eat first." Then the biggest one got up, took the hammer and broke all the others to pieces." "What are you trying to pull on me?" asked Terach, "Do they have minds?" Said Abraham: "Listen to what your own mouth is saying? They have no power at all! Why worship idols?" (Midrash Bereishit 38:13) |
16. Was Avraham right to disobey his father in this case?
17. What was the lesson he was trying to teach him?
18. In what circumstances today would a child be justified in not honouring their parents?