SG Murthy - Our Epidemic of Loneliness
Social connection is a fundamental human need, as essential to survival as food, water, and shelter. Throughout history, our ability to rely on one another has been crucial to survival. Now, even in modern times, we human beings are biologically wired for social connection. Our brains have adapted to expect proximity to others. Our distant ancestors relied on others to help them meet their basic needs. Living in isolation, or outside the group, means having to fulfill the many difficult demands of survival on one’s own. This requires far more effort and reduces one’s chances of survival. Despite current advancements that now allow us to live without engaging with others (e.g., food delivery, automation, remote entertainment), our biological need to connect remains...Social isolation and loneliness are related, but they are not the same. Social isolation is objectively having few social relationships, social roles, group memberships, and infrequent social interaction. On the other hand, loneliness is a subjective internal state. It’s the distressing experience that results from perceived isolation or unmet need between an individual’s preferred and actual experience.
(יח) וַיֹּ֙אמֶר֙ ה' אֱלֹקִ֔ים לֹא־ט֛וֹב הֱי֥וֹת הָֽאָדָ֖ם לְבַדּ֑וֹ אֶֽעֱשֶׂה־לּ֥וֹ עֵ֖זֶר כְּנֶגְדּֽוֹ...(כ) וַיִּקְרָ֨א הָֽאָדָ֜ם שֵׁמ֗וֹת לְכׇל־הַבְּהֵמָה֙ וּלְע֣וֹף הַשָּׁמַ֔יִם וּלְכֹ֖ל חַיַּ֣ת הַשָּׂדֶ֑ה וּלְאָדָ֕ם לֹֽא־מָצָ֥א עֵ֖זֶר כְּנֶגְדּֽוֹ׃
(18) God ה' said, “It is not good for the Human to be alone; I will make a fitting counterpart for him.".... (20) And the Human gave names to all the cattle and to the birds of the sky and to all the wild beasts; but no fitting counterpart for a human being was found.
וּלְאָדָם לֹא מָצָא עֵזֶר כְּנֶגְדּוֹ, אֶתְמְהָא, וְלָמָּה לֹא בְרָאָהּ לוֹ תְּחִלָּה, אֶלָּא צָפָה הַקָּדוֹשׁ בָּרוּךְ הוּא שֶׁהוּא עָתִיד לִקְרוֹת עָלֶיהָ תִּגָּר, לְפִיכָךְ לֹא בְּרָאָהּ לוֹ עַד שֶׁתְּבָעָהּ בְּפִיו, כֵּיוָן שֶׁתְּבָעָהּ, מִיָּד: וַיַּפֵּל ה' אֱלֹקִים תַּרְדֵּמָה וגו'.
'For Adam he found not helpmate.' It's a surprise, Why not create woman prior to Adam not finding helpmate? [God looked and saw that he would accuse her] therefore God waited to create Eve until Adam requested her and when he does, immediately -'God caused him to fall asleep.']
הַמְכַבֶּה אֶת הַנֵּר מִפְּנֵי שֶׁהוּא מִתְיָרֵא מִפְּנֵי גוֹיִם, מִפְּנֵי לִסְטִים, מִפְּנֵי רוּחַ רָעָה, וְאִם בִּשְׁבִיל הַחוֹלֶה שֶׁיִּישַׁן, פָּטוּר.
One who extinguishes the lamp on Shabbat because he is afraid due to gentiles, and due to thieves, due to an evil spirit, due to the sick person so that he will sleep, he is exempt.
המכבה את הנר מפני שהוא מתירא כו': רוח רעה קוראין לכל מיני החולין הנקרא בערבי מלקוני"א כי יש מין מן החולי הנזכר שיברח החולי ויבדל מן הטבע האנושי הממוצע כאשר יראה האור או כשיתחבר עם בני אדם וישתעשע ותנוח נפשו בחשך ובהתבודדות .,..
An evil spirit is any type of illness called in Arabic, Melchonia - there is a type of illness which causes the sick person to hide himself from nature and society when he sees light or when he connects to other people in social setting. His soul is calmed in darkness and isolation...
נחזור לעניננו דנ"ל אם הוא שוטה כ"כ שיהי' פטור מכל מצות נהי דמ"מ אסור למיספי לי' איסור בידים ואפי' נניח דהמסירה לבית החנוך הוי כמיספי איסור בידים מ"מ שרי כדי להוציאו משטיותו ולהכניסו לדת יהדות ומוטב שיחלל תורה זמן מה כדי שישמור מצות הרבה דומה קצת להולך במדבר וא"י מתי שבת שאסור לו לעשות יותר מכדי פקוח נפש משום ס' שבת ומ"מ הולך כמה שירצה...דאל"ה לא יגיע לעולם ליישוב ע"ש... וה"נ אי לא יאכל עתה דברים האסורי' לא יבוא לעולם לידי חיוב דאורייתא:
On the question of institutionalizing a child is halachikally acceptable...
It would be permissible to send the boy to the institute in order to relieve him of his insanity and return him to Jewish practice. better to desecrate the Torah temporarily so as to observe many mitzvoth; it is likened to journeying in the desert and he doesn't know when Shabbat will arrive. He may not do anything that is outside life saving measures bc of the possibility it is Shabbat but he may walk even if it would be beyond the boundaries of normal walking on Shabbat because he may never reach habitation again...here too, were he not to eat foods that were forbidden he will never arrive at the level of obligation from the Torah
Rav Asher Weiss, Responsa Minchat Asher 134
A devout and G-d fearing student suffers from Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD) and for the most part is unable to say a bracha or Shema according to halacha, and sometimes spends a lot of time trying to say G-d's name properly to no avail, and experiences great anguish. According to the doctors, the treatment is to never go back to repeat prayers, even if he feels he said the prayer improperly, he should not make another try. In this way, the doctors hope to save him from his distress.
The halacha is that the person's first obligation is to do whatever is required to find healing from this illness; it is even permitted for him to bypass and not do mitzvot in the Torah...This I learned from the Chatam Sofer who wrote of a child suffering mental illness, who answered that it was permitted to send him to an institution where he had a chance of healing, which would take him out of the category of "insane" and obligate him in mitzvot. However, this institution has non-kosher food..."one may violate one Shabbat so that he [later] can keep many Shabbatot." If we do not allow him to skip mitzvot even a little, he will never heal ... Because of his distress, this is preferred way to go.
Under normal circumstances, each person must look out for himself, for if he does not take care of himself, who else will? This sad reality can be obscured by shallow friendships and frivolous entertainment, but in moments of clarity, when a person becomes aware of his loneliness, he feels terrible sorrow. This is the existential pain that accompanies a person through life, the pall of death that casts a shadow during life. In moments of acute sobriety, the pain is even greater. Loneliness leads to egotism, to caring only for oneself. One thus becomes morally empty and is left without meaning in life, making the loneliness worse.
3 Models for thinking about the Lonely
1. Isolation/Exile/Irrelevance - Ger, Yatom, V'almanah
"G-d said to Abram…" (Genesis 12:1) Rabbi Berekhyah opened: "Your perfumes have good fragrance, your name is poured-out oil" (Song of Songs 1:3) Rabbi Berekhyah said: to what was Abraham our father similar? to a flask of balsam-tree juice close with a tight lid, placed in a corner and its fragrance was not emitted. When it was moved, its fragrance was emitted. Thus the Holy Blessed One said to Abraham our Father, move yourself from place to place and your name will become great in the world....
Among the paths of repentance is for the penitent to a) constantly call out before God, crying and entreating; b) to perform charity according to his potential; c) to separate himself far from the object of his sin;
d) to change his name, as if to say "I am a different person and not the same one who sinned;" e) to change his behavior in its entirety to the good and the path of righteousness; and f) to travel in exile from his home. Exile atones for sin because it causes a person to be submissive, humble, and meek of spirit.
ויאמר ה' אל אברם לך לך להנאתך ולטובתך ושם אעשך לגוי גדול וכאן אי אתה זוכה לבנים לשון רש"י ואין צורך...אבל רבותינו (יומא ג עב) עשו מדרש במה שאמר הכתוב (דברים י א) ועשית לך ארון עץ ועשה לך שתי חצוצרות כסף (במדבר י ב) בעבור שאין המלאכה שלו והיה ראוי שיאמר
AND THE ETERNAL SAID UNTO ABRAHAM ‘LECH LECHA’ (GET THEE OUT). This means, “For your own benefit and for your own good. And there I will make of you a great nation whilst here you will not merit the privilege of having children.” Thus the language of Rashi.
Now there is no need for it ...Our Rabbis made a Midrash — concerning the verses which state, And thou shalt make ‘lecha’ an ark of wood, and Make ‘lecha’ two trumpets of silver, since it was not his work and it would have been proper for these verses to be stated in the same way...
(10) She prostrated herself with her face to the ground, and said to him, “Why are you so kind as to single me out, when I am a foreigner?” (11) Boaz said in reply, “I have been told of all that you did for your mother-in-law after the death of your husband, how you left your father and mother and the land of your birth and came to a people you had not known before.
You are to rejoice on your festival,
you, your son, and your daughter,
your servant and your maid,
the Levite, the sojourner, the orphan and the widow who are within your gates.
וּבָא הַלֵּוִי כִּי אֵין לוֹ חֵלֶק וְנַחֲלָה עִמָּךְ וְגוֹ', רַבִּי יְהוּדָה בַּר סִמּוֹן אוֹמֵר, אָמַר הַקָּדוֹשׁ בָּרוּךְ הוּא, אִם יֵשׁ לְךָ אַרְבָּעָה בְּנֵי בָּתִּים, יֵשׁ לְךָ וְשִׂמְחַת בְּחַגְּךָ אַתָּה וּבִנְךָ וּבִתֶּךָ וְעַבְדְּךָ וְאַמָּתְךָ. וַאֲנִי יֵשׁ לִי אַרְבַּע בְּנֵי בַּיִת, הַלֵּוִי וְהַגֵּר וְהַיָּתוֹם וְהָאַלְמָנָה, שֶׁלִּי. וְכֻלָּן בְּפָסוּק אֶחָד. אִם אַתָּה מְשַׂמֵּחַ אֶת שֶׁלִּי וְאֶת שֶׁלְּךָ בַּבַּיִת בְּיָמִים טוֹבִים שֶׁנָּתַתִּי לְךָ, אַף אֲנִי מְשַׂמֵּחַ אֶת שֶׁלִּי וְאֶת שֶׁלְּךָ בְּבֵית הַבְּחִירָה, שֶׁנֶּאֱמַר: וַהֲבִיאוֹתִים אֶל הַר קָדְשִׁי וְשִׁמַּחְתִּים בְּבֵית תְּפִלָּתִי. אָמֵן, וְכֵן יְהִי רָצוֹן.
The Levite has no share nor portion with you...R. Judah b. R. Simon said, “The Holy One, blessed be He, said, ‘If you have four children in the house, you have (according to Deut. 16:14:) “And you shall rejoice during your festival, you, and your son, and your daughter, your bond servant, and your bondmaid.” And as for Me, I have four children in the house: “the Levite and the sojourner, the orphan and the widow.” [These are] mine. They all are in a single verse. If you give joy to Mine during the festival days that I have given you, I will give joy to yours in the Temple. It is so stated (in Is. 56:7), “I will bring them unto My holy hill and give them joy in My house of prayer.”’ Amen, so may it be His will!”
מִשָּׁרְשֵׁי הַמִּצְוָה. כִּי הַשֵּׁם בָּחַר בְּיִשְׂרָאֵל לִהְיוֹת לוֹ לְעַם קָדוֹשׁ וְרָצָה לְזַכּוֹתָם, וְלָכֵן הִדְרִיכָם וְצִוָּם עַל דַּרְכֵי הַחֲנִינָה וְהַחֶמְלָה, וְהִזְהִירָם לְהִתְעַטֵּר בְּכָל מִדָּה חֲמוּדָה וִיקָרָה לִמְצֹא חֵן בְּעֵינֵי כָּל רוֹאֵיהֶם, וְיֹאמְרוּ (יחזקאל לו כ) עַם ה' אֵלֶּה.
וְכַמָּה הִיא דֶּרֶךְ נְעִימוּת וְחֶמְדָּה לְהִתְחַסֵּד וְלִגְמֹל טוֹבָה לַאֲשֶׁר הִנִּיחַ אֻמָּתוֹ וְכָל מִשְׁפַּחַת בֵּית אָבִיו וְאִמּוֹ, וַיָּבוֹא לַחֲסוֹת תַּחַת כַּנְפֵי אֻמָּה אַחֶרֶת בְּאַהֲבָתוֹ אוֹתָהּ, וּבִבְחִירָתוֹ בָּאֱמֶת וְשִׂנְאַת הַשֶּׁקֶר.
Parshat Eikev - Loving the Stranger/Convert. It is from the roots of the commandment that God chose Israel to be a holy nation and wanted to give them merit. And therefore God guided them and commanded them about the ways of grace and compassion and warned them to crown themselves with every beautiful and precious trait to find grace in the eyes of all who see them, [such] that they will say, “These are the people of the Lord” (Ezekiel 36:20).
And it is so much the way of pleasantnesses and beauty to show kindness and to grant good to one who leaves his people and all the family of the house of his father and mother and comes to take shelter under the wings of a different nation in his love for it, and in his choosing of truth and his hatred for falsehood.
...היתום והאלמנה היו בדרך כלל עניים, הואיל ומטה לחמם נשבר, והגר שעזב את מולדתו ומשפחתו עלול לסבול מבדידות. המצווה לשמח את העניים מתקיימת בעיקר על ידי צדקה, והמצווה לשמח בודדים ושבורי לב נעשית על ידי הזמנתם להשתתף בסעודת החג.
Generally speaking, in the past, the orphan and widow were poor, since there was no one to provide for them. As for the “stranger,” a convert who has left his birthplace and family is likely to suffer from loneliness.
The mitzva to provide simḥa to the poor is fulfilled primarily by giving them charity, and the mitzva to provide simḥa to the lonely and broken-hearted is fulfilled primarily by inviting them to join the festival meals.
(33) When strangers reside with you in your land, you shall not wrong them. (34) The strangers who reside with you shall be to you as your citizens; you shall love each one as yourself, for you were strangers in the land of Egypt: I ה' am your God.
לאחר שהגר מתגייר הרי הוא כיהודי לכל דבר, וצריך להיזהר בכבודו יותר מאשר בכבודו של יהודי מלידה, מפני הקשיים העצומים שעומדים בפניו. שכן עזב את עמו וארצו ושפת אמו, ובא להצטרף לעם בעל מסורת עתיקה, שלא קל לקלוט אותה אפילו במשך לימוד של שנים מרובות...וכל עלבון ואפילו קל שבקלים עלול לערער את הביטחון ולגרום לעצבות גדולה. לכן החמירה התורה וקבעה שכל המצער את הגר עובר על שלושה לאווים (ב"מ נט).
After conversion, the Ger is as a fully Jew and we must be careful to honor him more than a born Jew because of the challenges that he faces. He left his nation, land, mother tongue and came to connect to the ancient tradition, which does not easily absorb the Ger even after many years...any insult, however slight, can cause wavering in faith and great sadness. Thus the Torah considers afflicting the Ger a violation of 3 prohibitions...
2. Excommunication - Mourning - Punishment
(ט) וַיֹּ֤אמֶר ה' אֶל־קַ֔יִן אֵ֖י הֶ֣בֶל אָחִ֑יךָ וַיֹּ֙אמֶר֙ לֹ֣א יָדַ֔עְתִּי הֲשֹׁמֵ֥ר אָחִ֖י אָנֹֽכִי׃ (י) וַיֹּ֖אמֶר מֶ֣ה עָשִׂ֑יתָ ק֚וֹל דְּמֵ֣י אָחִ֔יךָ צֹעֲקִ֥ים אֵלַ֖י מִן־הָֽאֲדָמָֽה׃ (יא) וְעַתָּ֖ה אָר֣וּר אָ֑תָּה מִן־הָֽאֲדָמָה֙ אֲשֶׁ֣ר פָּצְתָ֣ה אֶת־פִּ֔יהָ לָקַ֛חַת אֶת־דְּמֵ֥י אָחִ֖יךָ מִיָּדֶֽךָ׃ (יב) כִּ֤י תַֽעֲבֹד֙ אֶת־הָ֣אֲדָמָ֔ה לֹֽא־תֹסֵ֥ף תֵּת־כֹּחָ֖הּ לָ֑ךְ נָ֥ע וָנָ֖ד תִּֽהְיֶ֥ה בָאָֽרֶץ׃ (יג) וַיֹּ֥אמֶר קַ֖יִן אֶל־ה' גָּד֥וֹל עֲוֺנִ֖י מִנְּשֹֽׂא׃
(9) ה' said to Cain, “Where is your brother Abel?” And he said, “I do not know. Am I my brother’s keeper?” (10) “What have you done? Hark, your brother’s blood cries out to Me from the ground! (11) Therefore, you shall be more cursed than the ground, which opened its mouth to receive your brother’s blood from your hand. (12) If you till the soil, it shall no longer yield its strength to you. You shall become a ceaseless wanderer on earth.” (13) Cain said to ה', “My punishment is too great to bear!
(א) וַיְמַ֤ן ה' דָּ֣ג גָּד֔וֹל לִבְלֹ֖עַ אֶת־יוֹנָ֑ה וַיְהִ֤י יוֹנָה֙ בִּמְעֵ֣י הַדָּ֔ג שְׁלֹשָׁ֥ה יָמִ֖ים וּשְׁלֹשָׁ֥ה לֵילֽוֹת׃ (ב) וַיִּתְפַּלֵּ֣ל יוֹנָ֔ה אֶל־ה' אֱלֹקָ֑יו מִמְּעֵ֖י הַדָּגָֽה׃ (ג) וַיֹּ֗אמֶר קָ֠רָ֠אתִי מִצָּ֥רָה לִ֛י אֶל־ה' וַֽיַּעֲנֵ֑נִי מִבֶּ֧טֶן שְׁא֛וֹל שִׁוַּ֖עְתִּי שָׁמַ֥עְתָּ קוֹלִֽי׃ (ד) וַתַּשְׁלִיכֵ֤נִי מְצוּלָה֙ בִּלְבַ֣ב יַמִּ֔ים וְנָהָ֖ר יְסֹבְבֵ֑נִי כׇּל־מִשְׁבָּרֶ֥יךָ וְגַלֶּ֖יךָ עָלַ֥י עָבָֽרוּ׃ (ה) וַאֲנִ֣י אָמַ֔רְתִּי נִגְרַ֖שְׁתִּי מִנֶּ֣גֶד עֵינֶ֑יךָ אַ֚ךְ אוֹסִ֣יף לְהַבִּ֔יט אֶל־הֵיכַ֖ל קׇדְשֶֽׁךָ׃
(1) GOD provided a huge fish to swallow Jonah; and Jonah remained in the fish’s belly three days and three nights. (2) Jonah prayed to the ETERNAL his God from the belly of the fish. (3) He said: In my trouble I called to GOD, Who answered me; From the belly of Sheol I cried out, And You heard my voice. (4) You cast me into the depths, Into the heart of the sea, The floods engulfed me; All Your breakers and billows Swept over me. (5) I thought I was driven away Out of Your sight: Would I ever gaze again Upon Your holy temple?
(מה) וְהַצָּר֜וּעַ אֲשֶׁר־בּ֣וֹ הַנֶּ֗גַע בְּגָדָ֞יו יִהְי֤וּ פְרֻמִים֙ וְרֹאשׁוֹ֙ יִהְיֶ֣ה פָר֔וּעַ וְעַל־שָׂפָ֖ם יַעְטֶ֑ה וְטָמֵ֥א ׀ טָמֵ֖א יִקְרָֽא׃ (מו) כׇּל־יְמֵ֞י אֲשֶׁ֨ר הַנֶּ֥גַע בּ֛וֹ יִטְמָ֖א טָמֵ֣א ה֑וּא בָּדָ֣ד יֵשֵׁ֔ב מִח֥וּץ לַֽמַּחֲנֶ֖ה מוֹשָׁבֽוֹ׃ {ס}
(45) As for the person with a leprous affection: the clothes shall be rent, the head shall be left bare, and the upper lip shall be covered over; and that person shall call out, “Impure! Impure!” (46) The person shall be impure as long as the disease is present. Being impure, that person shall dwell apart— outside the camp.
מַשְׁמִיעַ שֶׁהוּא טָמֵא וְיִפְרְשׁוּ מִמֶּנּוּ
He must proclaim aloud that he is unclean, so that people may keep away from him
What are the practices that must be observed by the person who is ostracized and those who come into contact with him?
a) he is forbidden to cut his hair or launder his clothes, like a mourner throughout his entire period of ostracism;
b) he is not included in a zimmun, nor in a quorum of ten ;
c) no one should sit within his four cubits.
He may, however, teach others and others may teach him. He may be hired and may hire others.
If he dies while under ban, the court places a stone on his coffin, as if to say that they are stoning him because he was separated from the community.
Needless to say, eulogies are not recited for him, nor is his bier accompanied.
(10) Though my father and mother abandon me, the LORD will take me in.
Hillel Tzeitlin - Al Gevul Shnei Olamot
[d. 1942, Warsaw Ghetto]
3. Victimization - Captivity
(4) And when his brothers saw that their father loved him more than any of his brothers, they hated him so that they could not speak a friendly word to him.
(14) But think of me when all is well with you again, and do me the kindness of mentioning me to Pharaoh, so as to free me from this place. (15) For in truth, I was kidnapped from the land of the Hebrews; nor have I done anything here that they should have put me in the dungeon [Bor].”
(51) Joseph named the first-born Menashe, meaning, “God has made me forget completely my hardship and my parental home.” (52) And the second he named Ephraim, meaning, “God has made me fertile in the land of my affliction.”
(ז) וַיַּ֥רְא יוֹסֵ֛ף אֶת־אֶחָ֖יו וַיַּכִּרֵ֑ם וַיִּתְנַכֵּ֨ר אֲלֵיהֶ֜ם וַיְדַבֵּ֧ר אִתָּ֣ם קָשׁ֗וֹת
(7) When Joseph saw his brothers, he recognized them; but he acted like a stranger toward them and spoke harshly to them.
פִּדְיוֹן שְׁבוּיִים קוֹדֵם לְפַרְנָסַת עֲנִיִּים וְלִכְסוּתָן. וְאֵין לְךָ מִצְוָה גְּדוֹלָה כְּפִדְיוֹן שְׁבוּיִים שֶׁהַשָּׁבוּי הֲרֵי הוּא בִּכְלַל הָרְעֵבִים וְהַצְּמֵאִים וַעֲרוּמִּים וְעוֹמֵד בְּסַכָּנַת נְפָשׁוֹת. וְהַמַּעֲלִים עֵינָיו מִפִּדְיוֹנוֹ הֲרֵי זֶה עוֹבֵר עַל (דברים טו ז) "לֹא תְאַמֵּץ אֶת לְבָבְךָ וְלֹא תִקְפֹּץ אֶת יָדְךָ" וְעַל (ויקרא יט טז) "לֹא תַעֲמֹד עַל דַּם רֵעֶךָ" וְעַל (ויקרא כה נג) "לֹא יִרְדֶּנּוּ בְּפֶרֶךְ לְעֵינֶיךָ". וּבִטֵּל מִצְוַת (דברים טו ח) (דברים טו יא) "פָתֹחַ תִּפְתַּח אֶת יָדְךָ לוֹ". וּמִצְוַת (ויקרא כה לו) "וְחֵי אָחִיךָ עִמָּךְ". (ויקרא יט יח) "וְאָהַבְתָּ לְרֵעֲךָ כָּמוֹךָ". (משלי כד יא) "וְהַצֵּל לְקֻחִים לַמָּוֶת" וְהַרְבֵּה דְּבָרִים כָּאֵלּוּ. וְאֵין לְךָ מִצְוָה רַבָּה כְּפִדְיוֹן שְׁבוּיִים:
The redemption of captives receives priority over sustaining the poor and providing them with clothing. [Indeed,] there is no greater mitzvah than the redemption of captives. For a captive is among those who are hungry, thirsty, and unclothed and he is in mortal peril. If one ignores the need to redeem, he violates these negative commandments: "Do not harden your heart or close your hand" "Do not stand by when the blood of your neighbor is in danger" and "He shall not oppress him with exhausting work in your presence." And he has negates these positive commandments: "You shall certainly open up your hand to him" "Your brother shall live with you" "Love your neighbor as yourself" "Save those who are taken for death" and many other decrees of this nature. There is no mitzvah as great as the redemption of captives.
פדיון שבויים. עיין בתשובת יד אליהו סי' מ"ג אם מחוייב אדם להכניס עצמו בספק סכנת נפשות כדי להציל חבירו בודאי או אינו מחוייב אבל עכ"פ רשאי לעשות כן אם רוצה ממדת חסידות או מאהבת חבירו או אינו רשאי לסכן עצמו והשיב דהב"י בח"מ סי' תכ"ו כתב בשם הגהות מיימון דצריך לסכן עצמו בשביל חבירו דזה ספק וזה ודאי
Redeeming Captives...Is there an obligation for a person to endanger themselves for a doubtful life saving issue or if there is no obligation, may the person out of midat chasidut or love of his fellow - endanger himself or is it forbidden? Beit Yosef, CM 426, citing HGA"M, writes that one must endanger themselves. This one is in certain danger, while the other [you] is in doubt.
The Opportunity of Loneliness
(יד) הוּא הָיָה אוֹמֵר, אִם אֵין אֲנִי לִי, מִי לִי...
(14) [Hillel] used to say: If I am not for myself, who is for me?
On the quality of Zehirut/Watchfulness:
But if he is not watchful over himself, the Holy One will certainly not watch over him. For if he gives no heed to himself, who should give heed to him? This is as our Sages of blessed memory have said: "it is forbidden to pity anyone who has no knowledge" (Berachot 33a), and this is the meaning of what they said: "if I am not for myself, who will be for me?" (Avot 1:14).
צריך בתפלה להיות כמו מופשט מגשמיות ואיננו מרגיש מציאותו בעוה"ז כלומר כשאני אבא למדרגה שלא אדע וארגיש כלל אם אני לי בעוה"ז אם לאו בודאי אין לי שום פחד ממ"ז כי אזי אין מ"ז קרב אלי בהיותי מופשט מזה העולם. וזהו מי לי ר"ל איזה מ"ז יבא לי.
During prayer, one must be divested of physicality, to the point of being unaware of existing in this world. This then, is the meaning of, “If I am not for myself.” That is, “When I am divested of physicality and am unaware of existing in this world, I then have no fear of extraneous thoughts. At such times extraneous thoughts cannot approach me, given that I am altogether removed from this world.” This explains the continuation of the verse, “Who is for me,” meaning, “In such a state, what extraneous thoughts could possibly come upon me?”
Rabbi JB Soloveitchik, The Lonely Man of Faith
The nature of the dilemma can be stated in a three-word sentence. I am lonely. Let me emphasize...I, thank God, do enjoy the love and friendship of many. I meet people, talk, preach, argue, reason; I am surrounded by comrades and acquaintances. And yet, companionship and friendship do not alleviate the passional experience of loneliness which trails me constantly. I am lonely because at times I feel rejected and thrust away by everybody, not excluding my most intimate friends, and the words of the Psalmist "My father and my mother have forsaken me" ring quite often in my ears...
On the other hand, I also feel invigorated because this very experience of loneliness presses everything in me into the service of God. In my "desolate, howling solitude" I experience a growing awareness that... I, a lonely and solitary individual, is wanted and gracefully accepted by God in His transcendental loneliness and numinous solitude.
David Whyte, Consolations, Loneliness:
Loneliness can be a prison, a place from which we look out at a world we cannot inhabit; loneliness can be a bodily ache and a penance, but loneliness fully inhabited also becomes the voice that asks and calls for that great, unknown someone or something else we want to call our own.
Meeting the Lonely
רבי חייא בר אבא חלש על לגביה ר' יוחנן א"ל חביבין עליך יסורין א"ל לא הן ולא שכרן א"ל הב לי ידך יהב ליה ידיה ואוקמיה.
ר' יוחנן חלש על לגביה ר' חנינא א"ל חביבין עליך יסורין א"ל לא הן ולא שכרן א"ל הב לי ידך יהב ליה ידיה ואוקמיה. אמאי לוקים ר' יוחנן לנפשיה אמרי אין חבוש מתיר עצמו מבית האסורים
Rabbi Yoḥanan’s student, Rabbi Ḥiyya bar Abba, fell ill. Rabbi Yoḥanan entered to visit him, and said to him: Is your suffering dear to you? Rabbi Ḥiyya said to him: I welcome neither this suffering nor its reward. Rabbi Yoḥanan said to him: Give me your hand. Rabbi Ḥiyya bar Abba gave him his hand, and Rabbi Yoḥanan stood him up and restored him to health. Similarly, Rabbi Yoḥanan fell ill. Rabbi Ḥanina entered to visit him, and said to him: Is your suffering dear to you? Rabbi Yoḥanan said to him: I welcome neither this suffering nor its reward. Rabbi Ḥanina said to him: Give me your hand. He gave him his hand, and Rabbi Ḥanina stood him up and restored him to health.
Why didn't Rabbi Yoḥanan stand himself up? They say: A prisoner cannot generally free himself from prison.
טמא טמא יקרא. מלמד שצריך להודיע צערו לרבים ורבים מבקשים עליו רחמים
Moed Katan 5A
'Impure Impure he shall declare' - he must make his plight known to the community and the community will pray for him
Two are better off than one, in that they have greater benefit from their earnings.
רבי חנינא אומר, טובים השנים שתלו מרדכי ואסתר מן האחד שתלה יוסף, שאלו נעשו נסים על ידיהם לכל ישראל וזה לא נעשו נסים על ידו והחוט המשולש – זה הקב"ה למעלה מכולן שהפיל שונא, דכתיב ויתלו את המן
Midrash Rabba Kohelet 4:9
Rabbi Chaninah said: Two are better - Mordechai and Esther hanged two while Yosef hanged one. Mordechai and Esther caused miracles to happen for all of Israel, while Josef had no miracle happen on his account. The 3 corded string is with God who ascends beyond the others and caused the enemy to fall, as the verse writes 'And they Hanged Haman.'
Iggrot Harayah, 2:645 - Shevat 2 5674 [1914], Letter to Moshe Charlap, Friend to Rav Kook
The same applies to everything given for the sake of the Almighty who is good. It should be of the most attractive and highest quality. If one builds a house of prayer, it should be more attractive than his own dwelling. If he feeds a hungry person, he should feed him from the best and most tasty foods of his table. If he clothes one who is naked, he should clothe him with his attractive garments. If he consecrates something, he should consecrate the best of his possession. And so [Leviticus 3:16] states: "All of the superior quality should be given to God."
Blessed be God who offers assistance.