There are some crazy bits about Purim in the Talmud!
״וַיְהִי כִרְאוֹת הַמֶּלֶךְ אֶת אֶסְתֵּר הַמַּלְכָּה״. אָמַר רַבִּי יוֹחָנָן: שְׁלֹשָׁה מַלְאֲכֵי הַשָּׁרֵת נִזְדַּמְּנוּ לָהּ בְּאוֹתָהּ שָׁעָה, אֶחָד שֶׁהִגְבִּיהַּ אֶת צַוָּארָהּ, וְאֶחָד שֶׁמָּשַׁךְ חוּט שֶׁל חֶסֶד עָלֶיהָ, וְאֶחָד שֶׁמָּתַח אֶת הַשַּׁרְבִיט.
The verse states: “And so it was, that when the king saw Esther the queen standing in the court, that she obtained favor in his sight; and the king held out to Esther the golden scepter that was in his hand” (Esther 5:2). Rabbi Yoḥanan said: Three ministering angels happened to join her at that time: One that raised up her neck, so that she could stand erect, free of shame; one that strung a cord of divine grace around her, endowing her with charm and beauty; and one that stretched the king’s scepter.
״וְכׇל זֶה אֵינֶנּוּ שֹׁוֶה לִי״ — מְלַמֵּד שֶׁכׇּל גְּנָזָיו שֶׁל אוֹתוֹ רָשָׁע חֲקוּקִין עַל לִבּוֹ, וּבְשָׁעָה שֶׁרוֹאֶה אֶת מׇרְדֳּכַי יוֹשֵׁב בְּשַׁעַר הַמֶּלֶךְ, אָמַר: כׇּל זֶה אֵינֶנּוּ שֹׁוֶה לִי.
Haman’s previously quoted statement: “Yet all this avails me nothing” (Esther 5:13), teaches that all the treasures of that wicked one were engraved on his heart, and when he saw Mordecai sitting at the king’s gate, he said: As long as Mordecai is around, all this that I wear on my heart avails me nothing.
״וְכׇל זֶה אֵינֶנּוּ שֹׁוֶה לִי״. אָמַר רַבִּי אֶלְעָזָר אָמַר רַבִּי חֲנִינָא: בְּשָׁעָה שֶׁרָאָה הָמָן אֶת מׇרְדֳּכַי יוֹשֵׁב בְּשַׁעַר הַמֶּלֶךְ, אָמַר: ״כׇּל זֶה אֵינוֹ שֹׁוֶה לִי״. כִּדְרַב חִסְדָּא, דְּאָמַר רַב חִסְדָּא: זֶה בָּא בִּפְרוֹזְבּוּלֵי וְזֶה בָּא
Haman said: “Yet all this avails me nothing” (Esther 5:13). Rabbi Elazar said that Rabbi Ḥanina said: When Haman saw Mordecai sitting at the king’s gate he said: Yet all this avails me nothing. This may be understood as was suggested by Rav Ḥisda, for Rav Ḥisda said: This one, Mordecai, came as one with the heritage of a rich man [perozebuli], whereas that one, Haman, came
בִּפְרוֹזְבּוּטֵי. אָמַר רַב פָּפָּא: וְקָרוּ לֵיהּ עַבְדָּא דְּמִזְדַּבַּן בְּטֻלְמֵי.
as one with the heritage of a poor man [perozeboti], as Mordecai had been Haman’s slave master and was aware of Haman’s lowly lineage. Rav Pappa said: And he was called: The slave who was sold for a loaf of bread.
״וַתַּעֲמֹד בַּחֲצַר בֵּית הַמֶּלֶךְ הַפְּנִימִית״. אָמַר רַבִּי לֵוִי: כֵּיוָן שֶׁהִגִּיעָה לְבֵית הַצְּלָמִים, נִסְתַּלְּקָה הֵימֶנָּה שְׁכִינָה. אָמְרָה: ״אֵלִי אֵלִי לָמָה עֲזַבְתָּנִי״?! שֶׁמָּא אַתָּה דָּן עַל שׁוֹגֵג כְּמֵזִיד וְעַל אוֹנֶס כְּרָצוֹן?
§ The Gemara returns to its explanation of the verses of the Megilla. The verse states with regard to Esther: “And she stood in the inner court of the king’s house” (Esther 5:1). Rabbi Levi said: Once she reached the chamber of the idols, which was in the inner court, the Divine Presence left her. She immediately said: “My God, my God, why have You forsaken me?” (Psalms 22:2). Perhaps it is because You judge an unintentional sin as one performed intentionally, and an action done due to circumstances beyond one’s control as one done willingly.
אוֹ שֶׁמָּא עַל שֶׁקְּרָאתִיו ״כֶּלֶב״, שֶׁנֶּאֱמַר: ״הַצִּילָה מֵחֶרֶב נַפְשִׁי מִיַּד כֶּלֶב יְחִידָתִי״. חָזְרָה וּקְרָאַתּוּ ״אַרְיֵה״, שֶׁנֶּאֱמַר: ״הוֹשִׁיעֵנִי מִפִּי אַרְיֵה״.
Or perhaps You have left me because in my prayers I called Haman a dog, as it is stated: “Deliver my soul from the sword; my only one from the hand of the dog” (Psalms 22:21). She at once retracted and called him in her prayers a lion, as it is stated in the following verse: “Save me from the lion’s mouth” (Psalms 22:22).
וְכַמָּה? אָמַר רַבִּי יִרְמְיָה: שְׁתֵּי אַמּוֹת הָיָה, וְהֶעֱמִידוֹ עַל שְׁתֵּים עֶשְׂרֵה, וְאָמְרִי לַהּ עַל שֵׁשׁ עֶשְׂרֵה, וְאָמְרִי לַהּ עַל עֶשְׂרִים וְאַרְבַּע. בְּמַתְנִיתָא תָּנָא: עַל שִׁשִּׁים, וְכֵן אַתָּה מוֹצֵא בְּאַמָּתָהּ שֶׁל בַּת פַּרְעֹה, וְכֵן אַתָּה מוֹצֵא בְּשִׁינֵּי רְשָׁעִים, דִּכְתִיב: ״שִׁינֵּי רְשָׁעִים שִׁבַּרְתָּ״, וְאָמַר רֵישׁ לָקִישׁ: אַל תִּקְרֵי ״שִׁבַּרְתָּ״ אֶלָּא ״שִׁרְיבַּבְתָּ״. רַבָּה בַּר עוֹפְרָן אָמַר מִשּׁוּם רַבִּי אֶלְעָזָר שֶׁשָּׁמַע מֵרַבּוֹ וְרַבּוֹ מֵרַבּוֹ: מָאתַיִם.
How much was it stretched? Rabbi Yirmeya said: The scepter was two cubits, and he made it twelve cubits. And some say that he made it sixteen cubits, and yet others say twenty-four cubits. It was taught in a baraita: He made it sixty cubits. And similarly you find with the arm of Pharaoh’s daughter, which she stretched out to take Moshe. And so too, you find with the teeth of the wicked, as it is written: “You have broken the teeth of the wicked” (Psalms 3:8), with regard to which Reish Lakish said: Do not read it as “You have broken [shibbarta],” but as: You have enlarged [sheribavta]. Rabba bar Oferan said in the name of Rabbi Elazar, who heard it from his teacher, who in turn heard it from his teacher: The scepter was stretched two hundred cubits.
בשיני רשעים - עוג מלך הבשן במס' ברכות פרק הרואה (ברכות דף נד:) [שעקר הר בת ג' פרסי להשליכו על ישראל ונתנו על ראשו ושלח הקב"ה נמלים ונקבוהו ונכנס בצוארו בקש לשומטו ונשתרבבו שיניו לכאן ולכאן]:
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