(7) Keep far from lies; [thereby] the clean and righteous shall not slay you; because I will not justify the wicked.
כל המחליף בדבורו כאילו עובד ע"ז
[R. Eleazar taught]: Whoever switches his words is acting as if he is an idol worshipper.
Mishneh Torah, Hilchot De'ot 2:6: A person is forbidden to act in a smooth-tongued and luring manner. It is forbidden to say one thing with your mouth and to have another in your heart....Rather, his inner self should be like the self which he shows to the world... It is forbidden to deceive people.
(ט) וַיֹּאמְר֣וּ אֵׄלָׄ֔יׄוׄ אַיֵּ֖ה שָׂרָ֣ה אִשְׁתֶּ֑ךָ וַיֹּ֖אמֶר הִנֵּ֥ה בָאֹֽהֶל׃(י) וַיֹּ֗אמֶר שׁ֣וֹב אָשׁ֤וּב אֵלֶ֙יךָ֙ כָּעֵ֣ת חַיָּ֔ה וְהִנֵּה־בֵ֖ן לְשָׂרָ֣ה אִשְׁתֶּ֑ךָ וְשָׂרָ֥ה שֹׁמַ֛עַת פֶּ֥תַח הָאֹ֖הֶל וְה֥וּא אַחֲרָֽיו׃
(יא) וְאַבְרָהָ֤ם וְשָׂרָה֙ זְקֵנִ֔ים בָּאִ֖ים בַּיָּמִ֑ים חָדַל֙ לִהְי֣וֹת לְשָׂרָ֔ה אֹ֖רַח כַּנָּשִֽׁים׃
(יב) וַתִּצְחַ֥ק שָׂרָ֖ה בְּקִרְבָּ֣הּ לֵאמֹ֑ר אַחֲרֵ֤י בְלֹתִי֙ הָֽיְתָה־לִּ֣י עֶדְנָ֔ה וַֽאדֹנִ֖י זָקֵֽן׃
(יג) וַיֹּ֥אמֶר יְהוָ֖ה אֶל־אַבְרָהָ֑ם לָ֣מָּה זֶּה֩ צָחֲקָ֨ה שָׂרָ֜ה לֵאמֹ֗ר הַאַ֥ף אֻמְנָ֛ם אֵלֵ֖ד וַאֲנִ֥י זָקַֽנְתִּי׃
(יד) הֲיִפָּלֵ֥א מֵיְהוָ֖ה דָּבָ֑ר לַמּוֹעֵ֞ד אָשׁ֥וּב אֵלֶ֛יךָ כָּעֵ֥ת חַיָּ֖ה וּלְשָׂרָ֥ה בֵֽן׃ (טו) וַתְּכַחֵ֨שׁ שָׂרָ֧ה ׀ לֵאמֹ֛ר לֹ֥א צָחַ֖קְתִּי כִּ֣י ׀ יָרֵ֑אָה וַיֹּ֥אמֶר ׀ לֹ֖א כִּ֥י צָחָֽקְתְּ׃
And they said to him: ‘Where is Sarah your wife?’ And he said: ‘Here in the tent.’And he said: ‘I will certainly return to you next season; and, behold, Sarah, your wife will have a son.’And Sarah heard in the tent door, which was behind him.
Now Abraham and Sarah were old, and well advanced in age, and the "way of women" had ceased to be with Sarah. And Sarah laughed (b'kirbah) saying: ‘After I have grown old shall I have pleasure? My lord being old as well?"
And God said to Abraham: ‘Why did Sarah laugh, saying: 'Shall I indeed bear a child now that I am old?' Is there anything too miraculous for God? At the appointed time I will return to you, at this season, and Sarah shall have a son." Then Sarah denied it saying: ‘I did not laugh,' for she was afraid. And God said: 'No, you did laugh.'
Baba Metziah 87a
The School of Ishmael taught: Peace is a precious thing, for even the Holy One, blessed be He, made a variation for its sake. As it is written, Therefore Sarah laughed within herself, saying, After I am waxed old, shall I have pleasure, my Lord [Abraham] being old as well. But later God only says: "Shall I indeed now bear a son now that I am old?"
Our Rabbis taught: How does one dance before a bride? Beit Shammai said: [Say it] like the bride is. And Bet Hillel say: “A beautiful and graceful bride."
Bet Shammai said to Bet Hillel: If she was lame or blind, does one say of her, “Beautiful and graceful bride”? But the Torah says, “Keep away from a lie,” (Exodus 23:7).
Bet Hillel said to Bet Shammai: According to your words, if one has made a bad purchase in the market, should one praise it in front of him or denigrate it? Surely, one should praise it.
בהני תלת מילי עבידי רבנן דמשנו במלייהו במסכת ובפוריא ובאושפיזא
In these three things the Rabbis were accustomed to change their words: In their tractates, their fertility, and their hospitality.
1) במסכת - יש בידך מסכת פלוני סדורה בגירסא או לאו ואע"ג שסדורה היא לו יאמר לו לאו ומדת ענוה היא:
2) בפוריא - שימשת מטתך יאמר לאו מדת צניעות הוא:
3) באושפיזא - שאלוהו על אושפיזו אם קבלו בסבר פנים יפות ואמר לאו מדה טובה היא כדי שלא יקפצו בו בני אדם שאינן מהוגנין לבא תמיד עליו ויכלו את ממונו:
- Tractate – someone asks you, “Do you know this subject 'so-and-so' very well or not?” Answer him, “No.” This is the character trait of humility.
- Fertility– someone asks you whether you had relations with your spouse. Answer him, “No.” This is the character trait of modesty.
- Hospitality – people ask you whether your host treated you well. Answer them: “No.” This is a good character trait to prevent unappreciative guests from returning repeatedly, inundating the host and ultimately exhausting his resources.
- According to the rabbis, when is it okay to lie?
- What kind of lies are they talking about?
- Do you agree or disagree with them?
- What are the limits or downsides of this ethical leniency?
- What are the benefits ur upsides of the concept of Shalom Bayyit?
- How do you see this playing out in your own life?
- Is this a helpful guide for modern life or not really?
Teshuva by Rabbi Joseph Chayim
(Ben Ish Chai, 19th Century Arabia)
When is it okay to lie for the sake of peace?
To produce before you my own understanding of the exact iterations where it is justified to lie – that I will not do! Rather I will quote the stories where this dilemma is brought up in the Talmud, and you will learn directly from them.
- Ben Ish Chai then goes on to quote 45 scenarios of lying
I have now set before you a table full of the various iterations about lying and deceit mentioned in Rabbinical texts that are justified. And you must be punctilious in learning these scenarios yourself, and logically deduce one thing from another. Only keep the fear of God on your face: do not create leniencies for yourself beyond the bounds through remote analogies. And this is sufficient guidance – may it bring peace.
Lying is prohibited when...
- People cheat in business, causing others financial loss
- For financial gain, even when stealing is not involved (Shabbat 140b)
- People exploit others after gaining their trust through deception
- Peoples lies cause others to lose out on something that meant for their benefit
- People who fabricate stories merely for the sake of lying
- People delay a promise of giving someone something when they never intended to follow up on that promise (g'vinat ha'dat)
- People intend to keep a promise but do not honor their commitment
- People claim that they did a good deed for another when they have not
- People praise themselves for virtues that they do not possess
- People change minor details when retelling a story
~R. Yonah Gerondi, 1505 (Sha’arei Teshuvah 3:178-186)
Lying is permitted when...
- People are asked to keep a secret, one can say "I don't know" even if they know the secret at hand (HaRav Auerbach, Titen Emet L'Yakov 76)
- One wants to avoid sharing bad news (Yoreh Deah 402:12)
- If a wealthy person wants to avoid arousing jealousy (Sukkah 29a)
- Trying to raise funds for a poor person, one may give another reason if they think people will be more reeptive to that cause (Torah scholar vs. Bride) [Teshuvot Mishneh Sachir v.1, based on Exodus Rabbah Ki Tisa & a story by Chatam Sofer]
- If one fears that a package will be mishandled, it is permitted to write "glass" on it, even though it does not contain any glass
- If one sees that his wife will be late for Shabbat-- only when she is procrastinating. However, if she is authentically hurrying, one cannot lie.
- One wants to protect the feelings of a visitor, you are permitted to leave a note saying you are not home (Titen Emet L'Yaakov 76).
(יב) ותצחק שרה בקרבה, בלבה צחקה ולעגה לדברי המלאך כי היא לא חשבה שהוא מלאך אלא נביא שבא לבשרה ולעגה לדבריו.
(12) ותצחק שרה בקרבה, Sarah laughed derisively internally, not audibly; she did not believe that the man who had made the prediction was an angel, though she assumed that he was a prophet.
(יב) בקרבה מִסְתַּכֶּלֶת בְּמֵעֶיהָ וְאָמְרָה אֶפְשַׁר הַקְּרָבַיִם הֲלָלוּ טְעוּנִין וְלַד? הַשָׁדַיִם הֲלָלוּ שֶׁצָּמְקוּ, מוֹשְׁכִין חָלָב? תַּנְחוּמָא:
(12) בקרבה [SARAH LAUGHED] WITHIN HERSELF (or, REGARDING HER INSIDE) — She reflected on her physical condition, saying, “Is it possible that this womb shall bear a child, that these dried-up breasts shall give forth milk” (Tanchuma Schoftim).
(יז) ויפל אברהם על פניו ויצחק זֶה תִּ"אֻ, לְשׁוֹן שִׂמְחָה, וַחֲדִי וְשֶׁל שָׂרָה לְשׁוֹן מָחוֹךְ; לָמַדְתָּ, שֶׁאַבְרָהָם הֶאֱמִין וְשָׂמַח, וְשָׂרָה לֹא הֶאֱמִינָה וֶלִגְלְגָה, וְזֶהוּ שֶׁהִקְפִּיד הַקָּבָּ"ה עַל שָׂרָה וְלֹא הִקְפִּיד עַל אַבְרָהָם:
(17) ויפל אברהם על פניו ויצחק AND ABRAHAM FELL UPON HIS FACE AND LAUGHED — This word ויצחק Onkelos translates by וחדי which signifies joy (“and he rejoiced’’) but the similar verb in the case of Sarah (ותצחק Genesis 18:12) he translates as meaning laughter. From this you may understand that Abraham had faith and rejoiced, and that Sarah had no faith and sneered, and that is why God was angry with Sarah (when she laughed) but was not angry with Abraham.