I read an article this week in the Harvard Business Review that struck me. The article asks, “Is Your Emotional Intelligence Authentic or Self-Serving?”
The author writes:
“With the best of intentions, I’ve seen smart leaders charge into sensitive interactions armed with what they believed was a combination of deep empathy, attuned listening, and self-awareness but was, in fact, a way to serve their own emotional needs.”
These might include a need to be a hero or needed, disguised as empathy while helping those we lead; acting like we are actively listening, but really drawing others to our side; or asking for feedback as if we are self-aware, but really it’s in order to feel some affirmation.
The question driving the article made me ask myself: when I put myself in or am appointed to a position of leadership and influence, what motivates me? When I feel empowered and rewarded, what exactly is behind those feelings? How much of my work and volunteering is in order to give others everything I have, and how much of it is about fulfilling my own emotional needs and filled those empty spaces?
And it’s a question the subject of this week’s parasha, Korach, should have asked himself. A prominent member of the Levite class (just “below” Cohen/Priest status, but above your average Joe/Jane Israelite), Korach gathers 250 men and stages a protest against Moses and Aaron, one which seems reasonable:
Korach disapproves of the hierarchy and inequity. In response to his request for a more democratized leadership structure, the earth opens its mouth and swallows up Korach and his followers....Dramatic, huh? Even theologically challenging.
At first glance, Korach is arguing for equality a level playing field and equal access and opportunity. What’s the issue? One answer suggested by the Sages is that his “call for equality” is actually nothing of the sort. Korach wants power and a role that has not been divinely designated for him. As such, his protest is not only an affront to Moses and Aaron, but to God as well.
I’d like to propose a different (but related) answer, inspired by a teacher of mine. Rabbi Shai Held: The Torah says Korach *took* and rose up against Moses. That verb, “took” is critical.
Rabbi Eliyahu Dessler, a 20th Century Mussar master, writes (in Britney style) that there are two types of people in the world: Givers and Takers. Our task in upholding our Tzelem Elokim (Image of God) is to be givers, Rabbi Dessler says; God is the ultimate selfless giver, as Creator of the world, as Giver of Life. As aspiring givers, all of our efforts, acquisitions, and pleasures should ultimately channeled info service. Takers, however, seek to collect and hold onto anything within their grasp, without reciprocation and without process. In Heschel’s language, this type of person seeks to “accumulate information in order to dominate.”
In my reading, Korach is a taker, not a giver. He doesn’t seek equality out of a sense of justice, as Abraham does when challenging God,
It is profane in You to do such a thing, to kill a righteous one with a wicked one, rendering the righteous one like the wicked one. It is profane in You. Will the Judge of all the land not do justice?
nor does he in order to get close to the community, as the Daughters of Zlophechad do when challenging Moses.
When the daughters of Zelophehad drew near, the son of Hepher, the son of Gilead, the son of Machir, the son of Manasseh, of the families of Manasseh the son of Joseph; and these are the names of his daughters: Mahlah, Noah, and Hoglah, and Milcah, and Tirzah. 2 And they stood before Moses, and before Eleazar the priest, and before the princes and all the congregation, at the door of the tent of meeting, saying: 3 ’Our father died in the wilderness, and he was not among the company of them that gathered themselves together against the LORD in the company of Korah, but he died in his own sin; and he had no sons. 4 Why should the name of our father be done away from among his family, because he had no son? Give unto us a possession among the brethren of our father.’
Korach's aims are more selfish than righteous. He appears to be fighting for justice and to elevate others, but his primary goal is to feel affirmation and like he is the hero, leader.
When we are in positions of leadership and power, we should check ourselves and ask: what is motivating me and is it healthy? How can I cultivate a Giver’s Mindset? What do I have to give, and what opportunities can I pursue to do so? I pray that in each of our own situations - as residents, hosts, educators, organizers, or professionals - that we continue to lead with purpose, with the aim of being givers, rather than takers.
The book cover in the above image is from Adam Grant's "Give and Take" (2014) published by Penguin Books and available here.