Purim and Consent

An excerpt from 5 REASONS PURIM IS THE ULTIMATE FEMINIST HOLIDAY by Rishe Groner

1. The entire story stars with women’s rights

The story of Purim is one of topsy-turviness, where everything ends up “upside down” from how it was intended. So it’s fitting that we begin with the tale of Ahasuerus, rich and spoiled king over most of the known world of Persia and Medea, who decides to summon his beautiful wife Vashti to the feast he’s presided over for 180 days.

Drunk as a skunk, he asks his wife to show up and show off (some say he specifically requested her to be naked), and she’s not having any of it. She refuses adamantly, and thus arrives the “what if” brigade — the king’s advisors who are most concerned that this precedent set by none other than Queen of the Land might *gasp* encourage all the women throughout the king’s 127 provinces to rebel against The Man of The House.

The opening part of this saga ends not only with Vashti’s downfall, but a very emphatic decree written by the king’s advisors “that all men shall be sovereign in their households.” Sounds very 5th century BCE to me! Commentators say this piece of the story is paramount to the later narrative for the simple reason that a nation that subjugates its women and doesn’t allow them a voice is a nation that moments later sanctions and celebrates genocide. Because only when the women are suppressed does this kind of drama go down.

2. Vashti and Esther, the two powerful queens

Vashti is the queen who says no and shapes the future of the entire nation as a result, paving the way for Esther — a nice Jewish girl who lives in the suburbs of Shushan with her uncle and adopted dad, Mordechai.

An excerpt from Who is the real hero of Purim? In the #MeToo era, we should reconsider the Bible’s female icons.

By Ruth Balinsky Friedman

February 28, 2018

Esther’s role in the story is quite complicated. As a child I was taught that after Vashti was banished, Achashverosh (Ahasuerus) held a beauty pageant to find a new queen, and Esther was the most beautiful of them all. This all leads to Esther eventually saving the day, and the Jewish people.

But the text tells a different story. As part of this pageant, Esther was in fact one of the many young maidens who were taken against their will and forced to spend a night with the king. The text also tells us (Chapter One) that a new edict was established to force all women to submit to their husbands. To be a woman in Esther’s time was to live a life of total submission to male authority. It was into this new environment that Esther was brought. She had no choice but to submit.

We have to be very careful about how we talk about who is a hero in the story. Traditionally, Esther has been praised and Vashti rejected as a foil to Esther. A recent feminist response has been to flip the paradigm and to embrace Vashti as a symbol of female empowerment, and in turn to see Esther as a symbol of female submission. But we see now that this characterization is wrong. Esther was a victim of abuse. She was taken from her home and brought into an environment in which to submit to male authority meant she would survive. She knew from Vashti what happened to women who fought back.

The Book of Esther By Stacey Zisook Robinson

That blush on my cheek?
It's paint.
And I have glittered my eyes
and robed myself in the finery
of silk and gossamer,
lapis and gold—
and whored myself for your salvation.

You asked for no thoughts.
You merely offered my body
to the king—
my life forfeit
if my beauty failed.

You asked for no ideas
and I gave you none,
though I had a thousand,
and ten thousand more.

Diplomacy was played on the field of my body,
the battle won in the curve of my hip
and the satin of my skin,
fevered dreams of lust
and redemption.

That blush on my cheeks?
It is the stain of my victory
and my shame.

וַתַּ֨עַן אֶסְתֵּ֤ר הַמַּלְכָּה֙ וַתֹּאמַ֔ר אִם־מָצָ֨אתִי חֵ֤ן בְּעֵינֶ֙יךָ֙ הַמֶּ֔לֶךְ וְאִם־עַל־הַמֶּ֖לֶךְ ט֑וֹב תִּנָּֽתֶן־לִ֤י נַפְשִׁי֙ בִּשְׁאֵ֣לָתִ֔י וְעַמִּ֖י בְּבַקָּשָׁתִֽי׃
Queen Esther replied: “If Your Majesty will do me the favor, and if it pleases Your Majesty, let my life be granted me as my wish, and my people as my request.
כִּ֤י נִמְכַּ֙רְנוּ֙ אֲנִ֣י וְעַמִּ֔י לְהַשְׁמִ֖יד לַהֲר֣וֹג וּלְאַבֵּ֑ד וְ֠אִלּוּ לַעֲבָדִ֨ים וְלִשְׁפָח֤וֹת נִמְכַּ֙רְנוּ֙ הֶחֱרַ֔שְׁתִּי כִּ֣י אֵ֥ין הַצָּ֛ר שֹׁוֶ֖ה בְּנֵ֥זֶק הַמֶּֽלֶךְ׃ (ס)
For we have been sold, my people and I, to be destroyed, massacred, and exterminated. Had we only been sold as bondmen and bondwomen, I would have kept silent; for the adversary is not worthy of the king’s trouble.”
וַיֹּ֙אמֶר֙ הַמֶּ֣לֶךְ אֲחַשְׁוֵר֔וֹשׁ וַיֹּ֖אמֶר לְאֶסְתֵּ֣ר הַמַּלְכָּ֑ה מִ֣י ה֥וּא זֶה֙ וְאֵֽי־זֶ֣ה ה֔וּא אֲשֶׁר־מְלָא֥וֹ לִבּ֖וֹ לַעֲשׂ֥וֹת כֵּֽן׃
Thereupon King Ahasuerus demanded of Queen Esther, “Who is he and where is he who dared to do this?”
וַתֹּ֣אמֶר־אֶסְתֵּ֔ר אִ֚ישׁ צַ֣ר וְאוֹיֵ֔ב הָמָ֥ן הָרָ֖ע הַזֶּ֑ה וְהָמָ֣ן נִבְעַ֔ת מִלִּפְנֵ֥י הַמֶּ֖לֶךְ וְהַמַּלְכָּֽה׃
“The adversary and enemy,” replied Esther, “is this evil Haman!” And Haman cringed in terror before the king and the queen.
וְהַמֶּ֜לֶךְ קָ֤ם בַּחֲמָתוֹ֙ מִמִּשְׁתֵּ֣ה הַיַּ֔יִן אֶל־גִּנַּ֖ת הַבִּיתָ֑ן וְהָמָ֣ן עָמַ֗ד לְבַקֵּ֤שׁ עַל־נַפְשׁוֹ֙ מֵֽאֶסְתֵּ֣ר הַמַּלְכָּ֔ה כִּ֣י רָאָ֔ה כִּֽי־כָלְתָ֥ה אֵלָ֛יו הָרָעָ֖ה מֵאֵ֥ת הַמֶּֽלֶךְ׃
The king, in his fury, left the wine feast for the palace garden, while Haman remained to plead with Queen Esther for his life; for he saw that the king had resolved to destroy him.
וְהַמֶּ֡לֶךְ שָׁב֩ מִגִּנַּ֨ת הַבִּיתָ֜ן אֶל־בֵּ֣ית ׀ מִשְׁתֵּ֣ה הַיַּ֗יִן וְהָמָן֙ נֹפֵ֔ל עַל־הַמִּטָּה֙ אֲשֶׁ֣ר אֶסְתֵּ֣ר עָלֶ֔יהָ וַיֹּ֣אמֶר הַמֶּ֔לֶךְ הֲ֠גַם לִכְבּ֧וֹשׁ אֶת־הַמַּלְכָּ֛ה עִמִּ֖י בַּבָּ֑יִת הַדָּבָ֗ר יָצָא֙ מִפִּ֣י הַמֶּ֔לֶךְ וּפְנֵ֥י הָמָ֖ן חָפֽוּ׃ (ס)
When the king returned from the palace garden to the banquet room, Haman was lying prostrate on the couch on which Esther reclined. “Does he mean,” cried the king, “to ravish the queen in my own palace?” No sooner did these words leave the king’s lips than Haman’s face was covered.
וַיֹּ֣אמֶר חַ֠רְבוֹנָה אֶחָ֨ד מִן־הַסָּרִיסִ֜ים לִפְנֵ֣י הַמֶּ֗לֶךְ גַּ֣ם הִנֵּה־הָעֵ֣ץ אֲשֶׁר־עָשָׂ֪ה הָמָ֟ן לְֽמָרְדֳּכַ֞י אֲשֶׁ֧ר דִּבֶּר־ט֣וֹב עַל־הַמֶּ֗לֶךְ עֹמֵד֙ בְּבֵ֣ית הָמָ֔ן גָּבֹ֖הַּ חֲמִשִּׁ֣ים אַמָּ֑ה וַיֹּ֥אמֶר הַמֶּ֖לֶךְ תְּלֻ֥הוּ עָלָֽיו׃
Then Harbonah, one of the eunuchs in attendance on the king, said, “What is more, a stake is standing at Haman’s house, fifty cubits high, which Haman made for Mordecai—the man whose words saved the king.” “Impale him on it!” the king ordered.

Excerpt from Consent Accidents and Consent Violations - Charlie Glickman, PhD

A consent violation happens when someone chooses to ignore or cross someone’s boundaries. People do that for a lot of reasons, including selfishness, arrogance, not caring about their partner, getting off on harming someone (which is distinct from the consensual experience of BDSM), or being somewhere else on the douchebag-rapist spectrum.

Consent accidents, however, are different because they happen because of error, miscommunication, misunderstanding, or not having all the information. That doesn’t make it less painful. If you step on my toes, it hurts whether it was an accident or on purpose. But how I approach the situation and what we do to resolve it might look very different.