(ב) וּמַה הִיא הַתְּשׁוּבָה. הוּא שֶׁיַּעֲזֹב הַחוֹטֵא חֶטְאוֹ וִיסִירוֹ מִמַּחֲשַׁבְתּוֹ וְיִגְמֹר בְּלִבּוֹ שֶׁלֹּא יַעֲשֵׂהוּ עוֹד שֶׁנֶּאֱמַר (ישעיה נה ז) "יַעֲזֹב רָשָׁע דַּרְכּוֹ" וְגוֹ'. וְכֵן יִתְנַחֵם עַל שֶׁעָבַר שֶׁנֶּאֱמַר (ירמיה לא יח) "כִּי אַחֲרֵי שׁוּבִי נִחַמְתִּי". וְיָעִיד עָלָיו יוֹדֵעַ תַּעֲלוּמוֹת שֶׁלֹּא יָשׁוּב לְזֶה הַחֵטְא לְעוֹלָם שֶׁנֶּאֱמַר (הושע יד ד) "וְלֹא נֹאמַר עוֹד אֱלֹהֵינוּ לְמַעֲשֵׂה יָדֵינוּ" וְגוֹ'. וְצָרִיךְ לְהִתְוַדּוֹת בִּשְׂפָתָיו וְלוֹמַר עִנְיָנוֹת אֵלּוּ שֶׁגָּמַר בְּלִבּוֹ:
(2) What is repentance? The sinner shall cease sinning, and remove sin from his thoughts, and wholeheartedly conclude not to revert back to it, even as it is said: "Let the wicked forsake his way" (Is. 55.7); so, too, shall he be remorseful on what was past, even as it is said: "Surely after that I was turned, I repented" (Jer. 31. 19). In addition thereto he should take to witness Him Who knoweth all secrets that forever he will not turn to repeat that sin again, according to what it is said: "Say unto Him.… neither will we call any more the work of our hands our gods" (Hos. 14.3–4). It is, moreover, essential that his confession shall be by spoken words of his lips, and all that which he concluded in his heart shall be formed in speech.2Yoma, 57b; Shabbat, 121. G.
But what if I don't feel remorse? Why am I not upset about certain things that I know I do wrong?
Where does this lead me on my path towards repentance/growth?
3 possible solutions:
1) Introspection
Wikipedia on Cognitive Dissonance
Cognitive Dissonance is the mental discomfort (psychological stress) experienced by a person who simultaneously holds two or more contradictory beliefs, ideas, or values. This discomfort is triggered by a situation in which a belief of a person clashes with new evidence perceived by that person. When confronted with facts that contradict personal beliefs, ideals, and values, people will find a way to resolve the contradiction in order to reduce their discomfort.[1][2]
In A Theory of Cognitive Dissonance (1957), Leon Festinger proposed that human beings strive for internal psychological consistency in order to mentally function in the real world. A person who experiences internal inconsistency tends to become psychologically uncomfortable, and so is motivated to reduce the cognitive dissonance, by making changes to justify the stressful behavior, either by adding new parts to the cognition causing the psychological dissonance, or by actively avoiding social situations and contradictory information likely to increase the magnitude of the cognitive dissonance.
2) Yom Kippur as a fresh slate
וטעם כי המצוה הזאת על כל התורה כולה והנכון כי על כל התורה יאמר (לעיל ח א) "כל המצוה אשר אנכי מצוך היום" אבל המצוה הזאת על התשובה הנזכרת כי והשבות אל לבבך (בפסוק א) ושבת עד ה' אלהיך (בפסוק ב) מצוה שיצוה אותנו לעשות כן ונאמרה בלשון הבינוני לרמוז בהבטחה כי עתיד הדבר להיות כן והטעם לאמר כי אם יהיה נדחך בקצה השמים ואתה ביד העמים תוכל לשוב אל ה' ולעשות ככל אשר אנכי מצוך היום כי אין הדבר נפלא ורחוק ממך אבל קרוב אליך מאד לעשותו בכל עת ובכל מקום וזה טעם בפיך ובלבבך לעשותו שיתודו את עונם ואת עון אבותם בפיהם וישובו בלבם אל ה' ויקבלו עליהם היום התורה לעשותה לדורות כאשר הזכיר (לעיל פסוק ב) אתה ובניך בכל לבבך כמו שפירשתי (שם):
The meaning of "because this commandment". Refers to the whole torah. And this is correct because of the whole torah it says (Deuteronomy 8:1) "All the commandment which I [God] command you today". But "this commandment" refers to repentance. Because [the verses] "you will return in your hearts" (Deuteronomy 30:1) and "you will return to the Lord your God" (Deuteronomy 30:2) [prove that] the commandment (to return) that He commanded us to do [is a commandment]... Because this thing is not too esoteric or distant for you, but rather is very close to you to do it in every time and in every place. And this is the meaning of "in your mouth and in your heart to do it": That they should confess their sins and the sins of their ancestors with their mouths and return in their hearts to God and welcome onto themselves today the torah to do it the generations as it is mentioned (Deuteronomy 30:2) "you and your children with all of your heart" as I have explained there.
3) Convincing yourself of the value of actions
The Will to Believe, William James 1896
"No concrete test of what is really true has ever been agreed upon… To claim that certain truths now possess it, is simply to say that when you think them true and they are true, then their evidence is objective, otherwise it is not. But practically one's conviction that the evidence one goes by is of the real objective brand, is only one more subjective opinion added to the lot. For what a contradictory array of opinions have objective evidence and absolute certitude been claimed…
But please observe, now, that when as empiricists we give up the doctrine of objective certitude, we do not thereby give up the quest or hope of truth itself. We still pin our faith on its existence, and still believe that we gain an ever better position towards it by systematically continuing to roll up experiences and think. Our great difference from the scholastic lies in the way we face. The strength of his system lies in the principles, the origin, the terminus a quo [the beginning point] of his thought; for us the strength is in the outcome, the upshot, the terminus ad quem [the end result]. Not where it comes from but what it leads to is to decide. It matters not to an empiricist from what quarter an hypothesis may come to him: he may have acquired it by fair means or by foul; passion may have whispered or accident suggested it; but if the total drift of thinking continues to confirm it, that is what he means by its being true."
כִּֽי־בַיּ֥וֹם הַזֶּ֛ה יְכַפֵּ֥ר עֲלֵיכֶ֖ם לְטַהֵ֣ר אֶתְכֶ֑ם מִכֹּל֙ חַטֹּ֣אתֵיכֶ֔ם לִפְנֵ֥י יְהוָ֖ה תִּטְהָֽרוּ׃
For on this day atonement shall be made for you to cleanse you of all your sins; you shall be clean before the LORD.
Do any of these lead us to the possibility of a full repentance process? Is remorse really the only way to be fully motivated to improve oneself?
On Repentance, Rabbi Joseph Dov Soloveitchik pp. 204
"The will and the intellect unite to defeat the passions, to overcome the emotional drive which impels him and puts him under the bewitching spell of sin... This is not spontaneous remorse over what has been; on the contrary, yesterday still attracts– but opposing it is the steadfast resolve of the intellect and the will regarding the future. Awareness of sin leads to repentance of the mind which indicates a resolution for the future as well. Remorse comes later. Remorse comes as a result of the resolve for the future; it is a conclusion and active consequence of the strong will to change the sinful way of life and mode of thought."
General Structure:
3 possibilities of how this situation can come about:
- I don’t actually believe that it’s wrong
- I believe it’s wrong but I think it’s out of reach
- I don’t really care if my actions reflect my values so much. I’m fine with the inconsistency.
Where do each of these leave us vis a vis the repentance process?
- Is this actually true or am I using this as a cop out? Maybe you need to take a more active approach at reevaluating where you get your values and try to be as honest with yourself as possible.
- Use a day like Yom Kippur to view yourself with a fresh slate. Even if you know you won’t get there, there is a value in convincing yourself that you’re invincible and can do anything.
- Use Yom Kippur to convince yourself of the value of actions. YK as a celebration of our ability to act and determine our lives and how we can and should live our lives in accordance with our values. Leads to an elevated sense of existence.