Struggle, Stamina & Self-Reflection: Thoughts on Teshuva 7 Tishrei 5779 | Livingston, NJ

When Solomon built the Temple and sought to bring the Ark into the Holy of Holies, the gates clung together and could not be opened. Solomon uttered twenty-four songs of praise, and his prayer was not answered...

[Finally,] Once he said: “O Lord God, turn not away the face of Your anointed; remember the good deeds of David Your servant”, he was immediately answered, and the gates opened.

(translated by Rabbanit Sara Wolkenfeld)

All of the things which are within the heart need help from the heart, for if you say to a person to fear and they don't fear, they can't just feel fear. So too... if you tell them to be upset or not to be upset, or to be happy or not to be happy or the like, the person cannot do the opposite of what their heart wants...

They said about Rabbi Elazar ben Durdayya that he did not leave one prostitute in the world with whom he did not engage in sexual intercourse. Once, he heard that there was one prostitute overseas and he crossed seven rivers to reach her. When they were engaged in the act, a breeze passed and she said: Just as this passed wind will not return to its place, so too Elazar ben Durdayya will not be accepted in repentance.

This statement deeply shocked him and he went and sat between two mountains and hills and said: Mountains and hills, pray for mercy on my behalf, so that my repentance will be accepted. They said to him: Before we pray for your mercy, we must pray for mercy on us. He said: Heaven and earth, pray for mercy on me....Sun and moon, pray for my mercy...Stars and constellations, pray for mercy on me. They all said to him: Before we pray for mercy on you, we must pray for mercy on us..

Elazar ben Durdayya said: Clearly the matter depends on nothing other than myself. He placed his head between his knees and cried loudly until his soul left his body. A Divine Voice emerged and said: Rabbi Elazar ben Durdayya is destined for life in the World-to-Come....

When Rabbi Yehuda HaNasi heard this story he wept and said: There is one who acquires his share in the World-to-Come only after many years, and there is one who acquires it in one moment.

(loosely translated)

The truth is, that every day, humans have an opportunity to be awakened by Hashem, (as we learn in the Gemara that a heavenly voice calls out from Mt. Sinai daily for all of us to return).

But the truth is that this "awakening" only happens for an instant. But, we have to grasp onto it with all of our strength whenever it does come.

So we should find a Mitzvah to latch onto, like giving Tzedakah or learning Torah, which will connect us to the feelings of that Moment of Awakening. Then, the next time this feeling comes, even with more intensity, we will be less apt to run from it, and we will be more connected it it, more and more every day.

In her wretchedness, she prayed to the LORD, weeping all the while. As she kept on praying before the LORD, Eli watched her mouth. Now Hannah was praying in her heart; only her lips moved, but her voice could not be heard. So Eli thought she was drunk. Eli said to her, “How long will you make a drunken spectacle of yourself? Sober up!” And Hannah replied, “Oh no, my lord! I am a very unhappy woman. I have drunk no wine or other strong drink, but I have been pouring out my heart to the LORD."

And Hannah prayed: My heart exults in the LORD; I have triumphed through the LORD. I gloat over my enemies; I rejoice in Your deliverance. There is no holy one like the LORD, Truly, there is none beside You; There is no rock like our God. Talk no more with lofty pride, Let no arrogance cross your lips! For the LORD is an all-knowing God; By Him actions are measured. The bows of the mighty are broken, And the faltering are girded with strength. Men once sated must hire out for bread; Men once hungry hunger no more. While the barren woman bears seven, The mother of many is forlorn. The LORD deals death and gives life, Casts down into Sheol and raises up. The LORD makes poor and makes rich; He casts down, He also lifts high. He raises the poor from the dust, Lifts up the needy from the dunghill, Setting them with nobles, Granting them seats of honor. For the pillars of the earth are the LORD’s; He has set the world upon them. He guards the steps of His faithful, But the wicked perish in darkness— For not by strength shall man prevail. The foes of the LORD shall be shattered; He will thunder against them in the heavens. The LORD will judge the ends of the earth. He will give power to His king, And triumph to His anointed one.

What cause does one have for pride? Perhaps his wealth? "The Lord impoverishes and enriches" (I Samuel 2:7). Perhaps his honor? It belongs to God, as it is written (I Chronicles 29:12), "Wealth and honor come from You." So how could one adorn himself with G-d's honor? And one who prides himself in his wisdom surely knows that God "takes away the speech of assured men and reasoning from the sages" (Job 12:20).

Thus, all are equal before God, since with His anger He lowers the proud and when He wishes He raises the low.

On Rosh Hashanah it is inscribed, and on Yom Kippur it is sealed - how many shall pass away and how many shall be born, who shall live and who shall die, who in good time, and who by an untimely death, who by water and who by fire, who by sword and who by wild beast, who by famine and who by thirst, who by earthquake and who by plague, who by strangulation and who by lapidation, who shall have rest and who wander, who shall be at peace and who pursued, who shall be serene and who tormented, who shall become impoverished and who wealthy, who shall be debased, and who exalted.

But repentance, prayer and righteousness avert the severity of the decree.

[Since Menasshe was such an evil, terrible man,] the heavenly angels wanted to shut the windows in Hashem's palace chamber so that no prayers of Menasshe would enter His presence. The angels said to G-d, how could you ever accept repentance from a man who worshiped idols? G-d answered them- if I don't accept his Teshuva, then I am locking the doors to anyone who wants to come offer up Teshuva.

David said to Nathan, “I stand guilty before the LORD!” And Nathan replied to David, “The LORD has remitted your sin; you shall not die."

...At that moment, the faces of all of David’s enemies turned dark like the charred bottom of a pot. And all of the Jewish people knew that the Holy One, Blessed be He, had forgiven him for that sin, as it was only by David’s merit that Solomon’s prayer was answered.

[The Torah is] more desirable than gold, than much fine gold; sweeter than honey