(יב) כַּבֵּ֥ד אֶת־אָבִ֖יךָ וְאֶת־אִמֶּ֑ךָ לְמַ֙עַן֙ יַאֲרִכ֣וּן יָמֶ֔יךָ עַ֚ל הָאֲדָמָ֔ה אֲשֶׁר־יְהוָ֥ה אֱלֹהֶ֖יךָ נֹתֵ֥ן לָֽךְ׃ (ס)
(12) Honor your father and your mother, that you may long endure on the land that the LORD your God is assigning to you.
(א) למען יאריכון ימיוי אלו החמשה דברות בשמירתן יאריכון ימיך, שיסבבו לך אורך ימים בלתי בעל תכלית שלא יפול בו רוחב, כאמרם ז''ל לעולם שכלו ארוך. כי אמנם ענין אלו החמשה דברות הוא כלו אומר כבוד לאל יתברך, אשר בו ינחל המכבד חיי עולם, וזה שנדעהו למהוה מאין, ולהיות אלהיך הוא לבדו, ולא נעבוד זולתו, ולא נמרה בו במחשבה בדבור ובמעשה, ונכבדהו, הלא הוא אבינו קננו: (ב) על האדמה בשמירתם תזכה לזה שאותו אורך ימים שאמרתי תקנהו בשבתך על האדמה שלא תגלה ממנה. אמנם החמשה דברות אחרות, והן שלא נזיק לאדם בגופו בכבודו ובממונו, במעשה בדבור ובמחשבה, הן אזהרות שומרות מהעונש בעולם הבא והעולם הזה:
(1) These are the five Commandments which by their observance contribute to your enjoying a life of a single dimension. By performing these five Commandments one renders honour to G’d, as a result of which the one rendering this honour to G’d will himself become part of G’d’s eternal life. Doing this involves knowing that G’d created the universe out of “nothing,” no physical substance. It also involves accepting G’d as the exclusive Divinity in the universe and therefore not worshipping anyone else or anything else. It also involves not only not rebelling against Him in deed, but not contemplating rebellion even in one’s thoughts or speech. It involves actively honouring Him, after all, He is our father, our maker. Are we not commanded to even honour our mortal parents? (2) על האדמה, by observing the above-mentioned five Commandments you will merit to enjoy life without being exiled from your ancestral land. Observance of the other five Commandments are designed to protect you against falling victim to harm befalling your body, or your property, or your dignity, your standing in the eyes of your peers. Here too, observance includes not only abstaining from violating these Commandments by deed, but also not violating them by word of mouth or even contemplating violation in your mind. Basically, the last five Commandments are addressed to your life on this earth, whereas the former are addressed to ensuring your life beyond the transient life on earth.
(א) כבד את אביך הנה השלים כל מה שאנו חייבין בדברי הבורא בעצמו ובכבודו... למען יאריכון ימיך ועל האדמה, יבטיח כי במצוה הזאת יהיו כל ימותינו ארוכים, כי ימלא השם ימינו בעולם הזה, ויהיו ארוכים בעולם הבא שכלו ארוך, ותהיה ישיבתינו לעד על האדמה הטובה שיתן לנו, ובמשנה תורה (דברים ה טז) פירש למען יאריכון ימיך ולמען ייטב לך על האדמה, והנה הם שתי הבטחות:
Honoring one’s parents does not involve a ritual act, but is a requirement of daily life, so that your days will be extended on the land that the Lord your God gives you. The reward for one who honors his parents is a long life in this world. For the sake of your days and of the earth shall be fulfilled, that in this mitzva, all our days shall be long, for the name of our days shall be filled in this world, and they shall be long in the world to come, the mind long, and shall dwell forever upon the good land that He shall give us. You will be better off on earth, and these are the two promises.
Just as an important aspect of belief and faith in the Lord is the second commandment לא יהיה לך, that you must not exchange Him for another deity, so an integral part of the commandment to honor one’s father and mother is not to deny the fact that they are in fact your father and mother. Just as it is forbidden to swear a false or vain oath in the name of the Lord, so it is forbidden to use the reference to the life of one’s father or mother as a way of reinforcing one’s credibility when swearing a false or vain oath. Furthermore, it is forbidden to serve one’s father because one expects to inherit his wealth or even because one hopes to receive the honor and title one’s father enjoyed during his own life time.
There are numerous details pertaining to the observance of this commandment which our sages have taught us in this regard. To mention but a few: the son is obligated to provide for his father with food, drink, clothing, etc., both as a financial contribution as well as being a physical support for him in case of illness, frailty in his father’s old age, etc. (Kiddushin 31). In Proverbs 3,8 Solomon instructs us כבד את ה' מהונך, “demonstrate your honoring the Lord by using your wealth.” The way one honors the Lord with one’s wealth [seeing He has neither need of it nor use for it, Ed.] is to distribute some of one’s wealth to the poor. One must set aside the various tithes the Torah has instructed us to give to the priest, the Levite, or the poor. Seeing the Torah has set aside tithes and gifts for these people who are not your next of kin, one must certainly provide for one’ parents if the need arises.
As to the reward promised here that he who observes this commandment will enjoy long life in the land of Israel, Rav Saadyah Gaon has explained that seeing that on occasion father and son share many years together on this earth, i.e. the father enjoys in inordinately long life, and as a result the son may feel that the obligation to look after his father in addition to his obligation to look after his own wife and children has become very burdensome, this is the reason why the Torah went out of its way in this instance to promise long life to the son who observes this commandment meticulously. This is not as much a promise of reward as it is a warning not to neglect fulfillment of this commandment as failing to observe it is equivalent to playing with one’s own life. If you are interested in long life yourself, make sure that your father and mother’s lives are enjoyable.
This concludes the first five of the Ten Commandments. They all appear on the same tablet, and, as we have demonstrated, there is conceptual linkage between all of them. To sum this up once more: the first commandment is to believe in the Lord, His existence, His exclusivity. In order that one should not think that it suffices to believe in the Lord and at the same time to believe that He has partners, the second commandment spells out that belief in any partner of G’d is intolerable. In order that someone should not say that seeing that G’d has no partner it does not matter if we bandy His name about needlessly, the Torah had to go on record that this is the very reverse of honoring Him, that one must on no account treat His name as if it were something common or ordinary. Having begun to tell us what is an act of dishonoring G’d, i.e. using His name in vain, the Torah then instructed us in an example of how to honor His name, i.e. observing His Sabbath. If we really want to show that we honor Him and His name we will be meticulous in our Sabbath observance. Having instructed us in how to honor Him by honoring the Sabbath, the Torah then proceeded to instruct us to honor those who have begotten us, i.e. our parents. This concludes my commentary on the first five of the Ten Commandments and how they are related to each other.
(א) כבר את אביך וגו' עד לא תרצח לא תנאף וגו' זה הוא הדבור הה' וכבר יראה ממנו שהוא מהדברים שבין אדם לחבירו וכן הוא דעת הרמב"ן כי הוא בכבוד ההורים שהם היותר אהובים מכל שאר האברים...למען יאריכון ימיך ולמען ייטב לך שביאר שתי הכוונות אשר זכרתי. ואמנם למה אמר שם בשבת וכבוד אב ואם כאשר צוך ה' אלהיך ולא אמר כן בשאר הדברות הנה יבוא ביאורי שמה בע"ה. ואפשר לומר עוד שלא אמר למען יאריכון ימיך ליעד שכר המכבד את אביו ואת אמו אלא לענין הקבלה אשר יקבל מפיהם באמונות האמתיות יאמר שהנה יצטרך לזה לפי שיאריכון ימיו על האדמה ובאורך הימים לא תזכרנה הראשונות ולא יעלה על לב ולכן יצטרך לקבלת האבות ולכבדם וזה הוא למען יאריכון ימיך. ר"ל למען שאתה עתיד שיאריכון ימיך על האדמה ההיא ותהיה קבלת האבות הכרחית אליך. והראב"ע פירש למען ייטב לך על השכר הנפשיי שהוא כלו טוב והאריכות ימים על האדמה הוא בעולם הזה והוא דרך חז"ל נכון ואמתי בלי ספק. ובזה נשלמו חמשת הדברות הראשונים המיוחדים לבין אדם למקום שהיו בלוח אחד ויבואו אחריהם הה' שבין אדם לחבירו:
In the case of honoring one's parents, the reward “that you may long endure on the land" is also a result: if children honor their parents, they will naturally learn Torah, morality and the commandments from them, and naturally the next generation and those that follow will not disown their Jewish roots, and thus will not be exiled from the land, neither of their own free will nor by coercion...for the sake of the longevity of your days, and for the better of you, who has explained the two intentions which I have remembered. And it is possible to say that he did not say in order to prolong your days to the goal of reward that respects his father and his mother, but regarding the things that he will receive from them in the true faiths, he will say That he will have to do this according to the fact that his days are on the earth, and in the course of time the first ones will not be remembered and will not exceed the heart, and therefore he will have to receive the fathers and honor them, and this is for the sake of your days. And the Holy One, blessed be He, interpreted for the sake of your well-being, for the mental reward that he ate well and the longevity on earth is in this world and he is certainly true and true to our sages. In this way, the first five special commandments were completed and a person was placed on one board, followed by the Lord between man and his fellow
(ב) ומלת יאריכון. פועל יוצא. כי הן יהיו סבה והעד למען תאריכו ימים והארכת ימים. בעבור המצוה שתעשה נמצאת אתה מאריך ימיך. ואמר על האדמה. כי כאשר ישמרו ישראל זאת המצוה לא יגלו ממנה. וכתוב אב ואם הקלו בך. והנה במצות כבוד אב שלא יעשו ההפך שיהיה מקלל או מקלה. וחייב מיתה על המקלל. כי השומעים ישמעו הקללה מפיו. ולא חייב כן על המקלה. כי המקלה יוכל לעשות גם כן בסתר על כן צוה הכ' שיהיה במלת ארור ככל הכתובים שהם בסתר
The word "longevity" refers to the result...for your mitzva you will prolong your days. The words "on the ground" refer to something else. Because when Israel preserves this mitzvah it will not be revealed. And it is written, "Father and mother have made it easier for you". And here, with respect to a father, they will not do the opposite of cursing or mitigating. And he had to kill the blasphemer. That the listeners will hear the curse from his mouth. And he does not have to. For the curse can also be done in secret, so the Lord commanded that there be a cursed word for all the Scriptures which are in secret
(א) אלו דברים שאין להם שיעור הפאה. והבכורים. והראיון. וגמילות חסדים ותלמוד תורה. אלו דברים שאדם אוכל פירותיהן בעולם הזה והקרן קיימת לו לעולם הבא. כיבוד אב ואם וגמילות חסדים והבאת שלום בין אדם לחבירו ותלמוד תורה כנגד כולם:
(1) These are the things that have no measure: Peah [corner of the field which, while harvesting, must be left for the poor], Bikurim [First-fruits that must be brought to the Temple and given to the priest], the appearance-sacrifice [brought to the Temple on Pilgrimage Festivals], acts of kindness, and the study of the Torah. These are things the fruits of which a man enjoys in this world, while the principal remains for him in the World to Come: Honoring one's father and mother, acts of kindness, and bringing peace between a man and his fellow. But the study of Torah is equal to them all.
This is why the reward is so great - because by honoring others and understanding that there is a hierarchy, and that you are not the center of it is an indirect way or expressing your belief and appreciation of all of the Torah. That sort of selflessness is worth extra years on this earth.
The roots and origins of this mitzva are that it is right and beneficial for a person to recognise and acknowledge when someone does good for them, and to act generously and kindly in return. And he should not disgrace himself by being stubborn and distant and closed of heart, for this is a poor and wholly despicable trait in the eyes of God and man. And he should meditate on the fact that his father and mother are the reason for his existence in the world, and that therefore it is truly incumbent upon him to act respectfully and in ways that will benefit and help them. For they brought him into the world, and showed him all manner of kindness and affections when he was young. And when he properly internalises and strengthens this trait in his soul, there will grow from it a recognition of the goodness and kindness of God. For he is the ultimate reason for our existence, and for the existence of our forefathers stretching all the way back to Adam HaRishon. And he brought the individual into the air of the world, and provided all his needs, and enabled him to have clothing and completeness of body. He also gave him a mind capable of knowledge and understanding, and without this act of kindness he would live in darkness and ignorance. Reflecting on all of this, he will understand the need for thought and care in his worship and service of God. ...
The Talmud in Kiddushin 30b teaches that there are three partners in the formation of a person: father, mother, and the Almighty. If we have gratitude to our parents for the gift of life, how much more so we'll be grateful to God for creating and sustaining the entire world – for giving us air to breathe, flowers to smell, and soil to walk on. By honoring those who brought us into existence, we learn not to take things for granted and develop an appreciation for the kindness of others. That is the message of the Sefer HaChinuch.