איכא נועל בפניה אלא לבית האבל מאי נועל בפניה איכא תנא למחר היא מתה ואין כל בריה סופדה ואיכא דאמרי אין כל בריה סופנה there is effectively an act of locking a door in front of her by withholding from her any possibility of rejoicing, but when he forbids her from going to a house of mourning, what locking of a door in front of her is there? He taught: In the future she too will die, and no person will eulogize her or take care of her, just as she did not do so for others. And some say: No person will value her or pay attention to her, since a person who does not visit the sick or console mourners cuts himself off from others.
תניא היה ר' מאיר אומר מאי דכתיב (קהלת ז, ב) טוב ללכת אל בית אבל מלכת אל בית משתה באשר הוא סוף כל האדם והחי יתן אל לבו מאי והחי יתן אל לבו דברים של מיתה דספד יספדוניה דקבר יקברוניה דידל ידלוניה דלואי ילווניה דטען יטענוניה: Similarly, it is taught in a baraita: Rabbi Meir used to say: What is the meaning of that which is written: “It is better to go to a house of mourning than to go to a house of feasting, since that is the end of all men, and the living will take it to heart” (Ecclesiastes 7:2)? What does “and the living will take it to heart” mean? It means that they will take matters relating to death to heart, realizing that they too will eventually die. He who eulogizes others, people will eulogize him; he who buries someone, people will bury him; he who lifts others to bring them to burial, people will similarly lift him to bring him to burial; he who escorts others out for burial, people will similarly escort him; he who carries others, others will carry him. Therefore, one who does not come to a house of mourning to comfort the bereaved will himself not be treated with proper dignity when he dies.
ואם היה טוען משום דבר אחר רשאי: מאי דבר אחר אמר רב יהודה אמר שמואל משום בני אדם פרוצין שמצויין שם אמר רב אשי לא אמרן אלא דאיתחזק אבל לא איתחזק לא כל כמיניה: § The mishna stated: And if he claimed he forbade her due to something else, he is permitted to do so. The Gemara asks: What is meant by something else? Rav Yehuda said that Shmuel said: He claims he did so due to promiscuous individuals that are commonly found there, and he does not want his wife to be among them. Rav Ashi said: We said that he may forbid her only with regard to a case where a presumption has been established that promiscuous people frequent this location, but if no such presumption has been established, it is not in his power to say he is concerned about it.
ואם אמר לה ע"מ שתאמרי: ותימא אמר רב יהודה אמר שמואל דברים של קלון: § The mishna stated: And if he said to her: The vow will be void on condition that you tell so-and-so what you told me, or what I told you, he must divorce her and give her the payment of her marriage contract. The Gemara asks: And let her say it. Why shouldn’t she simply comply with his wishes? Rav Yehuda said that Shmuel said: It is referring to degrading matters, meaning intimate conversations between husband and wife, which she is ashamed to relate in the presence of others.
או שתהא ממלאה ומערה לאשפה: ותיעביד א"ר יהודה אמר שמואל שתמלא ונופצת במתניתא תנא שתמלא עשרה כדי מים ותערה לאשפה The mishna stated: Or he said the vow will be void on condition that she fill something up and pour it into the refuse. The Gemara asks: And let her do it. Rav Yehuda said that Shmuel said: The mishna’s intention is that he demanded that she fill herself up and then shake herself out. This is a euphemistic way of saying that the husband wants her to take measures to prevent herself from becoming pregnant, and she is permitted to protest this. It was taught in a baraita: The case is that he told her to fill up ten jugs of water and pour them into the refuse, a task that involves pointless effort and appears foolish.
בשלמא לשמואל משום הכי יוציא ויתן כתובה אלא למתניתא מאי נפקא לה מינה תיעביד אמר רבה בר בר חנה אמר רבי יוחנן מפני שנראית כשוטה The Gemara asks: Granted that according to Shmuel, who explains that the mishna is referring to a case where the husband insists that she not become pregnant, due to that reason he must divorce her and give her the payment of her marriage contract. But according to the baraita, which explains that he simply wants her to engage in pointless work, what difference does it make to her? Let her do it. Rabba bar bar Ḥanna said that Rabbi Yoḥanan said: Because she would appear insane if she were to perform pointless actions, she may therefore demand a divorce.
אמר רב כהנא המדיר את אשתו שלא תשאל ושלא תשאיל נפה וכברה וריחים ותנור יוציא ויתן כתובה שמשיאה שם רע בשכינותיה Rav Kahana said: One who vows and obligates his wife not to borrow or not to lend utensils that people generally lend, such as a sifter, or a sieve, or a mill, or an oven, must divorce her and give her the payment of her marriage contract, since by making such rules he causes her to develop a bad reputation among her neighbors, who will suspect her of stinginess or haughtiness.
תניא נמי הכי המדיר את אשתו שלא תשאל ושלא תשאיל נפה וכברה ריחים ותנור יוציא ויתן כתובה מפני שמשיאה שם רע בשכינותיה וכן היא שנדרה שלא תשאל ושלא תשאיל נפה וכברה וריחים ותנור ושלא תארוג בגדים נאים לבניו תצא שלא בכתובה מפני שמשיאתו שם רע בשכיניו: The Gemara notes: That opinion is also taught in a baraita: One who vows and obligates his wife not to borrow or not to lend a sifter, or a sieve, or a mill, or an oven, must divorce her and give her the payment of her marriage contract, since he causes her to develop a bad reputation among her neighbors. And similarly, if it is she who vowed not to borrow or not to lend a sifter, or a sieve, or a mill, or an oven, or that she will not weave nice garments for his children, she may be divorced without payment of her marriage contract. This too is because she causes him to develop a bad reputation among his neighbors, as they will link her behavior to him and think that he instructed her to act this way.
מתני׳ ואלו יוצאות שלא בכתובה העוברת על דת משה ויהודית ואיזו היא דת משה מאכילתו שאינו מעושר ומשמשתו נדה ולא קוצה לה חלה ונודרת ואינה מקיימת MISHNA: And these are examples of women who may be divorced without payment of their marriage contract: A woman who violates the precepts of Moses, i.e., halakha, or the precepts of Jewish women, i.e., custom. The Mishna explains: And who is categorized as a woman who violates the precepts of Moses? This includes cases such as when she feeds him food that has not been tithed, or she engages in sexual intercourse with him while she has the legal status of a menstruating woman, or she does not separate a portion of dough to be given to a priest [ḥalla], or she vows and does not fulfill her vows.
ואיזוהי דת יהודית יוצאה וראשה פרוע וטווה בשוק ומדברת עם כל אדם אבא שאול אומר אף המקללת יולדיו בפניו רבי טרפון אומר אף הקולנית ואיזוהי קולנית לכשהיא מדברת בתוך ביתה ושכיניה שומעין קולה: And who is considered a woman who violates the precepts of Jewish women? One who, for example, goes out of her house, and her head, i.e., her hair, is uncovered; or she spins wool in the public marketplace; or she speaks with every man she encounters. Abba Shaul says: Also one who curses his, i.e., her husband’s, parents in his presence. Rabbi Tarfon says: Also a loud woman. And who is defined as a loud woman? When she speaks inside her house and her neighbors hear her voice.
גמ׳ מאכילתו שאינו מעושר: היכי דמי אי דידע נפרוש אי דלא ידע מנא ידע לא צריכא דאמרה ליה פלוני כהן תיקן לי את הכרי ואזיל שייליה ואשתכח שיקרא: GEMARA: The mishna stated: She feeds him food that has not been tithed. The Gemara attempts to clarify: What are the circumstances of the case under discussion? If he knows that the food is untithed, he should abstain and not eat it. And if he does not know that the food is untithed, then how does he know that she in fact fed him such food, so that he can divorce her? The Gemara responds: No, it is necessary when she tells him: So-and-so the priest rectified the pile of grain for me by tithing it, and he then went and asked the priest whether he did so, and it was found to be a lie. It is therefore clear that she did not tithe the food before she served it to him.
ומשמשתו נדה: היכי דמי אי דידע בה נפרוש אי דלא ידע נסמוך עילוה דא"ר חיננא בר כהנא אמר שמואל מנין לנדה שסופרת לעצמה שנאמר (ויקרא טו, כח) וספרה לה שבעת ימים לה לעצמה § The mishna stated: Or she engages in sexual intercourse with him while she has the status of a menstruating woman. The Gemara asks: What are the circumstances? If he knows about her that she is a menstruating woman, he should abstain. And if he does not know, then he should rely on her. Because Rav Ḥinnana bar Kahana said that Shmuel said: From where is it derived that a menstruating woman can count the days for herself, and that she is trusted to testify that she did so? As it is stated: “Then she shall count to herself seven days” (Leviticus 15:28). “To herself” means by herself, and she may be trusted that she did so. If so, why can’t the husband trust his wife that she is not a menstruating woman?
לא צריכא דאמרה ליה פלוני חכם טיהר לי את הדם ואזל שייליה ואשתכח שיקרא ואיבעית אימא כדרב יהודה דאמר רב יהודה הוחזקה נדה בשכינותיה בעלה לוקה עליה משום נדה: The Gemara answers: No, it is necessary when she tells him: So-and-so the Sage purified the blood for me by ruling that it did not qualify as menstrual blood, and he went and asked him, and it was found that her claim was a lie. And if you wish, say instead that this is similar to that which Rav Yehuda said, as Rav Yehuda stated: If she is known by her neighbors to be a menstruating woman, her husband is flogged if he has relations with her, due to the prohibition against cohabiting with a menstruating woman. In this case, she was known by her neighbors to be a menstruating woman, but she had not told her husband. She then engaged in sexual intercourse with him, and he subsequently discovered her status from her neighbors.
ולא קוצה לה חלה: היכי דמי אי דידע נפרוש אי דלא ידע מנא ידע לא צריכא דאמרה ליה פלוני גבל תיקן לי את העיסה ואזיל שייליה ואשתכח שיקרא: § The mishna stated: Or she does not separate ḥalla. The Gemara asks: What are the circumstances? If he knows that she did not separate ḥalla, he should abstain. If he does not know, then how does he know about it afterward in order to divorce her? The Gemara answers: No, it is necessary when she tells him: So-and-so the kneader rectified the dough for me by separating ḥalla, and he went and asked him, and it was found that her claim was a lie.
ונודרת ואינה מקיימת: דאמר מר בעון נדרים בנים מתים שנאמר (קהלת ה, ה) אל תתן את פיך לחטיא את בשרך וגו' ואיזו הן מעשה ידיו של אדם הוי אומר בניו ובנותיו רב נחמן אמר מהכא (ירמיהו ב, ל) לשוא הכיתי את בניכם לשוא על עסקי שוא § The mishna also stated: Or she vows and does not fulfill her vows. The Gemara clarifies the reason for this, as it is different from the other cases in the mishna, where she causes her husband to violate a prohibition. In this case it is only she who violates a prohibition. As the Master said: Due to the sin of unfulfilled vows, children die, as it is stated: “It is better not to vow than to vow and not pay. Do not allow your mouth to bring your flesh to sin…why should the Lord become angry at your voice and destroy the work of your hands?” (Ecclesiastes 5:4–5). And what is the work of a person’s hands? You must say it is referring to his sons and his daughters. Rav Naḥman said: A proof to the above idea may be brought from here: “In vain I smote your children” (Jeremiah 2:30). The phrase “in vain” means: For matters caused by vain words, meaning that you took a vow and did not fulfill it.
תניא היה ר"מ אומר כל היודע באשתו שנודרת ואינה מקיימת יחזור וידירנה ידירנה במאי מתקן לה אלא יחזור ויקניטנה כדי שתדור בפניו ויפר לה אמרו לו אין אדם דר עם נחש בכפיפה It is taught in a baraita that Rabbi Meir used to say: Anyone who knows concerning his wife that she vows and does not fulfill her vows should return and vow to obligate her. The Gemara wonders: He should vow and obligate her? How will he rectify it for her by doing this? Rather, the intention is he should return and provoke her, so that she will vow in his presence and he can then nullify it for her. They said to him: This solution is not effective, because a person does not reside in a basket [kefifa], i.e., in close quarters, with a snake, since this is extremely dangerous. Similarly, he cannot constantly prevent her from taking vows, so it would be preferable that he divorce her.
תניא היה ר' יהודה אומר כל היודע באשתו שאינה קוצה לו חלה יחזור ויפריש אחריה אמרו לו אין אדם דר עם נחש בכפיפה It is taught in a baraita similar to the previous one that Rabbi Yehuda used to say: Anyone who knows concerning his wife that she does not separate ḥalla for him should go back and separate it after she is finished. They said to him: This solution is not effective, since a person does not reside in a basket with a snake.
מאן דמתני לה אהא כ"ש אהך אבל מאן דמתני אהך אבל הא זימנין דמקרי ואכיל: The Gemara discusses the two applications of the idea that a husband should try to correct his wife’s misdeeds: He who teaches it with regard to this, the case of ḥalla, all the more so would teach it for that, the case of vows, which are not a daily occurrence. But he who teaches it with regard to that, i.e., the case of vows, teaches it only in that case, but in this case of ḥalla, sometimes he will happen to eat untithed produce; and Rabbi Meir holds that he cannot always be careful enough to ensure that ḥalla was taken.
ואיזוהי דת יהודית יוצאה וראשה פרוע: ראשה פרוע דאורייתא היא דכתיב (במדבר ה, יח) ופרע את ראש האשה ותנא דבי רבי ישמעאל אזהרה לבנות ישראל שלא יצאו בפרוע ראש דאורייתא § The mishna stated: And who is considered a woman who violates the precepts of Jewish women? One who goes out and her head is uncovered. The Gemara asks: The prohibition against a woman going out with her head uncovered is not merely a custom of Jewish women. Rather, it is by Torah law, as it is written with regard to a woman suspected by her husband of having been unfaithful: “And he shall uncover the head of the woman” (Numbers 5:18). And the school of Rabbi Yishmael taught: From here there is a warning to Jewish women not to go out with an uncovered head, since if the Torah states that a woman suspected of adultery must have her head uncovered, this indicates that a married woman must generally cover her head. The Gemara explains: By Torah law,